10 SIGNS OF UNREQUITED LOVE
1.
Brooding
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Unrequited love is love that is not openly reciprocated or understood as such, even though reciprocation is usually deeply desired. The beloved may or may not be aware of the admirer's deep affections.
This kind of love has been the subject of many myths and legends. The person to whom this feeling is directed at may not even be aware that she is the object of someone's affection. Most people become aware of the mismatched situation, however when the pining party is the most unlikely individual, who's barely acquainted with the object of his yet subconscious affection, and said object is a humble and shy young woman, used to loyally stay in the shadow of her admired mistress and friend… it is very likely that it all remains quite conundrum.
It dawned upon him subtly really. In fact, he still wasn't sure what it was, exactly.
This past year has brought many changes with it. With the arrival of his bumbling idiot servant, who coincidently came to be the prince's most loyal friend (not that Arthur would ever admit that out loud), Arthur's life changed gradually. All of a sudden, the guy with big ridiculous ears and annoying scarves was a constant presence following the Crown Prince everywhere, constantly disobeying orders and messing everything up. Still, every cloud had its silver lining; with Merlin around the old physician didn't look quite as lonely as he did before, and that was a great comfort. Gauis was an old friend of the Pendragon family and served almost as an uncle to the young heir of Camelot's throne.
Furthermore, Arthur realized that he now recognized several servants and guards of the palace; in fact he even remembered some of the stable boys' names – most unsettling it was.
Seeing his manservant befriend Morgana's maid was also quite logical. Arthur never did find out how deeply attached the two were, nowadays their relationship seemed strictly platonic. This revelation came after spending some time with the two in Ealdor, and seeing them interact on their way back to Camelot. What unsettled Arthur was that the revelation itself was followed by a sense of relief on his behalf.
He has of course seen Guinevere strollingaround the castle for the past 10 years or so (him doing most of the actual "strolling"). Looking back, he remembered how his foster sister was introduced to her new servant – Gwen. In the years that followed he had to endure giggling behind corners and two pairs of judgmental eyes watching his every foul move.
Now taking refuge in an alcove in his chambers, with his forehead pressed against rain stained window, Arthur couldn't for the life of him see why his thoughts lately strayed toward the dark-haired maid. He realized that while most servants, such as Anna - lady Esmeralda's maid, and the kitchen staff sought out his attention, Guinevere was more likely shrinking away from him whenever he happened to pass by. She was that shy little figure in cotton dresses, hiding in Morgana's shadow.
In the past he hadn't given it much thought, but lately, ever since his recovery, he became more and more aware of her judgmental looks, humble and graceful movements, and overall reluctance of being in his presence… not that there had been that many occasions, but still.
Outside the courtyard was fairly empty, with servants gathering supplies and covering hay from the rain. After the sunset twilight dawned upon Camelot's walls. The sky was dark and of a bleak blue color, not that one could see anything with the pouring from the clouds. Men and women were hiding behind columns, waiting for a clearing in the clouds to make their way home. And despite the guards' covering the noisy chain of the bridge, everything seemed more peaceful. Sure enough, soon the guards hid in their watchtower and the courtyard seemed empty.
The Prince always loved the rain. Sure it wasn't very practical in battle or while traveling, but when one was in the comfort of one's chambers with a fire keeping you warm, the sound of raindrops hitting, drumming against the window resulted in a harmonious atmosphere. Arthur could see shadows through the windows of the west wing – figures of noblemen, guests of the his father's taking full advantage of the comfortable accommodations offered by the king. Candlelight shone through the coloured glass, dark corridors and grand entrances with wooden doors were lit up by fire-torches.
His solitude was interrupted by Merlin, late as usual, though judging from his soaking wet clothes the raining had played a part in his tardiness this time.
"Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry" his ramblings began as he hazardously collected the plates from table. "Gauis needed help with gathering supplies, and of course it started raining just when Gwen and I found the right meadow…"
Hearing her name caught Arthur's attention, but naturally Merlin chose to remain silent the one time his pointless talking actually sounded interesting. Focused on gathering the plates and cups and dishes all on one huge tray, Merlin forgot what he was talking about. So, when he looked up and saw Arthur looking at him attentively the warlock felt rather confused.
"Yes…"
"…Yes?"
"You were on a meadow…"
"With Gwen, yes?"
Arthur remained silent, waiting for an explanation, or at least pretending to…
"And, then it started raining, we hurried back and I had to help Gauis covering all of his plants…?" Merlin furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, expecting some snappy comment or arrogant insult from his sort of friend (not that he'd ever admit that), but instead Arthur looked disappointed and then passively turned back to the window merely saying: "That will be all. You're free for the evening."
Surprised and somewhat unsettled Merlin hesitated, but decided to give Arthur some space. He knew that Uther tended to be rather demanding and didn't want to deprive the prince of a quiet moment for himself. Besides, he got an evening off!
"Thanks. Have a good night, sire."
