It was just like Budapest. Except it wasn't.
Only in the way they both thought they were about to die. Hawkeye was smiling, a dangerous and mirthless smirk. The smirk of a Ronin. They both saw how the the others looked at him now, hell even her sometimes. The Black Widow. They both attributed their fighting skills to unspeakable acts. Yet, when Clint stumbled upon a much younger Natasha (to assassinate her) he chose to do differently. He gave her a chance. A simple action that might've led to the Avengers and brought them to Vormir in the first place.
"It makes sense." Natasha said, breaking the silence. Clint laughed but it was more of a growl.
"Because that red demon fuck over there says it's true?" He stares at one of his oldest friends and favorite people. The only person who could understand his time as Ronin. Who could forgive him fully and look past it. Treat him like Clint. Make him feel like Clint again. Trust him to watch her back. Trust nobody to do it better than him. With his family fading away into nothing, she was truly all he had left.
She smiles but he sees her eyes water. A wind blows between them as they look out into the strange, vast planet. Nothing but a steep cliff in front of them. She shudders as she swallows but then steels her face. "Doesn't it? The Soul Stone... An even exchange, a soul for a soul... Something you want as much as you want that stone down there." Clint shut his eyes, refusing to listen to the drivel his partner was spewing.
"Natasha-"
"Look at me and tell me I'm wrong." He opened his eyes again and frowned. Natasha saw right through his weak denial. One of them would have to die. And die before they could fully redeem themselves for the things they'd done. He cursed to himself.
They had managed to be cornered in the base of a Hungarian Terrorist Headquarters, surrounded by automatic weapons.
They pushed their backs to one another, bow and arrows and duel pistols cocked. At the same moment, they both chuckled to themselves. They couldn't laugh at yet another hopeless situation they were expected to crawl their way out of.
They were used to it.
"Sol szerenvsé!" Clint snickered jokingly in terrible Hungarian. Natasha rolled her eyes before kicking the gun out of a soldier's hands.
"Shut up, Clint."
"So, so what? After everything. All of this. Both of us. It comes down to this?" Natasha smiled bitterly, holding back on her tears for her partner's sake. She was silent for a moment, spacing out into the horizon.
"Whatever it takes..." Clint grunted in frustration.
"So to save my family I can't ever see them again? That's bullshit, Natasha." His tone is defeated, almost a solemn laugh. Like she was punched in the gut Natasha looked at him, in disbelief that he thought for one second she'd ever let him.
She kept her voice cool. "How do you think I feel? All this work to get the red out of my ledger, and..." 'Nobody will even know.' She finished in her head. God willing, the masses would never know the extent of what the world had been through and what the Avengers had done to save it. He looked at her seriously, fear worming into his features.
"Natasha, you have done. Just that." He said forceful. "I... I turned away from that. I became a hero and turned into the very thing I fought against!" He shouted, so pained and guilty for the lives he took. Whether they 'deserved' it or not. And Natasha knew that. Was maybe the only person who understood the intense shame.
She grabbed his hand again. "Clint, you lost your family." She shuddered, dropping her gaze from his. Watching the pain he went through had been the hardest moments of her life. "I'm trying to save mine. I used to have nothing..." She laughed, and even though she cried Clint could see how happy she was. He studied her hair, tossed in a french braid of fire engine red to platinum blonde. He had been rogue while everyone was suffering, just like him. Maybe even more after fighting tooth and nail to save the universe and failing.
"Natasha-"
"But you know what I gained? Gained from you when I joined the Avengers?" She cupped his face. "A family." 'A best friend.' He shook his head, the hooded figure just watching them silently.
Even though they spoke they were both watching each other intently. Trying to calculate their movements and read the other's mind. If it was any indication how they each felt, they knew their partner was going to try to hurl them self over a cliff.
"I don't want to do this." Clint said finally, with resignation. Natasha scoffed.
"And you think I do?" He looked at her and shook his head. Crazy woman, if she thought he'd ever let her sacrifice herself.
She was maintaining eye contact but her hand was twitching by one of her weapons. Clint was doing the same, watching his partner's movements very carefully. "Tell my family I love 'em." He said, eyeing the drop off the cliff. He would have to move confidently.
Natasha smiled. "Tell them yourself." It was a swift movement she made that Clint barely saw. He was running on pure adrenaline, moving with the sole purpose of stopping her. Time paused for both of them. He grabs her and she wiggles free, shooting a blast at his that feet pushes him back. "NAT-" She took off running.
