Paint Of Many Colours
I don't own Phineas and Ferb. Dan Povenmire and Jeff 'Swampy' Marsh do.
I do, however, own this version of Human!Perry.
Takes place after 'Platypus' Intuition'.
…
Perry frowned, the blood rushing to his head. Everything was upside-down to him, of course that was expected, since he was hanging from a rope tied to a plant. He'd walked into Doofenshmirtz's house, unknowingly stepping into the middle of the ring of rope; which tightened around his ankles, pulling him upside-down. Old, reliable traps…
"Ah, Perry the Platypus-" Doofenshmirtz began, coming out of the shadows; grinning evilly and wringing his hands together.
"Human. Perry the Human." Perry corrected.
Doofenshmirtz's grin fell, as did his hands. "Oh, be quiet! Would you let me finish? I have this whole thing planned out and what do you do? You ruin it!"
"Well, I wouldn't ruin it if-"
"Quiet!" Doofenshmirtz snapped. The scientist cleared his throat. Everything was simpler when Agent P was a platypus… "Now, on with my plan."
"Oh, boy…" Perry muttered.
"You remember when I said I used to paint? And I couldn't find any inspiration?" Doofenshmirtz asked the agent.
"Yes. You spent three days making your 'masterpiece' and went to show your brother, Roger, who accidentally spilled his food on it and ruined and you wanted revenge and vowed that Roger would pay and even got the vow notarized to prove your point. Some time ago, Roger recreated the painting, but you ruined it yourself."
Doofenshmirtz paused and stared. "Wow. You sure have a good memory, huh?"
Perry shrugged. "Yeah, kinda."
"Anyway," Doofenshmirtz began. "I have built," He did a dramatic pause. "The Paint-Inator!"
Perry blinked. "…Paint-Inator? That's really what you're going for?"
"I ran out of ideas, ok?" Doofenshmirtz replied. "I shall use my Paint-Inator- thank you very much- to blast a paint bomb over the entire Tri-State area! Therefore getting my revenge on Roger!"
"But…You're the one who ruined the painting…"
"Well…He ruined it first, ok? Just think, paint will cover the Tri-State Area! Cars won't be able to see traffic lights or road signs and no one will be able to see billboards for house insurance! Yes! I'm a genius!" Doofenshmirtz laughed.
Perry raised both eyebrows. For once, Doofenshmirtz had done something relatively evil. Not being able to see road signs or traffic lights would mean piles of traffic jams and road accidents. Plus, what would anyone do with house insurance?
"And you know the best part, Perry the Platypus? You'll be trapped here, hanging around, and won't be able to stop me!"
This time, Perry frowned. If that was what the scientist thought, then he was wrong. Perry always stopped Doofenshmirtz, whatever the Doctor was doing; whether it was creation an army of Perrys or putting little helmets on termites.
"See ya later, Perry the Platypus!" Doofenshmirtz called over his shoulder, running over to his hovercraft, where a mini cement mixer span around; mixing the paint. Doofenshmirtz jumped onto his hovercraft, and grabbed the controls. "Adios, Perry el Ornitorrinco!"
"Humano!" Perry called as the hovercraft flew off. He growled angrily. What was he to do? Perry pushed himself up, so that he bent like a U, and tried to untie himself. He swiped at the knot with his hands; trying to reach it, but could not. He sighed and allowed himself to flop back down. "Rats…"
An idea sprang into his head.
"My cheese spray!" He exclaimed and took off his hat. With any luck, that mouse still lived there… "Rats!" Perry repeated. "I left it in my lair!" He huffed and put his hat (which somehow managed to stay on his head, even if he was upside-down) back on.
What was he going to do? Doofenshmirtz was probably getting into the right position to cover the Tri-State Area in paint and Perry was stuck. Perry shut his eyes in concentration.
"No, Johnny, I mean it…No, I won't give you another chance! I already have a boyfriend…Yes, it's Perry…He is not!" A voice was yelling out in the corridor.
Perry's eyes snapped open. "Vanessa!" Just his luck that his girlfriend would be there. "It's her weekend…" He remembered, knowing that Vanessa got weekends with her father and weekdays with her mother. "Vanessa!" He called to her.
He heard her snap her phone shut. "Perry?" She asked. Vanessa Doofenshmirtz poked her head into the room and smiled at her boyfriend. "Perry!"
"Vanessa! Thank goodness!" Perry said in delight as Vanessa jogged over.
Vanessa looked at the trap he was in and frowned, then huffed. "Did my dad do this to you?"
"Nope. I just thought it'd be funny to tie my ankles to an unusually strong house plant…Yes, your dad did this to me!" Perry exclaimed sarcastically.
Vanessa crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow. Oh, boy, Perry was in trouble. "Excuse me?"
"I-I mean, uh…Yes, sweetie, your daddy did this to me…"
"I'm not a kid, Perry."
