Just as quick one-shot I made up at about 2am this morning as I couldn't sleep. Yes, I am aware that I have other stories going on but I just can't seem to pick them back up but I promise I will finish them but for now I need something different. I will never completely abandon a story. But when I have finished them, I am going back to one-shots/ Songfics. I am sorry about errors and I am not making any money from this nor do I own anything. I hope you like this as much as the others.
Italics= Song lyrics
(All I Wanted- Paramore)
All I Wanted
Today was the day. Lily wasn't quite sure that she was ready for it although she had had weeks to prepare for it. She felt numb as though she was being plunged into ice cold water. In which she was drowning. All the oxygen in her body seemed to have been sucked out by some invisable vaccum and her body shook as though there was an earth-quake. Her lips were trembling and her eyes glistened with tears that she didn't wish to flow. Her ears buzzed with the sound of chattering people around her but she could not hear a single word. She felt dizzy, light headed. She felt as thugh she wold be sick as her heart thumped hard against her ribs, threatening to break through her chest. There were to many thoughts in her head for her to be able to focus on anything. Today was the day and she wasn't ready for it.
She had no idea why she had been made cheif bridesmade. Her and Victore had never been close, what with the age gap. Infact, they barely even spoke whenever they saw each other. Victore had always been close with Rose, never Lily. Rose would have given anything to have been in Lily's place but Victore clearly had other ideas leaving Rose hurt and no longer speaking to Lily. It all seemed a little petty and childish but Lily understood Roses pain. The pain of someone feeling in the slot you wished you could have fitted in.
In her oppinion, the hole thing was hideous. Lily didn't like it at all. Everything was all frills and lace. Ellagent and neat. So colour co-ordinated. The flowers in neat little bunches with perfect petals and straight leaves. It was the most girliest wedding you could ever imagine. This clearly seemed to be all Victores wedding and not his. He wouldn't have wanted all of this. The fuss and the precision. He'd want quiet and mess and to be spontanious. Lily knew him. She knew him so well. And she knew that this was not what he wanted.
The dresses were hidious. Victore was dressed in a huge lacey gown, white with pearls. A ghastly great tirara balanced on her loose curls of veela gold hair. The bridesmaids wore salmon pink, which clashed terribly with Rose's hair. Lily on the other hand, looked fair respectable. Her hair was up in a messy bun, loose curls falling gently down her face. Her dress was baby pink as she blatently refused to wear salmon. Her heals were too small and rubbed against her feet, giving her blisters. They couldn't afford to get her a decent pair, they had to use the money for the brides shoes which were just as hideous as the dress. The other bridesmades had to but their own shoes. Lily hated it all. The girliness. She was never a girly girl. She was like her mother: robust and fierce. He hated dresses and dispised heals. She knew he did too. He hated it because he cared about natural beauty. Not make up and heals and dresses. He would just prefer a girl in her hoody than dolled up.
Her thoughts snapped back to the scene around her as the organ began to play and she was forced to walk into the room. Everyone turned to look her way. They're beady eyes stairing, searching for the bride. He had turned to look at her. His eyes violet, his hair a brilliant shade of turqious. His favourite colour. He looked so smart in a plain black suit and tie. He had obviously tried to comb his hair down a little but it was now messy as he nervously ran his fingers through it every so often- a habit he had picked up from Lily's father, Harry who was standing beside him, looking proudly at his daughter as she strode down the isle towards the front. She could hear the foot steps of the other bridesmaids behind her. She was getting closer to him. She was flashed an encouraging smilw from her mother as she reached the front. As she sat down, he turned to give her a wink which she returned with a feeble smile, her eyes begining to fog once again with unshed tears. She still didn't think she could do this but it was too late now.
Then, the music changed as the last of the bridesmaids sat down. Everyone turned back to the entrance to see the bride. There were gasps of shock among the crowd as Victore stepped in and her veela beauty radiated throught the room. When she finally reached him, he had that look on his face. She had seen it once before, about 7 years ago, when she first realise how she felt. When it was just a little crush.
