Welcome to my new shorter stories collection! I'll be posting pieces that are too random or short for their own one-shots here. Paths in the depicted characters' lives have a tendency to be deflected from the lines of simplicity; hence the title 'Refraction'.
This first one is Itachi based. It was inspired by the manga's mention of Itachi having a lover, who he had to kill on the night of the Uchiha massacre. Because Itachi was around 13 at the time, I think he was far too young to be in a relationship, so I've interpreted 'lover' to mean a female friend with whom he could've become romantically involved had they grown older and manga events not transpired as they did.
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. That's quite the shocking revelation, right? xD
R E F R A C T I O N
By AngeLhearteD
Part I - Uchiha Itachi
- Sever -
Every once in a while, when the night is at its darkest hour, and when he is certain that he is completely alone, he allows himself to think. To recall. Thoughts from long ago trickle slowly into his mind, one at a time, like individual droplets of water falling harmlessly upon a perfectly composed, impermeable surface. He never permits the thoughts to come together, to coalesce to form a whole, for then they would surely become an ocean that would threaten to engulf him entirely. So he regulates them, keeps them strictly and firmly in check; years of self-discipline have blurred the lines between reality and façade, made them indistinguishable. But he never forgets. He never can.
Sometimes, but not very often, he allows his thoughts to turn to her. The one he'd had to let go. The girl with the large doe eyes and a contagious smile. A kind and considerate soul. A giver and never a taker, she'd been a tiny, tentative beam of sunlight in his withering garden of perpetual night. Yet he'd eradicated her before she'd gotten the chance to grow and blossom into something so much more significant to him.
He had ended their untimely tale before it had begun.
-X-
"Nii-san?" Innocent eyes turned curiously up to him.
"Yes, Sasuke?"
"Who is she?"
"...?"
"That girl. Who was she?"
Dark eyebrows lifted slightly in response. "A girl, Sasuke?"
The little boy frowned in frustration. "You know who I mean!" A tinge of colour touched his cheeks. "The-the pretty girl who said hello to you outside!"
A pause.
"Are you sure that was what you saw?"
"Aa!" He stuck his lower lip out obstinately. "I can see just as well as you, nii-san."
"I don't doubt it."
Cherub-like features brightened at the kind, indirect compliment. "So," he continued eagerly, "Are you gonna tell me?"
Another pause. The slightest, faintest trace of a smile had touched the older boy's lips. Finally, softly, quietly,
"Never mind, Sasuke."
-X-
Even back then at their young age, so many years ago, he had known she was different. She had stood out from the crowd. Not because of her beauty – she certainly hadn't been lacking in looks, yet she'd been no prettier than the average sweet-faced village girl. Rather, it had been her invigorating personality that had captured his undivided attention. Captured and retained with an unrelenting magnetism. It hadn't been intentional on her part, he'd known; she'd been lost in a book when he'd first caught sight of her. She hadn't been like the countless other adoring, squealing young girls who'd always attempted to follow him around everywhere. No, she had been everything unassuming and innocent; a fragile little butterfly that fluttered contently about her daily life. Not a kunoichi. She'd known nothing of the dark secrets harboured by the ninja world and would have perhaps grown up in blissful ignorance – had he been able to spare her.
Sometimes he found himself contemplating what she might've looked like now. Taller, slender, with dips and curves in places a girl child lacked. He imagined her shoulder-length brown hair, that she'd always tied back messily in childhood, would have grown much longer, would've been worn loose, tumbling down her back in soft waves like a river of silk. And beautiful; somehow he was certain that she would have grown to become a vision of loveliness – had he permitted her to live. Yet his hands were stained with the blood of many and hers had been the first to spill on that fateful night. She hadn't even been a clan member, merely an unfortunate casualty caught in the wrong place at the wrong moment in time. But her fate had been sealed the moment her parents had decided to set up shop in the Uchiha district of Konohagakure.
She was guiltless, blameless. Her only mistake was that she had unwittingly caught the attention of Itachi Uchiha, the most admired, respected, and feared young shinobi in the village.
-X-
"Mama? Can a boy's eyelashes really be longer than a girl's?"
"Why do you ask such an odd question, my darling?"
"Ai said Itachi's eyelashes are longer than mine, but that can't be right!"
"Well!" A teasing smile. "Let's have a look at both your eyes then, shall we? Itachi-kun? Would you mind if we compare?"
-X-
When he was alone, lost in the quietest of his thoughts, he could permit himself to remember little details about her. Her laughter, her openness and the way her face scrunched up on the rare instances when she became angry or upset. The way she'd turn large, muddled eyes questioningly at him when he spoke of things she didn't understand. He'd remember the sound of her voice, and the way her features would light up whenever he stepped into her parents' supply store. He couldn't recall when she'd started looking at him like that. Neither could he remember when he'd begun to feel his spirits lift a little whenever he saw her, even if it was just for a few stolen minutes a day.
