Disclaimer: GALS! is not mine, however much I try to make it by twisting the story to my heart's desire.
Summary: As the Tokugawa Shogunate comes to an inevitable end, and Japan is engulfed in civil war, conspiracy, an unbreakable promise and a fatal misunderstanding sets the wheels of fate running for Otohata Rei and Hoshino Aya.
Author's Notes: My first try in writing a Rei x Aya fic. Reviews would be most appreciated.
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...if there is only bitterness, could my feelings for you still be called 'love'?
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Prologue: The End of the Dream
"Hn..."
The crescent moon was shining very brightly through the screens and beckoned him to its mellow light. Not that he liked the moon, or looking at the sky, for that matter. It simply did and so he went over to the window, kneeled beside its wide, circular frame and slid the thin screens aside. He could not only see the moon, but with the starlit sky was the garden he would've been most proud of. He allowed his hand to fall limply to his side as he stared at the enigmatic orb in the dark spread of sky. His fingers played a little at his scantily-tied obi and didn't make a move to arrange his kimono that was already cascading down his bony shoulders to the floor with a quiet rustle. He continued to stare and only, after quite some time, did he close his eyes for they were already tired of looking. It was then that he used his sense of hearing and discovered the hanging silence in and about the place.
In the place of grasshoppers and crickets, cicadas and frogs and the lively chorus they put up every summer evening was an overbearing silence that was all too familiar to Rei Otohata. It was the kind of silence before a snowfall- ringing wearily but steadily in low decibels for brief, unmeasured periods and interrupted every so often by the sighs of the Old Siberian front already settling in the whole countryside.
He didn't like it.
This silence was almost the same as the quiet before two dueling swordsmen performed the deciding blow. It was foreboding and always, too often, lingered around him- even during the summers, that he had forgotten how it was to be in a tranquil, peaceful and unguarded state. Even after moments of being with his lover, within the confines of his stately house, he felt nowhere near secure. He always felt as though he was only in a dream- just minutes before his waking moments- tortuously awaiting the grips of morning to take away what he thought to be the most precious then- his sense of peace. He hoped above all hope that he could have what he longed for in the person of Sumi Aki.
"Otohata-kun?" A full-bodied voice broke the silence as it continued, "It's awfully cold... Why don't you close those shoji screens and lay by me?"
He hoped. But then again, perhaps he should not.
Rei opened his eyes and slowly looked to the direction of his lover- who was then reclining on his futon. Tanned skin was showing through her curtain of red hair and the rest was covered by a thin blanket. It was not her voluptuous body that attracted Rei to her in the first place. It was her mature disposition that got his attention. He only considered her bodily beauty as a bonus. And with her being intelligent and all, she was bound to understand that he wasn't really after sexual pleasure- that too was just a bonus. A part of some sort of package he could've dealt without.
What she thought and expected of him, though, he couldn't care less. "Later, Sumi-san. I'd rather be alone for the meantime."
Rei did close the window, but he then proceeded to the screen doors in the same room and opened those to the fullest, allowing the cool winter breeze to touch his paling cheeks. Stepping out of the room, he took no notice of Sumi-san's slight irritation, this very much evident with her mumbled curses, and sat rather stiffly on the wooden terrace. The window was too small to view the whole garden.
He didn't pride in the garden- the servants were responsible for its maintenance. He didn't plan it, either. It was probably the previous owner who did all that. He just happened to own it and he planned to appreciate it to the best of his extent. Rei first refused to receive the house as a gift from a certain, respectable daimyo for his services. Besides being located in a bustling city, he didn't find the running of such a huge mansion much to his liking. But seeing the practicality- as he would be having lots of assignments here in the city, he eventually made terms meet with his stubborn timidity and anti-social nature with his dedicated, almost overworking love for preoccupation.
He didn't like his job, either - it wasn't really something he could be proud of - but it provided enough distractions from his other troubles. Including, sometimes, problems between him and Sumi-san.
o0o...o0o...poisoned love...o0o...o0o
Rei allowed another breath escape him and passively watched it materialize in front of his eyes. There was nothing that broke the uncomfortable silence, save for his and Sumi's sighs. The bare trees reflected black against the white sky and their branches made them only more foreboding. The moon was long gone from sight but its light still illuminated the landscape.
He caught the flutter of strong wings and held out his arm out of habit. Sharp talons dug, but not hard enough to incite a wince from Rei. Glancing upon the burden he was now supporting fully with his right arm, he was given the steeliest of stares and an air of indifference that could throw a normal person off his self-esteem. Messenger birds were often like that. Especially hawks- birds of such high skill and beauty, they were solely reserved for the use of the higher-ups. This one, the bird Rei was carrying, is a hawk.
It had garnet eyes that reflected his own onyx pools and seemed to bore into his soul- as if knowing something he keeps secret. He didn't like this either. The frown on Rei's face was evident.
