Shmee Meets Bear and Looshkin
By Mileena
A/N: I don't own anyone in here. You really have to have read Issue 1 of BEAR by Jamie Smart. (issue 2 is released september 9th, Yay!)If you read Bear, you'd know.
Enjoy the insanity that is Bear and Shmee!
It was a sunny day that made everyone happy. Those type of sunny days. With no clouds for miles and miles and miles up, and blue stretching far. The sun, was just like the way you drew them in pictures in elementary school.(if you were a happy child you drew yellow suns, with smileys, if you were a sad child black suns!) In Fact, It was as such that happy day that our good friend Johnny C could be found playing outside, sifting through the dirt, creating fortresses so he and little Todd could play in later. (at least thats what Shmee had told him.)
On such this happy blue sunny day, about six houses down from Todds, there was a cat sitting on the doorstep. Next to the cat, a small brown stuffed bear. This bear had a big round head, with big ears!! You can tug on his ears!!
Bear: Don't tug my ears.
Bear's owner, Karl, sat in the front yard, sunbathing, listening to his cd player. The cats name was Looshkin. Looshkin was a hellion. Always fucking around Bear, and pushing his nose. (From an earlier strip we seen that Looshkin put a voodoo spell on Bear and when you push Bear's nose his head blows up great big! Tee-hee ^.^)
Little Todd Casil, with Shmee in tow, watched the Scary Neighbor Man as he took a big shovel, and patted down the soil. Shmee had told Todd that he was making forts, and with a big grin like that, Todd had to of agreed.
Looshkin, the blue kitty walks in the house..he then walks out with a helmet that says "team slut" and hands bear one that Flipping Papyancy (which no one has a clue what that means.)
"What the hell am I supposed to do with this?" Bear askes, putting the helmet on. Its football style, just like Looshkins.
"It's time to start the fun! Remember the outfit? The one that goes Fzzz BOOM!??! We're gonna have fun with it. Here Throw on your outfit! Mine goes Frzzzz BOoM!~ And only MINE may shoot Nipples like bullets, your outfit goes FZZZ booM! but it only creates a sticky goo!"
Bear looks at Looshkin, obviously uninterested in the outfit.
"You obviously have to be the dumbest cat in the world."
"Not uh! I read about it on the internet. now hush and put on your outfit!"
"No, Looshkin. Go terrorize Karl. He is trying to show off to the passing girls."
"Fine! I know how to get you to play."
(oh no, we all know whats coming now)
Looshkin goes into the house, and quickly appears with a corpse.
"I STILL STILL have Guinea pig!"
Bear: HOLY SHIT EEACCCCCCCCCCK
(guinea pig was that Karl kept, well Looshkin didnt ever clean the cage, and the Guinea Pig died in its on faeces...)
Bear takes off running, after all, He is the Elite of the British Secret Service, he should be able to out run the crazy cat.
"So Squee. How are you this afternoon?" Johnny C asks leaning against the shovel, he wipes his forehead of the film of sweat.
"g- Good. What are you doing?"
"I'm..." Johnny C pauses to look for the right words.. "A dear friend of mine buried something down here accidentally with one of my "pets" and I have to find it..."
"oh...can I help?"
"no!" Johnny thought...a brainfreezy popped into his mind..."But I can take a break..wanna brainfreezy?"
"o-okay!" Todd smiled, he hadnt anything yummy in weeks.
"You can leave the lying bear here, it'll only be a few minutes." Strangely, Todd did.
Now as Johnny C's little gray car sped away, Shmee frowned, giving it a death look, but perked up as soon as heard some screams.
"EEEEEEEEAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW LOOSHKIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Bear stopped in front of the house, staring at the teddy bear, who looked a little like him, but was patched up, and not so adorable.
"Who are you?!" Bear asks, not remembering ever seeing this bear."
"I'm Shmee. Who the hell are you?"
"I'm Bear."
"Couldn't your owner be a little more creative with your name? And whats with your voice??! It's all silly and girly. It goes-"
"MEE MEE! DOESN'T IT?! MEE MEE!!" Shouts Looshkin, running upt to Shmee, sniffing him.
"It sure does." Shmee said, looking at the corpse in Looshkin's grip.
"Sorry it took me so long, Bear. The other eyeball fell out!" He said thrusting the corpse in front of Bear."
Shmee looked over at Johnny's yard. 'Wait a minute!' Shmee thought. 'what if this 'bear' is trying to take over my posistion!'
