Um, okay. I feel like a total hypocrite. I never read Buffy fanfiction, I bag on it, I hate it with all fiber of my being, I vowed never to write it, and...this happened. Wow. I'm sorry for being a hypocrite. Don't flay me, 'kay? Now, this story contains MAJOR spoilers if you haven't gotten to Season Six of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I'll say it again, but with underlines and italics and stuff.
IF YOU HAVE NOT WATCHED SEASON SIX OF BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER, DO NOT READ THIS. SPOILERS ARE AHEAD.
'Kay, I'll assume the rest of you are not spoiler-crazy weirdos. And if you are a spoiler-crazy weirdo reading this...I warned you, man. I. Warned. You.
Enjoy!
She could go with Giles. She and Giles could go off to England for as long as they wanted. He could try to teach her to contain her power for as long as he felt like, but she knew that it wasn't going to work. And she knew that he knew that she knew that it wasn't going to work. Yet, he proposed the idea.
"Willow," he said quietly, nine days after the incident ended, and four days after he'd been released from the hospital. "It may be prudent if we leave Sunnydale. I trust you wholly, don't think otherwise, but I believe if we hone your power, we may go somewhere with it." Willow had been in her room, which was where she had been since Xander stopped her from destroying the world, and had known Giles was coming. She looked up at him sadly.
"I don't know if I can, Giles," she began, and Giles looked like he would say something, so she quickly continued, "Wait. I need you to listen, okay?" He nodded, and she sat up on her bed.
"When I…when it happened, I felt so lost. Like, there was something so huge and evil and dark and scary and it wanted to eat me up. Then, it did. And I knew what I was doing, but I just felt grief. The scariest, most evil grief that I could experience, really. And…" Her eyes began to water. "And now she's gone. By the hands of someone who tried to kill Buffy. And I just…I don't…I can't hone what's impossible to even mildly get a grip on. That dark power…it's in me now, Giles." Giles came into her room and shut the door.
"Willow, you tried to destroy the world. The dark power was always with you, building up to what was released the other night. The moment you did your first spell, the power's darkness began," Giles told her. Willow looked up, feeling offended.
"You think I'm evil, Giles?" she asked. "I'm not!"
"Of course you aren't evil. I would never imply that. But what you did, what you can do…I understand that you are grieving. I don't merely understand; I experienced it." Willow stared down, knowing Jenny Calendar's death was something Giles wasn't planning on getting over. Ever. "As I was saying, you now have the power and the means to do quite literally anything. And after the past year, I'm beginning to wonder if you can handle it alone. I am more than willing to assist your ascend back to the light." Willow smiled miserably.
"I know, Giles. But this isn't high school anymore. I'm not a little girl with a cutesy boyfriend who likes floating pencils. I'm an adult now. I've made decisions, though some weren't as adult-like as others, and I have to live with them. You above all should know that once you've ventured into the black area, the white is impossible to achieve again. I'll forever be gray," Willow said, her smile at once disappearing. Giles nodded knowingly.
"We're all in the 'gray,'—as you say—Willow. Some shades are lighter than others," Giles cryptically replied. Willow stared at him, as he spoke again. "This is going to be excruciatingly difficult for the both of us," he tiredly said. She furrowed her brow.
"I didn't say yes," she told him. He looked at her inquiringly, and then Willow realized that his lips hadn't been moving as he "spoke." She'd accidently read his mind. She shut her eyes, knowing that the power she possessed was beyond out of her control. It was out of anyone's control, really. She had absolutely no idea how she would face anyone ever again.
"Willow, what in the world are you talking about?" Giles asked. She glanced at him, then the door. She knew she couldn't stay locked up in her best friend's house forever. Or was Buffy still her friend? After Xander had comforted her as she wept over her soul mate's death, Willow had quickly left him after a hurried thanks. She then realized that she had nowhere to go and reluctantly went back to Buffy's home, where she hadn't left. Giles had been the only one to speak to her, and brought her food, as he'd been around excessively after he finally got out of the hospital. To Willow, everything had come crashing down, and she'd just made things harder. But even if she hadn't gone dark and scary, she knew that at some point, everything would crash down anyway, maybe harder.
But Willow knew that that didn't excuse what she'd done. Nothing could excuse that. But she also knew that at some point, she'd have to face her friends. She couldn't hide away forever, otherwise she would go insane and evil again. She didn't know how to face her friends, though. It would be extremely difficult.
