Heyo. This is the first multi-chapter fanfic I've ever posted (I've written a lot more) so bear with me here. If I don't finish don't hate me too much. This fanfiction is kinda like Thirteen Reasons Why, but of course a lot different since it's Star Wars so uh, hang in there while reading this. This is gonna be hard to write, but here we go. Sorry the writing's bad.

I just realized this author's note makes no sense whatsoever. :)

Anakin knocked on Ahsoka's door. "Hey Snips?"

Ahsoka didn't answer, but Anakin could sense she was inside. "Snips?" He knocked a little louder.

"Ahsoka?!"

He pressed a button on her door's control panel and it opened automatically.

He couldn't see her at all, but she was there. He sensed her.

"Ahsoka?"

He cautiously walked in. Maybe she was asleep.

He walked over to her bed and pulled down the blanket a bit. She wasn't there.

"Ahsoka?"

"Go away!"

Anakin looked towards the voice to see Ahsoka under her desk. She was curled up with her hands over her lekku, sobbing and shaking madly. Her lekku were twitching every five seconds.

"Hey, what's going on?" Anakin sat down next to the distressed Togruta.

"Go away." She cried. She sounded like she had lost her voice.

"Where did you get those bruises?!" He asked, noticing black bruises on her collarbones, eyes, neck, lekku, and cheek. "What the hell?..."

Ahsoka's breathing became heavy when Anakin's hand found her back.

"Let's go to the med bay. You need to calm down." Anakin was getting really worried.

She shook her head, letting tears run freely down her face.

"Come on Ahsoka, please. We can get those bruises looked at and- and- I don't know Ahsoka. You're scaring me."

She looked at him for the first time since he came in her room. Her eyes were full of fear.

"Just leave me alone!"

Anakin shook his head. "Not until you're better." A worried tear rolled down his cheek. "Please just come on out from under your desk. Come out, come out Ahsoka please."

All he got in response was Ahsoka's loud gasps as she started to hyperventilate.

Anakin didn't know what to do.

"It's okay, it's okay! Try to slow down. Breathe with your stomach." She didn't listen.

Ahsoka coughed deeply as more and more tears escaped her eyes. "Leave me alone!"

Anakin shook his head. "Look Snips, whatever's going on we've got this. We can get through it! I promise. Ahsoka just come with me. We can fix this. We can- we can-"

Ahsoka hid her face with her arms and continued to take heavy breaths.

Anakin rubbed her back and held her hand. "Snips, look at me."

Ahsoka looked up, still gasping uncontrollably. "Focus on my face. Don't think about anything else. Look at my eyes, nose, eyebrows, jaw, mouth, cheeks. Just focus on me, okay?" Anakin was trying desperately to distract her from whatever was going through her head. Ahsoka did as Anakin asked and her breathing slowly returned back to normal.

"There we go." Anakin whispered. Tears fell from Ahsoka's eyes faster than ever.

"Who's been hurting you? I know that you go off to a friend's house and you come back all bruised up."

Ahsoka stared at him.

She didn't know if she should tell him what had been bothering her. Who had been bothering her. She opened her mouth to speak when she realized what she had to do.

Ahsoka threw her arms around Anakin and started kissing him without warning.

He was taken aback by the gesture, but to her surprise started kissing her back. He tasted so good and his hands on her waist felt as if they were always meant to be there. Anakin moaned as Ahsoka let his tongue slip into her mouth. They had never realized it, but they had both been waiting for this for quite some time.

Ahsoka gently pushed Anakin to the floor by his shoulders and crawled on top of him. Their lips pushed against each other's. Their tongues intertwined with each other's.

Ahsoka quickly pulled away without reason. "Anakin I am so sorry. I shouldn't have-"

Anakin shook his head. "It's okay, Ahsoka. You didn't do anything wrong."

Ahsoka nodded. "I did. Just go!"

Anakin frowned. "I don't want to leave you so you can panic and pass out under your desk. Please just let me be here with you."

Ahsoka had had enough with not being listened to. It wasn't Anakin's fault but she became so angry. "JUST GET THE HELL OUT OF MY ROOM!"

Anakin bit his lip and started to stand up. "NOW!"

He rushed out, wondering why he was leaving her as he did.

Ahsoka continued to sob. No one ever listened to her.

••••••

Anakin hadn't talked to or seen his Padawan for two days after they kissed. On the third day he realized that he needed to make sure she was alright. So he did.

He walked to her quarters and when he opened the door-

"AHSOKA!"

Anakin ran to Ahsoka. She was laying on her floor in a pool of her own blood. "No, no, no, no, no, Ahsoka." He gasped.

Anakin fell to his knees beside her, shocked by the sight. He put two fingers against a vein in her cut up neck, getting blood all over his hand, and a hand on her chest.

