A/N: So I haven't written in quite a while, mostly because my work load has been really bad, but I have decided to write again, and I have also decided to give Twilight fan fiction a shot, something new for me. I am sure this song has been used in this context before, but I really couldn't find any, so I decided to write one. This song by Taylor Swift is like perfect for right after Edward leaves Bella in New Moon. So read and enjoy and review and tell me what you think of it.
Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight (that belongs to the awesome Stephanie Meyer) and I don't own the song Breathe either ( that belongs to the talented Taylor Swift)
Breathe
I see your face in my mind as I drive away,
Cause none of us though it was gonna end this way.
People are people
And sometimes we change our minds.
But it's killing me to see you go after all this time.
Edward slid into his Volvo and tried to catch his breath. How could he do that? How could she believe him? He shook his head, he couldn't think of it right now or else he might jump out of the car, run to her and wrap his arms around her and confess just how much he truly loved her and how he hadn't meant those terrible words he said.
But he couldn't do that, this all was for the best; he just had to keep telling himself that. So he turned the key and slammed on the gas, the faster he went the faster he could leave that terrible, broken face behind him. The face of his beloved, twisted in anguish and despair and confusion. Emotion he never wanted to be responsible for putting on her face. But he knew he had to, but he also knew that no matter how far or fast he drove that image would never leave his mind.
He choked back sobs, sobs that if he were human would be accompanied by the flowing of tears. He pounded the wheel and growled at the night. It wasn't suppose to end this way, he had such high hopes for them; everyone did (well except for Rosalie). Everyone believed he could do this, that he could love and cherish Bella and still protect her.
But everyone was wrong, the "incident", (as he now called it) had shown them that. He could control himself, but he could only control the world around him so much and that was obviously not enough. So he changed his mind and decided this was the best idea, the best thing for Bella, she would be safe and hopefully one day happy. But leaving her like that, telling her good bye killed him completely. There was nothing left of him anymore, just a shell, a shell of what he could have potentially been but that was now lost forever.
Music starts playin' like the end of a sad movie
Its kinda ending you don't really wanna see
Cause it's tragedy and it'll only bring you down
Now I don't know what to be without you around.
To try to get his mind off of Bella, off of the tender heart he had broken, off of those shocked and confused eyes, he flipped on the radio. Out came a slow, melancholy song. He had no idea what it was called or who wrote it, but he knew it belonged here in this moment.
It was a song that would only play at the end of a tragedy, a heart wrenching tragedy. And that was what this moment was, the end of a tragedy. He had totally taken Bella's heart, mangled it and now there was nothing he could do to fix any it.
As he drove, he wondered, what am I now? He couldn't go be with the rest of his family, he knew that. He couldn't let Esme see the shell he had become, he couldn't break another heart. He couldn't face the concern and sorrow etched in everyone's face. But without them and without Bella, who or what was he?
Before Bella he hadn't been completely whole, but he had been whole enough to function, to live contently. But now? Now he had no idea what he was or where he was going. Maybe he should just become the monster; he knew he truly was; because only a monster would hurt someone as innocent and perfect as Bella.
But he knew in his dead and still heart that he couldn't go off and kill, to be like all the other vampires out there. He couldn't disappoint Carlisle like that, and he couldn't take the guilt. But he did have to do something, go somewhere, somewhere far, far away.
And you know it's never simple
Never easy
Never a clean break, no one here to save me
You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand
And I can't
Breathe
Without you
But I have to,
Breathe
Without you,
But I have to.
This was so much harder then he thought it would be. He told himself that this would be a clean break, simple. He would say the words, she would argue some and that would the end of it. That's why he had sent the family away; he didn't want anything else to complicate this disaster.
But, God was he wrong, so wrong. This was as far from a clean break as possible. He had cleanly broken his heart and left it there at her feet, but her heart he had mangled. And now he was done, his heart was gone and there as no one left to help him pick up the pieces. He didn't want help truthfully. He didn't want someone else to put him back together; what he wanted was to be broken as long as he was without her.
There was only one person who could fix him, save him and she was long gone. He had left her broken on the forest floor, and nothing could ever fix that. He had destroyed the one person that he totally understood, the one person who didn't see him as a monster, who saw him as her own personal angel. But he had turned that vision, that comparison all around, he was a monster now and everything he had ever wanted was gone, long gone.
He shook his head, he had to stop thinking about this, and cause if he didn't he would never be able to move on. But he couldn't stop the choked sobs that escaped his lips. He tried to catch his breath but he couldn't. He knew technically that he didn't have to breathe, but they always did just out of comfort. But now he couldn't even fake it. He couldn't draw a pretend breath, couldn't make that discomfort go away. Maybe that's what he deserved, for destroying Bella's heart, maybe this discomfort and pain were everything he deserved and more.
Never wanted this, never wanna see you hurt
Every little bump in the road I tried to swerve
But people are people
And sometimes it doesn't work out
Nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall out
He never wanted this for them. He wanted so badly to just be with her to her last breath. But he was wrong, this… this love between a monster and an angel just wasn't meant to be, it just was so terribly wrong that it had to be stopped.
He did everything in his power to prevent something like the "incident" from occurring. He hunted much more frequently than normal and made his family do the same. He took so many precautions and tried to avoid all the temptations. But his efforts weren't enough, she was still in danger. Disaster still found her, all because of him.
But that's how the world worked, he knew that. He knew that sometimes two people just aren't meant to be, no matter how badly they want to be. They both were going to be broken for a while, that was inevitable; but some day she would heal and hopefully he would too.
It's two a.m.
Feelin' like I just lost a friend
Hope you know it's not easy
Easy for me
It's two a.m.
Feelin' like I just lost a friend
Hope you know this ain't easy
Easy for me
Edward glanced at his clock; it read two in the morning. He had been driving aimlessly for hours, only stopping for gas. But the feeling hadn't ebbed any, in fact the farther he got away the more intense his despair became. He knew he had lost more than the love of his life; he had lost his best friend as well. Sure the family had friends and acquaintances but none of them could ever compare to Bella.
He had lost his friend with false words, words she actually believed. He saw the look in her eyes and knew she believed him and that was what officially tore out his heart.
He had counted on her to beg, to not believe him even a little, but she didn't, she had believed every word. She had believed he didn't love her anymore, her eyes said that she thought this was easy for him. As he walked away from her, he wanted to scream and tell her exactly how terribly hard this really was for him. But he knew he couldn't, he knew he had to leave the love of his life and his best friend safely behind him.
And we know it's never simple
Never easy,
Never a clean break, no one here to save me
So Edward Cullen drove on into the night. Going over everything that he had done, feeling the hole in his chest grow. He knew if he got far enough away things would heal, in theory. So he drove knowing one day Bella's heart would heal and become whole again. As for him? Well he was permanently damaged and he really didn't think he could be or should be saved.
A/N: So there it is, I think it's pretty decent. Tell me what you think, review please. I love doing song fics, so I might do more with twilight, depending on the response I get. So review please and give me some feedback. Thanks!!!