A Matter of Time
"I love you, Nasuada. And loving you… Is as much as my downfall, as my rescue." MxN. R&R
Hi, guys!
This is just an M&N one-shot, product of boredom. You may know me from other stories, like "Truth or Dare?" (Please, if you're reading this, check that story out :D I'm having a lot of work in that.)
The truth is, I actually thought about this at 5am. I was thinking "What if Murtagh had stayed, just for Nasuada's coronation?" and this came out. And no, I'm not stopping "Truth or Dare?" I'll post a chapter soon.
I hope you enjoy reading this, it's basically a fluff. Nothing more… I love fluffs, even if they deceive us. (Eternal crying, only if Paolini would write a fluff-chapter of Murtagh and Nasuada :'|)
Review!
The sun has set through the horizon, as if it melted in tons of yellow, orange and dark blue. It was quite enjoyable for our Queen, who was still talking to the last guests. It was a hard day. Exhausting, even. Mentally and physically, for Nasuada had to prepare herself to face the big threats of the kingdom of Alagaësia.
In just a matter of days, all the lives of Alagaësia had changed. Everything had change. People founded the true meaning of life, now that Galbatorix, the blood thirsty tyrant King was dead. It was a big change for everyone.
The fear people have lived for decades, ages, was now gone, substituted by a peaceful, happy, free state of spirit. Everything was better.
Almost.
As the new Queen said her goodbyes to the guests of her coronation, she found herself alone, with someone who didn't speak a lot, since the beginning of the ceremony. Her dress floated soundly on the floor, as she made her way to sit on the steps of the stone-made stairs, next to the Red Rider.
The Red Rider. What a great title. Murtagh, the son of Morzan, the Eldest child, had risked his own life for a girl. It may sound pathetic, but there was something in her that made him continue.
It had been too late for him and for his red, ruby dragon, Thorn. But in times, between the stoned walls of Urû'baen, that dark haired woman had made his time go back. Given him an opportunity. Making him believe, everyone deserves a second chance. No matter how hard the situation is.
He didn't look to her, staring at the horizon, the sky. Staring at the place he had grown. Afraid. Yes, he had grown afraid, confused. Confused by his past, by his mother's choice, by everything. By the fleshed skin on his back.
She was staring at the horizon too. A simple line, separating the sky from the Earth. Though, both the sky and Earth couldn't be thought about without each other. They were separated, but together at the same time. Intriguing, confusing.
He took a deep, almost soundless breath and looked at her, by the corner of his onyx eye. "How have you fared?"
She was caught by surprise. She didn't expect him to be the first one to break the silence between them. Especially with a question like that one. "Better." She answered simply. He was now looking properly at her, but she wasn't. Her eyes were focused on the sky filed with shiny little starts. "I wish I could continue in that way." She finished, almost whispering under breaths.
"What do you mean?" He asked, letting a concerned look take over his face, a worried voice taking over his voice.
"Leading the Varden… It was," She said, as she thought about the right word to describe everything that was leading the rebellion. Though, she didn't found anyone. "Good. It surely made up my mind, but… I liked it. I never thought I could be capable of doing such thing. But I did." She stopped her words form coming out for a time, letting the silence rule between them again. "And it was obviously easier than ruling all Alagaësia." She breathed.
He got her. She was scared. Scared of failing, scared of giving up, scared of having such responsibilities over her shoulders. "You're scared." He pointed out.
"Is that so obvious?" She asked, smiling to herself. He smiled too. She lit up her hand to her head, taking the pins out of her hair, letting it fall through her back gracefully. She putted the pins close to her.
"Just a little." He said, smiling. "You don't have to be afraid, you know."
"Why shouldn't I?" She asked, slightly giggling to herself. He looked at her firmly, and she noticed that, as she looked back.
"Because you did what nobody expected you to do. You won, Nasuada. Barely an adult and you did what everybody wanted to do in the last century."
"I wasn't alone." She said, looking at the garden in front of them again.
"And you're still not alone. Everybody trusts you."
"Yeah… I'm surrounded by people who'll still doubt me when I get to work." She said, shaking her head.
