AN: This one-shot is my entry to Nikki-Fox's Unlikely Couples Contest. I chose this particular couple because I've never seen it before and saw it as a challenge. I did take the liberty of adding some details not verified in the show but since Damien only appeared as a main character in one episode, I hope you'll forgive me. I do not own any of the characters mentioned in this story. They belong to Matt Stone and Trey Parker. I also do not own Bill Gates, Apple or any other real people/companies mentioned.

I tapped my finger on the arm of the couch quickly. My other hand found a place under my head, barely managing to prop it up. I stared at the blank screen of our television. I could feel my mind slowly succumbing to boredom, which is surprising considering the fact that I live in Hell. When one lives in Hell, you would think that the never ending damnation of souls would keep you entertained. I smirked. Hardly. I gave a heavy sigh and rose from the couch. "Dad…" I moaned and started walk slowly to the kitchen area. "Dad…" I rubbed my eyes and blinked a few times, trying to 'blink' back the boredom. Mission: Failed. I leaned against the wall in the kitchen, clearing my throat a few times in hopes of getting my father's attention.

The kitchen was nothing you'd ever expect from Hell. Various paintings of fruits lined the back wall and tiles covered the floor. The paintings and tiles have to be replaced on a regular basis due to our living 'conditions'. We had the typical appliances: the stainless steel refrigerator (complete with flower magnets), the dishwasher, a garbage disposal and, oddly enough, an oven. The oven almost never gets used but dad thinks that having a typical American household is 'good' for me to experience. He believes that I should live like a 'normal' teenage boy. I guess he thinks that having a typical household layout will make up for the fact that I live in HELL.

He was doing the dishes, humming to himself as he scrubbed. Why does he bother to manually wash dishes? We HAVE a dishwasher. I suppose he wants to be homely. I tried to stifle a giggle, seeing my father, the dark lord of the underworld, scrubbing dishes with a pink dishtowel cracked me up every time. I love my father, no question, but I sometimes wondered how we were related. He noticed me standing there, his yellow eyes met my red ones and his lips pulled back into a smile. "Hello Damien. I can't chat much since I have someone special over. I think he might be the one." He suddenly made a happy squeaking noise and a twirl that would put a ballerina to shame. Oh. My. God. "Can't you play one of your game consoles or watch some T.V.?"

I rubbed the back of my neck and rolled my eyes. "Dad, if that was even an option, I wouldn't be sitting here talking to you." He gave me a confused expression and I quickly explained. "The television's busted again and as for my 'game consoles'…" I took out a burnt wire from my jeans pocket and casually threw it in the garbage. "They're totally beyond repair."

He sighed and moved a pink dish with a flower pattern on the drying rack. "Honestly, Damien. I think you can find a few ways to amuse yourself while I spend a few hours enjoying myself." He gently folded the dish towel and laid it next to the drying rack.

"Dad, would it be okay if I killed a few mortals? You know, to keep me amused?" I snapped my fingers and looked at the flame burning, mid air before finally putting it out. "I want my powers to improve; repetition is the best way to learn." I was scared to look at him; I know how he disproved of my killing of mortals without his guidance but I needed SOMETHING to get me through the night. I nervously looked up and tried to read his glance.

My father bit his lip, revealing one of his razor sharp fangs, and gave me an uneasy glance. "I suppose but ONLY two souls. I don't want to make this place too crowded when I have company over." He looked over his shoulder and into the next room. "I should get going; he's been waiting for me so patiently…." He caught my gaze again, I must've looked like I actually cared because he then put a gigantic finger under my chin and tilted it upwards. "Just for tonight, I promise. We'll have some father-son time tomorrow and we'll practice with your demonic powers." He opened his large arms and paused, waiting for a hug. I gave him a nervous glance and moved forward, embracing him in one of his father-son hugs. I swear he keeps getting more affectionate with each passing year. "I love you, Damien."

I winced at the comment but managed to choke out a reply. "Love you too, Dad." I hated showing affection; I always thought it was a sign of weakness. I watched as my father retreated into the living room presumably to meet his new play-mate. He dated so many jerks in the past, I've learnt to just wait it out and sooner or later, their relationship would end. My father is quite naive when it comes to love; I suppose being a three hundred and twenty pound demon doesn't leave you with many love options.

As I turned to leave the kitchen, I noticed my reflection in the mirror. I stood in front of the glass, observing my every feature. My red eyes blinked back at me as I traced my thin face and slightly messy hair. My hair was coal black and I hardly ever brushed it but when you live in the Underworld, appearance is hardly an issue. My eyes descended down to my thin frame, a black t-shirt clung to my chest.

