This oneshot is written to be humorous, and is not intended to target or diss anyone. If anything, I'm poking fun at myself in this story—because, (time for confessions) I happen to like Snape/Hermione and Ron/Luna fics!

All is peaceful at the Burrow. Hermione, Ginny, and Harry are all seated around the fire. Ginny and Harry are sitting very close, just staring into the fire, while Hermione is staring at the screen of her Wizarding laptop. Ron enters the room, eating a sandwich.

Ron: Hey, Hermione, what are you reading this time? Please tell me it's not your e-book version of Hogwarts, A History, again?

Hermione: No, Ronald. I'm just reading a bit of fanfiction.

Harry throws her a confused glance.

Harry: What on earth is fanfiction?

Hermione gives him a superior look.

Hermione: You don't know? It's the stories people have written about us, you idiot.

Harry: People have written stories? About us?

Hermione: Oh, don't act so surprised. Honestly, Harry, sometimes you're completely oblivious to how famous you are.

She snickers.

Hermione: You should see some of the people they've got you paired with.

Harry: Wha… You mean, they don't put Ginny and I together?

Ginny looks outraged and her upper lip curls into a snarl.

Ginny: Lemme at 'em! I'll show those stupid thirteen-year-old fans what a real Bat-Bogey Hex looks like!

Ron snorts with laughter.

Harry: But… Who do they have me with, anyway?

Hermione: Oh, me, Luna, Cho, Parvati, Susan, Tonks, Bellatrix…

Harry: Lestrange?!

Hermione: That's not the worst of it. You should see the slash pairings…you and Ron, you and Malfoy, you and Sirius, you and Zabini, you and Lord Voldemort…

Harry looks like he's about to throw up. Ron is now convulsing in laughter at the very thought of Harry and Voldemort…together.

Hermione mercifully decides to stop there, thinking that if she tells Harry about the Harry/Dumbledore pairing, he might pass out. Or die of shock. Or start pounding his head against a wall.

Ginny: Merlin's Beard, Hermione, why do you even read that…trash?

Hermione: Oh, no…no, I don't read slash! I just picked up a few ideas of what the stories were about in the summaries.

Ginny looks relieved

Hermione: So, do you want to hear who they've put you with?

Ginny bites her lip nervously, but finally curiosity wins out and she nods.

Hermione: Well, for one thing, a bunch of people didn't like you after book six. They thought you were kind of a slut for having two boyfriends in two years and then breaking up with both of them.

Ginny is outraged.

Ginny: Michael was a prat! and Dean was the first one to suggest breaking up with me!

Her busy-haired friend sighs.

Hermione: I know, I know…tell it to the stupid people who are still mad that Harry and I didn't get together.

Ginny: So, who am I with?

Hermione: Usually Dean, Zabini, Smith, or Malfoy.

Ginny snorts

Ginny: I'd rather go out with the giant squid than that ferret.

Hermione: Yeah, that's what I said too.

Ginny: You?! They put Malfoy with you?!

Hermione sighs again.

Hermione: Unfortunately, yes… There are thousands of Dramione fics out there. It's revolting, but it's quite a few people's favorite pairing.

Ginny looks completely disgusted, but Hermione laughs.

Hermione: I was revolted at first, but now I just find the stories funny.

Ron: Hey!

Hermione glances affectionately at her boyfriend before continuing.

Hemione: Oh, Ron, of course I could never ever ever like a limy git like Malfoy, even if he was the last bloke one earth. I was just saying that the stories are amusing, that's all. I mean, those thirteen-year-olds have no idea what Malfoy is really like. They always portray him as a bittersweet, abused teen who only called me Mudblood because he was hopelessly in love with me. I think we can all rule that theory out, though, right?

Everyone nods.