"You've already prove them you aren't worthy of doubt. You'll be fine." He assured her, looking to the sky, appreciating the silence that once again fell on them. It wasn't awkward. They've spent too much time quietly to be awkward.
Nasuada wanted to ask him something. Something inevitable, that she didn't want to accept at all. She breathed deeply. "Are you leaving?" She asked softly.
His expression toughed a little, as he was already expecting the said question. "Yes." He answered lowly, wanting to give another response.
Her throat tightened and her heart beats got faster. "When?" She asked, after a long pause.
He took another breath, cursing himself for being so hard to answer the questions. Especially coming from her. "Tonight."
She nodded, ignoring the sound of her heart and the impulse of throwing herself at his arms and beg for he never leave. But she couldn't. She had to be rational, and wipe her feelings away. "Will you ever come back?" She asked again, gently, not wanting to push the subject too much.
This question caught him out of his guard. He had never, actually, thought properly about this. "I don't know."
She closed her eyes, she couldn't expect him to stay at all, but she had hoped he could return.
"Maybe." He said, suddenly. "Probably." He smiled. Her face lit up, and she looked at him. He was still looking at the sky, watching the starts carefully, as these were shining and reflecting their sparkle on his eyes. "Can I ask you something?" He said, as he downed his head and looked at her properly.
"Of course." She said, waiting his question. He thought about what he was going to ask.
"Have you forgiven me?" He asked softly.
She smiled to herself with his question. If she had forgiven him? A long time ago. It was nothing but a matter of time. Time to think, time to realize her feelings. Time to accept. "Yes." She answered, smiling. He smiled too, in relieve. She felt like the weight of the world had been lifted up from his shoulders. She smiled at that. "Have you?" She questioned. He breathed, slowly drifting to his own thoughts again. He wasn't sure. Not at all. She was questioning him things he had never questioned himself. That was one of the things that made him like to talk to her so much. "I have no idea." His answer came more like a whisper, fulfilled with breaths.
"Maybe that's why you're doing this trip." She said, looking to the sky again. He had never thought about his trip in this way. Maybe the reason he felt so much anger and hatred, was because he hasn't forgave himself.
"Maybe." He assured. At this time, he moved closer to her and placed his arm around her back. She blushed furiously at this, but she decided to support her head between his shoulder and his neck. It ached to his core, knowing that, eventually, she would have to be back to her room, and he would have to leave.
The silence was now replaced by the soft sound of the gentle wind, making the flowers twiddle each other. It was now pure night, the sky that once was orange, was now dark, illuminated by the round, shinny, silvery moon.
"It's getting late." Murtagh remembered, breaking the silence once more, like a knife cutting through flesh.
"I know." She responded slowly, her eyes now focusing on the silhouette of Ilirea. The city was still dark by the grieve of lost man on battle, but there was one light. A long time lost, was now recovered. The slightest light lit the city that in times belonged to the elfin race. "I should be going." She said lowly.
He shivered. He didn't want to. He didn't want to leave, though he had. He should. He thought about staying lots of times, but every single one of them, reminded him how he was known by Alagaësia's people. Almost everyone wanted them, both him and Thorn, dead. He had accepted it. Eventually, he'd always had to.
Nasuada pushed herself out of his arms as she stood up, avoiding his look. His hurt, dreadful, broken look. She thought about everything they went through, since the moment when they met in Farthen Dûr, to "You know why."
They would never understand, but they were so similar. Too young for they positions, stubborn, they have lived so much in such short time, afraid, strong-willed. The daughter of Ajihad and the son of Morzan were so similar.
She nodded to herself, in acceptance. "Goodbye, Murtagh." She started walking, her heart racing even more, tears forming in her eyes. He wasn't in a different situation, refusing to let her go without telling what he always wanted to.
"Wait." He said firmly, suddenly standing up to face her. She stopped, turning her back to the way to the inside of the castle. "Can I accompany you to your room?" He asked, his hands shaking.
She smiled. Her eyes softened and her heart beaten more calmly. "Yes, you can."
He smiled in relieve, made her way towards her, and they both started they walk to her quarters in silence.
The shiny moon reflected its sparkle on the dark stoned ground through the large windows that escaped the consistency of the walls. Slow footsteps sounded, walking deadly through the halls of the Castle.