She was 9. It had been Albus's birthday. The adults were inside, talking about whatever adults talk about when children aren't around. All the children were running about in the garden, suppervised by Victore as she was the eldest. Teddy had been indside, helping Molly clear away. He had step outside and Lily had spotted him. His arms were wide open as Lily had ran to him. But as she was about half way there, Victore had gotten up out of nowhere, pushing past Lily who had fallen to the floor and ran straight into Teddy's awaiting arms. He had that look on his face. That smile that reached his eyes. That was the first time she had seen it and she would never forget it.
But now she was no longer a 9 year old child with a hopeless crush and a grazed knee. She was a 16 years old girl with a burning love and a shattered heart. This was it. There were no more chances. He was getting married right this very second and she knew that she couldn't do anything that would change his mind. He would have his own life. Maybe even children. He wouldn't visit so much. He probably would come to see her every weekend, not now he was beginning his life with Victore. Hell, he probably wouldn't even think of her anymore. And that thought just made her heart break even more.
"Think of me when your out, when your out there,
I'll beg you nice from my knee's,
And when the world treats you way too fairly,
well, it's a shame I'm a dream,"
He was looking into her eyes and hers his. He had that dopey, love sick look on his face. She could see that Victore had turned her nose up slightly had Teddy's messy hair but obviously it didn't matter too much because wasn't screaming at him. She had never seemed to have excepted Teddy;'s ways. She had always tried to change him; something that Lily would never do. Lily loved everything about him. His cheesy lines, his quirks, his smile. Everything. His imperfections were his perfection and Lily did not understand how Victore could not see that.
"All I wanted was you,"
The minister began to speak but neither of them dropped their gaze. Teddy looked rather uncomfortable in Lily's oppinion but then again, she could just be looking for reasons to bring back the tiny shred of hope she had lost as soon as she had seen that look on his face. Lily felt just as sick as she had before. The worst thing about it all was that she had no one. She had never told anyone about her feelings for Teddy due to the fear of being judged as well as being wierdly ashamed for falling for her god-brother, he was practically part of the family. She had no support. No one to help her through today. She just sat there, in a crowded room, feeling completely alone.
She had completely zoned out until her eyes caught Teddy turning to take the ring from Harry. Her stomac churned as she watched him place it gently on her slender finger. Her skin crawled at the thought that his hand has touched her in other places. Soon he was kissing her. Lily turned away, not bearing to look anymore. This was killing her.
"All I wanted was you,"
Soon they were at the reception. It was obvious that this was the only thing that Victore had let Teddy have an opinion on as it was held back in the Burrow where it was warm and cosy and everything was messy and patched together. It was home.
Everyone was piled in the living room due to the blustering wind outside. Molly and the women were dotted about in the kitchen, the men all downing Firewhisky. All the bridesmaids, including Lily had gotten changed into evening wear under strict instruction from Victore. Lily wore a slim litte black dress with no sleeves and a golden zipper at the front. It was fairly short. She wore with black dolly shoes and fishnet tights. Her hair down losely curled around her shoulders as she stood in the kitchen with her mother. She didn't feel like standing with the others. Not just yet anways. Her stomac was still twistered and her heart still thumping. She was dreading what was to come.
Just as the thought popped into her head, it happened. They were hear. The door swung open and applause rang through the house as Teddy and Victore walked though and were greeted by everyone. They went round hugging and shaking hands. They got to Lily and she froze, just smiling awkwardly and before she could greet them properly, they moved on. She just turned to her mother and carried on pretending to listen to what she was saying.
It was ong before the amber evening sky turned navy with bright, white stars dotted all over. The wind had calmed to a light breeze. The air was warm and comfortable as everyone moved outside. Arthur had brought out his muggle record player and has stuck on a slow, beautiful song for the bride and grooms first dance. She watched them take to the floor, everyone circled around them. They began to dance. The movements were subtle but graceful. Teddy was never the best dancer. They were pressed close together. Barely an inch away from each others body. Women were crying with joy. Then men were smiling, George was wolf whistling. Thats when it happened. The space around Lily became tight and the air became thin. The was a gaping hole in her chest as she began to hyperventalate, her feelings becoming to over whelming. Everyone must have noticed as she sank to the floor as the music had stop. She couldn't hear anything. Her vision was hazy. The earth was moving quicker than before and too many blurred faces came into vision. Her blood raced as the panic attack increased intensity. All her senses were lost. As soon as it started, it had stopped. Her vision cleared to see a hundred faces looking down at her. Her ears split as a high pitched shreik hit the air. Victore was screaming about Lily ruining her reception as Teddy moved her away to calm her down. Lily got up, although very gingerly as she still felt very light-headed. She flashed everyone a smile and told them all she was just tired although she knew that was not the reason. She convinced everyone she was well enough to floo home and did so without hesitation. No one followed.