He felt a pulse. He felt a heartbeat.

"Thank god you're alive. Thank god. Thank god." Anakin whispered.

"SOMEBODY GET HELP! H- HELP!" He screamed.

He turned back to Ahsoka and his heart sank. There was a knife in her hand.

He covered his mouth and started to sob. "Snips? Snips no."

Ahsoka moaned in pain, showing that she was conscious. "Ana-"

Anakin bit his lip and stared at her. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Snips. Just hold on. Hold on for me, okay?"

Anakin turned back to the door. "I NEED A MEDIC! GET HELP! PLEASE! PLEASE!" He bawled.

"Anak-"

Anakin turned back to his dying Padawan. "Good-"

Anakin shook his head. "No, shh shh shh. Don't say goodbye. This isn't goodbye."

Ahsoka squeezed her eyes shut and hissed in pain. "Goodbye."

And that's when she stopped breathing. "HELP! HELP!" Anakin screamed.

He placed his fingers back on her neck and begged for a pulse.

"Please don't go! Please, please don't go!"

But she was dead.

And when Obi-Wan ran into the room he was too late.

"AHSOKA!" Anakin wailed.

Obi-Wan stared at his former Padawan and covered his mouth with his hand. "Oh no."

He rushed towards them and checked Ahsoka's pulse, heartbeat, and checked to see if she was breathing. "She's-" Obi-Wan let tears escape his eyes. "Dead."

He didn't know what to do.

He called Cody on his comlink. "Cody, get some men in here. A commander is dead and we need to get her body out of here." He said shakily.

"Where are you, Sir?" Cody asked.

Obi-Wan stared at Anakin who was crying and screaming for Ahsoka to come back.

"Her quarters. Room sixty seven."

He hung up and bent down next to Anakin.

"What happened?"

Anakin didn't look at him. His eyes were on the blood covered Togruta in his arms. "She killed herself."

When Cody and his men came in with a stretcher, ready to carry Ahsoka out of her room, Anakin refused to let go of her.

Obi-Wan grabbed him by the arms and tried to pull him away. "Leave me alone Master!" Anakin cried.

"Anakin, she's gone. You have to let go."

Anakin let go of Ahsoka, setting her gently down on the ground.

"Snips," He sobbed.

Obi-Wan hugged his friend as Ahsoka was taken down the hall on the stretcher.

••••••

Anakin stood in front of her corpse, tears streaming down his face faster than ever. She was gone. She was actually gone.

He bit his lip and let out a shaky sob before starting the speech he was supposed to give. He hated funerals. He absolutely hated them.

"Ahsoka Tano came into my life four years ago. She left it last week."

He looked down at her body. It was covered by a white sheet, ready to be lowered into the ground. She didn't belong under the Temple. She belonged next to him. Alive.

"Even though I was her master she taught me more than I could ever teach her. She taught me to be a better person. And, and- I uhh." He took a long, shaky inhale of breath. "I loved her."

He wiped his tired tear filled eyes. He wanted to scream and drop down to his knees next to her. He wished that he was the one covered by the white cloth.

"I watched as war turned a happy girl into a tired warrior. I watched as a piece of her died after every battle. I tried to pick up the broken pieces but I couldn't. I couldn't save her."

His back shuttered. His jaw trembled. His eyes overflowed with tears. His heart was overcome with loss. "I found her alone in her room. She was covered in blood. W-with a knife in h-h-h-her hand. She took her own life because no one saw that she was hurting. And the people who did see didn't do anything about it."

Anakin clenched his hand into a fist. He hated death. He hated the way he was stuttering. "I don't know what I'm going to do without h-h-h-her. She gave my life purpose and now all it has is emptiness..."

He looked out into the crowd of people. Most of them barely knew Ahsoka. A few people never even met her. He shook his head. He didn't understand why they were there.

He let out another sob. "I'm sorry Ahsoka Tano. I failed you despite all you did for me. And I'm sorry that I need you here when you are in a better place."

Anakin just stood there frozen in place, sobbing his eyes out as Ahsoka was lowered into the ground.

The doors shut over her body and a ray of light shot up from her grave. Anakin's heart swelled with sadness and regret. He wanted her back the minute her heart stopped beating. He knew he hadn't done enough and he wasn't going to get a second chance. Ahsoka was dead.

"Goodbye Snips." Anakin cried.

He fell to his knees and covered his face in his hands. How was he supposed to wake up the next morning and not race her to the training room? How was he supposed to go on the battlefield without Commander Tano? How was he supposed to laugh without Snips? How was he supposed to live his life without Ahsoka Tano?

He felt hands on his trembling back. It was Obi-Wan.