The door closed and once again everything turned quiet; only sounds of the fire crackling and spitting sparks from the fireplace broke the silence.
Looking down from the sky Arthur noticed two female figures near the gates, talking while finding refuge from the rain under the castle roof. Both of them had their cloaks on, but Arthur could still distinguish that one of the girls was none other than Guinevere, by the looks of it engaged in some discussion with her friend.
Before he had time to evaluate his actions, the prince found himself pulling on his less than formal cloak heading outside, just in time to sneak past the guards, who were now changing shifts. The hallway along the walls of the castle was lined up with columns, which concealed his presence, and yet despite the raining and the still remaining distance he managed to overhear part of the conversation.
"Uh, well, I am not sure if I am the right person to give advise – "
"But you are the only one I can ask!" The other woman interrupted. "You know how the others are, the gossip will spread before the night is over."
"Right."
"So? If he asks me again, should I submit or hold my guard? I mean I know that he's a knight and I unworthy, and there is nothing but his honor that I can rely on. Yet, I am four and twenty years old and still only had one partner – "
"I! I – um… Agatha, don't you think this is something you ought to ask somebody who is more…. um … experienced in the area?" By the tone of her voice Arthur realized that Guinevere was uncomfortable, and upon discovery of what their subject was it peaked his interest.
"Oh … so, then you haven't – "
"No."
"Not once?"
Gwen shook her head.
"So you're a virg – " Arthur's eyes widened, and he felt a sweat coming on.
"Yes!" Gwen interrupted obviously reluctant to continue discussing the topic. "So I am afraid you'll have to ask someone else."
"Please, who would that be? Marthe? Or one of the kitchen maids? I think we can agree that judging by their past liaisons they are not exactly reliable sources." Gwen looked up confused.
"I'm sorry?"
"You know, his royal highness." Arthur froze, closing his eyes.
"Oh. I didn't realize that Marthe…" Gwen shook her head, rather flushed. "Well, then what about Anna? She's married to – " Her eyes widened when she saw the hinting look on Agatha's face.
"Oh she's married alright, though that didn't seem to stop her… or hi - " Agatha broke off her sentence when she recognized the approaching figure.
He was close enough now and just as expected the older girl lowered her head making his presence known: "My lord".
Gwen turned around and curtsied as well.
"Agatha. Guinevere." The girls looked up, startled that he addressed them by their given names and mortified, dreading that he had overheard their conversation … which unbeknownst to them he had.
"My lord", Gwen replied.
"I ought to get going. Good night, your highness. Gwen." Before Guinevere had a chance to stop her, Agatha pulled up the hood of her cloak and rushed off leaving her horrified friend alone with the notorious persona they were just discussing.
Silence.
He looked up at the sky and it seemed as if it was raining more than ever, which rather pleased him. Not only did he get to enjoy the fresh scent but also Guinevere's humble presence. Though, somehow he doubted she felt the same considering her recent discovery about his past.
"Lovely night isn't it?"
She jumped, startled by his addressing her directly. At first, she didn't reply and just stared at him. For a moment she felt somewhat dazed upon seeing him with his damp blonde hair, his skin so pale in the chilly air, his eyes crystal clear blue. Gwen shook her head, reminding herself of his past behaviour towards those of her station and smiled reluctantly, nodding in agreement.
While she was looking down Arthur was entranced by the way her wet curls turned into waves – so free and untamed. His hands itched.
She looked up and noticed him staring.
"I – uh…" he mumbled, tearing his eyes away. "I heard you were out with Merlin today."
"Yes, at the Honlow Meadow by the river, my lord."
"Ah!" he almost shouted out, not coping very well with the awkward silence that easily formed between them. "There are … many fine meadows, in Camelot."
Guinevere's eyebrows rose in confusion.
Dear God she looks at me like I'm an idiot. Which I AM!
"Indeed." She looked away. "Uh, it looks like the rain is settling down, I ought to get going."
"Isn't it rather dangerous for you to go home alone at this time of night?" Guinevere pulled up the hood of her cloak. She took his breath away. The dark cloak matched the onyx in her eyes and the dark waves of her hair. Her otherwise caramel skin turning rather pale now in the chilly air.
"I usually quit much later, but the lady Morgana retired early and was kind enough to let me off earlier than expected." There it was again. The subtle, but clearly judgmental and apprehensive look in her eyes that always seemed to follow him. He swore that the other day he could feel it during practice… which might have had something to do with his manhandling Merlin. It made him wonder whether or not her little speech about "the man he was inside" was just a figment of his imagination after all...
"Oh." Oh? What kind of reply is `Oh´ you buffoon?
"Good evening, my lord."
"Good evening."
And just like that she was gone.
At that moment he felt left behind. She could come and go as she pleased, while he would always be bound to these castle walls and battlefields covered with dead bodies.
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AN: This story takes place between episodes 1x13 and 2x02, because I think we didn't get nearly enough of relationship development before the kiss happened, even though the look on Arthur's face in 2x01 made it pretty clear that he was infatuated.