"I know. If you were, our relationship would be very awkward." Perry replied, making Vanessa smile in amusement. "Could you help me down? I can't reach the knot. Personally, I think it's because he's used a longer rope this time, so the knot is further up and-"
"In other words, you can't reach it because you're getting fat." Vanessa said.
Perry's expression became one of pure shock. "I am not getting fat! I'm in perfect condition!"
"The last time I saw you, you were laying on the sofa, eating chicken wings."
"But I wasn't the one who bought them!"
"You said to buy them."
Perry froze, frowning; unable to come up with a comeback. Finally, he settled with, "I'm not getting fat."
Vanessa giggled. An idea floated into her head. One she particularly liked. She smirked at him, her arms still crossed. "Sorry, Perry. I can't let you down."
"What?" Perry shrieked. "I have to stop your dad before he paints the whole Tri-State Area!"
"You didn't let me finish. I can't let you down until you pay."
"Pay? What do you mean-" But the agent didn't get to finish, as his girlfriend had placed her hands on his cheeks and pressed her lips to his in a kiss.
It, obviously, wasn't the first time they'd kissed, but it still took him by surprise. It wasn't exactly how Perry would've pictured a kiss: being tied to a plant, upside-down in your nemesis' lair. Still, it was better then no kiss at all. Perry smiled and slowly shut his eyes, kissing her. It was slow and gentle. Soon, they broke the kiss. "Ah," Perry muttered smoothly. "Pay." There was a pause. "You know, I don't think I've paid enough."
Vanessa rolled her eyes. "Perry."
"Can't blame a man for trying."
Vanessa smiled. "Now, I can let you down." The teenager walked over to her father's work desk and picked up the pair of scissors that sat on top. She walked back over, and Perry's eyes widened.
"No, no! Don't cut-" Too late. Vanessa opened the scissors and allowed the string holding Perry between the blades. Snip! Perry fell to the floor, landing in a heap. "-it."
"Are you ok?" Vanessa asked.
Realizing he was acting like a wimp in front of his love, Perry quickly stood up and placed a fist to his chest. "Yes, I'm fine."
Vanessa smiled as he turned to her with a smile of his own. She pursed her lips for another kiss, closing her eyes; but was only met by a rush of air. She opened her eyes and realized that Perry was no longer in front of her.
"Bye, Vanessa!"
Vanessa looked over to the balcony. Perry stood on the edge, looking at her. He turned so that her back was to him and spread his arms out, like a scarecrow's. Slowly, Perry began to fall; still as straight as an arrow. Vanessa gasped, seeing him fall, and quickly ran over; looking over the edge and seeing nothing but the street below. Vanessa raised her head and saw the agent's Perry-shaped hovercraft fly off in the direction of Doofenshmirtz.
Vanessa sighed, partly in relief. Thank goodness her Perry was ok, though she suspected he would be. He was always ok. He was, after all, Agent P.
…
Vanessa explored through the box of old inators her father kept. Surely, there was one working one in there that she could show to her mother; to prove her dad was evil. If her mother knew that he was evil, surely she'd make him stop. Without Doofenshmirtz's antics, Vanessa would no longer wake up to something exploding or the metallic clanking when her father built the inator. And no more Perry having to run off to stop her dad. She could spend time with him; cuddle on the sofa, sleep beneath the stars, eat ice cream together in the park-
Then, something occurred to her.
If Doofenshmirtz was no longer evil, and Perry no longer had a reason to fight him, wouldn't that mean Perry would have a different villain to fight? Would he be…relocated? He no longer lived with Phineas and Ferb, so…would he have to move? And if he did…then she'd never see him again. No more Perry. Vanessa saddened at the thought. Either she gave up her goal, or she gave up Perry.
She made her decision.
Vanessa pushed the box back underneath Doofenshmirtz's desk. She could live with her father's antics, but she wouldn't be happy if Perry was gone. Vanessa sighed.
"Hi, Vanessa."
Vanessa's head shot up. She looked over her shoulder and smiled. "Pe-" She stopped.
Perry stood behind her, covered head-to-toe in paint. Blue, red and pink covered his head; black, green and white covered his torso and orange, purple and yellow covered every other bit of him. Vanessa tried not to laugh. Perry's eyes became half-lidded. "Yes. I know I'm, quite literally, covered in paint of many colours."
Vanessa stood, still trying to contain her giggles. Seeing her boyfriend so…colourful was somewhat amusing to her. Her giggles burst out of her, unable to control herself.
Perry raised his eyebrows. "So, this is funny, is it?"
Vanessa placed a hand over her mouth, trying to regain her calm self, and nodded.
Perry still looked unimpressed and, actually, quite bored. "Do you know what I'm in the mood for after that mission?"
"…A shower to wash that off?"
"No. A hug."