Rei stood up with nothing but utter gentleness- doing what he was trained to do while in the presence of such spiteful, awfully handsome creatures. He walked a distance from the opening of the screen doors, slightly hoping that Sumi-san didn't notice his leave nor the hawk at his arm. The bird only looked on, proud and stubborn, but quite helpful in the sense that it didn't make a sound.
The garden shed was not that far from the master room but it provided a little privacy for Rei. Messages- such as this one, were of top priority and were to be kept secret. If not stated within the instructions, it was expected for him not to breathe a word of it- even to his fellow colleagues. His job required everything- every little step- to be cloaked in secrecy. In the field, one's ability to remain taciturn, indifferent and always cautious assured him of his position, his job and his very life. A single leak- even to an associate, would endanger everything.
Everything our Lord-Shogun worked hard for.
Orders were orders and, even though Rei knew of a technique on how to quickly restrain the creature and retrieve the message without much hassle, he still had to treat it with the steps the hawk itself was familiar with. Any complain from the bird would be heard and the chances of Sumi-san running over to him in concern wasn't even a question. Rei petted the hawk a little, allowing his hand to sweep over the creature's black sleek, smooth feathers before resting his fingers on its right leg where a small piece of paper could be seen. After carefully wrestling the paper out, Rei allowed the bird to rest on his shoulder as he read the note in silence.
o0o...o0o...poisoned love...o0o...o0o
Aki reached inside the folds of her discarded kimono and searched for the ivory comb she received as a present from Rei. Finding it, she sat upright- looked at its fringes and ebony embellishment intensely before she began combing her hair; all the while letting her mind run through the little memories she had of the both of them. Her little brother wasn't really happy when she told him about her secret love- let alone that Rei accepted and would reciprocate it. She smiled, knowing that she must've displeased Katase. Aki shook her head inanimately.
Better displease her younger brother than displease Rei, her lover. All this time, she made sure nothing in her person would incite anything so much as a frown from him. She wanted his acceptance, acknowledgement, respect and love. She knew all along that she loved Rei Otohata too much. Too much, even for her own good. Katase had said so. Katase knew because, even with him, Sumi loved Rei too much.
Aki finished combing her hair and was now braiding it- her fingers intertwining with red strands as does her confused mind. She never thought she could be this close to Rei - ever since he joined their group, he had immediately become the outcast. Besides being too skilled than the rest of them, he was never the extrovert and he wasn't really that actively social. He hadn't approached her with friendly feelings, even. More with...indifference and professionalism.
And yet... and then.
Aki sighed, finished her braiding and carefully placed the comb on the floor beside the futon she was still sitting at. It was getting too cold for her liking and Rei was still outside. With a resigned sigh, she reached for her white inner kimono and dressed herself. She raised her palms to her face and examined them. Normally with blotches of red from warmth, it was now pale, cold and lifeless from the mellow white light pooling in the room through the screen doors facing the garden. Rising up, she left the futon laid as it was before- as with her comb and outer garments. She made for the open doors.
Pearly white pebbles covered a part of the garden. Aki, when she first came here, didn't like their orderly arrangement too much. The garden resembled those courtyards of the many nobles she had visited for special reasons- the visits were equally special and painful for her part. Ever since she noted this, she avoided looking out to the gardens at all costs. For this particular night, however, Rei wasn't too much a help. He had opened the doors fully and, going after Rei, she found herself overlooking the stones whose existence she despises and finds pitiful. Much like her own...
"Sumi-san..."
Rei had just returned from the shed when he heard the soft sound of feet crossing wooden boards and was notified of Sumi-san's wake. He hurried his steps and by the time he noticed the folds of her kimono peek from the line of shoji screens, he was already settled on the wooden terrace- as if he had walked the length of it and was about to return inside. The hawk had long been gone- there was no message in need to be relayed and the animal was getting quite listless as well. He watched her from the shadows- how she looked wistful, looking at what seemed was his garden. He felt inside him for regret, confusion or anxiety.
None.
None of those feelings he thought he would have surfaced from his indifferent person. Only perhaps a little sadness- here was another company he had to withdraw himself from. But it was only a little. It was not enough to make him walk towards her direction, envelop her frame within his arms and take her away as a true, passion-blinded lover would have done. Very much like what her brother would have done. He was neither one to her - or at least, fully. The moonlight streaming from behind the clouds didn't illuminate his presence and he wasn't bothered by her unseemly reaction when he called out to her.
"Otohata-kun," she said with a smile, her eyes recognizing the figure. "Have you had enough already? Do you want to go back inside?"
He chose not to answer for that matter. Rei, after keeping the stronghead woman company for almost a year, knew well enough that Sumi Aki wasn't as dumb nor stubborn and pushy as the average female persona. He knew, from the narrowing of her eyes, to her straightforward gesture of facing him squarely that she was already aware of the gravity of the situation. It was only as to how she would take the news from him that Rei had no idea of. Nevertheless, he shouldn't be keeping her like this. Not when he knew that this kind of play-pretend lover relationship between them is already a hindrance to his ultimate goal.