He walked into her cosy, old house and collapsed onto the sofa as if noting had happened. She turned on the muggle TV to find a very old film on. One Teddy had shown her when she was very young. Thats when she admitted: She's not okay.
"I think I'll pace my appartment a few times,
And fall asleep on the couch,
Wake up early to black and white re-runs,
That escaped from my mouth,
oh oh,
All I wanted was you, AllI wanted was you,
All I wanted was you, All I wanted was you,"
Thats when it all dropped on her like a ton of bricks. She broke. She no longer held back the tears that were misting in her eyes. She slid off of the sofa and onto the harsh wooden floor. She let it all go. Years of pain and anger and lost love. She let it all go as a cloud of black sadness enveloped her. Suffacating her. She gasped and hiccuped as she continued to cry, unable to control it. Her eyes burned as the salt tears ran down her cheeks. She gripped her hair as she pulled it in a silent scream, feeling out of control. She had never felt so low. Of course, this had been taking its toll on her but this was the first time she had ever let it all out. She scrapped her nails down her face, loosing control as she left awful red stratches on her porceline face. Her heart thumped even more, her ribs shattering with the pressure. She cried and cried. She shook on the floor. She threw up a number of times from the strain. Memories flashed before her eyes, making the pain much worse.
Times when they were happy as kids. When there was still a fued with Fleurs family meanig they didnt see Voctore very often. When Teddy used to be over every weekend. When it was just them and he would d go along and do what ever she wanted. How he used to read to her when Harry was aware on a rare mission for the Auror Office. How he tucked her in. How he spun her around when he hugged her. Just the little things. He had always made time for her.
No he had no time. He had become distant. At first she wondered if it was because she was older now and no longer a little girl who was easy to please. She was a young adult with an undenying love for him which he could never cater for. He had stopped reading to her but leant her books instead. He had stopped hugging her and just patting her on the back or ruffling her hair. He had stopped play fighting but just joking. It had all changed. He stopped coming round when he had gotten with Victore. She barely let him out of her sight and it just wasn't the same when she was there. Some how, Lily had a feeling Victore knew how she felt about Teddy which is why she had always been so spiteful to her. That was probably the reason for making her cheif bridesmaid. Out of spite. She had taken her Teddy. Everything had changed. He wasn't the same person anymore. But she still adored him with every fibre of her being and every beat of her heart.
"Could I follow you to the beginning,
Just to relive the start,
And maybe then we'll remember to slow down,
And all of our favourite parts,"
She was losing someone who wasn't even hers.
"All I wanted was you, All I wanted was you,
All I wanted was you, All I wanted was you,"
She had been crying for hours, or what seemed like it, when there was a rush from the fire pace. It was Teddy. He had come to check on her, probably under the orders of her mother. He had ran across the room ton her, asking her what was wrong. All she did was scream. Scream at him to leave. Scream at him to go away. Scream at him to leave her. She yelled at him, telling him she wanted nothing more to do with him. That she was through. That she didn't want the pain or the hastle anymore. That she wanted to be free of the bonds of love that tied her so cosely to him while he was chained to somebody else. He was hurt. Shocked even. He backed away as she cried. He left. He didn't say another word. He just left. That's what hurt the most.
Her anger took control now and she had no intention of trying to hold it back. She picked up the photo from the top of the fire place of her, Teddy, Albus and James when they were very young. She stood up and threw it at the wall. It cracked. She sank to the floor once ore, surrounded my shattered glass as a few stray shareds sliced her skin as they fell.
She hadn't meant what she had said. She had meant the exact oppisite. She had wanted him to stay and hold her. She wanted them to be closeagain, not so distant. She had needed him. But he had just walked away. He was offically gone. He was all she wanted and she would never have him back. Not now.
'All I wanted was you."