Summary: Nick Cutter dwells on his feelings for Claudia Brown in the Forest of Dean. Song Fic Lonely by McFly
Disclaimer: ITV owns everything, because if I did, Nick and Claudia would be together forever 3 But I don't, so I have to make do with what the writers have done to poor Nick :( This is probably set somewhere towards the end of series 2, after Stephen joins Helen, but Nick still doesn't quite know Jenny yet.
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Lonely
Song by McFly
Nick Cutter stood in the Forest of Dean, in front of where the anomaly to the Permian once was. He fingered the only evidence in the world of Claudia Brown that lie in his hands. He gazed at her face in the picture, his eyes unable to tear away from hers. It seemed like just yesterday that they had kissed before he left into the anomaly. But when he came back she was gone, erased from time, disappeared from his life forever. Replaying the memories of her in his mind tore his heart into little pieces.
It's only been a day
But it's like I can't go on
I just wanna say
I never meant to do you wrong
He asked himself everyday if he had done something different, would she still be here? Instead, the appearance of Jenny Lewis in his life, who was the splitten image of Claudia Brown, but had none of her memories, was there to taunt him. He remembered that day right here in this forest, when Claudia grabbed his shoulder saying "Don't go, I have a bad feeling about this." She had been right. But his reply, his final words to her were "I'll be okay, see you soon." It broke his heart how unmeaningful those words sounded when he had said them.
And I remember you told me baby
Somethin's gotta give
If I can't be the one to hold you baby
I don't think I could live
He remembered the last forceful kiss they shared together, her soft cherry lips on his. Time seemed to stand still for them. He could still taste her lips, could feel them fit perfectly with his, as if their lips were made to be together.
Now I'm so sick of being lonely
This is killing me so slowly
Don't pretend that you don't know me
'Cause thats the worst thing you could do
His heart had leaped in hope when he saw the supposed Claudia Brown in the ARC, only to realize it was Jenny Lewis, a woman who shared none of his memories, and did not love him. She even had a fiance! He had given his soul to this woman, but she didn't even remember him! Oh the cruel irony!
Now I'm singing such a sad song
These things never seem to last long
Somethin' that I never planned on
Help me baby I'm so sick of being lonely
He spoke to the picture in his hands, pleading with her to come back, to heal his dying heart. It seemed Love hated him. First Helen had disappeared out of his life, and now Claudia. He had only had a short time with her, only a few precious memories they had shared that could never be erased from his mind.
Your stuff is in my house
So many things I can't ignore
your coat's still on the couch, yeah
Your photo's on my freezer door
He had briefly thought of showing his picture to the others, prove to them that Claudia existed, but he knew that they still wouldn't believe him. She could be any girl. But she was Claudia Brown, the woman who meant the world to Cutter, and now she was gone, erased from time forever.
And I remember you told me baby
Somethin's gotta give
If I can't be the one to hold you baby
I don't think I could live
It's not fair! He thought, frustrated as a tear slid down his cheek. They had shared three wonderful kisses together, one in the bar when they first met, one in the hotel when they were being attacked by the killer birds, and finally, their last in front of the anomaly. Two had been initiated by her, and only one by him. In the Permian he promised himself that he owed her one kiss, and planned to give it to her as soon as he returned. He hadn't reckoned on her disappearance.
Now I'm so sick of being lonely
This is killing me so slowly
Don't pretend that you don't know me
That's the worst thing you could do...
His hand reached out to where the anomaly should be, but his hand grasped thin air only. If the anomaly opened now there was no doubt in his mind that he would rush in and try to find her, even if it killed him. But the air around him stayed empty and silent. His world was crashing down all around him, and there was nobody there who he could share his troubles with. Stephen and Helen had turned on him, Jenny didn't know him, and Connor and Abby would never understand. No, the only person that could was Claudia Brown. He spoke to the emptiness. "Where are you, Claudia Brown?"
Now I'm singing such a sad song
These things never seem to last long
Somethin' that I never planned on
Help me baby I'm so sick of being lonely
He pictured their life together if she was still here. He would propose to her in a fancy restaurant, just like she would've wanted, they would've been married together on a beach, they would've had three kids, two girls and a boy. He wanted mainly girls so they would look like Claudia, but also a boy who he could share his science and research with once he was old enough. Helen had never wanted kids, no matter how much he pleaded with her. He had always loved them, and hoped for his own, even when he was in college. He was sure Claudia would want kids though. Thinking of children broke his resolve.
And I remember you told me baby
Somethin's gotta give
If I can't be the one to hold you baby
I don't think I could live
Now I'm so sick of being lonely
This is killing me so slowly
Don't pretend that you don't know me
That's the worst thing you could do...
Now I'm singin' such a sad song
These things never seem to last long
Somethin' that I never planned on
Help me baby I'm so sick of being lonely
Nick Cutter clenched the only piece of Claudia Brown he had left, and sobbed his heart out for his lost love.
I am so lonely
I am so lonely...