Then, she had another thought. What if she didn't have to? What if she just ran off for a bit, blew off a little magical steam? Would it really be too bad? She immediately stood, and by the look on his face, Giles knew she was leaving. He was about to speak (probably to stop her), but she held up a hand and he flew against the wall, landing easily, though, because she didn't want to hurt him. She then purposefully walked out for the first time in nine days and down the stairs. She saw Buffy with Dawn in the living room as they were talking about weapons. (Apparently, since the almost-apocalypse, Buffy had decided to teach Dawn a bit of self-defense.)
"Dawn, a stake is a Slayer's best friend. Now, it's yours. See, when you—" she was saying, and stopped when she saw Willow. She and Dawn both stood, as if to say something, but Willow just walked out the door. She stood outside, looked around, and took off in a run.
She just kept running, faster and faster, farther and farther. As she began getting tired and going slower, she curled her hands into fists, a deep buttery glow illuminating the fists. She immediately was running faster and harder.
Willow didn't know how much time had passed. But she knew she had left Sunnydale a while ago. She was going faster than any car could, way faster than a Slayer could. Though she knew she could use a bit of magic and go as fast as she wanted, she didn't want to do any spell too many times. She'd already used magic twice that day. Slowing down to a walk, Willow looked around for any sign of where she was. She was on a fairly deserted road, but she still had no idea where. Only the occasional car passed, and she wasn't sure how to even attract the attention of one.
But it felt nice, having something to do. As if everything was slightly normal. Though it most certainly wasn't, being able to worry about something trite and unnecessary was nice. Willow hadn't been able to do that for a long time.
Finally though, after about twenty minutes of a car not passing, she kept walking. Although it would've been easier to use magic to keep her running, and every part of her body was urging her to, Willow refused. She kept trekking, few cars passing by.
In the distance, Willow saw a small establishment, and picked up her pace a bit. As she got closer, she realized it was a little diner. She was feeling hungry after running and walking so much, anyway, so she checked her pockets for money. Finding none, she sighed and stopped, dropping down to the edge of the road. She knew that if she kept going, she'd arrive at the diner and somehow use magic to get food. So, instead, she decided to think about any other way she could get money for food or food itself.
Considering the fact that Willow wasn't a thief—and magic was out of the question—there wasn't much else for her to do. She got up to turn around and head home (which would take quite a bit of time), but saw a van drive up the road. She noticed the driver inside was someone she recognized and knew very well. She wasn't sure if she should ignore it or wave, but it didn't matter, because the van slowed, and stopped, right in the middle of the road.
"Willow?"
She nodded carefully. "Hi, Oz."
"Hey." Willow felt awkward now, wishing he hadn't stopped. This wasn't a good time to catch up.
"What brings you to…wherever we are?" she asked politely.
"Nevada," Oz offered. Willow furrowed her brow. She'd ran that far?
"Oh. How far into the state? Border?" she wondered, just to make sure.
"You know, I'm not exactly an expert on these kinds of things, but when someone travels someplace, they tend to know where they're traveling," Oz joked. Willow offered a little smile.
"I was kinda being serious," she told him.
"Oh. Well, near Las Vegas, I think," he answered. She nodded again once.
"Thanks." There was an awkward silence, so she got ready to back away. "Well, I'll just be…"
"Hold up." She stopped her backing up reluctantly.
"Yeah?"
"You lost?"
She shrugged. "Kinda."
"Wanna hitch a ride?" Willow looked to the direction of the diner, opening her mouth and closing it a few times, much like a fish, so he continued. "Just to…wherever you're going."
"I was just, um, heading to that diner. Over there. Not far. I don't…I don't need a ride," she replied quickly, indicating the restaurant.
"But you, uh, didn't even know where you are," Oz brought up. She smiled, looking down, then back up.
"Yeah," she agreed. "But, uh, now I do! So, uh, I'll just head over there, then. Nice to, um…nice to see you again." She offered a tight smile, and began walking to the diner. She heard the van start up and crawl along the road. She turned and saw him at a snail's pace, driving alongside her.
"You going there, too?" she asked, trying to sound cheerful. Honestly, she'd just wanted to go home, mope and grieve a little, avoid her friends, listen to Giles' speeches, anything but talk to her ex, really.
Then again, he wasn't just her ex. She still really loved Oz. Just not as a boyfriend.
"I could eat," he replied. Willow nodded once awkwardly and they didn't say anything.
"Well…about that offer before…" she said, and Oz looked over at her, somewhat hopefully. "Though I usually don't climb into dark vans with strangers, you're not a stranger, and I guess I'd rather not walk to the diner if there's another choice." Oz nodded, unlocking the van. Willow went around and got in, shutting the van's door behind her. They sat in silence for a bit.
