Just friends

Author's Notes: This piece is a spin-off of a, dare I call it a relationship? I have with someone. We're friends, really close ones and people have been asking if that's all there really is. I don't know the answer and perhaps I don't have to know. I've been asked if I'm not falling for him and truthfully, I can say I'm not.

But anyway, this isn't about me and that friend. This story is about Padma Patil and Anthony Goldstein's relationship which spans around twenty years. It starts on the end of their seventh year and ends when they are in their mid-thirties.

Disclaimers: All known HP characters aren't mine. I just borrowed them. Priscilla, Margaret, and Janisha are mine, however.

She never really thought about it before. But lately, more and more people noticed. So she took notice of it herself. Nothing was really wrong with the way they were around each other, right? They were just friends. They both know it. They were both in love with some one else. However, people wanted to judge them based on what they see. She didn't really know when their relationship became such an easy one that they rarely had to think of their actions. Things would just happen naturally between them that people were now thinking they were more than just friends. But they had talked about it. They had mentioned it so many times without even a hint of awkwardness that she was baffled when people would question just what they really were to each other.

Padma Patil had never felt so confused in her entire seventeen years of existence. She knew she was one of the prettiest girls in school. She knew she was among the top students in her year. She knew only her twin could rival with her beauty. She knew Theodore Nott was dangerous but she liked him anyway. And she knew she was only friends with Anthony Goldstein. Nothing more. But why were people thinking otherwise? Was it because they saw them shared a plate every now and then and they would talk in whispers and suddenly laugh out loud? Was it because they saw her lean onto him that one time she got very drunk from the dance and his arm was around her waist, holding her tightly? Was it because she would lean her forearm on his lap when they would tutor the younger years and he'd play with her fingers as they wait for the young ones to solve the problem they gave? Was it because they like to poke each other teasingly, just to startle the other? Was it because everything was just too natural, too easy for them that others mistake them for having something more than friendship?

Just like right now, among their friends during perhaps their last quiet summer break before the impending war would break out. She was too sleepy and too tired and probably drank more than enough firewhiskey. She really couldn't remember how many bottles she already had. She and Anthony had been sharing each bottle and were using only one glass, so she really didn't know how to count. They were at Michael's and they were sitting in a circle near the shore, around the bonfire the boys had conjured. They had been telling each other stories, their pasts, their present, and their futures that were still uncertain. They had been joking around, laughing, imbibing more alcohol than they did before and it was all good. They somehow felt that it would take a very long time before they can be together again like that, so nobody wanted the fun to stop and all attempted to stay awake.

Padma was beside Anthony, arm resting on his lap, head in the hollow between his shoulder blade and head, forehead against the side of his neck. His arm, meanwhile, was around her waist, holding her, supporting her, and he would once in a while lower his hand to squeeze her thigh. The others were all used to seeing them in an almost similar position but tonight seemed different somehow. It looked as though it was more intimate and admittedly, Padma felt that. But she was far too comfortable and she was in the company of friends to even ponder what it might mean.

"Are you ok?" Anthony asked low as the others continued laughing and joking around.

She shifted and muttered, "Mmm." She turned her head slightly so she could see the others then commented, "I'm glad Parvati and Michael got along well. I was afraid at first, even if they were both in the D.A." Her sister looked at her at that and she gave a small grin.

"Stop acting like lovers, you two and join in the fun," Lavender teased which elicited another round of laughter from the others.

"You're just jealous," Padma retorted but she did as asked and straightened up, choosing to sit straight whilst letting her arm stay where it was.

They were discussing the options for their future, which for now seemed to be limited to two: fight or die. It was dwindling down and a new topic had just been raised when Parvati suddenly spoke out loud.

"I really don't get it."

Padma had resumed leaning her head on Anthony's shoulder during the discussion and she felt the brunt of her sister's stare.

Terry, who was sitting across her and was beside Parvati, frowned. "What is it that you don't get? That we risk dying either way?"

Staring back, she knew what her twin was talking about. It was the one thing that even being twins, Parvati couldn't seem to understand and Padma couldn't explain.

"It just is, dearest," she answered and Su made a sound that Padma knew her best friend had figured out what she and her twin was talking about.

