Chapter 1: Chapter 1

She walked across the grounds swiftly with the tears streaming down her face she felt that she would collapse but mustered all her courage to continue it was horrid the sight was not one that she wished to remember or more or less think about. Her thoughts were racing a million miles an hour, how could she be such a fool to think that he would or ever could really love her. But he had said it or implied it she kept thinking wishing to somehow figure it all out in her head. Yes I'm sure that he said it the night under the old oak he did he told me that I was the only girl he could ever care for and he kissed me she knew that the thoughts in her mind were trying to make herself feel better but could she not of seen that this would happen I mean after all he had told her all these sweet things. As she got closer to the ever familiar paddocks she decided to push these thoughts out of her mind she could not look the least bit upset in front of her father because then she would have to tell him and sure to god her father would kill him. She straightened her back wiped the tears away from her eyes and put on the best face she could and slowly mounted the stairs to enter the house. As soon as she walked through the big doors she heard the ever familiar sound of her nanny calling her name.

"Lillian Jane Emilia Parker where on earth do you think you have been?"

She put down her head and cursed herself for not realizing that she had promised her sister Georgiana that she would help her find a perfect dress for the annual dance.

"I'm sorry Nanny she shot out quickly" putting on her best smile.

"Well you should be missy she is in right a state because you didn't come"

Lillian automatically felt a pang of guilt and it showed across her face, this look made her Nanny think twice about yelling anymore and instead took her arm and led her quietly into the dining room.

"Now darling" she started "I would like you to apologise alright"

Lillian looked up from where she was now sitting and thanked her Nanny with her eyes knowing that if she said it the chance of one of her parents hearing and finishing of the punishment was very high as the Parker girls were always meant to be home by a certain time and were most Definitely not allowed to wonder of on their own like Lillian often did.

"Alright Nanny" she said and slowly crept out of the room.

Once out of view from her Nanny her face turned back to one of heart break. She slowly climbed the stairs and entered her sister's room. Her sister was hunched over on the floor completely surrounded by a sea of dresses Lillian walked over to her sister and put her arms around her.

"I'm so sorry Georgie" she said

Her sister looked at her with a look of utter sadness which then by Lillian's relief turned into a smile.

"How can I stay mad at you?" she whispered then hugged her sister back. Although her sister was smiling Georgiana could feel the tenseness in her body.

"Lillian what's wrong" she said turning slightly to see her younger sisters face.

Lillian tried unconvincingly to make it seem as nothing and just simply waved her hands put on a smile and said "nothing Georgie"

although Georgiana knew she was lying she decided to let it go as she could tell that Lillian obviously did not want to talk about whatever it was that was bothering her and instead asked her sister to help her find a dress which Lillian smiled at her with all the strength she had and accepted and began to enthusiastically sort through the pile of dresses and pulling out the ones she found suitable.

It wasn't until later when she lay down to go to sleep that the thoughts that had been plaguing her subconscious came out to the surface and she felt all the tears she had held back come welling to the surface and she just cried she let it out and her whole body shook and for the first time she realized that not everything in her life would go the way that she wanted it to and that the fairytale life she dreamed of would not work was with these thoughts that she finally went to sleep.

She was awoken the next morning by her Nanny.

"Morning miss parker did we sleep well"

Lilly sat up and looked at the women and thought to herself that her dear Nanny would have been quite a stunner when she was young as she was still pretty and she also thought it weird that her Nanny had never married how strange a thing she thought. Then as if by on cue from her Nanny she got up and began to brush her long golden locks of hair and then was dressed and went down to breakfast. Although she felt quite hungry the thought of eating churned her stomach so she ate as much as she could and then excused herself away from the table and walked down the stairs out onto the path that was surrounded by wild flowers that let of a scent that was heavenly to the senses she loved to walk this path but today she had to be in a hurry and so could not stop for any moment to feel joy in them. She walked so fast that it was close to a run and had to fight the urge to stop, she topped the hill that lead down into the small valley that bordered her families property with that of the Watsons it was at this point she knew she was close and then she saw it the great oak. It had always been a favourite spot for her ever since she was just a child and her father had taken her down there for the first time she remembered how excited she had felt at the sight and she had played there all day until it was absolutely necessary for her to go home then it had been a happy time but unfortunately this visit was not, as she came closer to the tree she saw him step out even when she was mad at him he still seemed to take her breath away when he saw her he smiled and waited for her to get closer before he spoke.

