These are actual things I have written either by accident or just being frustrated about my stories. Some of it is me venting. It works best if for each line you imagine a bleep or something in between them like they have in the bloopers in actual life. Oh and this is rated K+ but it includes swear words. Just a warning if that isn't your cup of tea. *Slurps Tea* Besides that, a lot of these include references from stuff I was thinking at the time I was writing so you may not get all of them. These are all cats from my stories! You may not recognize the names! But you don't have to read my stories, just imagine cats for the names. It doesn't add to the humor value if you know what I am talking about. They are all just cats, m'kay? So no comments about not recognizing the cats.
Destiny's Calling
She looked up with weary eyes and said. "YABBA DABBA DUN WITH UR SHIT."
She didn't have the heart to tell Willowlight the reason she had been avoiding her was because she was being a jerk and didn't want to share her special spot beside Willowlight in the medicine cat den because, let face it, as kids no one liked sharing.
The drizzle turned into a dance-off before night fall.
Crestfall looked absolutely crestfallen.
"There hasn't been this much mayhem since StarClan held a Halloween."
"Look what I found!" Screeched the kit. She was holding up small white things. Maplesplash's first instinct? Cocaine. (No worries there actually mushrooms)
"ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!" Yowled Whitepaw. "I am tired of these mother fucking Rhea's on my motherfucking planes."
"WHAT NOW?" Yowled Winterstar. Redpaw stopped. "I just want to drink mah pumpkin spice latte in peace. I DID NOT want to be interrupted! M'kay sweetie? Kay,"
Sunpaw batted at a small lump of moss half heartedly.
"What do you have to say for yourself?" Willowlight encouraged.
"My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard," She whimpered in a mix between a squeak and whisper. "And dang right, it's better than yours."
"Oh no," Whispered Maplepaw into Whitepaw's ear. "They speak french,"
"I HAVE 99 PROBLEMS," Screeched Winterstar, "BUT A CLAN MEMBER AIN'T ONE."
Maplepaw tripped over Starkit on her way out. Look's like some cat forgot to clean up the kits that were strewn about.
"Cats of the clans," Winterstar bellowed over the confusion and noise. "I declare that we all do the Harlem Shake!" Then music started blaring from no where as all the cats started 'dancing.'
Maplepaw watched the pale warriors stroll past. She'd always wondered what StarClan looked like. Jayfeather swished his tail impatiently.
"We don't have much time," He meowed.
"Why?" Maplepaw asked innocently. "What will happen?"
"The fan girls will catch up to me," Jayfeather meowed tersely.
Jayfeather Wants Cake… At 4 in the morning
Jayferther meowed, woah woah, jayferther? JAYFERTHER! OMG I LOVE YOU JAY FERTEHR. FUCK. THERE IS NOT ENOUGH SUGAR IN THE WORLD TO MAKE THIS OKAY.
"Your mom," Jayfeather meowed just as Squirellflight and Leafpool came into the den.
"I KNOW you weren't insulting me," Squirellflight said all sass and snaps.
I hope you enjoyed! If you haven't read any of my works you can go and check them out to get am idea of I was talking about or just exit this and call it a day. Either way thanks for reading!