Realization hit her like a ton of bricks and she stared at him, her giggles stopping. She began to back away. "Don't you dare, Perry…"
"Oh, but I want my hug." And, suddenly, he was running at her. Vanessa quickly ran away from him, laughing, despite her desire to get away from her paint-covered boyfriend.
"Perry, no!" She yelled to him through her laughter, but this did not slow Perry down. He laughed as well, excited to have his love in his arms.
Vanessa ran over to her dad's armchair and stood behind it, while Perry stood in front of it. "Come on, Vanessa, I want my hug."
"Perry, no. I'm serious."
"Me too." He moved to his left, and she moved to hers.
In a bout of energy, she sprinted away from him. The teenager heard his fast footsteps behind her and, suddenly, two, strong arms were around her waist; hoisting her up. Perry spun around with her, the, still wet, paint clinging to her back.
"Perry! Quit it!" Vanessa yelled, flailing in Perry's arms. "It's getting in my hair!"
"There's more in my hair then there is in yours." Perry said. He unwrapped one arm from her and placed it behind her knees. He lifted her, bridal style, into his arms and smiled. Vanessa tried to frown at him, but her smile fought back and stayed upon her face.
She poked him on the nose. "Jerk."
"You made fun of me." Perry shrugged. His brow creased as he looked at his suit. "This was my favourite suit…"
"Perry, you have, like, three of those suits."
"Not true. They're not all the same. One has a breast pocket, on had two pockets and one had no pockets whatsoever. This one was my favourite…"
Vanessa smiled. "It's about time you wore something different, though."
"But when you said, "Wear a different colour, other then teal or orange", I didn't think you meant this." Perry replied.
Vanessa laughed and wrapped her arms around his neck. Perry's smile widened, misreading this gesture, and pursed his lips, shutting his eyes, and waiting for her lips on his. However, his lips were met by something different. He opened his eyes.
Vanessa held an index finger to his lips. "Not while you're covered in paint."
"Oh, alright." Perry said in defeat. He placed her back on the ground, on her feet. "Where's the bathroom? I'll take a quick shower. Doofenshmirtz probably won't be back for awhile, anyway."
Vanessa's eyes widened.
Seeing this, Perry quickly added, "Oh, no. He's ok. See, he set off the paint bomb and I- being me- used myself to stop it hitting the city; that's why I'm covered in paint. That, and the fact that when I got on Doofenshmirtz's hovercraft, we had a paint fight with the remaining paint. I got paint into his eyes and we crashed somewhere in the suburbs. Luckily, my hovercraft still worked and I flew back here. He's fine. Nothing to worry about. He even cursed me, so he must be ok."
Vanessa smiled in relief. No matter how badly her father embarrassed her, she was glad he was ok. Of course. Perry wouldn't intentionally hurt Heinz. He was too much of a good guy for that.
"So, uh, where's the bathroom again?"
…
Perry panted in exhaustion and bent over, hands on his knees. Vanessa was far in front of him. "Come on, Perry! Keep up!"
Perry panted. "I'll be there in a minute!" He called to her. Vanessa jogged back over. This was perfect. She knew he'd be like this on this 'morning jog' she was taking him on. Perry clutched the fence beside him for support.
"Say it." Vanessa ordered, crossing her arms.
"Never." Perry replied.
"Say it. Or we'll run another mile."
"Ok! Fine!" Perry gave in. "I'm getting fat!"
Vanessa smiled and leaned down until they were eye level. "Good." She muttered, then kissed him.
A familiar tune played, a catchy, happy one. One that belonged to the ice cream truck.
Perry turned to it with a smile. "Ice cream!"
"No, Perry."
Perry groaned and slouched. Vanessa smiled and took his hand. "Come on."
"Ok…" Perry muttered, as Vanessa led him down the street. An idea struck him and he leaned over, pursing his lips, but she just frowned.
"And don't think you can kiss your way out of this one." Vanessa said, and Perry slouched again in defeat.
This was going to be a long day…
…
Author's note:
Apparently, people wanted me to write more Human!PerryxVanessa. Honestly, I don't mind. If you have a request, don't be shy to tell me. Just as long as it isn't M rated…Yeah…I don't write that.
And, to be honest, I was nervous about uploading the first story because of the pairing. I know how many FerbxVanessa fans there are and was a little nervous I'd get flamed for liking Vanessa with Perry. So thanks for the nice reviews.
Out of all the ways to kiss, in my opinion, Spiderman kiss (where one of the kissers is upside-down, like Perry was) is one of the cutest. And if there's one pairing I can imagine kissing like that, it's Human!PerryxVanessa. The idea of them kissing like that came to me awhile ago, but I couldn't think of a way they'd be like that. Then I watched an episode of Phineas and Ferb and remembered Doof saying about 'old, reliable traps', and that's where the idea of a tied-up Perry came from.
And the bit at the end? Just for amusement.
Hope you liked this!