In terms of fashion, I always found the most practical clothing to be black. After all, burn marks and scorching wouldn't be visible on black clothing. An upside down cross hung limply from my neck, contrasting well with my snow white skin. My black jeans, sporting a silver chain which hung from my back pocket to my left, were often paired up with my black converse. I wasn't the most athletic teenager but I was hardly the weakest. Over the years, my powers had developed past the typical levitation and fire-ball tricks. Nowadays, I often found humor in scaring the shit out of the poor souls who arrived in Hell. With one more glance, I left with a single resonating thought in my mind. Damien, son of Satan.

I spent the next ten minutes wandering the chambers of Hell in hopes finding my desired room: fifty seven. When I arrived in room fifty seven, I took a moment and caught my breath. Why did I name this room after a number? There were so many rooms in Hell it was hard to keep thinking up names for them. Referring to them by a number is far more efficient. In the centre of the room was a clear pool of liquid. The pool was only about five feet in diameter and was always cool to the touch. Although the liquid retained properties of water, it was far from it. Using this pool, my dad is able to find any city on Earth and watch the mortals during their day-to-day life. This pool is a connection to the world of the living and often a viewing point in watching Earth's more memorable events. I laughed softly at the memory of watching the WWII break out with my father. I was a mere semi century old, a naive and 'innocent' child. Ah…Childhood memories.

I knelt on the ground and dipped my long fingers into the pool. I lazily moved my thin fingers in a circular motion, watching the scenes change before me. I gazed at the sight of watching the citizens of world tending to their business, stunning. Unfortunately, they were all heading in one direction. I closed my eyes and spun the water around. Who shall I kill? I'll let chance have its way. After a few moments of randomizing my selection, I opened my eyes and stared at the country before me. Ah…Paris. The city of love and art. My eyes caught sight of a middle-aged painter using his brushes to create his work of art upon the canvas. It was a fairly good piece of art, it's a shame nobody will ever give him the recognition. I dipped my finger into the pool and touched the man's image. A file appeared next to his body with the details of his life. Too many details.

I touched the location on his body where his heart was placed and clenched my fingers. The image changed in front of my ruby eyes as the man clutched his chest and gasped for air. He fell to the ground; a black smear remained on his canvas where he smudged. The image of the citizens surrounding him, whispering among themselves, was comical. I chuckled darkly and spun the water again. I'd like to see him survive a heart attack at his age. I noticed a blurry image of a town appear, I leaned in further to identify the mysterious town. Suddenly, I felt myself lose my balance as I realized how far I was leaning in. I panicked and my arm shot out to reach the other side, steadying myself. My other arm wasn't as swift since it dipped into the pool, causing a splash and harsh ripples. I used my right arm, which clung to the side of the pool, to push myself up back into a kneeling position.

I could hear the voices in the pool, screaming and yelling out at something I did. I killed someone without knowing. I don't know who I killed but I could be in a LOT of trouble. When my father introduced this pool to me, he also introduced the rules. The rules were unbreakable and the only things keeping Heaven and Hell apart. The angels didn't break the rules and neither did the demons. It was written that the demons of Hell could kill a certain number of mortals each year in order to maintain their thirst for chaos and the angels would be a little gentler with the requirements to enter Heaven's pearly gates. Basically, the demons get to kill and the angels get some souls but the killings had to be done discreetly; the man I killed earlier was middle-aged and a heart attack was likely, no one would suspect that Hell was behind it but the mortal I killed moments ago…I might have just risked the existence of Hell. Shit.

I let out a sigh and lay on the ground. I screwed up big time. I stared at the ceiling, thinking. I finally concluded that I might as well scare the shit out of our new guest, assuming, he or she was a sinner in their lifetime. Yes, it was a little pathetic that my new focus was scaring someone but if I was going to be grounded for eternity, I might as well enjoy my last moments of freedom. I stood up, brushed myself off and started a brisk walk to the 'lobby'. If this was going to be my last scare while I was free from eternal punishment, I might as well go all out.

I guess I better explain the 'lobby' too, huh? The lobby is essentially the biggest chamber in Hell. All the souls appear in this one chamber, one at a time. Souls usually have a ten minute period between their death and actual arrival in Hell, giving the demon tons of time to ready themselves for the introduction of Hell. Although this job is usually done by my dad, he sometimes lets me do the dramatic introduction on more rushed days. Sorry, 'let'. It's going to be past tense now, after my little screw-up. Damien, why the fuck did you fuck up?