"You gonna…?" she asked, pointing to the steering wheel. He looked over at her. He then pointedly looked away and began driving.
Naturally, the drive to the diner was roughly a minute, as it wasn't far. When they parked and got out, Willow noticed that he wasn't as short as when she'd last seen him. Could guys grow after high school? That didn't even make sense to her. Not that men did. A good reason that she switched to women.
But she knew where that line of thought would go if she let it, so she quickly stopped it and said to Oz, "Have you, uh…been here before?"
"Vegas? Just once."
"Well, this isn't technically Las Vegas, is it?"
"Technically? No. Not too technical myself, though." He looked straight ahead as he spoke. "You still into computers?"
They had entered the diner at this point and took seats at the bar. Though the diner was shabby, obviously very rundown, and dim, Willow felt comfortable. She wondered why.
"Computers are…fine," she replied, struggling not to tell the truth about magic.
"How 'bout magic? Last I saw you…" Oz stopped, then took a breath and continued. "You've always seemed in touch with your inner witchiness."
"Well…I…I don't know," she tried to smile. "Some, I guess…"
"'Scuse me?" a middle-aged woman in a classic diner-waitress get-up asked, smiling eagerly at Willow and Oz. "If you gonna eat, I could take ya orders?"
Willow awkwardly looked at her with an equally-uncomfortable smile. "I'm okay." Oz looked at her questioningly, and as he spoke, turned to the woman.
"Coke." He glanced back at Willow. "Two?" Willow stared at him, slightly shaking her head. Oz raised an eyebrow, so she smiled at the waitress again, this time trying to make it look genuine.
"Water, please." The waitress nodded vigorously and hurried off. Willow turned to Oz. "I'm not…I don't need anything. I don't really have money right now, either." Oz closed his eyes for a moment, nodding knowingly.
"On me."
She smiled, looking down, thankful for his generosity. She then looked back up to change the subject, in case their conversation was to get at all emotional. "So, um, why are you down here?"
"Gig," he replied. "Carson City."
"You still play in Dingoes?" Willow smiled, thinking of high school. Such a simpler time, when all she worried about was…well, giant snakes killing her family and friends.
So maybe it wasn't much simpler.
"Been hanging in Tibet for a while, actually. We Dingoes broke up a while back. I was just called to fill in," Oz answered. Willow's smile dissipated.
"Oh. Well…Tibet must be fun," she offered.
"Work. Hard, too. Sure wasn't high school."
"But…high school was literally hell."
"Touché." At that point, the waitress had delivered their drinks.
"You lovebirds want any eats?" she asked hopefully. Willow blushed profusely.
"He's not my…we're not…"
The waitress nodded knowingly. "I get it, hon. Not sure of you'ze relationship now? Got it, got it. Eats?"
"I'm good," Oz said. "Willow?"
Willow shook her head with a quick smile. When the waitress left, she looked at Oz. "Thought you were hungry."
"I could say the same about you," Oz retorted. She smiled carefully.
"I guess I walked into that one, huh?"
They sat in silence for a moment. "How's Sunnydale? Joint's jumpin' with demons?"
She shook her head, not even bothering to feign a smile. "No, everything's fine."
"Yeah?" Willow realized she'd replied too quickly and sighed.
"Stuff's happened," she replied.
"Bad?"
"Very bad." He nodded. Still, after over two years, he didn't say much.
"Thing is, I've been really interested in magic. Too interested," Willow quietly explained. Oz looked over at her, obviously listening. "You always did warn me about that. Guess I should learn to listen."
"Did something…happen?" Oz asked. Willow closed her eyes for a moment, then opened them back up and looked straight at Oz.
"I'm evil."
He furrowed his brow. "Yeah?"
"I killed a man and attempted to kill two more. I attacked my friends, almost killed Giles and Buffy, and tried to destroy the world." At this point, Willow was trying extremely hard not to cry. "I'm the most evil thing in the world."
"Weird," Oz simply said. Willow glared at him.
"'Weird'? I almost killed everyone and you say 'weird'?"
"Thing is, Willow," Oz explained, "you're Willow. And even if you're evil and killer and stuff, you're Willow. Whether you're fuzzy-pink-sweater Willow or crazy-scary-evil-witchy Willow, you're pretty much you."
Tears began to streak Willow's cheeks. "Why does everyone say that?"
"It's true."
"B-But I killed! And tried to kill! I-I…" She stared down at the counter. "I should go." She quickly stood and hurriedly walked out. She heard someone follow her, so she picked up her pace.