"Lillian" he started "You look amazing" he seemed to be nervous, good she thought he should be after everything that he'd done.

"Actually I wasn't even sure if you would actually come"

She looked at him but didn't speak and just simply put on an expression of sullen resentment.

"But I am glad that you did because now I have the chance to explain everything to you"

"Explain" she said "Oh my, what on earth would you have to explain?"

Her words seemed to hit him and the guilt crept into his face and all of a sudden he had to rethink everything that he had planned on saying he went to speak and then couldn't.

"Well?" she let out "If this is your explanation then I guess I should just leave" she got up to leave but he stopped her.

"Lillian I'm sorry I never meant to hurt you but you have to understand"

"Understand" she yelled "I don't have to understand a thing" he went to speak and apologise but she wasn't going to give him a chance.

"And don't even try to justify what you've done to me Justin Crawford because you... you ... well you're a scoundrel and i never ever want to see you again"

And before he had the chance to speak up she turned on her heel and walked off the rage growing inside her, he just looked up at her and sighed "I'm sorry Lillian Parker" he said to himself then also walked off.

As soon as she was far enough away she felt ashamed at the way she had acted even when angry a lady was not supposed to yell but she had she had screamed and this made her feel terrible because although she knew that he deserved it she also knew that her mother would never approve and whenever she did something that her mother didn't like it nagged at her because for as long as she could remember she had admired her mother and from a very young age had promised that she would somehow be just like her mother. See her mother was one of those women that no matter how old she got or no matter how tired or run down she was she always looked beautiful and no matter what she felt her mother always seemed to be able to hide any emotion she was feeling and just smile pleasantly. This quality was something that Lillian yearned for because no matter what she felt she always wanted to be understanding but somehow she could never quite pull it off and most times would end up snapping at whoever it was instead.

Her mother if she hadn't of married would of been a women of title as she was born into one of the wealthiest families in Australia, her family had originated in England where her father had been a lord but he had eventually moved to Australia and this is where her mother was born Anna May Elizabeth Spiers. She lived happily there until she turned sixteen and met the dashing Joseph Parker who swept her of her feet and told her that if she were to marry him they would move to America, Although the thought of leaving her family and her title were hard for her she had left and it wasn't long after this that she had her first child Bella Marie Parker then three years later Georgiana Elizabeth May Parker then two years later Lillian Jane Emillia Parker and following on from Lillian was the only boy Ryan Joseph Parker, This was her comfort whenever she missed home the fact that she had a beautiful family.

Lillian loved her mother as well as everyone else that ever met her for her mother was one person that she could always lean on and tell secrets too. She remembered when she was about ten she would tell her mother everything she thought and her mother would sit there and smile and depending on what the secret was for that day would often laugh at the pure innocence of her daughter. Lillian had loved those days they were simple and easy and nothing ever got complicated and no one ever asked for much from her except maybe good behaviour which she would always show to her parents. But unfortunately today these were only memories for her and the reality was things were more complicated then they had ever been and there was no one she could talk to because how could they understand they would just tell her what she had told herself a million times that she never should of let herself in that kind of situation but how could she not he was so handsome and so charming and he had made her feel things that she never thought were possible. She walked up to the house when she noticed that there was someone there she ran up to the porch and immediately forgot all the bad things.

"Auntie" she yelled running up the steps, her Aunt turned around and smiled

"My you have grown Lilly, you look beautiful" Lilly smiled

"I'm so glad you're here" she said, and she gave her Aunt a big hug.

They all sat there in the den just talking and catching up while Lillian sat there with a smile studying her Aunt.

"I can't believe that Bella is married it doesn't seem that long ago when she was only Lillian's age my how things have changed"

"Why yes" her mother replied "it is a great shock to us all but we could not be happier for he is a very nice and handsome young man"

They smiled and continued to talk of trivial things that Lillian did not have a care for, when she was snapped out of her daze by the mention of a familiar name and had to stop and immediately asked " what was that?.." her mother gave her a look as if to say that's rude but she didn't care so her aunt repeated what she had said.

"I said dear that Justin Crawford is said to be getting married to Annaliese Barlow... quite a good match..."