-X-
"Itachi? How old is your little brother?"
"Seven and a half."
"Oh? Then he's due to start at the Ninja Academy soon, isn't he?"
"Hai, this summer."
"All the little girls are making such a cute fuss over him! I bet it was like that for you back then too, wasn't it?"
"… I don't recall."
A burst of laughter. Obsidian eyes shifted to meet merry ones in a silent request for her to share her source of amusement.
"You're not at all like what people think you are, are you? But I'm glad. I'm glad you aren't arrogant like they say."
-X-
Her parents had believed in strengthening the relationship between Konoha residents and the Uchiha clan, so much so that they'd been openly thrilled upon noticing the increasingly frequent visits he paid to their store. So much so that her mother would encourage her to walk about town with him whenever he had a little time to spare from his duties.
If they had known a mere fragment of the devastating truth that lay deep beneath Itachi's tranquil surface then they would have left the village and kept their daughter as far away from him as physically possible. It was their greatest mistake, trusting him with her – and they had all paid dearly for it.
-X-
"U-uhm … g-good afternoon, Mr. Uchiha, Sir. I hope you're in good health! Uhm, I- I was wondering, is Itachi-san here today?"
Coal eyes stared disapprovingly down a haughty nose at her.
"Who are you to seek out my eldest son?"
"I- I'm from the supplies store, Sir. Just five minutes from here-"
"Ah," Fugaku Uchiha slowly nodded in understanding, "Your parents are the civilians."
"Yes, Sir, we're-"
"You are not a kunoichi."
"No, I'm -"
"Then what business do you have with Itachi?"
The clipped suddenness of his question caught her off guard. She was frustrated that she couldn't get a word in and devastated by the terror he instigated in her. She'd never imagined Itachi's father to be such an intimidating sort of man, but of course she should have anticipated it; after all he was the leader of an extremely gifted clan.
She opened her mouth to answer him, when a quiet, smooth voice spoke up from behind her.
"She has come to collect the money for supplies I recently purchased, father."
Fugaku's gaze shifted to where Itachi stood, now beside the girl. "Hmm. I would expect my eldest child to be more adequately organised in future. How much is owed to your family, girl?"
"Oh-w-well, actually-"
"I stopped by the store earlier and paid the debt. She must have not been informed," Itachi once again answered for her.
"Good. Then there is nothing further for us to discuss." His eyes moved back to the girl who was staring at his son in astonishment. She quickly clamped her open mouth shut, bowed politely to him in parting and turned and hurried away from them.
Itachi watched her leave. His father noticed, and a frown creased his brow.
"I do not wish you to keep company with civilians. It is not appropriate, Itachi. At least, not now; nobody can be trusted."
Itachi's gaze lowered.
"I don't want to see that girl at our door again. I do not wish to see you talking to her or her family. She is not a kunoichi and she is not of our clan."
He didn't see the hard anger that glinted dangerously in his son's eyes at his words.
"The clan," Itachi said softly. "The clan is all that matters to you."
Fugaku raised his eyebrows. "Our name is who we are, Itachi. It defines us."
"It limits us," Itachi murmured.
His father's frown became a scowl. His eyes moved back to the figure of the girl walking farther away. She had almost reached the corner that would remove her from sight.
"I don't know what has gotten into you lately, Itachi. You are not yourself. In any case, perhaps I should request that family be removed from our district. You will come to me if you require any further supplies in future. Am I understood?"
Itachi walked silently past his father in response.
-X-
The family were never moved. Soon things began to spiral beyond his control. Other darker, more sinister and pressing matters consumed his full time and attention. He was being torn in two directions, one by Konoha, the other by his clan. He barely saw her and on chance occasions when he did happen to catch sight of her amongst the pale-skinned, raven-haired crowd, even she couldn't lift the heavy shadows from his mind.
-X-
"Uhm, Itachi? Could I request something?"
"What is it?"
She let out a little laugh of embarrassment.
"Oh, no, forget it. It-it's actually very silly."
He didn't reply, happy to drop the issue if that was what she wished. They continued to walk along the cobbled road for a few minutes more in silence. Out of the corner of his vision he saw her picking nervously at the splintered straws of the basket she was carrying. He waited patiently, anticipating that she would talk again when she was ready. He wasn't wrong.
"Could I try on your forehead protector?" She suddenly blurted out.
He came to a stop beside a tall tree that provided ample shade from the late afternoon sun's punishing glare.
"I-I mean, it's alright if you don't want me to. You're probably not allowed to take it off after a mission anyway. I'm sorry; I don't know anything about ninja rules. I bet you think I'm really-" she broke off, for he had silently untied the protector from his forehead and was now holding it out to her.
