Hello there, my name is Ivan Ivanovitch. But call me Ivan. I am your average normal Soviet Russian who lives under our glorious leader Joseph Stalin. Without him, his glorious hands would not be rising out of the depths of hell and guiding all our bullets and ammunition to the enemy. Filthy capitalist pigs they are. But, to gain the hand of Stalin, one must first sacrifice enough dissidents to the Gulag.
Meet Yuri Savpolshky, my best friend and commander. Together, we are the most unstoppable force on the battlefield. The world will tremble before us. In Soviet Russia, you do not ride tenk, tenk rides you. In Soviet Russia, when enemy fires RPG rocket at you, you catch it with the power of Vodka. By the Holy Scriptures, bless the very Vodka essence that binds us comrades together. With this, we will never be broken.
Now then, enough of me rambling about bullshit, I shall tell you my introduction before drinking the next 20 bottles of Vodka before running out into the road and nailing Yuri's testicles to it. First off, I would like to say my time in Remnant has been very interesting. So many capitalistic dogs however. Da, comrade Yuri here wishes to exterminate all life as we speak now. I must attend to him before he turns into a bear and wreaks havoc with his minigun.
Until then comrade, see you in the next farsighted world. And may Stalin bless you, remember to sacrifice enough dissidents to the Gulag.
This by far is the weirdest introduction. But, next chapter will contain filthy capitalist dogs and how our glorious comrades will rush Boston. The after, we rush Bemnant. (Remnant with a B)