Obi-Wan knelt down next to his former Padawan and wrapped his arms around his waist. He hugged him tightly and started to cry too.

"I'm so sorry."

Later that night Anakin slowly walked into Ahsoka's room. The council wanted to clean it out for someone else and it took Anakin two hours of arguing to make them keep it the way it was. He felt extremely lightheaded at the blood stains on the floor. He didn't want to know the blood used to belong to Ahsoka. He looked around.

There was her bed. It was all messy with sheets on the ground and blankets thrown everywhere.

He cried as he made her bed. He didn't know why he was making it look nice. Part of him wished that she would come back and need it again.

Once he was finished he looked to her nightstand. There was a glass of half drank water and a lamp on the top. He opened the drawer with shaky hands.

There was a small homemade book in it. Anakin picked it up and wondered if he was invading her privacy.

His shoulders dropped in dispear. Just like she didn't need her bed anymore, she wouldn't need her privacy. She was dead. Why would she care?

That type of thought made Anakin feel sick, but he opened a page nonetheless.

The book was made of lined paper pages stapled together. The first page said in big letters at the top, Read When Stressed. It was in her handwriting.

Anakin flipped through the book.

Read When Sad

Read When Angry

Read When You Feel Alone

Read When You Feel Like Dying

Read When Scared

Read When Hurt

Read When You Need Help

Read When You Are Happy

Anakin flipped to the Read When You Feel Like Dying page and read it aloud, wiping tears from his eyes every few seconds.

"Hey Ahsoka. I know things are really heavy right now and I know you are struggling. But you don't have to feel worthless. Think about all the people you've saved as while been a Jedi. You've saved thousands of them. All those people are here because of you. They are with their families and can live many more years because you protected them. Think about your friends. Anakin, Obi-Wan, Master Plo, Rex, and"

The next name was crossed out in black sharpie. Anakin didn't think much of it.

"They would go to the ends of the galaxy for you. And they have. You are so loved Ahsoka Tano. Even if you hate yourself for getting into this mess, nobody else blames you."

Anakin wiped tears from his eyes. He imagined her minutes before she died, rummaging through her nightstand drawer and pulling out the book.

He imagined that she knew exactly which page to flip to and didn't even need to think about what she was doing because she had done it so many times. He imagined her back shuttering and her eyes red and puffy from crying. She would read the message she wrote herself and realize that it wasn't enough to keep her alive. She would realize that nothing was. So she would take her spot on the floor and-

"Anakin,"

Anakin looked up to see Obi-Wan walking in behind him.

He set down the book and wiped tears from his eyes. "Anakin I was wondering if you wanted to take a while off from missions. The council said it would be alright as long as you get assignments done."

Anakin sighed. "Yeah, that'd be great."

Obi-Wan stared at his former Padawan. He looked horrible.

His eyes were red and puffy from crying and the lack of sleep he had been getting, his hair was a mess, his clothes were dirty, his shoulders were slumped, and his jaw was trembling. "You need anything?"

Anakin shook his head. "I kinda just want to be alone right now."

Obi-Wan nodded. "I get that... I'll- I'll umm-"

His voice started to crack as tears came to his eyes. "I'll go see... if uh Rex is okay. He seems really upset."

Anakin wished he could smile at him, but he didn't really know if he could.

"She loved you." Obi-Wan muttered. Then he left.

Anakin let out a sob.

He walked over to Ahsoka's desk and instantly felt like he was going to throw up.

That was where he found her hiding a few days before she died. She was crying and panicking for a while before she kissed him. He kissed her back. It was amazing, but did she kill herself because of it? No. No. A kiss couldn't have done that. But could it have?

He opened the desk drawer to see her art supplies and a journal. He picked up the journal and let out another sob. He didn't really know if he wanted to read it.

He sat down under the desk even though it hurt to be curled up like that and started to read aloud again.

"If you are reading this journal there are three things I need you to know.

1. I'm dead.

2. I owe you an apology.

3. You don't have to feel responsible for what I did because you aren't."

Anakin paused and let out another sob. He flipped through the pages seeing the entire journal was filled. She had been planning on killing herself long enough to write that entire journal.

He kept reading.

"Like I said, I owe you an apology. I'm so, so sorry you are reading this and I'm sorry that you've seen what you've seen and been through what you've been through because of me. I understand if you're angry. I understand if you hate me now and wish you never knew me in the first place. I understand that I'm not really worth being missed."

Anakin set down the journal and let himself sob as hard as he could. "No, no, Ahsoka." He cried. He knew that she couldn't hear him, but if she could-

"I miss you! I love you!" He let himself cry it out until he was able to read again.

"I wrote all of this to help you understand why I'm gone. A lot of this will be really hard to write, but I'll try to get through it."

So there's the first chapter. Sorry it sucked. :)