Her eyes lit up with excitement. "R-really? It's OK?"
He nodded. She set her basket down and eagerly reached out, taking it from him. The deep blue cloth was soft, almost silky in texture beneath her fingertips. She was conscious of him watching her as she raised it into place and secured it awkwardly behind her head. A lock of hair fell messily over her left eye as she looked up at him with an anxiously hopeful expression. It made his own soften ever so slightly.
"What do you think? Could I pass as a kunoichi?"
Dark eyes traced slowly over her features, stopping at the forehead protector and the unruly lock that obscured the Leaf village's symbol from view. He reached out and carefully pushed the offending strand back on top of her head. His fingers lingered lightly there for a moment before drawing away.
"It suits you," he finally replied.
She met his steady gaze and beamed.
-X-
Sometimes, he'd think of her and allow himself to drink a sip from the well of self-loathing and guilt that was locked away in the deepest, most guarded compartment of his numb heart. Yet when he did so his eyes remained cold and emotionless. Not even the barest trace of regret ever registered on his striking features. His feelings had died on that day, just like she had in his arms.
He still recalled the sweet fragrance of vanilla, the tip of his nose brushing against the hair on top of her head as he'd stood behind her small form and closed his arms around her to feel her body pressing against his. So light. So slight.
So breakable.
-X-
The sound of the door opening caused her to lift her head expectantly from the jar she'd been examining.
"Mama, I think we're missing some- oh! Itachi!"
Gladness filled her at the unexpected but thoroughly welcome sight of him. She hadn't seen him around town for almost a month. She hadn't talked to him for much longer, ever since she'd paid his father's house a visit. She'd been worried that he was angry at her for forcing him to lie for her sake but had been too afraid to ask after him again.
She forgot all about counting supplies and stepped eagerly around the counter. Observing that he was dressed in full ANBU uniform minus the mask, she addressed him as he quietly closed the front door behind him.
"Did you just get back from a mission or are you leaving on one tonight?"
He didn't reply, merely stood in perfectly poised, graceful silence by the door. The dim lighting from the candles behind her cast half his features in shadow. She wished she could switch the lights on to see his face better but her father had yet found time to change the bulbs that had blackened out the previous night.
"Well, it doesn't matter. It's good to see you, even for a little while. You- you're not angry are you? I'm sorry; I shouldn't have gone looking for you." She cringed apologetically. "Itachi? You are angry aren't you?" She'd never seen him irate before and desperately hoped he wasn't displeased with the thoughtlessness of her actions.
He remained silent. At length his lowered eyelids slowly lifted, heavy black lashes sweeping up to reveal eyes so piercing and intense that she momentarily faltered as they locked onto hers. The dancing glow of firelight made his dark irises appear a strange shade of deep red. When she blinked they had returned to their regular colour. Itachi's gaze slipped away and his head shifted slightly to the left, signalling a negative response to her question.
She sighed in relief. "I'm so glad. I was worried you were avoiding me. But your missions are keeping you very busy aren't they?"
When he still didn't say anything, she went on.
"You work so hard. Can't they give you a day off?" She paused, and clasped her hands behind her back, the peculiar way she always did, he'd discovered on close observation, when she felt shy.
"I- I know it's selfish of me to ask but- it's my birthday in four days! Mama's baking a cake to celebrate. Could you- do you think you could stop by? For a liitle while? For cake, I mean? Do you like cake? I know it's a silly question but maybe you don't. Maybe you're allergic to some ingredients? Do you think your father would be angry if I gave you some? I- I mean some cake – would he mind?"
She was babbling. He'd supposed his prolonged silence was disconcerting her, but he couldn't even begin to consider her own feelings when chaos was running rampant within him, trying to overpower the iron willed self-discipline that he'd set in place to smother down any lingering emotions of a guilt-ridden conscience. This was where it started. He had chosen her first, because he didn't want her to witness the massacre that would follow.
He opened his mouth to say her name, but she'd turned her back to him and was chattering on.
"I'm going to catch you up and turn thirteen at last! They say it's an unlucky number, but I just know this year will be great! Tomorrow, I'll go to the other side of the village and-"
She'd broken off at the feel of gentle arms wrapping around her from behind. She hadn't even heard Itachi move. It was so unlike him to be so close, to initiate physical contact that she could only stare in speechless surprise at the flickering candle on the counter in front of her.
"Forgive me," he spoke softly to her.
