Okay you guys this is my first story ever. One day I just felt like shit and I continued to feel like shit until I started writing. When I but my pencil against the paper this just came flooding out and I felt better and better. I didn't have any idea where it was going, the ideas just came to me and somehow they all connected. I've actually been writing this for a while it's just that I've recently been able to type it up. I'm almost done with the story actually. I can see how its gonna end and I only have like maaaybe 2 or 3 ideas left? Tehe anyways I hope I get nice reviews if I even get them. Oh yeah! And I think it kinda sucks at the beginning but it gets better. And since it's my first story it's not that specific with how the characters or rooms look cuz I hate doing that. Just use your imagination k? EDIT! I've decided to go back and edit these chapters because I think they don't do my story justice and a few people requested this story's continuation…I might even continue on with the series... hopefully a few more years of English helps to make this a way better version!
'Thoughts'

"Spoken words"

Taking place during their 7th year!

(Hermione POV)

'Why did it have to happen to me?'
I looked around Harry's dark, empty, blue room. I feel my heart beat, echoing against my empty-feeling chest. It's just Harry, Ginny and I sitting on his red, Gryffindor bed; my eyes rested on Ginny and I giggled a bit when I saw Ginny's face twisted in concentration, fiddling with something in her hands. I shifted my gaze to Harry, hoping to strike a conversation only to find him staring off into space again. I can't stand to look at Harry sometimes…it hurts because he will always be a reminder...
"Alright I'm done packing."
My eyes snapped to Ginny when she spoke. She is holding a reddish, blue swirling pipe with a bowl of weed packed. Harry hands her a lighter and she starts smoking it while flicking her wand to open a window.

The chirping of the birds started to come floating in. I close my eyes and just hear the different pitches, let it vibrate in my body.

"Ay Hermione..."

My eyes open to the sight of Ginny reaching forward trying to pass me the pipe. I continue staring at her, noticing her silky red hair glowing against the sunshine coming in the windows. I can't help but linger on her freckles. As I reach forward to get the pipe I can't help but peek down her cleavage a little. Oh the Goosebumps! They just erupted all over my skin. Our fingertips brushed when I grabbed the pipe and the tingles shoot all throughout my body. I shake my head to chase away these…dirty thoughts and I hit the pipe. I love the sweet burning feeling of the smoke rushing down my throat. I love how relaxed I get; it's the only way that I can really relax.
Yes, Hermione Granger smokes weed. I know many people, including teachers, would be surprised that the "know-it-all" has been a pothead for 5 consecutive years already. Although it hasn't affected my grades like the anti-marijuana propaganda people claim.
The thought fades from my mind when I see the smoke coming out of my mouth and I feel a ghost hand run down my neck.

I shiver in disgust and place my hand over the ghost touch, 'Why do these things happen to me?'
My stomach twists as the self-loathing spreads through my body. It's like the hatred for my own self became laced with my blood and my heart pumps it everywhere, like a virus. I can feel my disgust in every part of my body; I can feel the hate everywhere.
Dazed and lightheaded, I watch Harry take his hit. I don't really recall how we all started smoking weed, but it's a habit now. Would I still be smoking if there wasn't a void in my existence? I don't know, maybe I'll find out soon enough.

Sometimes I want to go lie in a peaceful meadow and just die. Just to feel the sun and breeze on my skin, just to stare at the wide open sky, just to hear the birds and all the other noises that nature provides. And then I want to just die. Just die before reality comes crashing all over me.

It seems that a sigh escaped my lips because Harry head snapped up at me. Geez, does that boy hear everything?
We stare at each other for a few seconds, he also looks like the world is suffocating him too, but I break it by reaching for the pipe.
My stomach continues to make me sick. Does my body hate me too? I wouldn't be surprised.
I don't even feel like existing right now, this world will never be what I expected.
Have I really just been staring at Ginny this whole time? She noticed me looking and smiled at me.

Oh god, my heart is going haywire, the butterflies are fluttering. I feel my mouth twitch into a smile but then my stomach starts to twist violently and I feel bile rise up in my throat.
Holding my mouth I run to the bathroom and throw up what little was in my stomach… My self-disgust made me sick…
I don't want to go back in the room, don't want to answer their questions, don't want to see concerned faces; I just plain don't want to go back in there. Actually I don't want to be anywhere right now. But if I had to choose Id be in Harry's room with him, Ginny and a shit load of weed.
Now I don't even want to be in that meadow, I don't want to exist anywhere, at all. Why do I always have to feel this way? Isn't there a spell to suck out all this negativity?
I walk back inside Harry's room after rinsing my mouth and yup, they have those faces plasted on. I just told them that the smoke went down wrong and I felt sick but I'm aaalll better now. Harry just nods and hands me the pipe.

He knows I have self-loathing but he doesn't know how deep it is. Neither do I for that matter; I do know that it's like I'm barley floating in a 9ft pool instead of the pit less ocean I should be drowning in.
Thank god for apathy…
~0~
Well that's my first chapter! The next one should be up in an hour if I feel like typing it up... Hope it was at least bearable.