Journaling my way through my divorce as I search the scripture

by VixieVamp

Just a journaling exercise I did. I'm getting ready to leave my husband and I was thinking of all the scriptures about marriage, divorce, adultery, and submission. The first part of the story is a dialogue between a Dom and sub that came into my head. It relates to how I wish I was treated. The Biblical emphasis on submission is very important to my identity as a submissive.

"I own you. Do you think that I would own something that was worthless." – unnamed male Dom character

"Even if I do have some worth, I'll never have enough to be worthy of you." -unnamed female sub character

"You, little one, are a priceless treasure of immeasurable value. I wish that you could catch even a glimpse of yourself through my eyes." – unnamed male Dom character

"Your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit….You are not your own, you were bought at a price"

1 Corinthians 6:19-20 – words of the Apostle Paul

I'm too impulsive, too disorganized, too sensitive, too broken, too traumatized, too prudish, too overweight. I have no sense of humor. I'm not responsible enough, not neat enough, not feminine enough, not submissive enough, not straight enough, not good enough.

"In my Father's house there are many rooms" Yet "No one comes to the Father, but through me." – words of Jesus

Which room do I enter? Am I a treasure, bought at the ultimate price, yet will I burn if I open the wrong door?

"All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God." – Romans 3:23 – words of the Apostle Paul

"But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart."

"But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery." – the words of Jesus, in the Book of Matthew, Chapter 5, regarding divorce and adultery

If all have fallen short, will I be forgiven for committing these sins?

"But I say unto you, That ye resist not evil: but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also".

"Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth".

"Suffer (let) the little children come unto me, for the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to such as these." – the words of Jesus in the Book of Matthew

I'm meek and I'm suffering for my submission

"A woman who brings honor to her husband is a crown of jewels upon his head, but a woman who dishonors her husband is a rottenness in his bones." -Proverbs 12:4, the words of King Solomon

I feel the rottenness sinking into my bones and the weight of this thorny crown the longer I wear these jewels upon my left hand.

"Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as unto the Lord…..Husbands love your wives as Christ loves his church."- Ephesians 5:22-25, the words of the Apostle Paul

I submit myself, but I don't feel loved.