"Willow, hold up," Oz tried to stop her. She did stop and dropped to the side of the road, putting her head on her knees. She heard Oz sit next to her.
"Something else happened?" he gently asked. She knew he would be okay without an answer; she could feel it. But she felt that if she didn't say it now, she wouldn't ever say it. If she couldn't say it to Oz, she couldn't say it to anyone.
"Sh-sh-she's d…d-dead," Willow mumbled. She peered out to see if Oz heard her. He had.
"Tara."
Willow could barely move, but attempted a nod. Oz looked down at the road. "I figured something like that." He looked back at Willow. "Gotta admit, going all evil? Scary. You? Not so much. Why are you here?"
Willow put her chin on her arms, which rested on her knees. She looked out at the road. "Why? Good question."
"You don't have to talk," he told her. She turned to look at him and her eyes began to well up. Here was Oz, the one person she'd trusted more than anyone in the world in high school and the beginning of college. She couldn't imagine loving anyone as much as she loved him at that time. Looking back, it felt so long ago. Like, a whole lifetime ago. Before Tara, before magic, before she realized the power contained. Before Buffy died, before Dawn showed up, before she became a lesbian. Oz was her old life. Her heart ached, and she realized just how much she'd actually missed him. Though Tara was her soul mate, Oz had been her rock. Her wolfy rock.
"I know," she whispered to him, and felt overcome with emotion. She looked down at the road and began sobbing uncontrollably. Tears flowed freely as she rocked back and forth, grief-stricken by everything that had happened. Killing people, trying to kill people, disappointing everyone…and the one person in the entire world who mattered the most being murdered horribly. It was such a random act. Though Warren didn't deserve to live, he'd been killed at her hands. The burden was impossible to bear.
Willow suddenly felt a hesitant hand around her shoulders. She immediately turned to Oz and leaned into him, weeping. After a few minutes of this, she pulled away, though her tears were far from ready to stop. She wiped her eyes, sniffing.
"Sorry, I'm just…"
"Yeah."
She smiled heartbreakingly. "Thanks." They sat in silence. Well, almost silence. Willow was sniffing and trying to not look like a drowned rat.
"I-I missed you," Willow told him, looking down. She looked over at him then. "I hope you know that."
"I missed you, too."
"You've helped me…so much. Not to be a cheese-monster, but…"
"Yeah." Willow slowly got up, Oz helping her. She didn't smile—it was too hard—but she hugged him. He held her tightly and they stood like that for a few moments. He pulled away first, but it was pretty gently; Willow appreciated that.
"Ride home?" he asked.
"I don't need that," she replied.
"But…"
"But you're wonderful. Thank you so much." She reached for his hand and held it easily.
"No problem." She let go of his hand.
"Van?" she asked. He nodded and they walked over. As Oz got into the driver's side, he looked over at her.
"Anything else?" he asked. She took a deep breath.
"I'm still waiting for you, Oz. Blue-haired and toothless, I'll be waiting." He smiled slightly.
"Blue-haired and toothless."
"Maybe white."
"Orange?"
"Just for you." He nodded at this.
"So, uh…" Willow awkwardly said, looking around. "Guess this is my cue to, um, say thanks, for the millionth time, and be gone with the wind."
"Didn't like that movie."
Willow spoke without thinking. "Me neither." A little, painful smile popped up on her face at this.
"I was surprised, seeing you. Weird, huh? But I'm glad I did," Oz said, looking at her straight in the eye. Willow knew she could never do that.
"I hope you have fun in Tibet," Willow lamely offered.
"I'll try."
Willow wasn't sure how far she could go with this, so she tossed something out. "I won't forget this. You've just been…I can't even describe it."
"There."
"Yeah. There. For me." She looked down, then up. "Thanks. That was the last one, for the record."
"I'm sorry, Willow. For everything. But…but I know you'll get better. Because you're Willow."
Willow smiled slightly, but this came with minimal pain. "And you will, too. With the wolfiness. Because…because you're Oz."
"See ya around, Will."
"Goodbye, Oz." He drove off into the night. Willow turned around, recharged from her talk with Oz. Though she didn't know if that would be the last time she ever saw him or not, she knew one thing. Running away wasn't an option.
It was time to face the consequences.
Ahhhhh. Breath of relief. My first Buffy fanfiction. Just a one-shot. Not exactly fluffy, but definitely isn't too deep, dark, and emotional. Oz and Wills. Love that couple. Splashed a little Tarow (Tara and Willow) for all of ya'll. Any Kennedy fans out there? You ain't gettin' crap from me.
*Exclusively by OwlCityForever*
