Breakfast of Champions
By Verdigris
Summary: Pre-Movie: When a certain super hero is on the package, kids will do anything to get it, including a certain super villain.
"Sir!" Minion yelled over the deafening scraping of metal echoing from the workshop. "Sir!" he repeated louder yet the noise in the lair drowned it out.
Megamind continued to unintentionally ignore him as he sat hunched over his work, unaware of what was going on around him. Minion rocked back and forth on his robotic feet. He felt like rushing towards him, but he needed his protective gear before entering such as a dangerous environment and there was no time for that. The fish let out an exasperated grunt and began flipping on and off an overhanging light repeatedly, hoping to gain his attention before it was too late.
Amidst the showering of sparks from his machinery repair, Megamind paused in his work long enough to notice odd flickering of lights above. He called back over his shoulder in annoyance, "What's the matter, Minion?"
"Remember that commercial I told you about?" the fish announced urgently. His question with met with a slow distracted nod. "Well it's on TV…right now!"
With a wicked grin Megamind cut the power to his equipment and removed his goggles before sprinting to the computer station in excitement.
He leapt onto his high backed black leather chair and rolled it swiftly in front of the display screen, an intense eagerness glowing in his green eyes. He had been waiting all day for the commercial to re-air ever since Minion told him about it yesterday. Trying to regain some seriousness he sat back in the chair and steepled his black-gloved fingers in front of his nose.
Minion stood behind him with his mechanical hands clasped together with apprehension, unsure of how his master will respond. He gulped and watched the screen with an uneasy gaze.
On screen appeared a traditionally animated cartoon with a pair of children sitting at their kitchen. Boredom was clear on their faces as they ate what appeared to be lumpy oatmeal out of their bowls.
"Tired of the same old boring breakfast every morning?" an off camera voice announced dramatically.
"Uh huh…" the two children agreed miserably in unison.
"Well not anymore!"
The song 'A Little Less Conversation' began to play and they children's faces lit up as Metro Man soared into the kitchen. His muscular build and swirled hair doo was greatly exaggerated as he stood before the two with his hands poised on his hips. He flashed them a dashing grin.
"Hey there kids!" his deep voice boomed.
"Metro Man!" the children crowed out in an excitement.
The announcer happily chimes in, "Yes, Metro Man is here to save the day!"
The super hero winks at camera, "And breakfast time for everyone!"
Megamind narrows his eyes at the screen in confusion, his brow furrowing at what was taking place on the screen. "Minion, what exactly am I watching?"
Minion began scratching at an imaginary chin on the front of his bowl nervously. "There's more. Just keep watching, sir. "
They watched as Metro Man placed two fingers on his temple and a light beamed from eyes to the tabletop. With a flash the two bowls of boring lumpy oatmeal transformed into a sparkling unnaturally colored pile of marshmallows mixed with what appeared to be corn puffs shaped like M's.
"Metro Man Munchies!" exclaimed the children as if it was the greatest thing in the history of the world.
"Yes kids it's Metro Man Munchies! A brand new breakfast cereal chock full of awesome power. Just like Metro Man!" the announcer exalted in an overly chirpy voice.
Then from the corner of the kitchen window a grossly exaggerated version of a familiar blue alien chuckling evilly while rubbing his hands together.
"I must have those Metro Man Munchies!" exclaimed the villain in an over the top nasal voice.
The children gasped out, "Megamind!"
"Yes!" the cartoon double laughed as he grabbed the bowl away from them. " Now I have the source of Metro Man's power in the form of six essential vitamins and fruit flavorings—a part of a balanced breakfast—and it's all mine! Ah ha ha ha ha!"
Megamind laughed evilly while holding the bowl while hungrily scooping up the cereal with a spoon and holding it up to his mouth for a bite.
The real super villain reared back against his chair and blanched in horror. "Cereal? This commercial is about cereal? Of all the…my head is not that huge nor am I that skinny! And what's the deal with my voice? That sounds nothing like me!"
On cue Metro Man intercepted his attempt to feast upon the cereal and picked him up by his cape, rendering him suddenly helpless as he dangled from his hand.
"Uh uh uh, Megamind…" Metro Man tutted in a scolding tone and the bowl fell back into the waiting hands of the children.