He set an arrow in how bow in a tenth of a second and shot the bomb arrow the ground, causing her to fly off her feet. Clint righted himself, breathing raggedly as he crawled towards the cliff.
"Don't. You. Dare!" She screeched, tackling him and sending them both careening over the edge. The rocks tear slices into both of their skin as Clint shoots a grapple claw upwards, snagging a rock. He slammed into the cliffside, losing his breath. He grabs Natasha's hand at the last moment, grunting with the effort of holding them both. She hit the mountain side with a yelp, staring into Clint's eyes. "Clint!"
"I'm not letting go!" He frothed angrily, his arm straining to hold on. 'This line is made to hold me, not both of us!' He thought desperately.
'He can't hold us both, not like this.' She thought, struggling to wrench her hand free from his grip. "NATASHA-"
"You can't hold us!" She insisted in exasperation. "It's okay, Clint." He felt his soul fall through his stomach. No, it wasn't okay. And if this happened it would never be okay. "I can finally do it. Make up for my red ledger. In the biggest way," She looked at the drop below her.
"Please don't do this," Clint breathed. "You're all I have. I don't want to see you die. I don't." If tears were enough to keep her in this moment he would've cried enough. She smiled, so grateful to have had a friend like Barton. Not many people could say that.
"Let me go." She begged. "This way, I can go knowing you guys can win and fix everything. Avenge the fallen, bring who you can back." His breaths quickened. She was really going to do it. His grip was slipping, but the thought of his family made him hesitate. A tenth of a second was all it took.
"Don't do this-"
"It's ok." She nodded, her grip slipping.
"Natasha-" She slipped. The air rushed out of Clint's lungs painfully as she dropped in slow motion. "NO," Her hand outstretched for him she fell, the ghost of a smile on her lips. "NATASHA."
'It's ok...'
Clint howled on the cliff side for a long time before making any movement to scale the side. He passed out in front of the hooded figure, coming to in a warm liquid some time later. He splashed, feeling around for Natasha instantly. "No," He began. "Where are you?!" He lifted one of his hands out of the water and saw a glowing yellow gem. "No..."
He thrashed the water violently, screaming until his voice blew out. 'Natasha... Why...' He thought of gripping her hand in Tokyo. As much as it hurt him and as much as he hated it, he could think of no more fitting death for her. The soul of the Avengers dying for the Soul Stone.
When they heard Clint's screams back at headquarters they knew what they meant. Nobody wanted to believe it.
The pair had come back one person light. How could this be? Clint wouldn't communicate, only scream and sob. Surely she hadn't... No. There had to be some other way to get the soul stone. The soul for a soul exchange wasn't an option, right?
"I couldn't stop her..." He breathed. "She..." Scott's breath shuddered quickly out of his chest.
"I-I'm sorry, what?" He looked around in disbelief at the other grief stricken faces in the room. They were supposed to bring people back, not lose them along the way. This was wrong, it just felt wrong. Scott barely knew what was going on but he couldn't help but feel that this was his fault. "N-No! That woman is guaranteed to be tougher than me, why..." He threw his hands on his head helplessly.
Rhodey was shaking his head instantly, almost insulted to be told this. "No, no. She wouldn't... Natasha wanted to live, she... She was holding everything together when it fell apart! She had things to do when we fixed the world, okay. And that included helping us keep it that way!" He cried, suddenly furious. Clint dropped his head to his knees. "Why would she-"
Banner dropped to the floor with a scream that shook the entire skyscraper. He pounded the floor, his and Clint's raw grief silencing the other men. It was so unfair. For years Natasha tried to be the glue that kept this team together, saving the world again and again.
Steve just stood there and tried to breathe. One breath. Then another... 'Why... Why do we keep losing people...' He looked at his hands. 'What's the point of being Captain America if I can't save the people I love?'
"See ya in a minute." She said.
"No fair..." Tony growled, tired of mourning. "Why should she think she, of all people, had to do that. God!" He tossed a bunch of papers that was on his desk. He was tired of losing. Tired of losing people. He couldn't imagine losing anymore. They lost half the world, why did they have to lose Nat too?
But she wasn't gone. And they knew she wasn't lost. She would be there right with them when they faced off with Thanos. She was in the Soul Stone. She was in their hearts. And she'd be on every last arrow Clint fired.
A/N: Just a little something swirling in my head after seeing Avengers: Endgame. I needed roughly 40 more minutes of this content, and it was my favorite (and most heartbreaking) part of the movie. The foil for Thanos willingly tossing Gamora and the fact that she felt it would be a true way to redeem herself... Pain. Hope you enjoyed!