Hemione: But even though it's completely impossible for Malfoy and I to get together, they still write these crazy scenarios—Malfoy and I wake up one morning and we're married; Malfoy and I fall in love when we're Head Girl and Boy together; Malfoy's parents are ordered by Voldemort to secure a Muggle-born witch for Malfoy to marry, because of some stupid blood disease that runs in purebloods, I get drunk and sleep with Malfoy on the night of Ron's wedding to someone else and five years later Malfoy shows up and wants the kid, Malfoy joins Harry, Ron, and I on the Horcrux hunt…

Ron does not find this humorous.

Ron: Malfoy's a git. He shouldn't have even survived the Battle of Hogwarts. Bloody coward…

He looks like he wants to murder Malfoy here and now. Fortunately, Ginny notices, and tries to change the subject.

Ginny: So, Hermione, who else do they put me with?

Hermione frowns, lost in thought.

Hermione: Um…Lupin is the only other one I can think of off the top of my head.

Ginny is flabbergasted that a thirteen-year-old would even dream of the possibility that she would fall in love with a teacher at least twenty years older than her. She is too shocked to do anything but sputter. Hermione pats her knee condolingly.

Hermione: Don't worry, you and Lupin isn't a very common pairing. It's more probable to find stories with me and Lupin together.

Harry begins to laugh at the mere absurdity of the idea.

Harry: You and Moony? No way.

Hermione: It's not too bad, actually, 'cause most of the stories have me going back in time and falling in love with Remus while he was at Hogwarts.

Harry: You mean when my parents were there? That's impossible! Even Dumbledore couldn't send people back that far in time.

Hermione: I know… It's physically impossible to travel more than a day or two back in time, even with the most sophisticated Time Turner.

Ginny is still looking damaged from the idea that she would ever date anyone who used to be her teacher.

Ginny: What kind of weirdo would pair students with teachers? Me and Lupin…honestly…

Hermione: Well, it's better than me and Snape.

All three: WHAT?!

Hermione rolls her eyes.

Hermione: Snape. S-N-A…

Harry: Hermione, we know how to spell his name. You'd better have a good explanation for why you end up with Snape.

Hermione: In the stories, Harry. Not in real life. And no, I don't have a good explanation! I thought I told you, it's the thirteen-year-olds…

Ginny: Actually, it's more likely the seventeen-year-olds who are in love with Alan Rickman.

Harry and Ron gape at her. Hermione is impressed.

Hermione: Ginny! How'd you know about him?

Ginny: Well, he plays Snape in the movies, doesn't he?

Ron and Harry: What movies?

Ginny: Honestly, Harry, you're so oblivious…

Harry: And you're starting to sound like Hermione. This is not a good thing. Ginny, are you feeling well? You just spouted off the name of a Muggle actor.

Ginny: A Muggle actor who just happens to play Severus Snape in the movies.

Hermione: How'd you watch the movies, Ginny?

Ginny: Dennis took me…no Harry, I'm not cheating on you; you were doing interviews with the Prophet and I was bored…I was friends with Colin and Dennis at Hogwarts, remember? Anyway, Dennis picked me up and we went to a Cinema for movie five…He took me to the other four too, when they came out a few years ago. Naturally he was very disappointed that Colin was left out of the fifth movie, but he's hoping Colin will get a nice death scene in movie seven, something like a tribute so we can all remember how brave he was at the Battle of Hogwarts.

They all fall into silence for a few minutes, remembering the brave who fell…

Ron: So…you were going to tell us how people ever got the idea you and that greasy git Snape would make a good couple?

Hermione: You just won't let it go, will you, Ronald? Fine. They think Snape's just misunderstood, and he's in love with me because I'm sensible and brilliant… Oh, and he always thinks I'm terribly beautiful and sexy in the stories…

Harry and Ron both choke on their glasses of Pumpkin juice. Ginny is muffling her giggles and failing miserably. Hermione shoots them all a glare that would freeze hell over.

Ron: No…That's not what I meant, 'Mione! You are beautiful and sexy and smart and…

Ginny loses it, and is now submerged in fits of laughter. Harry has finally caught his breath, but is gaping at both Ron and Hermione.

