Alright guys, I get bored when I focus my creative juices on one story. So I decided to write this W40K comedy to make this universe not look so Grimdark. EVEN THOUGH WE ALL LOVEZ TEH GRIMDARKNESS OF THE GRIM AND DARK FUTUREEEEEEE…. Sorry. Enjoy this story plz

I remember my birth; it was on a giant hive ship. I was born in the sixteenth generation of Hormagaunts. Apparently I'm the only tyranid capable of singular thought, and the only one containing free will. When my momma found out she booted me off the hiveship. Ever since then I've been living on this derelict space ship. When I arrived it was really, REALLY dark. When I first got here there was no lighting or anything. But due to some great stroke of luck the life support systems and the Gellar Fields were still active! I don't know how that works… but I'm not gonna argue. If you're taking the time to listen to this data tablet I suppose I should tell you about how I got this smart…

It all started when the hive-mother decided to feed on some Eldar planet. When we got there they pretty much slaughtered us, but as I've gathered reading through all these books that happens a lot. I guess we kinda deserve it though. We eat all the life on planets and leave it pretty much inhospitable. Anyway… we got there and we slowly beat them back, I think it's because it was a planet of exiles, and not a Craftworld. Well while we there some Mary Sue Eldar finally lost a fight (beats me how cause she was a TOTAL God-Tier monster, like this Eldar blasted whole chunks of the swarm away with her MIND, yeah I don't know how it works so just listen to the story..) and she was absorbed into the swarm. Apparently someone ate her Soulstone because not just her genetics were added to our awesome list of adaptations but her very soul was. That's how I was born. I am the reincarnation of some Mary Sue badass Eldar; except I'm scared of everything. I was born shortly after, to give you the listener some perspective I'm going to tell you our conversation.

You have been born, to serve the swarm and the Hive.

I was taken aback at this of course, like you mean to tell me, NO BREAKS? So I decided to mouth off.

"What's the point in all that? Why can't we just relax and y'know… not absorb things?"

This caught the hive-mother off guard. Apparently she wasn't use to her 'nids being mouthy.

What do you mean wh- wait, how the hell are you talking back?! The only Tyranid being that have free thought is me….

"Not anymore mamma-dukes!" This sent her into a blinding rage.

Whatever, just listen to me, YOU WILL SERVE THE HIVE!

"But I don't wanna. I kinda just want to sit here and relax…"

Before I knew my little birthing pod was shot out into space. I kinda just sat in there for a few days until I ever so luckily got sucked in by a Derelict ship's docking bay. Looks like that Mary Sue Eldar's luck rubbed off on me huh? Well ever since then I've been sitting alone on this ship. Well because I'm a super genius I already knew how to read… but being a Hormagaunt I only have these little arms for show. My main appendages are these useless claws. Like these things have NO practical use. It's not like my cowardly self is gonna fight anything… But getting back on topic, the ship had a lot of books! Throughout my readings I've discovered this ship belonged to the inquisition. Which is nice because of all the knowledge on board this ship. I've read great works, such as these books from Ancient-Terra called Negima-Magister Neo. It's called a Manga and it's bad ass. Then I found this book that taught me all about how to get the ship running called 'The Manual.' So basically it's not dark and scary anymore.

The thing I've noticed over my short 3 week existence… being lonely sucks. A lot. I don't have anyone to talk to but this data tablet, but I know if anyone else finds me they'll surely kill me. I'm really not looking forward to that, because I like living. Well I think for now I'm going to sleep and end this transmission. Goodnight.

Yeah as you can see this story is just a bunch of nonsense. I'm really writing this to get out this kinda stuff outa my system and I figured why not post it… so you guys can see I'm not all grimdark. But when my second REAL story comes out… you'll see how much I love grim dark… mwahaha… this will be updated randomly by the way.