I ruffled my hair and closed my blood red eyes, I had to focus now. I used all my strength to create one of the fiercest beasts I could fabricate. Large pearl white fangs emerged from my lips and my already thin hands became skeletal. My large demonic wings ripped open new wounds in my back, its wingspan spread over fifteen feet. Blood stained the back of my shirt as my wings adjusted, my powers weren't yet 'settled in' as it were and transforming hurt like Hell. No pun intended. A long, stringy tail grew from my tail bone and whipped around violently. My eyes became black as night, the ruby colour was gone. My shadow split into several, surrounding me. The image I had created for myself would surely tip a sane man into madness, this was my last hurrah. I watched as the image of the mortal started to appear before my very eyes.

I realized that the mortal was not a man, but a teenager. The teenager wore an orange parka that veiled his mouth and revealed only his eyes and nose. I slowly lifted my bony hand and casually waved the shadows toward the boy. The dark demons surrounded him, rendering his sense of sight useless. The first step in scaring your prey was stealing their most valuable sense. I now approached to make my 'kill'.

"Mrrre phf tittmph mph." The boy's mumbled voice resonated off the chambers. I stood in front of him in disbelief. The teenager was looking directly at me, unaffected by the show I was putting on for him. He showed no signs of fear and oddly enough, he seemed bored.

I raised an eyebrow and moved so close to him that I smelled the shampoo in his hair. Unfortunately, the smell was anything but pleasant. It was sickly sweet and reeked of the discount brand. I stared at him through my black void-like eyes, I'll intimidate him. "Excuse me?"

The teenager rolled his eyes and pulled down his hood. "I said, are you shitting me?" I stared at him blankly. He was totally unfazed by efforts. "This is the best you have? Dude, at least Satan knew what he was doing." I opened my mouth, but no words came out. I was known to be more gruesome than my father and I've scared the bravest men until they were whimpering like children but this kid was different. I soon realized that my transformation was wasted on this teenage dirtbag and I let my demonic form fall apart. I reverted back into my normal teenager self and gave the kid a death glare. The teenager took off his brown gloves and hastily stuffed them into his pocket. "So that's what you look like without the demonic shit…" He looked at me up and down. "Just as I thought." He looked at me dead in the eye and gave me a grin. "You're a fag."

Now that I was in my teenage form, I was able to concentrate on the boy's appearance. His blonde hair was dirty and looked as though he hadn't used a comb in years. His blue jeans looked as though they were ready to fall apart; I doubted that the boy bought them that way. His ocean blue eyes met my blood red eyes and I smirked. "I'm glad I killed you, from the look of your clothing, I don't think you'll be missed very much. I've ridded the world of one less homeless kid."

"So you're the one who killed me, huh? I should have figured as much from a flaming cat landing on me outside my house. Always blame it on Hell." The boy reached into his other pocket and pulled out a cigarette. With the cigarette secured between his lips, he leaned forward and lit it with a nearby flame. "I'm Kenny, South Park's resident pervert." He coughed a bit and laughed quietly. "I mean, player."

I didn't respond to him. I just stared at him, a flood of memories poured into my mind. I've seen him before. I know who he is. "You."

He looked at me in surprise. "Me?"

"You! You're that asshole from grade four!" I couldn't control my temper. I remembered the way his friends treated me, the way he made my experience in South Park unbearable. I'd sooner splash holy water on myself then relive that experience. I launched myself on him, pushing him to the cavern's walls. "I never thought I'd see you again. It makes sense now, you humiliated me in grade four and now you have humiliated me in my own territory."

Kenny grabbed my hands, trying to push me away but he failed to break the steel grip I had on him. He instead moved his hand to his mouth, took a puff of his cigarette and held it in his left hand. "Hang on, dude." He blew out a ring of smoke, his expression turned into that of a concentrated pupil's. He then closed his eyes and gave a slow nod. "I think I remember now. Mr. Garrison's class, right? Oh man, my friends and I loved to make fun of you." He chuckled and took another puff. "Actually, if you were in our class right now, I'm sure the same scenario would play out." I pushed him harder against the wall, making him wince. "It's not my fault you look like a faggy goth kid."

I brought my face extremely close to his. "I'm going to make your experience here unforgettable. I'm going to make you rue the day that you ever met me." Kenny wet his lips and gave a nervous chuckle. Was it just me or did Kenny like being in this close proximity?

"Hey, you turned me into a fucking duck billed platypus. Did you expect me to treat you nicely back then?"

I narrowed my ruby eyes and gripped his jacket collar tighter. "I'm going to make sure you suffer in here. By the time I'm finished with you, you'll be begging me to stop." Kenny gave me a cheeky grin. I spoke through gritted teeth. "I didn't mean it like that." Pervert.

