When we woke up that morning we had no way of knowing
That in a matter of hours we'd change the way we were going
Where would I be now, where would I be now if we'd never met?
Would I be singing this song to someone else instead?

(Something Changed by Pulp)

I was not in love with Midorima. I knew it because my heart didn't race at all the moment I saw him approaching my shop wearing that well-known frown. A light cold breeze sneaked in when he opened the door. It was a cloudy Sunday afternoon and the first raindrops were falling on the sidewalks. Inside the coffee shop, the lights were on and the windows mirrored the interior. There were a few solitary customers at the bar and some college students who distractedly sipped their hot beverages as they went over their notes.

'You're making that face again, Shin-chan,' I said as I began preparing a cup of coffee.

'There's no helping it. They just won't understand,' Midorima sighed as he took a seat at the bar. 'It's starting to get out of control. We were just about to argue right in front of the costumers. I need to get out of there as soon as I can!'

'Don't you think maybe you're being too hard on your parents?'

'Me?! You clearly have no idea what is like to work with them! They won't give me a break! They don't even care about what I want.'

Midorima was the eldest son of the owners of a famous French restaurant in the district. He worked there almost every day after school. His parents had invested all their hopes and money in it, and they expected their son to run the business when they retired. Unfortunately, their heir had other things in mind and wasn't interested in being in charge of it. Of course, this didn't suit his parents very well, and they would often try to make him reconsider, which led to heated arguments, which led to him sulking at my coffee shop.

'So what do you want then?'

Midorima opened his mouth as if he had been waiting to answer that question, but closed it almost immediately.

I snorted.

'Oh my god! Are you serious?!'

'S-shut up!, 'he exclaimed as he adverted his gaze to the window. 'I'm doing all I can just as I always do, so I'll definitely figure it out.'

'But Cancer hasn't got any high ranks these days, has it?'

'As I told you, I'm doing all I can and as long as I have my lucky item, nothing can go wrong.'

I'd always thought Midorima was the weirdest man in the world. He was always carrying random objects to school. He called them his 'lucky items'. He also had his fingers taped, and carried out his routine with an almost religious diligence. Other people thought he was weird too, but for me he was an interesting kind of weird. The kind that piqued my curiosity and made me ask him what was that all about. I lost it at the answer. Oha Asa was the last thing I expected to hear. A serious and earnest young man, who firmly believed in the power of hard work and discipline, attributed his luck to the constellations? It was a laughing matter indeed, but I was fascinated.

'Yeah, yeah, whatever you say, Shin-chan. Here. Your favorite, isn't it?'

I placed a steaming cup of caffé latte in front of him along with a strawberry shortcake. Midorima's eyes couldn't help but gleam at such delicious sight. He grabbed the fork next to him, cut a little piece, and took it to his mouth making sure to chew it slowly to allow the flavor to impregnate his tongue. He smiled, pleased that it tasted just as it looked like. I smiled, too, relieved that his bad mood was finally gone.

Just like his parents, mine ran a similar business, but instead of a restaurant they owned a small coffee shop. It was not as famous as Midorima's restaurant, but it was quite well-known among the locals. Not like I want to show off but it wasn't just the coffee and desserts that made it so appealing but our top quality service. So much so that many of our costumers had become good friends throughout the years, and would often recommend us to their acquaintances. For me, there was no better criticism than that.

But, unlike Midorima, I was eager to succeed my parents as the owner. I had been working at the shop since I was able to pour a cup of coffee, so I had embraced my future a long time ago. If that made me a conformist, I didn't know and I didn't care. I had never looked for other options and never needed to. I could picture myself living like that for the rest of my life and I was happy about it.

Maybe for that reason I wasn't completely able to fathom Midorima's frustration, despite our similar backgrounds. But I knew that the reason he found himself so miserable was because, deep inside, he repudiated a part of his luck. A kind of luck he couldn't change no matter how many lucky items he collected nor how high the ranking of his horoscope was. Because the ones currently ruling his fate weren't the stars but his own family.

'Shin-chan? Is something wrong?'

I noticed that he had suddenly got quiet and his green eyes were fixed vacantly on his cup.

'You know…', he answered in a low voice. 'All this time, you've always been the one comforting me, like treating me to coffee and shortcake, but I just realized that I've never done anything for you.'