Parvati changed position that she was now sitting on the heels of her feet and inclined her head to the side. "I mean, really. Look at you two. You're as close as any lovers would dare to be in front of friends. You sleep, literally, together on gatherings like this and nothing ever happens." She paused and added slyly, teasingly, "None that I know of, at least," which resulted with the others laughing and jeering. She held up a hand so she could continue without having to shout. "You'd sometimes walk holding hands. You'd hug each other spontaneously in the hallways and a kiss on the cheek would usually follow that. You feed each other from the same plate using the same utensils. You drink from the same glass and share a bottle. You're each other's constant date when you don't have one during parties. And yet," she took a breather. "And yet you two aren't together and I've been told, by both of you, that you're both sure you never will be because you aren't the least bit romantically attracted to each other and that you're both just comfortable and everything just flows between you two and that both of you are in love with someone else." She took a drink from her bottle before sighing. "I really don't get that."

Padma looked a little bit surprised at the summation by her twin. Were they really like that? She straightened up again, this time, relinquishing her arm from Anthony's lap and resting them on her own before leaning forward, preparing to speak up but he beat her into it.

"We've talked about that several times, you know," he said, giving their friends a smile then glancing at her before continuing. "I'm quite sure my best friends, especially Michael," a resounding yes was heard, "have heard me drone on and on about Padma and me, and Su and Parvati were the same with Padma. And every time, there wouldn't be any definite answer. All we could come up is that we have this deep connection, friendship," he clarified, "that isn't remotely romantic, that even if something did happen or were to happen between us, it wouldn't change. We'd still be friends. We'd still act the same. We'd still fancy somebody else. And we still wouldn't end up together."

A pregnant pause followed before Mandy asked, "How can you be so sure of that? Wouldn't something change if you two… did it?"

Anthony looked at Padma and she knew she would be the one to answer. "Because we know."

"You mean I wasn't just dreaming when… Circe!" Parvati shrieked before her mouth hang open for a few seconds then she laughed. "Oh, dear. I can't believe… Ew. Anthony. Just… yuck."

That was the trigger needed for the others to laugh it off and to ask more embarrassing questions. Like, "So how is he, Padma? Is he any good? You know I've taken a fancy on him during the D.A.," Lavender said.

"Oh, sod off. I'm not telling," she answered laughingly, turning a deep shade of red that they knew wasn't from the bonfire.

Catcalls were being passed around, until it wasn't only about them and about the others, too, when somebody coughed.

"Corner's mum said this is where I can find… Padma," Theodore Nott said as his eyes found her.

The teasing stopped as she squeezed Anthony's hand before standing up and brushing off the sand from her shorts. She walked over to him and heard Kevin asked how Nott knew where she was and Anthony answered that she told as she led Theodore a little ways far from her friends. She stopped on one of the foldable chairs and sat down, gesturing for her companion to do the same. They were both silent for a while, looking out to the ocean as they dimly heard the ruckus start up again. After a while, she spoke.

"Why did you seek me out?" she asked quietly as she peered at him at the side.

He sighed then reached out for her hand and held it with both of his. "I'm… I'm being forced to choose a side," he started as he tugged her hand so she'd look at him. "Tomorrow. I'm going to tell my answer."

She turned to look at him and searched in his face as to any clue on what his answer might be. And she saw it. She tried to take back her hand but he held it firmly.

"We might…" he cleared his throat. "There's a chance we'll see each other. Out there. But before that happens, I want to see you as if the future wouldn't matter. I want to be with you just as Theodore… Theo. And you just as Padma."

She bit her lower lip and stood up as she continued looking at him before she glanced at the others. They had quieted down and were openly staring at them. She shook her head. "We can't be like that. We can't just ignore what's in store for us. It's what makes us who we are." She took a deep breath and pulled her hand from his hold. "Just… go. I don't want to think that this might be the… Just stay away."

And with that she started to run away from him and back to her friends but he caught up with her. He held her tightly even as she tried to fight him.

"I don't want our last meeting to be like this," he whispered, burying his face at her neck. "You knew that our future would be like this. So please. Just be with me. Just stay with me before we'd both be jaded and forget that once before, we were together like normal couples." He slowly released her as she had stopped resisting him, but she collapsed on the sand, hunched over and wept.

Anthony stood up, ready to take her from Theodore but the latter knelt down and hugged Padma. He went back to sitting and observing.