"Alright but you only have, like, twenty four hours to do it." Kenny read my expression and smiled. "I think your dad failed to mention me. See, I have this deal with him. Back in fourth grade," He gave me a wink at the mention of that accursed grade and continued. "There was a war that broke out and I did a couple of heroic acts for the world and yada ya, all that bullshit. Anyway, we made a deal that whenever I die, I'll 'come' back in twenty four hours. It's sort of a little secret him and I share." He was teasing me, even when he had his back against a stone wall; he had the nerve to tease the son of Satan. What the fuck was wrong with this kid?

"Wait, how many times have you died?" I felt a shred of hope arise in the pit of my stomach. I might be out of this whole situation scot-free.

Kenny couldn't contain his laugher. "Dude, I die every other day. My friends have become so accustomed to it that they act as if it's a daily routine." He took a long inhale of smoke and blew smoke rings into my face.

I released my hold on him. His death didn't break any rules. I didn't send Heaven and Hell into an all-out war. Since Kenny dies on a regular basis, nobody will think that Hell can control lives on Earth. I turned my back to the blonde and gave a sigh of relief. Kenny came up behind me and patted it me on the back. "It's okay. I forgive you."

I brought my hands to the sides of my head, slowly massaging my temples. "You…forgive…me." I basically snarled at him. I said the three words so calmly, I scared myself. I now knew why Dad kept sending this kid back to Earth; he'd be a pain to keep. "I will never forgive you for what happened in grade four."

Kenny dropped the cigarette and put out the flame with his foot. Unnecessary. "I know." He said it solemnly and for a half a second, I felt the urge to wheel around and forgive him. Only for a half a second. "I'll make it up to you."

I gave him a quick glance behind my back before turning my head away. My curiosity was, unfortunately, my downfall. "How?" I mumbled, barely auditable.

Kenny walked in front of me and grabbed me gently on the shoulders. "Seeing as you're the one in charge of welcoming souls to Hell, I assume your dad's busy. I'll hang out with you until I have to go." He saw my un-amused expression and gave a small smile. "I know you don't want to hang out with me but we're both teenage boys. I'm sure we'll find some common ground. What's your name again?"

I regarded the boy's state. He certainly looked like he was being sincere but I couldn't let my guard down. His sapphire eyes were full of such hope and promise I forgot I was looking into the eyes of a perverted asshole. Fine, I'll give him a chance. "Damien. My name is Damien."

+.+.+.+.+

After countless hours of spending some quality boy time with Kenny, I eventually decided that taking him to my bedroom was the safest bet. I had various electronics at my disposal for amusement purposes and I secretly hoped that Kenny would become jealous of my belongings. I didn't know how much longer he had in Hell but I still had to keep an eye on him. I lay down on my bed and watched as he entered my room. His blue eyes grew wide with amazement as he entered my chamber.

My room was that of any other teenager's: band posters, a poster of Jesus at the cross (a dartboard), a state-of-the-art computer with high speed Internet (given to me after Bill Gates sold his soul to my father in exchange for the Apple company), a king sized bed, a black shag carpet (don't ask), candles…you know, typical teenager stuff. "Dude, you're room is ridiculous." Kenny walked over to the computer and started to press a few keys on the keyboard.

I propped myself up on my elbows and cocked my head. "What are you doing?"

Kenny didn't answer but instead continued to type away. He typed for a few more seconds before he stopped, let out a shrill 'Woohoo' noise and bring his hands to his face. I stared at the scene before me, I was unable to compute what just happened. Kenny noticed me staring and laughed sheepishly. "Sorry, do you have a tissue I could use?" I shook my head. Tissue would be burned in a matter of seconds, stupid teenager. "I'll be right back." He ran out the room in a blink of an eye. I stood up and looked at the monitor.

A large-breasted blonde woman stared back at me. She wore a skimpy outfit with a corset that emphasized her breasts. She held a red lollipop to her mouth, as if to tempt someone and was posed in a provocative position. I raised my eyebrow and shut the web page down.

Kenny returned as soon as I finished closing the window. He gave me a large grin and nudged me slightly. "Sorry, dude. I couldn't resist. Back home, I have to rely on XXX magazines from under my dad's bed. I had to sneak a peek once I realized you had access to…boobs…" He started to drool from the mere mention of it. "What did you think of her? Personally, I thought her boobs were big enough but her outfit could have showed a little 'more'."