Her aunt went on talking but Lillian couldn't listen she was caught up on the mention of Justin getting married she knew it was happening but it wasn't until it was said that it actually sunk in that it was really happening and to Annaliese, Lillian could stand anyone but her just the thought of the girl made her blood boil she hated her since Lillian's eight birthday when Annaliese had made up a lie and told Lillian's mother and she had got in trouble and wasn't allowed any presents even though in fact she had not said or did anything of the sort and her dislike had just grew from that instance. So to have the man that she loves to be married to her was completely and utterly the worst thing that could happen. See the night before when she had gone to see him she crept round the sight of the house and by her surprise was shocked to find Justin down on one knee proposing to some girl, but last night she had not realized it was Annaliese. Thinking about this brought up the earlier occurrence between her and Justin but this time she did not feel bad she felt as if she had not done enough to me and she thought of a million more things she could have said.

After about ten minutes of these thoughts she excused herself from the room and went to sit out on the porch she rubbed her head trying to think how she would sort out this mess without making a scene or having to actually tell anyone it was practically impossible and she was just about to retreat back inside when she saw a carriage come up the drive and stop out the front of the house she stood and tried to think who it could possibly be but nothing came to mind then she saw them step out it wasn't for a second she thought that she was going to faint but managed to keep control. She put on her best smile and walked down the stairs.

"How lovely to see you" she said and walked down to them.

"Annaliese that dress is lovely"

"Thank you Lillian" she said then kissed her on the cheek.

This was when Lillian's heart was about to break she took a step to the left and held out her hand.

"Justin Crawford it's a pleasure" she said these words with much hardship as she really wanted to turn from him and just walk away but couldn't.

He looked at her searching her face trying to find what she was feeling or just the slightest hint of real emotion but found none so just tried to smile.

"Lillian it's always a pleasure" and he took her hand and slightly pecked it.

"Mother is inside if you would like to come in" she said as sweetly as is humanly possible.

"Oh yes we would love to I haven't seen your dear mother in such a long time" Annaliese said with a fake smile.

Lillian graciously turned and led them up the path and into the house she carried on some idle chit chat and tried to be as pleasant as possible and Justin couldn't quite help but admire her for the way she was acting while she felt pleased with herself knowing that her mother would be more then proud with the manner she was carrying on in.

"So I assume that you have reason to come and see us today?" Lillian asked hating to hear the answer.

"Actually we have come with very exciting news, ooh I can't wait to tell you"

Lillian smiled at her and just thought I'll bet. Then smiled and let them into the room where her mother and her aunt were sitting.

"Mother we have guests"

"Oh how lovely" her mother said and got up to greet them they sat down and mother got straight into talking.

"It's very nice to have you here" Annaliese smiled

"It's very nice to be here, and it's very exciting we have news you see it's only recent and your family is so dear to me"

Lillian felt her stomach turn and was dreading was about to be said.

" well, Justin and I are engaged to be married" her mother's face lit up even though this was no shock and she had already heard the news and if Lillian wasn't trying her hardest just to keep her composure she would of admired her mother right then. But she couldn't seem to take her gaze from Justin the look on his face was not happy he seemed to not be overjoyed by the news they were telling and Lillian could feel sympathy towards him but as soon as she realized what was going on she reminded herself of what he had done to her.

"Lillian did you want to see my ring" Lillian looked up

"I would love too"

she walked over and it was absolutely huge she gasped when she saw it and Justin looked at her, she could feel his eyes on her and it made her skin tingle she looked up from the ring and for a moment there eyes met but he looked away.

"It's beautiful Annaliese you must be so proud"

"oh yes I am I mean when he asked me I was so shocked and know I have this ring to remind me of that moment forever"

So will I she thought how you dare let her comes here Justin Crawford. She looked at him again then back at her.

"I'm very happy for you"

it was then that her sister Georgiana and her brother Ryan came in with their father, Georgiana sat next to her sister and everyone heard the news and looked at the ring it was then that they had to leave and everyone walked them out Justin kissed her mother and her sisters hands then when he got to Lillian he paused for just a second.

"It was a pleasure seeing you again" he said then kissed her hand and held it for just a little longer then he should of but no one noticed and then they were off. She felt her heart beat faster as she watched the carriage leave and then there was just noting but emptiness.

The next week went on pretty much like a dream she would wake go to tea with her mother and her sister and listen to talk about the dance that was coming up and all the people who were going to come, It was usually a very exciting time of year for her but this time it would not be as it did not seem as though she could really think about anything much other than what had happened and this because the only thing that she cared about sure she joined in on the conversations and chatted about the dance but she never at any point really felt excited or happy about any of it I mean how could she the person she loved was going to be married to someone else and she would never be able to feel his touch on her skin ever again.