"Hey Cat. You wanna play a game with this Bear?"
Looshkin, looked over at this other bear, who looked like he had played with a million cats. He poked Bear's nose. "EEE WATCH THIS!" He screamed with glee, throwing his arms up.
Bear's head swelled up. "WHY DID YOU HAVE TO TWANG WITH MY NOSE, LOOSHKIN?!"
"I asked, Cat, if you WANTED to play a game?!"
"Wanna see something cool, other bear?!" Looshkin asked, but he had already jumped in front of Bear and Shmee. "Sit your asses down." He began to do a little jig, and then, the elephant came.
"Oh yeah!?" Shmee said, obviously not threatened by this cats magical dance. "Watch this!" He began doing a similar dance, a moose appeared.
Bear watched as the two fought, with jigs, the guinea pigs, and then just when Looshkin was close to the big hole in the ground in the next yard, Bear Charged full force into him, and started throwing the dirt over him.
Shmee smiled a deviant smile, as he saw that fat clumsy little bear leaving himself open, burying that annoying cat. He walked up ever so slow, and pushed Bear into the hole as well!
"No one takes Todd from me! Gots it!?"
Shmee wandered back to his yard...a boy, perhaps a Teenager, began walking down the street calling Looshkin and Bear names. He stopped in front of Shmee, looking quite disturbed.
"Have you seen a small puffy bear? High girly voice, tuggable ears and fluffy ass?"
"No."
"oh."Karl thought for a minute. "what about a blue cat? Very....I dunno, spasmatic?"
"No."
"Balls. Looks like I will just have to take you!" Karl picked up Shmee and ran back to his house.
Around this time, Johnny and Shmee had pulled up, little Todd had not seen the Karl guy take Shmee away. 'Hmmm...how do I divert his attention...?' he thought sucking his brainfreezy.
But just as he looked at his yard, he saw a blue tail pop up. He jumped out of the car, holding Squee's hand, and started digging up. He found a loud mouthed annoying cat, and a brand new looking puffy bear with a girlie voice that goes
"MEE MEE MEE MEE!" Looshkin started doing a jig for Nny and his new little friend.
A giant elephant crushed them all.
Boo!
End
AN: Insanity is fun when you have kool aid and poptarts!
By Mileena
A/N: I don't own anyone in here. You really have to have read Issue 1 of BEAR by Jamie Smart. (issue 2 is released september 9th, Yay!)If you read Bear, you'd know.
Enjoy the insanity that is Bear and Shmee!
It was a sunny day that made everyone happy. Those type of sunny days. With no clouds for miles and miles and miles up, and blue stretching far. The sun, was just like the way you drew them in pictures in elementary school.(if you were a happy child you drew yellow suns, with smileys, if you were a sad child black suns!) In Fact, It was as such that happy day that our good friend Johnny C could be found playing outside, sifting through the dirt, creating fortresses so he and little Todd could play in later. (at least thats what Shmee had told him.)
On such this happy blue sunny day, about six houses down from Todds, there was a cat sitting on the doorstep. Next to the cat, a small brown stuffed bear. This bear had a big round head, with big ears!! You can tug on his ears!!
Bear: Don't tug my ears.
Bear's owner, Karl, sat in the front yard, sunbathing, listening to his cd player. The cats name was Looshkin. Looshkin was a hellion. Always fucking around Bear, and pushing his nose. (From an earlier strip we seen that Looshkin put a voodoo spell on Bear and when you push Bear's nose his head blows up great big! Tee-hee ^.^)
Little Todd Casil, with Shmee in tow, watched the Scary Neighbor Man as he took a big shovel, and patted down the soil. Shmee had told Todd that he was making forts, and with a big grin like that, Todd had to of agreed.
Looshkin, the blue kitty walks in the house..he then walks out with a helmet that says "team slut" and hands bear one that Flipping Papyancy (which no one has a clue what that means.)
"What the hell am I supposed to do with this?" Bear askes, putting the helmet on. Its football style, just like Looshkins.
"It's time to start the fun! Remember the outfit? The one that goes Fzzz BOOM!??! We're gonna have fun with it. Here Throw on your outfit! Mine goes Frzzzz BOoM!~ And only MINE may shoot Nipples like bullets, your outfit goes FZZZ booM! but it only creates a sticky goo!"
Bear looks at Looshkin, obviously uninterested in the outfit.
"You obviously have to be the dumbest cat in the world."
