She took a seat at a bench in the closed down diner- it was a place she often went to to just sit and think and think and think...about everything really. She came here to think about math, or to think about her problems, or sometimes, just to be alone and just to, maybe, perhaps, cry. This was her safety place when she no longer wanted to be near her brother, or her family, or her friends. It was a place to just be her. To think. Alone.
One time though, someone followed her here after she had stormed out of school for the first time in years (when she was younger, she would run out of school quite often, depressed and sad for she didn't have a good home life) and they had asked something...she remembered it perfectly:
"Hey, Cat...What is this place?"
"Oh...Tori, I didn't know you followed me! Hahaha! You must be like Sherlock Holmes to have followed me all the way over here!" she had giggled.
"...Well when you put it that way it sounds creepy," Tori said, looking at her strangely. "Anyway, why did you storm out of school? And why come here of all places? It's all...you know...run-downy."
"Well I was on my way home because I remembered I forgot to give my brother his medications and then I saw this place and it made me sad because it's all pink inside, but all broken on the outside so I thought I should come in and see what was up..." she laughed. "It's all pink inside and look over there, Tori! They're skittles! Colors of the rainbow!" If Tori knew her well enough, she'd have known Cat was lying.
"Oh...if that's all then...I should get back to school. You, uh, you give your brother his medicine...I'll see you later Cat." And with that, Tori left, throwing one or two quizzical looks over her shoulder as she started to walk back to school.
Cat stopped laughing.
And that's how it happened.
Cat went and sat down at the bar, brushing a layer of dust off the pink countertop. It was an old candy shop, closed down in the 1900s perhaps.
She sighed and rested her head down, closing her eyes. Occasionally, she would come here to cry when she was feeling down, but she wouldn't today. She would be brave today.
"No more tears...No more tears..."
Another flashback hit her as she talked to herself:
"Cat. What's wrong with you!"
"I...I don't know what you mean, Andre?"
"There's blood! In your hair!" he cried, making those odd sounds he did when he had no idea what to say. "How'd that happen!"
"Oh..." She hadn't realized she had hit her head hard enough against the wall to draw blood and she couldn't have seen it (it was one of the reasons she had died her hair red- so no one would see the blood). She had just been frustrated and when she was frustrated, that was normally what she did. She had always seen her brother do it, and she picked it up after he told her that it makes the emotional pain go away like, poof.
"Doesn't that hurt! Oh, that's just so messed up Little Red!" Andre squealed.
Cat rubbed her eyes, tears starting to form (she was easy to make cry). She hated that word. Messed, messy, messed up, anything to do with mess. That's what Jade used to describe her. Mess. And then that look of shame would come.
"Oh no, Little Red! I, uh...I didn't mean to make you cry! Listen, uh, why don't you sit down here and I'll go get a washcloth or...or somethin'. I'll be right back."
She slid down against the wall and clutched her head, her eyes still misty.
Soon, Andre's footsteps echoed in the hallway and he looked down at her, surprised.
"You're still crying? Aw...come on now," he had said, kneeling down besides her and dabbing the blood off her forehead. "I hadn't meant what I said before...No more tears..."
Flashback end.
Cat let a small tear glide down her face and onto the dust. She didn't get why the world had to be so cruel to her. It's not like she was a bad person...No, she was just Cat with the hair of a red velvet cupcake. Did the world not like Cats? She didn't understand and it's not like it was because she was "dumb" or "ditzy" or anything even though people often thought of her that way. She just didn't know how a world could be so cruel.
Cruel. Relentless. Another scenario came to Cat and she felt a new wave of emotion hit her.
"Beck, stop it!" Jade screamed.
"Promise you won't hurt Tori with your scissors," Beck said, in all seriousness, holding the new black scissors out of her reach.
"But she deser-"
"Jade!"
"Ugh! Fine!" she said. "I promise I won't hurt Tori, now can I have my scissors back?"
"Good girl," Beck praised and gave the pointy object to Jade who grumbled in return.
"Can I get a thank you?" Beck asked, looking at his girlfriend lovingly.
Jade played with her scissors for a moment before giving him a quick peck on the check, but before she went back to twiddling with the scissors, Beck caught her head, tilted it up, and kissed her for, Cat noticed, a very long time. Long enough for her to grow impatient and step towards the couple from where she had been watching, waiting to ask Jade her question.
"Jade?"
She was ignored.
"Jadeeee?" she asked, drawing out the last part of her abrasive friend's name.
She was still ignored.
So she walked out, looking mildly upset, at least, before she overheard Tori, Andre, and Robby talking. They had been speculating on how Beck and Jade (though Jade had some sort of anger issues) made a good couple and the best of friends.
Cat looked down at her sparkly feet (she had rubbed glitter on them because she loved glittery things). Wasn't she Jade's best friend? The two girls had often talked, even if Jade did sometimes ignore her. Jade still needed Cat, right?
The flashback ended and Cat picked up her head, looking around at the abandoned shop, tears streaming freely down her face.
"No more tears...No more tears...No more tears!" she was tired of crying- tired of hurting. She was tired of pain.
Everyday was the same feelings, again and again and again! They hit like a tidal wave and left her high and dry- devoid of any emotion and sleepy. So she would go to sleep, only to wake up and put on a mask, put on a fun Cat, the one she knew everyone liked. The sad Cat...well no one liked her. They didn't want to hang out and talk with someone who wasn't fun. Wasn't fun all the time. And she didn't like to be sad all day either. So she pretended to be fun all the time when she was around others because, one, it was for the sake of herself, as well as for the sake of others. The only one who she had even dared showed her real self to was Jade. And Jade had run away which had sent Cat running to her hide out today.
Cat quickly recalled the painful interaction with Jade earlier that day:
"Hey, Jade?"
"What's up, Cat?"
"Can I tell you something?"
Jade took a long look at her and then sighed. "Fine, what is it?"
"I'm sad."
Jade moaned loudly. Cat knew she didn't like the touchy feely things girls usually talked about. "About what?" she finally asked.
"Everything. I feel tired. I don't like pretending all the time. Can I show you something?"
At this point, Jade was looking at her strangely. Cat was oddly out of character.
"What?"
Cat pulled up sleeve to reveal a small scar, only one, running up her arm.
Jade looked shocked. "What...What the hell, Cat?" she said, shaking her head, eyes widening in shock. "I gotta go. You're being really creepy." And with that, the almost to honest girl left.
The door shut quietly as Jade left, mumbling under her breath. Something about a mess.
And with that, there was no one left to help Cat.
Cat looked outside of the candy shop. It was starting to get late. The street lamps were turning on, except for one. One of them, the third one from the left, was flickering, like always. It was bound to go out soon, Cat knew that. She wondered vaguely if tonight would be the night.
Cat sighed and rubbed her eyes. Was there anyway to end this pain?
Suddenly, a thought burst into Cat's mind. There was a way to end this. She quickly scrambled to the drawer that hid the candy shop's utensils and grabbed a piece of silverware. There was a way after all. Just think, no more confusion. No more nothing!
But...no more nothing. Cat thought for a second. No more Jade, no more candy, no more friends. The more she thought about it, though, the less appealing it became, but still, wasn't it better than her life?
She looked outside again, wondering, what to do. Thinking.
And while she was thinking, the little light, the third from the left, flickered one last time, and then went out.