None of them both talked too much on their way, for the only thing on their minds was how they would split up at the end of the passage. When they descried the Queen's chamber, both seemed to become more anxious, nervous. As they wanted to run the whole castle before Murtagh's gone.
"It's here." Nasuada said, in a deadly tone, looking to the ground, after they reach her room. Murtagh didn't answer, he looked to the painted walls of the castle one more time. "So… This is it?" She questioned, though she already knew the inevitable response.
"Yeah." He responded softly, his heart beating so hard, pumping blood for all of his body, making him doubt if she could hear it too. She couldn't. Her heart was beating as fast as his.
"Farewell, Murtagh." She said, lightly smiling, pushing her tears back. She had cried in front of him once. But she was proud, she wouldn't allow it happening twice.
She unlocked the woodened, worked door, turning her back on his, against her own will.
"Wait." Murtagh said, once more time. "I just need to say this once." He started, feeling his hands shake. She closed her eyes, and then looked properly at him, and toke a deep breath.
"Don't. Don't say this." She begged. She already knew she wouldn't hold herself after his leaving, if he'd say it now…
"Just listen. I wouldn't forgive myself if I left without telling you this." He started, she shook her head. "I love you, Nasuada." He admitted. Her heart fluttered and broke at the same time. She bitted her lip, forcing back the tears again. "And loving you… Is as much as my downfall, as my rescue."
"Don't." She said one more time, whispering dreadfully. He heard, but he continued.
"I am a horrible person. I do horrible things that hurt people. I was at the edge of being an emotionless blood thirsty monster, who only thinks about killing." He leaned his forehead to hers. "Then you appeared, and then you made me remember my true, confused, horrible self. You brought me, and Thorn, back to life, Nasuada. And there is no apology enough in this world that can show how regretful I am for everything I did." He said, lowly, almost whispering as she was. "I love you. And that's why I can stop myself from showing the little goodness in me when I am with you. I can't be horrible with you." He finished. She couldn't stop her tears at the moment, they started falling down through her face, as little transparent crystals. "And after everything I've done, you still forgive me. I burned you, yet you still forgive me." He shook his head. "I don't deserve you. Not after everything I've done."
His face was so close to hers, centimeters away from each other, Nasuada leaned her face closer to his, breathing hardly, as hard as him. He leaned his as well.
In a moment of clearness, she made herself thinking rationally.
She shook her head, biting her lip again and she pulled away, walking quickly to the middle of the hall. Turning her back on him again, she was shaking furiously. "Don't. We can't. Not now." She whispered in despair.
"I guess it's my turn to ask "why?" He said, looking to her. Her hair fallen in cascades, her curls at the edge were at the middle of her back. He heard her breathing hardly.
"Why?" She repeated his question again. She chuckled humorlessly. "Because you are leaving!" She yelled, not too loud, for it was almost midnight, by now. She turned herself to face him. The tears were now falling repeatedly. "Because you are leaving tonight, and I'm the queen now." She said, more lowly, walking a few steps in his direction. "Because I love you." She admitted too. She shivered at her confession, she didn't believe she would actually say it in that night. "Because loving you, is probably the biggest mistake I have ever done in my life." She continued. She was now crying, almost sobbing. "But still, I'm not even sorry for that. Because I'm even glad I met you, and I know it's wrong, but I love you. And that's not going to change."
She took another step ahead, his heart beating so fast, so loud he thought it would explode on his chest. She loved him too. And it was not easy for her. "Nasuada." He started, but she interrupted him.
"Don't you understand this? We are doomed!" She exclaimed, letting the first sob come. "We have too much problems. I'm not immortal, Murtagh. My time is limited." She smiled, hurt. "And it's stupid, knowing all of this, still love you." She looked at the walls again, and took a deep, hard breath. "And don't ask me why, but I don't want to give up on this."
He smiled to himself, even if he had no reason to smile, but her love for him. He was loved. For her. He nodded. "I rather be doomed than let you go." He whispered, before walking firmly above the ground, towards her. He placed his hands on both sides of her neck and brought her lips to his.