"Not uh! I read about it on the internet. now hush and put on your outfit!"
"No, Looshkin. Go terrorize Karl. He is trying to show off to the passing girls."
"Fine! I know how to get you to play."
(oh no, we all know whats coming now)
Looshkin goes into the house, and quickly appears with a corpse.
"I STILL STILL have Guinea pig!"
Bear: HOLY SHIT EEACCCCCCCCCCK
(guinea pig was that Karl kept, well Looshkin didnt ever clean the cage, and the Guinea Pig died in its on faeces...)
Bear takes off running, after all, He is the Elite of the British Secret Service, he should be able to out run the crazy cat.
"So Squee. How are you this afternoon?" Johnny C asks leaning against the shovel, he wipes his forehead of the film of sweat.
"g- Good. What are you doing?"
"I'm..." Johnny C pauses to look for the right words.. "A dear friend of mine buried something down here accidentally with one of my "pets" and I have to find it..."
"oh...can I help?"
"no!" Johnny thought...a brainfreezy popped into his mind..."But I can take a break..wanna brainfreezy?"
"o-okay!" Todd smiled, he hadnt anything yummy in weeks.
"You can leave the lying bear here, it'll only be a few minutes." Strangely, Todd did.
Now as Johnny C's little gray car sped away, Shmee frowned, giving it a death look, but perked up as soon as heard some screams.
"EEEEEEEEAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW LOOSHKIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Bear stopped in front of the house, staring at the teddy bear, who looked a little like him, but was patched up, and not so adorable.
"Who are you?!" Bear asks, not remembering ever seeing this bear."
"I'm Shmee. Who the hell are you?"
"I'm Bear."
"Couldn't your owner be a little more creative with your name? And whats with your voice??! It's all silly and girly. It goes-"
"MEE MEE! DOESN'T IT?! MEE MEE!!" Shouts Looshkin, running upt to Shmee, sniffing him.
"It sure does." Shmee said, looking at the corpse in Looshkin's grip.
"Sorry it took me so long, Bear. The other eyeball fell out!" He said thrusting the corpse in front of Bear."
Shmee looked over at Johnny's yard. 'Wait a minute!' Shmee thought. 'what if this 'bear' is trying to take over my posistion!'
"Hey Cat. You wanna play a game with this Bear?"
Looshkin, looked over at this other bear, who looked like he had played with a million cats. He poked Bear's nose. "EEE WATCH THIS!" He screamed with glee, throwing his arms up.
Bear's head swelled up. "WHY DID YOU HAVE TO TWANG WITH MY NOSE, LOOSHKIN?!"
"I asked, Cat, if you WANTED to play a game?!"
"Wanna see something cool, other bear?!" Looshkin asked, but he had already jumped in front of Bear and Shmee. "Sit your asses down." He began to do a little jig, and then, the elephant came.
"Oh yeah!?" Shmee said, obviously not threatened by this cats magical dance. "Watch this!" He began doing a similar dance, a moose appeared.
Bear watched as the two fought, with jigs, the guinea pigs, and then just when Looshkin was close to the big hole in the ground in the next yard, Bear Charged full force into him, and started throwing the dirt over him.
Shmee smiled a deviant smile, as he saw that fat clumsy little bear leaving himself open, burying that annoying cat. He walked up ever so slow, and pushed Bear into the hole as well!
"No one takes Todd from me! Gots it!?"
Shmee wandered back to his yard...a boy, perhaps a Teenager, began walking down the street calling Looshkin and Bear names. He stopped in front of Shmee, looking quite disturbed.
"Have you seen a small puffy bear? High girly voice, tuggable ears and fluffy ass?"
"No."
"oh."Karl thought for a minute. "what about a blue cat? Very....I dunno, spasmatic?"
"No."
"Balls. Looks like I will just have to take you!" Karl picked up Shmee and ran back to his house.
Around this time, Johnny and Shmee had pulled up, little Todd had not seen the Karl guy take Shmee away. 'Hmmm...how do I divert his attention...?' he thought sucking his brainfreezy.
But just as he looked at his yard, he saw a blue tail pop up. He jumped out of the car, holding Squee's hand, and started digging up. He found a loud mouthed annoying cat, and a brand new looking puffy bear with a girlie voice that goes
"MEE MEE MEE MEE!" Looshkin started doing a jig for Nny and his new little friend.
A giant elephant crushed them all.
Boo!
End
AN: Insanity is fun when you have kool aid and poptarts!