'Oh, man, what are you saying? It's not like I do it because I expect something in return. It's just part of my job.'

'So you're saying you wouldn't do this if it weren't your job?', he said in a bitter tone.

'Wha- No! That's not what I meant!'

'What did you mean then?'

I mulled my answer over for a bit.

'Well…' I began. 'My parents always told me how important it is to get to know your customers because, that way, I'd know how to treat them and what to offer them according to their mood. You can't imagine how many customers have entered the shop bearing dull gloomy expressions and then leave with bright smiles on their faces. It amazes me how extraordinary it is to make someone's day by doing such a simple thing as to lend a good ear and offer them their favorite beverage. For me, there's nothing better than that, and it's the same with you, Shin-chan. The difference is that you're not a customer, you're my friend. So I'd still do it even if it weren't my job.'

Midorima looked at me with eyes wide open and I scratched my head with a bit of embarrassment. I had never thought about it before but, now that the question had arisen, the idea of me having a crush on him began to swell in my head. Honestly speaking, I didn't feel any of those things people in love always brag about. My heart didn't skip whenever I saw him walking through the door nor did I feel any tingling when our bodies were touching during our one-on-one matches. And I didn't daydream with the idea of us being together. However, there was definitely something about him, a kind of force that drew me to him as gravity drew objects to the ground.

'Well, if that's the case, then as your friend I want to do the same for you.'

I was so absorbed in my thoughts that his words caught me off guard for a moment.

'Oh really? Are you gonna treat me to dinner at your fancy restaurant?'

'Even better. I'll cook for you in the privacy of my apartment.'

I let out an exaggerated gasp. 'Wait. Are you saying that Midorima Shintarou, the celebrated sous chef and owner-to-be of a top class restaurant, is going to cook only for me, the mortal coffee shop clerk?!'

'On second thought, forget about it.'

'Haha, easy, Shin-chan... Tell me, what's on the menu for the occasion?'

'That's up to you. What do you want me to cook?'

'So I get to choose, huh? Can it be whatever I want?'

'Yes.'

'Anything?'

'I'll make it possible.'

'Then, how about Tarte Tatin?'

Midorima looked at me puzzled as if my request had made no sense at all.

'Are you sure?'

'What? You can't make it?'

He buffed in annoyance.

'Of course I can. I just didn't expect you to go for a dessert, that's all. Even less one you can prepare way better than me', he said shotting me an accusing glance.

'I know,' I grinned, 'but as you said, I'm always the one treating you, so now I want you to do the same.'

'So should I take this as a challenge?'

'If you want. I'm really looking forward to it now, so you'd better surprise me, okay?'

'Cheeky bastard.'

That day was the first time I visited Midorima's place. He lived in an apartment in an old building located near the campus. Apparently, the building belonged to a relative of his and, because of that, the rent was cheap. What surprised me the most though was its deplorable state: paint peeling off the walls, mold growing in the ceilings, and broken windows giving way to the cold wind. I knew better than checking out the elevator and took the stairs instead.

'I'd swear there are hobos living in this place!', was the first thing that came out of my mouth when Midorima opened the door. 'I can't believe you actually live in this dump!'

'The apartment's big and I can afford rent so it's not like I can really complain. Also, it's better than living with my parents.'

He was right. Even though the door was narrow, the apartment was pretty vast. The living room could easily accommodate ten people and there'd still be some space left. It had high ceilings and the bedrooms were spacious as well. As opposed to the building's aspect, the apartment had this nice and cozy atmosphere that made me feel at home right away, which I found kind of strange. But the best part was the kotatsu in the living room.

'I can't believe you have one of these! The last time I had one was in fourth grade.'

'We can eat here if you want.'

'Yes, please!'

'Now I can't tell whether you're excited about my Tarte or the kotatsu.'

'Mmm… what tarte?'

Midorima rolled his eyes and went into the kitchen.

'So how's the Tarte going?' I asked as I followed him in.

'I was just about to cook the caramel. I was wondering whether to use brandy or orange juice in it. What do you think?'

'Don't ask me, Shin-chan. I told you to surprise me, remember?'

He smirked. 'I knew you would say that.'