"How long have been they…?" Lavender asked, ever so curious and this was really gossip material.

"Since-" Anthony started but Parvati cut him off with a look and continued it for him.

"Since last October."

"You knew and you didn't tell me?!" Lavender hissed at her best friend as she continued looking at the two who were still kneeling down and talking in whispers.

"It was her story to tell," Parvati said quietly and shrugged, before looking at Anthony from the corner of her eye. What she saw made her throat hitch. He was looking at the pair not with jealousy but with something else, something she couldn't describe. He looked like he was ready to go there and punch the Slytherin, but at the same time, he looked ready to grab her sister and comfort her. He was looking at Padma with love. Not love like she knew her sister loved Theodore. But love that was far deeper and more complex than she could ever imagine. He was her sister's knight in shining armor. Her protector. Her lover. Her confidante. Her friend. He was her everything all at once and nothing at the same time. Like her sister had said, they just were.

Finally, the two stood up, with Theodore holding his hand out for Padma to grab and together, they walked back to the group. Padma sat back down next to Anthony and Theodore sat on her other side.

"Guys, you all know Theodore, right?" Padma spoke up and she waited for all to nod before she continued. "Theo, these," she swept her hand around, "are all my friends. I'm sure you know them by face but… You know Anthony and my sister Parvati." Theodore nodded and gave the two a small smile. "The guy next to Anthony is Michael, then Mandy, Terry, Kevin, Su, Dean, Lavender, my sister, Seamus, Hannah, Susan, Ernie, Justin, Samantha, and Morag."

All nodded and smiled as he gave one in return. They were all quiet for a while, not quite sure how to start a conversation with someone new around when he talked.

"Don't mind me. I'm sure you all know how… things will probably end but right now, just treat me as your friend's boyfriend who she had just introduced," Theodore said and everyone laughed at that.

The conversation around the fire resumed but it wasn't like before. They were still teasing and making fun of each other but it was different. Padma knew why. All were inconspicuously looking at her and Theodore. She was resting her head on his shoulder, his arm was around her waist, her arm rested on his lap, and he kept on giving her temple butterfly kisses. They looked every bit like the couple they were. However, her knee was connected to Anthony's knee.

And that made just the slightest difference.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

They were once again at Michael's, sitting around a bonfire and drinking firewhiskey. But they're all subdued and no one was talking. The war had ended a few days ago and they were missing two members. They were supposed to be celebrating that they didn't have to fight any more but they were all grieving. Lavender and Ernie were gone.

A soft, but chilly wind blew and Padma hiccupped. "He's dead," she said flatly, and everyone turned to look at her.

"No one saw him, Padma," Su interjected quietly.

Her sister nodded. "He might just be held up."

Padma shook her head and Anthony held her tighter with one arm while his hand held her own. "He's dead. I was the one who killed him," she explained, before she turned her face and wept on Anthony's shoulder.

"How…?" Mandy asked, unable to continue.

Anthony was the one who answered as Padma couldn't speak. "He asked her to. I wasn't there, no. She told me afterwards. She said that he wanted her to be the one who ended his misery, his guilt. That if it was her, he'd feel peace."

Susan looked at Padma and asked, "But why is she…?" she gestured helplessly. "Is she feeling…?"

"No," Parvati said sharply, now understanding the twinge in her stomach as she watched her sister cling to Anthony as if he was her lifeline. "She hoped that in the end, they'd get married and have a family together. But now, that wouldn't be possible... And it was both their choice."

Padma's shoulders shook as she cried and Anthony tried to soothe her. The others had long since looked away from the two and contemplated on the implications of what the end of the war meant for them and their loved ones. She was now between his legs, holding her with all of his limbs as he crooned to her. It went on like that for minutes and no one really noticed how long as each thought about their own futures. Until she spoke again.

"Thank you, everyone," she muttered hoarsely, as she shifted and leaned against Anthony, facing the others.

Mandy gave a smile. "We're your friends, Padma. There isn't any need for that." And the others murmured their agreement.

"So what are your plans?" Samantha suddenly asked as she looked at everyone.

"Seamus asked me to marry him… And I said yes," Parvati announced as Seamus took hold of her hand.

"We'll get married next year. We have a lot to plan and relatives to invite so…" Seamus said as he smiled sheepishly.