I rolled my eyes at the blonde. "I wasn't attracted to her." I crossed my arms and sat down in the computer chair.

Kenny gasped as though I had just said that I was an alien. "You weren't?" He paused for a moment before suddenly having a glint in his eye. "You're not gay, are you?"

"What? NO!" I narrowed my eyes and punched him in the arm. Was I gay? I hadn't really thought about it before. It hadn't even occurred to me that I seemed to have a general dislike for the female body in general. Weren't all straight kids like that? My mind raced at the new thoughts that invaded my mind. No, I'm not a homosexual. My dad is, but I'm not. I'm not like my father in that aspect am, I? "I don't think I am." I murmured to myself.

Kenny chuckled and leaned forward, putting his lands on the computer chair's arms. "Let me try something." He leaned further forward until his lips were right next to my ear. "Damien…I need you…Kiss me." He whispered in my ear like one would whisper to a lover. I felt my face flush at the idea of having this blonde teenager say such things to me. No one has ever flirted with me before.

The way Kenny was saying name was distracting, I felt my skin get hot as I felt his sweet breath on my ear. "Damien…Please." He was basically begging me to kiss him. I gulped and instantly felt uncomfortable. Kenny leaned back until I was staring at him, his charred face looking at my own pale face. He placed both hands on either side of my head and the gap between our lips closed rapidly. When his lips met mine, I didn't know how to react. He tasted of ash and cigarettes but I didn't mind. The way his lips molded against mine was indescribable. I closed my eyes slowly as I soon became consumed by his kiss. My hands found their way to the back of the blonde's head, pushing him gently against me.

We pulled away for a mere moment. My breathing was at a shallow rate and my face felt as though it as hot as the flames within Hell. Kenny gave a quiet laugh. "Yeah, dude. You're definitely gay. You enjoyed that kiss a little too much." He walked over to my bed and lay down. "I hope you don't mind if I smoke in here. Who am I kidding? Of course, you won't." He pulled out another cigarette and lit it on my nightstand's candle. He glanced at the picture of my dad and me on my nightstand. "Cute picture." He brought the cigarette to his lips and inhaled with satisfaction.

My head was still spinning from the kiss. Nobody had ever kissed me like that before. As I blinked black the stars that kept flashing before my eyes, I turned my chair to face him. "Are you…are you…"

"Gay? No, dude." Kenny blew out more smoke rings. "I'm a strange case. I lean towards girls a little more but I have no problem kissing guys. It's sort of a seventy percent attraction to girls and thirty percent for guys." He inhaled the smoke and gave me a friendly smile. "I don't know if it matters anymore but I'm sorry for what I did in grade four. I shouldn't have treated you so poorly. I'm surprised that you turned out gay, you know, I thought that the way me and the guys treated you, you'd turn to girls for sure. I'm also fairly surprised that you let me kiss you, I thought you hated me the most back in grade four." He closed his eyes and let out a deep breath. "But again, I'm sorry for grade four. I deserved to be a duck billed platypus."

I stood up from my chair and walked to my bed, looking down at him. I lay down beside Kenny. He looked at me with a confused expression as I turned his head to face me, my head hovering inches away from his face. "Forgiven." I leaned in, bringing Kenny's face closer to mine, closing the gap between our lips just as he did a few minutes ago, but my lips found nothing.

To my horror, I realized that Kenny was disappearing. He noticed this too and looked at me in a sad, pitiful way. "Looks like I have to go. I had a lot of fun Damien. Time sure flies when you're in Hell." I reached out, my hands groping the air in hopes of magically bringing Kenny back to my bed. I could feel my eyes stinging with hints of salty tears as I watched my new friend slowly disintegrate in front of me. Kenny looked on sadly as tears ran down my face. He reached out with his quickly disappearing hand and put it on my cheek. How I yearned to feel it there, I moved my hand to try and keep his hand on my cheek.

"Don't go back to Earth…Please." My voice was cracking as I watched the blonde boy wave at me and my futile attempts of getting him back. "Kenny…" My voice disappeared just as he did. For the first time in over a hundred years, my eyes produced tears for someone else besides myself. I had made and lost a friend in the same day. I fell to the floor and stared.

I was going to kiss him back. I was going to show him that I felt a hint of affection when he kissed me. I wanted to prove to him that I wanted to desperately be part of that thirty percent of guys he's attracted to. A small hint of hope radiated from within. If Kenny died, he would return to me. Although tears stained my pale cheeks, a small smile played on my lips as I remembered his words. "Dude, I die every other day. My friends have become so accustomed to it that they act as if it's a daily routine."

It's only goodbye…for now.