He kept on making the tarte while I only stood there watching him. I had never seen him cook before, so this was another first for me and, believe me, I was beyond excited.

I had always teased Midorima about his taped fingers. I thought it was silly, pretentious even. But then, as I observed him move in the kitchen, I realized how precious those hands really were. Their movements were fast but graceful, with a flawless rhythm. There was no hesitation or clumsiness, as if his fingers were just moving on their own. Suddenly, I found myself thinking how great it would feel getting touched by those hands. I shook off the thought immediately.

By the time the tarte was in the oven, the sky had darkened and the temperature had dropped. I offered to make some coffee to which Midorima refused profusely, claiming that it was his treat and I was not supposed to help at all. After insisting for a bit, he finally gave in and let me prepare 'only black coffee, ok?'

When everything was ready, we went to the living room and got inside the kotatsu.

'This is incredibly delicious, Shin-chan!' I exclaimed after the first mouthful, and then added in a playful tone: 'And it seems you went for the brandy. Are you scheming something, perhaps?'

'Don't be stupid. As if you could get drunk with just that.'

'Who knows? Maybe my body can't handle alcohol well and you might end up carrying me home.'

'Takao...' His green eyes stared at me with an unamused expression. 'There's less than a quarter of a cup in this tarte, you cannot even get tipsy with this.'

'You're too serious, Shin-chan,' I sighed in defeat.

We continued chatting and eating and, as the evening went on, I felt more at home in that place. It was as if I had been there many times before and everything seemed familiar to me. Not exactly like a déjà-vu. This was completely different. It was a weird but comfortable sensation and I didn't want it to end.

'How come you live by yourself when your parents are right next to the coffee shop?' Midorima asked.

'When my mom began renting rooms for students, our house got too crowded and I ended up with no bedroom of my own. There's no problem since I visit my parents often and help them out at the shop.'

'It's remarkable how you're willing to follow their steps and be proud of it.'

'Yeah, but I still try to keep my distance. Privacy is very important for me, you know. I'm afraid if I spend much time with them, I won't have time for myself anymore.'

'I understand. I got tired of all that, too: going out with my parents, helping them at home, helping them at the restaurant... It became overwhelming. I thought I would have to live like that for the rest of my life. That's why I saved a lot of money and moved out as soon as I could.'

'You have a whole life before you, so why don't you expand your possibilities? You can get a new job, save money and travel around the world! You don't have to live like that.'

'You're right. That's actually a good idea,' he smiled. 'Thanks.'

'Don't thank me, just serve me another slice, would you?'

It was almost 11 when I left. The evening had gone just as any other and no romance had been involved during my stay in that apartment, which meant that our thing wasn't destined to go farther than a good friendship. But I couldn't help feel that after that night things between us were going to change.

Days went by and both of us were as devoted to our jobs as we had always been, especially me. The coffee shop had been pretty hectic recently and sometimes I had to work double shifts. I even began skipping classes to help my parents out. Since school was not my priority, I wasn't really worried about getting behind. In fact, I wouldn't have attended college in the first place if my parents hadn't insisted on me getting a degree. The coffee shop was all I had and all I ever wanted. Although when I thought about this, I couldn't help think about Midorima. After all, it was because I had given in to my parent's pressure that I met him.

We met during our freshman year at college at a sports event. Me and my team were participating in the basketball tournament but we were one member short. And had Midorima not signed up at the last minute, we would have lost by default. I often wondered what my life would be like if Midorima hadn't joined us that day. Would he have shown up at the coffee shop later on? Would our friendship be as deep as it was at that moment? Would we have eaten Tarte Tatin in his apartment? Or would we have gone on with our lives completely unaware of each other's existences? Could it be that there was really something or someone in the universe directing our every move?

Maybe stars do guide our fate, I thought. Maybe I'm in love, after all.

One afternoon, I ran into Midorima on my way home. I'd only seen him a couple of times after the Tarte Tatin event. He greeted me with with a warm smile.

'You seem to be in a good mood, Shin-chan.'

'Of course I am. Cancer has been at the top of the rankings these days, and things are finally working out. I'm glad I followed your advice.'

'What do you mean?'

'Are you free right now? Let's play a one-on-one and I'll tell you.'

'Yeah, sure, but don't you have to work today?'