While he gently kissed her, she paralyzed in time, taking her own to realize what they were doing, at midnight, before he was gone. She might have gone mad, but she kissed him back, connecting her lips with his, ever so softly, letting the tears fall again.
Why did she cry? She cried for her responsibilities, she cried for him, for herself, for both of them. She cried for how doomed they both were. She cried for living a forbidden love.
They would never understand how, or why, their fates were separated from each other and intertwined at the same time. Just like the sky and Earth.
The daughter of Ajihad and the son of Morzan. Yes, the fate has a cruel sense of humor.
They pulled away for the need of breathing, looking directly to each other's eyes. He was breathing rigidly, and he whipped her tears away. He had made a decision, and he was not going back on that.
"I promise you," He started, pushing her hair away from her face, softly, caring. "I'll be back. This is not the last time we see each other." He promised confidently. She shivered, as he pulled his hands away from her neck and hers from his. "I'll be back." He assured her, as he placed a kiss on her forehead. He made his way the long stairs. She was speechless, but still, she found herself gaining strength to say it one more time.
"I love you." She said out loud. He looked at her again, a single tear falling from his eye. "Don't forget that." She said. He smiled, as if he remembers something. Then, he nodded and made his way.
She was breathing with difficulty again, her heart beating fast as it was a few moments earlier and the tears formed in her eyes once more. Nasuada found courage in herself to make her way back to her room.
She closed the door soundlessly, and she leaned the back of her head to the woodened door. She cried once again, the tightness of her corset making hard to sob, but still, she cried like she had never had since her father's death.
The new Queen of Alagaësia, crying like that for the Eldest rider, once a slave to the tyrant former King. The illusion Galbatorix had made her see, pained her even more. She could never have that life with him. Not while she was a mortal. Not while he has hated by her people.
She forced herself to walk and sited on her chair, in front of her desk. There was a letter. A letter closed with blood red wax, with a symbol similar to a dragon's from. Her throat tightened as she removed she circled wax. She unfolded the paper, and read to herself.
Nasuada,
Maybe you'll read this when I'm far gone, or maybe you'll read this when I'm on my way. Just make sure you kept these words on your mind.
Honestly, I wanted to say you so many things personally. How glad I am that you didn't give up on me, when everyone else did. You believed in me. I'm incredibly grateful for that.
Besides that, I wanted also to say that, even if you disagree and say that I've saved myself, I believe you have rescued me, in every possible way. You showed me humanity, Nasuada. To me, and to Thorn.
With this, you should know why.
I tried my best to save you, I healed you, because I'm hopelessly in love with my former rival. I asked for a single good emotion, and you showed me love, in the hardest situation.
I wish the best for you, for your people. I admire your strength, love. As I'm proud of what you have become. You have passed for things that nobody should pass for, yet, you smile every day for what you believe.
Now I could say, yes, I'm thinking in coming back. I don't know when, maybe after a few months, even a year or two, but I'll come back. It's just a matter of time. And I would like to know if I could stay in your castle. If you still accept me.
I'm making my way to heal myself. Just so I can come back as a normal person, who doesn't wish death for everybody.
I love you, don't forget that. No matter what, I'll always love you.
Murtagh.
She simply smiled as she ended her read. She was truly loved. By him. She smiled, but she couldn't help the tears from falling again.
She placed gracefully the letter in her desk again, she stood up, and she walked to the balcony. She watched carefully the silvery moon and the shiny stars, remembering their times in Urû'baen. Remembering the time she had fought with him in the same side in Farthen Dûr. How the things would be completely different if the Twins didn't bring him back to Galbatorix's castle. She thought of every possibility, and every single one of them seemed easier to live than the actual one. But that's life. It's supposed to be hard. It's supposed to be founded a reason to live through every obstacle. She had founded hers in that night. As he had founded his.
"I'll be waiting, Rider." She whispered to the cold air.
That's it!
I hope you liked it! I love M&N stuff, I wish things had been different to both of them in the Books. THEY DESERVE TO BE HAPPY!
Sorry.
Please, review, let me know what you thought about this, and tell me if you want me to write more things for Murtagh and Nasuada!
Love, AnnaDragonRider.