"Metro Man Munchies are for kids!" the children cryed out all at once before each taking a bite of the neon colored marshmallows.
"Blast! I'll get you next time Metro Maaahn! One day I'll get those Metro Man Munchies!" the vilian vowed angrily with a shake of his fist as he continued to dangle from the hero's out stretched fist.
The commercial ended with Metro Man and the children laughing as they enjoyed the cereal together while the alien scowled in the defeat in the background.
Minion nervously stepped back as Megamind furiously grabbed for the controller and turned the screen off.
"What was that?" he demanded angrily. "When I heard they were airing a commercial featuring me I thought they'd put an effort to make me more terrifying! All Metro Man did was pick me up by my cape and I didn't even fight back! Where were the brainbots? Where were you?"
"Well, it is a children's breakfast cereal advertisement, sir" Minion shrugged with a disarming grin. He was secretly glad he was not featured in the commercial. "They're not supposed to be frightening, but you were the villain and that's all that matters, right?"
Megamind fluttered his hands in frustration and sat back against his chair. His angry scowl suddenly turned into a thoughtful frown as he stared up at the blank screen. "Why did my animated counterpart want the cereal so badly? What is so wonderfully intriguing and alluring about artificially dyed corn puffs?"
Minion deduced carefully "The fact that you want it but can't have it makes children want it more. It's a sales angle."
Megamind looked stunned for a moment before ranting loudly, "The brats will convince their parents to buy it for them because I can't have it? Why would I want something like that? Last time I checked the key to Metro Man's power is not through sugary confectionary goodness with milk poured on it!"
"You are absolutely correct, sir" the fish soothed and began to slowly drag his chair away from the computer station. "Perhaps we should get back to work and forget about the whole thing."
Furring his brow Megamind allowed Minion to wheel him out of the control room and growled out "What's so great about Metro Mahnn Moon-chies anyway? Sure they look delicious on the teel-lee-vision screen, but there's nothing special about it."
Megamind's voice slowly lowered as his tension starting to ease off. "I mean, if I really wanted to steal it I'd wouldn't take it from children, I'd go to the grocery store!"
"Right you are, sir!"
Megamind suddenly looked purposeful and brought down his fist down onto his palm. "Get the invisible car keys, Minion!"
"Of course, sir. Right away sir…wait, what?"
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
"This Roxanne Richie reporting on a rather bizarre robbery at not one but every Phillip and Son's Grocery Outlet in Metro City. Though the registers and safes were left untouched, every shelf has been picked clean of Metro Man Munchies, a popular children's cereal brand which features everyone's favorite superhero."
"This could only be the work of that criminal genius known as Megamind. It seems that our resident villain has taken the cereal's slogan 'Silly Megamind, Metro Man Munchies are for kids' as a personal challenge. In this reporter's opinion, I think it was due to a curious sweet tooth. This has been Roxanne Richie, signing off."
"Lies!" Megamind barked at the screen while helping himself to a spoonful of the sugary cereal. "Of course I took it as a challenge, Ms. Richie," he said smugly at the live feed on the television. "That'll teach them for messing with me…" he muttered through a mouthful of cereal.
"I don't know why we had to steal every single box," Minion said as he dropped a few pieces into his bowl, swimming up to bite at a bright neon yellow marshmallow. "Ughgh! This stuff is disgusting!"
Megamind swallowed his last bite and scrunched up his face, "Indeed it is…nothing but cheap fructose corn syrup and food coloring. There is nothing delicious or nutritious about this at all. And there isn't even a prize at the bottom of the box! Why would children desire such a thing?"
"I think it's starting to cut the roof of my mouth…" Minion complained after spitting the last of the cereal out from the top of his bowl.
"If you ask me it would be even more evil to return this vile breakfast concoction to the shelves," Megamind grumbled.
Their eyes widened and they both shared a look. Minion rose from the couch, "I'll go fetch the invisible car keys."
Author's Note: I apologize for this! I had this story stuck in my head for days and I had to write it out. It came from weird idea that popped in my head after a recent conversation about cartoon brand cereals from the late 80's and early 90's. I'm very tempted to design the box cover for 'Metro Man Munchies'.