Hermione: Ronald, stop, before you say something you'll regret.

Ginny: So, Hermione, did you and Snape…well, do it?

Hermione smirks, thinking how fun it is to see Ron and Harry all worked up like this… She nods coolly.

Hermione: Oh yes, many times. You know, Ginny, in the stories, he's a very passionate man…

Ron and Harry both look like they'll pass out any minute. Ron's face has turned ten shades redder than his hair.

Ginny cocks one eyebrow.

Ginny: Kids?

Hermione: Yes, and they've all got bushy black hair, and they're in Slytherin, and they're geniuses at Potions…

Ron and Harry are choking.

Harry: Bad mental picture! Bad, bad, bad! Make it go away!

Hermione and Ginny exchange looks. Then both burst into uncontrollable laughter. Ron and Harry look incredulous.

Harry: It was all a joke?

Hermione sobers.

Hermione: Oh, no… Those stories do exist… I was just playing it all up a bit… It was funny, though, seeing you two freaking out.

Ron: Don't do it again!

Harry: You know, Hermione… for someone who's just read the summaries of fanfiction about you and Snape, you sure know a lot of details…

Hermione: Don't be draft, Harry, of course I read them! I thought they were amusing…at least good for a laugh…

Ron doesn't like this at all—in fact, he's growing redder by the second because of the disturbing fact that his girlfriend enjoys reading Hermione/Snape fanfiction… He pulls out his wand and points it at Hermione's laptop.

Ron: Avada Ke…

Hermione squeaks and knocks his wand from his hand.

Hermione: RON! Don't you dare blow my computer up!

Ron slumps back into the couch and crosses his arms, looking very sulky.

Ron: Bloody hell, Hermione, no bloke wants to hear his girlfriend talking lightly about stories of her and SNAPE together, in love, and having KIDS!

Hermione smiles sweetly up at him and moves closer.

Hermione: Awww… Ron… You're so sweet.

She moves in for a kiss. Harry and Ginny glance at each other in mutual agreement that it's time to go.

Harry: Um… We've got to get home…

Ginny: Yes, so, we'll just drop by later, OK?

Hermione breaks apart and looks up innocently.

Hermione: Oh, but didn't you two want to hear about the fanfiction authors' ideas of who Ronnikins should be with?

Ron stares at her. Harry and Ginny loose all thoughts of leaving.

Ginny: Tell us!

Hermione: Let me see… Most people think Ron and I are all wrong for each other—hence the Dracomione fics. They always put Ron with Parvati, Padma, Lavender, Cho, Mandy, Hannah, or Luna…

Ginny: Luna? Ron could never stand her!

Hermione snickers.

Hermione: Evidently many people thought that was a match made in heaven…

Ron is gaping at Hermione with a horrified look in his eyes, definitely the results of the preposterous idea that he and Luna could ever get together…

Hermione is immensely enjoying the reverse situation; now Ron's in the spotlight. She can't resist one last jab.

Hermione: Oh, but one of the best ones I read was Ron and Pansy Parkinson…

This is obviously too much for Ron, for Hermione hears a loud thunk, and she looks up to see Ron out cold on the floor. Hermione sighs.

Hermione: I guess it's a good thing I didn't tell him about that Ron/Minerva McGonagall fic I read last week…

Author's Note: This oneshot came to me last Saturday afternoon. I was at my grandparents' house, but all I could think of was purchasing DH that night. I sat in the corner and let the elderly people talk about their knee replacements and the days when they had to walk ten miles to school in the ice and snow… and I pulled out my journal and started writing down a detailed list of predictions for Deathly Hallows. As I was writing, I realized that most of my predictions were derived from fanfiction theories I'd read, and then I started wondering what it'd be like if the Trio ever read fanfiction. Hence, this oneshot. If you'd like another chapter, I might do one centered on their reactions to timetravel or alternate reality fics… or even better, the Harry-Potter-has-a-twin stories. Or the Hermione-is-Draco's-long-lost-sister fics.