'I have the day off, but I have to get up early tomorrow.'

We went to a park near Midorima's place. It was late in the afternoon and the air was chilly. The soft orange hue in the sky slowly turned dark blue and was soon decorated by shining stars. We played until we were out of breath and, as usual, Midorima was the winner but not without me putting up a good fight.

'So what do you mean you followed my advice?', I asked as we gathered our stuff.

'About going abroad. I'm going to France. A friend of my father's is the owner of an international restaurant in Paris. I already got in touch with him and he said he'd be glad to have me as his apprentice.'

'Oh, so you're keeping on with the family business after all!'

'I think I can do that while I figure out what I want to do.'

'What about your parents?'

'They're totally against it.'

'What?! So what are you gonna do then?'

'I'm still leaving. I've saved enough money to rent a small room at least. Plus, I'll be working at the restaurant, so there's no problem.'

At that moment reality hit me like a brick and my heart sank like a stone in a river. He's leaving, I thought, he'll start a new life far away from here and he won't come back.

Loneliness crept up my body and the shielding dark blue sky above our heads was replaced by an overwhelming darkness.

'That's great,' was all I could mutter.

'You know, I'm craving for some strawberry shortcake right now.'

'If you come to the coffee shop, I'll prepare it for you.'

'And if we prepare it now? My apartment is nearby and I can buy the ingredients.'

For some reason, I sensed that Midorima wanted to sleep with me. I noticed it in his countenance, in his voice and the way he looked at me.

'You don't mind?'

'Not at all.'

And in the mild sorrow that enveloped us, deep inside of us, we knew what those words had truly meant: 'I want you.' 'Me,too.'

Thus, for the second time, I found myself inside that old decayed building. I didn't even dare to touch the walls for fear that it might collapse at the smallest movement. But once inside the apartment, the atmosphere changed completely. I was welcomed by that familiar warmth again and instantly felt at home. It was as if that place existed in a different dimension than the rest of the world.

'I don't know how you manage to go to school and work every day. I'd never want to leave!'

'It does have that effect, right? I have the feeling that the people living here before me were a happy couple.'

'Did you meet them?'

'No, the place had been empty for years before I arrived.'

'Then how do you know they were a couple?'

Midorima shrugged. 'I just know.'

'Hold on. You're not trying to tell me there are ghosts in here, are you?'

'Of course not. That's nonsense.'

'Says the guy with the lucky item collection,' I murmured.

We talked about trivial stuff as I prepared the shortcake and Midorima simply observed. For some reason, having those green eyes staring intently at me made me quite nervous as if they were evaluating me. Of course, I had made shortcake hundreds of times before, but this was like the first time I made it in front of my parents. And all that anxiety and nervousness from that time came back to me.

Calm down, Kazunari. You can even make shortcake with your eyes closed. What's so different now?

But everything was different now. This was not the coffee shop but a foreign kitchen. Midorima's kitchen. And this time we were not two friends casually hanging out nor was this any ordinary night. That night everything was going to change.

'Do you always make that face when you cook?', Midorima interrupted my thoughts.

'Huh? What face?'

He placed his index finger between his eyebrows.

'You frown a lot. Like you're totally concentrated.'

I was kind of bewildered by the remark. I'd never wondered about what expressions I made while cooking or making coffee, and probably most people didn't pay attention either. Also, it wasn't that I was concentrating but more that I was trying to distract myself from his scrutinizing gaze

. 'Nah... it's just... this is the first time you see me cook, right?'

'That's right,' he smiled. 'And it's such a delight. I remember I was pretty nervous myself when you first came here and saw me cook. I really wanted to surprise you and I was afraid I might ruin it. I have to admit I was a bit intimidated.'

'Ha, c'mon, I'm no professional. If someone should be intimidated, that's me.'

We began arguing about who the best cook was without getting anywhere. At the end, we just decided to drop it and talk about school and our families. When the shortcake was done, we continued our conversation in the living room. We were so into it that we lost track of time. The feeling we had when we were with each other was that of easiness and peace. We had formed that type of connection in which the moment we were together everything else ceased to exist, so it was quite a downer when our duties brought us back to reality.

'I think it's time for me to go,' I said looking at my watch.

'It's already too late. Why don't you stay over?'