"Sumi-san, you would pack all your things tonight, and would sleep in one of the guest rooms I have asked Minase-san arrange."
o0o...o0o...poisoned love...o0o...o0o
Aki's nerves froze. The words he spoke tripped on the obvious and had set off quite explosively within her. And amongst the debris, there and very much conspicuous to her person was the truth. The truth she had tried to hide, to ignore. The consequences she made herself forget and the reality of betraying Katase, her blood brother, the person she then thought as the person she loved the most She knew, knew all along. But she remained stubborn, trying to remain deaf - trying to believe nothing would reach them. That nothing could possibly make them surface, fully, into her consciousness.
You actually think they wouldn't get word of it? They, who have hidden ears and secret eyes? They, who are merciless and intolerable?
No. In her mind, she believes Rei meant another thing - asking her to pack (they must be going somewhere, yes, that must be it), and to sleep in a guest room like an average visitor would. He meant it as a means to gather himself for a moment, he looked very much distanced after all. Yes, she believed deep down, that must be the explanation to everything.
He has always remained distant. He only chose to disclose what he wanted you to know... Has your love for him blinded you?
Rei watched the woman closely. She had been taking it quite well, so far. Aki had not moved a muscle, was still looking at him, or rather, at some random space behind him. He watched her break slowly, very very slowly, in front of him. Her lips, that were first drawn in a straight, determined line was trembling, quivering. Her eyes shift once again, from behind him, to his bare feet then to her own, listless ones. Her hands, at the beginning of the conversation, was held primly at the side. As more time elapsed, they had shifted position, to the front folds of her kimono, and were tugging at each other so subtly. Even with that self-generated respect for the woman, Rei wasn't surprised to actually find amusement in watching this one person to crumble. This dark, sadistic streak, so excited by such an achievement tried to influence more reactions from the woman, and Rei did nothing to stop it.
"Sumi-san, you will leave early in the morning, escorted by Minase-san's brother to the capitol. And, one more thing. As of tonight, we are no longer lovers. Please act accordingly towards me, as I would towards you- with or without a third party's presence."
Tears. There were many- spilling endlessly from her hidden eyes, continuously rolling down her cheeks, spattering silently, tragically on the wooden floor. She felt like collapsing. She felt stepped on, used for so long and then thrown so precariously. She felt betrayed, but she wanted to believe that it was all an act. There were such orders, long before she felt that much determined to break them. Relationships between colleagues at work was greatly discouraged as it endangered everything when the time a mission is given. Aki wanted to believe that, and so she spoke up.
"The higher-ups...they know about it, this- this..." she catches herself and tries to stop the stammering. It is useless, but she presses on, "They ordered you, didn't they? Th-they forced you into agreeing to put an e-end to this." Aki waits for any response, but nothing comes. The silence cuts through her, her patience is nothing but threads and she raises her voice. "Tell me, Rei! Didn't they?! Didn't they?"
"They did." And relief washed over her. Her knees buckle, and she does collapse to the floor; but the immense feeling of reprieve comforted her.
She reaches her hand upwards, towards his. He looks at her passively, but she understands she can never truly exact an emotion from them. "This separation is only temporary, huh? Sorry, I just had to be a-"
Rei does not reach out to take her hand, instead he walked away, walked past her weary, cold body and only paused at the door frame to give her the final blow she had been asking as she pressed on. "You're annoying. Even if they didn't find out about it, I would still end this pathetic relationship. Did you not get that across immediately, Aki-san?"
The red-haired woman turned to him, looking confused. And desperate. And broken. And pathetic. Rei narrowed his onyx eyes and looked at her with much disgust and dislike. Aki realized then that, perhaps, the only possible emotion to ever reflect from them were such cruel ones. "Is it Katase? If it is-"
"What you engage yourself into with your brother, I don't give a damn." Rei did not meet eyes with her. Instead, he continued to walk inside.
Aki would not listen. She would not give up. He couldn't possibly mean that... The Rei she knew would never- "Then it's not that! But, but Rei! With our love-"
To this, Rei faced her. It was Aki's turn to look away. She had never been treated this way- this was not how he looked at her before... What had changed? A painful realization as he spoke up - was there something to change, even?
"Love? I accepted your feelings. I don't remember saying I loved you in return."
The air outside suddenly seemed more bitter, and more cutting, more hurting to her already pallid skin. The moon above was gone, hidden by the ominous clouds that seem to mock her as they darken the dreamworld she had realized to be of her own making. Everything mattered, and then not. They were everywhere, and then they were gone. The garden, the trees, the moon. The clouds, the bitter cold, his house, him. All that remained with her were the white pebbles whose pitiful existence seemed much, much better than hers. Right now, all she felt was that deep, deep hurting within her and all she heard was her younger brother's voice.
Stupid, onee-chan. Stupid, stupid, onee-chan.
o0o...o0o...poisoned love...o0o...o0o
Author's Notes: Okay... I know what you're thinking. Where is Aya here? The answer is simple- the next chapter. It's on its way, so no need to be so troubled. Sumi Aki is an OC and Katase... well, I don't know how he looks like and what his real surname is, so reviews concerning these points would be most welcome.