Soft laughter rang out around the group and even Padma had grinned. Each shared their immediate future plans, like getting into a volunteer program to help rebuild the country, entering as an apprentice in St. Mungo's or St. Germaine's, putting up a business, marrying their significant other… which was asked of Padma.

"I will," Padma answered quietly.

Hannah had to ask, "You mean you… two?"

"No, no," Padma said, chuckling, the first happy sound she really made. "Anthony's about to ask someone and I've been convincing him she'd say yes."

"Who?!" her twin asked as she leaned forward.

But Padma shook her head, grinning, and made a zipping motion across her mouth. "My lips are sealed."

Su was the one who pouted. "You're no fun."

She just laughed.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Padma indeed got married after three years. And she was right that the girl Anthony wanted to ask to marry him said yes. His and Tracey Davis' first born became Padma's godson. And her twin daughters' with Roger Davies were Anthony's godchildren. The 'bonfire friends', as they started to call themselves, still met at least once a year, and they brought their husbands and wives with them, while their children all stayed with their grandparents or nannies. It was their one day away from the real world.

It was after one of those that the group of friends had to meet again just a little after two weeks. But it wasn't for fun and pleasantries. Tracey had died due to a sickness that neither spouse knew anything about until it was too late. The sickness had spread wide and the Healers weren't able to do anything else than to give her a painless death.

They were at the Goldsteins and Padma was carrying Anthony's youngest daughter, Priscilla who was only two years old. There weren't any mourners left except for them, the bonfire friends, and Anthony's and Tracey's family. She walked over to Margaret, Tracey's mother and handed the little girl who fell asleep in her arms. She gave a small smile to which the elderly woman nodded her thanks before she headed to Anthony who was slumped on the corner of the sofa. She sat down next to him and pulled him to her. He offered no resistance as he turned and leaned on her shoulder.

"I'm here, Tony-bun. I'm still here," she whispered, and after a few seconds, she felt wetness seep into her shirt. She tightened her hold on him as his shoulders shook with silent tears. She swallowed thickly, willing herself not to cry with him as she felt his grief pass to her. His arms then wound around her waist as he shifted and Padma could only hold him closer.

"Pad-" Roger's voice stopped as he saw her position. He walked towards her and said lowly, "I'm going to get the children home. Just call me if you're ready to go, alright?" He pressed a kiss on her forehead and she smiled at him gratefully. She was blessed with an understanding husband who knew the history between her and Anthony. No one bothered them, even as he calmed down and laid there, resting his head on her shoulder.

They had only been alone, really alone for a few minutes when he moved and leaned his head on the back of the sofa. "I loved her, you know. I really did. She was kind and sweet and with just the right amount of spunk that makes me want to strangle her and kiss her at the same time. And now she's gone. I don't have someone to argue with anymore. Or to talk to late at night. Or to make love to. Or even just to lay down together and take comfort in one another's arms. She's gone."

Padma was quiet the whole time he talked and she understood. "I know, Anthony. I know."

He turned his head to look at her without having to sit up straight. "Thank you, Padma. For being here with me. For staying."

She gave him a smile. "You know I'll always be here for me. As long as I'm still breathing, I'm with you."

He sighed. "It's strange, you know. I love you, like I always did. But I fell in love with Tracey. It's ironic, if you think about it. What we have… it's different… Bizarre. It's far too deep and complex. We have this unexplainable connection between us and yet… We didn't end up together. Funny, isn't it?" he ended with a grim smile.

"It is strange," she agreed, shifting so she sat with her leg resting on the cushion and faced him, elbow leaning on the back of the chair. "But it's something I don't want to dwell into because I know I wouldn't be able to come up with answers. I just enjoy what we have, assured that when I need a friend, I know I'll always have one who wouldn't hesitate to come to me."

She stared at him and wondered, why didn't she fall for this man who knew her in and out? And why didn't he fall for her? It was a question she knew she wouldn't ever know the answer to. Smiling, she leaned and kissed him lightly on the lips before she stood up. "I better go. Janisha will wake up in about an hour. And I do have a husband to go home to," she told him lightly.

He smiled at that and waved her out, opting to remain sitting on the sofa.

He'll be alright. She knew it.

She smiled to herself before flooing home.

End.