'All right... but tell me something first: what do you mean by staying over?'

Midorima pondered his answer for a moment and replied in a serious tone: 'Did you know that Cancer and Scorpio share the highest compatibility in the horoscope?'

'What?'

I didn't understand what that had to do with anything but being him, I knew it would take him some time to get to the point.

'It's said that both signs share a deep emotional connection and passionate attraction.'

As Midorima continued explaining this, a light blush appeared on his cheeks. And I finally understood .

Oh my God, is he hitting on me?!

I bursted out laughing.

'W-what's so funny?!'

'Oh, Shin-chan', I managed to say as I tried to catch my breath.

'What?!'

'You could've just told me you like me or at least that I'm good looking. You don't need to try so hard.'

Midorima's face turned so red it looked like the strawberries we'd just eaten. My heart couldn't help but melt at such sight. I wiped my tears and slowly approached him. I took his face in my hands, and pecked him on the lips.

'I like you, too, Shin-chan.'

We made love that night.

Just as when he cooked, Midorima's hands moved meticulously all over my body. As if not wanting to miss any little detail on it. He stroked my lips and pressed his nose against mine. He caressed my back up and down while placing soft kisses along my collarbones and neck. I could feel his breath against my skin as he gently wrapped his fingers around my erection. All these sensations turned me on so much I almost came. Midorima took this as an invitation to penetrate me. He got on top of me and carefully introduced one finger after another. He didn't stop until he made sure I was all warm and wet. Then, he put his cock inside and his hips moved back and forth. I could feel myself losing it. The rhythm of his body, the sound of his moans, the touch of his flesh. With my senses at their fullest, any previous sexual encounter became insignificant.

After we finished, we wrapped ourselves in the blankets and cuddled to warm ourselves up.

'The shortcake was delicious but this was much better. And I guess this is what you wanted to do all the time, am I right?' I said in a teasing tone.

'Oh, shut up,' he grunted and took me in his arms again until we fell asleep.

When I woke up, it was almost 7 o'clock and Midorima had already left. There was a note on the night table next to the bed:

Sorry. I had to leave early and I didn't want to wake you up.

There's food in the fridge and the coffee machine is on.

Please, make yourself at home.

P.S. I want to see you again before I leave.

'Make yourself at home, he says... Well, that won't be difficult.'

Since it was still too early for me, I decided to stay in bed a little longer. I covered myself with his white blankets and I found his smell when I put my head on the pillows. All the memories from the previous night came back to me and I couldn't help blush for a moment. I felt like a 13-year old after having talked to his crush for the first time. It made me feel nolgastic. Even though I had dated a lot of people, I could count all my serious relationships with one hand. Call me picky, but it's difficult to find someone who can make me feel complete, someone I could devote to entirely. And falling in love is not that easy. I had always been a flirt, but when you reach a certain age, you get tired of games and start yearning for some stability. But life is cruel and just when I had found that person, life decided to take him away from me.

By the time I finally got out of bed, the apartment was permeated with the smell of fresh coffee. I poured myself a cup first and took a bath afterwards. The bathroom was ridiculously clean, like the ones you see on programs about people who are obsessed with cleaning. I imagined Midorima explaining to the camera crew how he used dental floss to clean the spaces between tiles. I imagined him scrubbing the edges of the bathtub I was using at that moment. I imagined us having sex in that bathtub.

For God's sake, Kazunari! Stop that! The least you need right now is torturing yourself with scenarios of you being together. I didn't want him to go. Not when I had finally come to terms with my feelings. Not when we had just made love. I felt like the worst person in the world. Instead of supporting him and being glad that he had finally found a goal in life, I was mopping like a damn teenager in his bathtub wishing he could stay with me instead.

After that depressing bath, I went to the kitchen. Being a college student living by himself, I was expecting to find an almost empty fridge like mine, but what I found was a fridge well supplied with fresh vegetables, meat, milk and every other food group. As expected from a chef. I made scrambled eggs with ham and some vegetables, and I poured myself another cup of coffee. I had breakfast at the kitchen counter and, as I ate, the coziness of the apartment enveloped me. I can't explain why, but suddenly I got the feeling that I wasn't alone. Not in a creepy way, but more like a comforting presence that made me feel like everything was going to be alright.