His strange choice of words confused her. She felt his steady breath fan against her left ear as his slightly parted lips brushed lightly against the sensitive skin there. Her heart skipped a beat and new, alien feelings were suddenly fluttering to life within her. A faint pink blush, the first telltale sign of what might have become a young, innocent love, blossomed on her cheeks. Suddenly she could see him in front her, so clearly that it set her heart pounding. Her eyes glazed over as she gazed at the vision of absolute splendour rushing into existence around her. His beautiful eyes were an arresting shade of crimson and behind him was the most breathtaking sunset she had ever seen.
"I-Itachi…?"
-X-
His whispered name was the last word she ever said. An instant later, her breath had hitched and her body had stiffened in his arms, before growing limp and lifeless. He desperately hoped the genjutsu he'd cast over her on eye contact had been enough to blot out the sharpest of the pain. He'd held her against him for a few moments longer, watching as the blood seeped from her fatal wound. A wound that he had inflicted upon her. Crimson reflected in his bottomless eyes, bled into them and became their colour as he committed the warmth and softness of her to a memory that had to be locked instantaneously away. Long, skilful fingers picked at the pendant she always wore, broke it off and hid it away in a pocket. When he'd set her gently down and turned to face her parents as they entered the store his feelings had closed off. Abruptly. Entirely. He became the perfect shinobi, the silent ANBU assassin. He became a monster. He'd felt nothing as he'd slaughtered her mother and father in turn. He'd left the bodies there and exited the store, moving as silently and swiftly as a fleeting shadow in the night, moving to finish the bloodshed he had begun.
-X-
A short, self-conscious laugh met his ears. Climbing to the top of a great big tree wasn't what she'd had in mind when she'd said she wanted to see the stars more clearly.
"Oh, I'm sorry, I can't possibly climb that."
A hand was held out to her. She blinked and glanced nervously at its owner.
"Huh?"
"I will assist you."
"That's not a good idea. I'm not a kunoichi remember?" Her eyes lowered sadly. "I never even got into the Academy." The look was quickly replaced by a chirpy smile. "Sorry, Itachi! No climbing for me today!"
At the level stare that lingered on her, she shifted indecisively. "If I fall off I'll crack my head open! My father will be so angry at me!"
Her father didn't even know she was with Itachi. Her mother had covered for her, but if she fell and hurt herself, it would become apparent that she hadn't been staying over at a family friend's house as he'd been informed.
Itachi shrugged, just the slightest lift of his shoulders. "Then perhaps you should return home."
A hesitant pause. She didn't want to leave him just yet, not when she hardly ever got to see him. Finally, reluctantly,
"Well … OK, but only to the first branch!"
The hand reached out to her again. This time she took it. His fingers were cool and held strong as they closed over hers, drawing her closer to him.
"Please don't drop me," she said clinging anxiously onto him. "I know boys like to pull tricks, but I- waaah!"
The world turned upside down as he fluidly propelled them both into the air.
-X-
He blinked, slowly withdrawing from his memories, and turned his Sharingan eyes up toward the starry night sky.
The moon was full, shining a brilliant sphere of silvery light down upon the branch on which he rested. It was at these quietest of times he thought of his past and remembered. It was at these darkest hours that he sought the forgiveness that he knew would never be granted to him. He was damned, a stain upon his family's name and the ninja world.
In the morning he would rise from another sleepless night and pretend everything was exactly as he wanted. Yet he silently willed his younger brother to make haste and find him, so that death could claim him seven years after his own heart had stopped beating. Sasuke was now his only chance of salvation. Sasuke was now his only hope.
Author's Note
Meh, I'm not completely happy with this to be honest, but there you go. Probably because I was listening to 'Telephone' by Lady Gaga when writing this which just totally killed the mood I was going for xD; Anyways it's always an experiment when I write Itachi, because I find his character too epic to capture accurately in words xD eagle-eyed readers will notice his glaring absence from my previous Naruto works, despite him being my absolute favourite character. I'm not really worried about whether it's OOC for him to remember the girl he killed (yes she'd be brunette – can't imagine him going for a blonde, lol). I'm sure he often secretly thinks about the night of the massacre and all the people he slaughtered (hence the sleepless nights). He's bound to have a lot of pent up guilt behind that effortlessly detached expression of his, so I thought it'd be fun to explore potential hidden thoughts and regrets he might have locked away deep inside him. He's not an outwardly emotional character though, so it's well hard to do. : ( I was going for the compassionate Itachi he used to be in the flashbacks prior to the massacre. It's also hard to picture the kind of girl he'd possibly like and create a convincing OC as a result, but I'd imagine she wouldn't be showy or anything xD
This is kind of filler because I've not posted new content for a while and am still working on the last chapter of Something Tangible. So hope it was readable. I'll post a SasuSaku one to more adequately fill the gap as soon as I'm able. Thanks for your patience and for reading. Please don't forget to leave a review, as your feedback/constructive criticism is gold. Ciao for now!