Title: The 10 Most Evil Pranks Thatch Ever Played on Marco.
Author: c2t2
Rating: I have no clue. Let's go with 'very PG'. (EVIL… but nothing graphic?)
Red tape: I do not own One Piece or make any money.
AN: NOTES can be found on my livejournal (username squizbee)
The 10 Most Evil Pranks Thatch Ever Played on Marco
c2t2
-.-.-
Thatch loved to prank Marco. Most of the time he used standard pranks: Whoopee cushions, itching powder, laxatives, air horns, helium, covering or filling Marco's room with various things, creative redecorating and elaborate rearranging of Marco's possessions, bedazzled underwear, falling balloons filled with all manner of substances, electrified doorknobs, trick candles, surprise critters hidden in drawers, switching toilet paper with things that are not toilet paper…
But once in a while Thatch really outdid himself. Here are the ten most evil pranks that Thatch ever played, along with fun facts about each.
-.-.-
10. Confused Walks of Shame
When Marco passes out drunk from sake, Thatch liked to put him in compromising positions with other drunken crewmembers. For best results, they should be stripped naked.
Not exactly original, but it's a classic prank for a reason.
He even managed it with Whitebeard once. Thatch was very impressed with himself, until… well, keep reading to find out.
Fun fact: Marco still doesn't know these incidents were Thatch's pranks. Marco just assumes he wakes up naked with blatantly hideous pirates because he has no standards while drunk.
-.-.-
9. Playing With Matches
One time, Thatch drenched all Marco's clothing in gasoline.
This gave the crew free rein to taunt him mercilessly, since Marco could not lose his temper without burning off his clothes… and possibly igniting the Moby Dick.
Fun fact: Theoretically, this prank could also work on Ace, but that would require that Ace wear clothing on a regular basis. (Somebody needs to talk to that kid)
-.-.-
8 Squishy Doom
Thatch once suspended all of Marco's belongings in jello.
Sure, the prank was unoriginal, but Thatch gave it a personal touch by making sure all the jello was the perfect shade of blue.
Fun fact: The cook, refusing to waste food at sea, made Thatch and Marco eat all the jello. Both men were crapping blue for days.
-.-.-
7 Interior Redecorating
Thatch once nailed all the furniture in Marco's room to the ceiling.
The items were arranged exactly the same as they had been on the floor. The loose objects were glued down in their original positions.
Fun fact: Nobody ever figured out how Thatch managed to do it in the short time Marco was out of the room.
-.-.-
6. The Mad Barber
Marco naturally has a full head of thick, black hair.
Thatch took this as an invitation for all manner of surprise haircuts, dye jobs, and stylings. His most ambitious project was the time he turned Marco's luxurious dark locks into a wide bleached mohawk overnight.
Marco, predictably, was enraged.
The next day he woke up to find the ends of the mohawk missing, too, leaving only the pineapple-like orange tuft on the top of his head.
Fun Fact: Marco cursed his heavy sleeping. Thatch believed it a gift from heaven.
-.-.-
5. Ghost Ship
One morning, the crew hid under Whitebeard's bed, leading Marco to believe the entire crew besides himself and Whitebeard had vanished. He spent an hour ransacking the ship searching for his crew before he began to panic.
While he was freaking out, everyone scattered around the ship and hid, rapping on walls, rattling chains, and giving the occasional eerie wail until Marco finally caught them.
Thatch may have hidden a little dry ice throughout the ship. For ambiance.
Fun fact: Nobody can figure out how he kept dry ice on the ship, either.
-.-.-
4. Smuggler's Den
Just before the Whitebeard crew reached the next port, Thatch switched out Marco's share of the loot, replacing the gold coins with gold-painted plastic.
Marco later told Thatch that his prank had completely failed, since nobody is dumb enough to mistake plastic for gold.
Fun fact: A few Grand Line merchants would tell a different story… if they can ever stop laughing.
-.-.-
3. Tuxedo Penguin
Pirates rarely need to dress up, so Marco only had one nice outfit. Imagine his surprise when one of those rare occasions arrived, and he unzipped the dry-cleaners bag to reveal… an entire formal suit made of feathers.
Thatch's favorite part of the prank was that Marco - having no time to find a replacement - wore the suit to his formal dinner with the admiral.
Kizaru politely pretended not to notice, and their business was accomplished without incident.
Thatch would forever treasure the pictures he took from the surveillance snails.
Fun fact: This was actually the second meeting between a Whitebeard commander and a marine admiral. An earlier attempt had been scheduled between Ace and Aokiji, but both men fell asleep as soon as they were seated, and the negotiations were considered a failure.
-.-.-
2. Mother Hen
Thatch smuggled an ostrich egg aboard the Moby Dick, painted it gold, and slipped it into Marco's bed in the middle of the night.
Normally, this would have been a minor prank. Unfortunately, this was soon after the Evil Prank #10 incident involving Marco and Whitebeard. In retrospect, nobody blamed Marco for thinking that their legendary captain could break all the rules of biology.
When the prank was revealed, the phoenix had a historic meltdown that could be seen (and heard) for miles.
Whitebeard was just glad he didn't have to put Marco on maternity leave.
Fun fact: Thatch thinks Marco may have been just the tiniest bit disappointed.
-.-.-
1. All You Can Eat Buffet
What could possibly be worse than Evil Prank #2? Well…
The navigator and the cook had to be in on the joke for this most evil prank to work.
The first step was to hide all the ship's provisions, and tell Marco that the Moby Dick was stranded at sea without supplies.
They then informed Marco that it was up to him to feed the crew, since the mythical Zoan-type phoenix could heal injuries and simply regenerate any limbs that are hacked off.
Thatch explained, in a very reasonable tone, that as long as they had enough provisions to feed Marco until they made port, it meant unlimited drumsticks for the rest of the crew.
Fun fact: By the time the lunch bell rang, Marco was in a full-blown fit of hysteria.
And -that- was Thatch's most evil prank of all time.
-.-.-
End
-.-.-
Credits:
Thatch-pranks-Marco seems to be common fanon
Stuff-suspended-in-jello is from The Office.
"Smuggler's Den" is a South Park reference.
Furniture-on-ceiling, naked drunk posing, and "standard pranks" are not from anywhere in particular.
Everything else was my horrible, twisted imagination.