Title: Aflac

Author: Lady Starhawk

Pairing: None

Warnings: None (Pseudo-crack)

Rating: G

Summary: Magic isn't real…right?

Author Note: I blame Kamelion and a little vid from youtube she sent me of a suck singing about kicking somebody's... It was cute, and we thought of Eliot immideately.

Eliot was in trouble. She heard the scuffle over the earpiece and headed back out to where he was keeping watch. The thugs that worked for the Magic Castle were not happy with Parker trying to steal from them and were taking it out on Eliot.

She peeked around the corner and saw 6 goons walking away. They didn't seem to notice she was there. Once they were gone she looked around but saw no sign of Eliot. "Eliot?" she whispered into her earpiece. She heard no response.

She concentrated on looking for the hitter. She was about to give up when she saw a stuffed yellow duck sitting between two garbage cans. It had a bandanna on its head that was the same color as the one Eliot had been wearing. She picked up the duck and noticed Eliot's earpiece sitting right next to it.

She hugged the stuffed toy to herself, "Oh Eliot, what did they do to you?"

She shut off Eliot's earpiece and put it into her pocket. She cleaned the dirt off of his yellow fur and tucked him safely under one arm. "You'll be okay Eliot. I'll bring you home tonight and you can meet Bunny."

She headed off back to her apartment. They would figure out how to change Eliot back. There had to be something Hardison could hack that would fix it.

*****

The next morning Nate was sitting in the conference room waiting for the team to assemble. They were meeting about a new client, and it was going to be a tricky thing to get this one to work. He was going over the details as Sophie entered the room. She had one of those paper cups full of expensive coffee in her hands, and sat down on the other end of the table and started rifling though the magazine collection he kept there just for her.

A few minutes later Alec came in, laptop in hand. He nodded at Nate, who saluted with two fingers back at the young hacker. Alec proceeded to hook up the computer to the monitors to get things ready for the briefing.

The time for the meeting had come and gone, and there was still no sign on Parker or Eliot. Nate tried calling Eliot's cell, but it went straight to voicemail. He left a message for the hitter, and moved to the space in front of the televisions, ready for the meeting.

Ten minutes later Parker came in. She had a stuffed yellow duck tucked under her arm, and a serious expression on her face.

Hardison perked up when she walked in, "Hey Parker, who's your friend."

Parker gently sat the duck in one of the chairs and then sat right next to him. She looked straight at Nate and he got a cold feeling in his gut. "We have a problem" She said.

"What is it Parker?" Sophie said as she started to lean over the chair with the duck that was between them to try and touch the thief.

Parker reacted violently. "Don't crush him!" She shoved Sophie back and grabbed the stuffed duck from the chair.

Sophie sat back with a confused look on her face.

Nate put his arms out and stepped closer to Parker, "What's the problem Parker?"

She gave him that look he was overly familiar with, the look that says that you should already know the problem.

"It's Eliot."

Sophie nodded and leaned forward, "What about Eliot."

She looked at the other three quizzically. They just didn't get it. "No." She set the duck on the table in front of her. "It's Eliot."

Sophie moved over closer to Parker, put a hand on her leg, and looked her in the eye. "What about Eliot?

She held up the duck for Sophie to see, "It's Eliot." Sophie nodded and tried to move the duck out of the way.

Parker stood and shoved the chairs away from her as she backed up to the wall behind her, she hugged the stuffed duck close to her, like she was afraid someone was going to take it. "You don't understand."

"You're right Parker, I don't understand. Why don't you explain it to me?" Nate moved to the side of the table but no closer.

She opened her mouth and a stream of words came out. "They did something to Eliot, and I took him home last night, and introduced him to Bunny, but Bunny didn't like him very much, so I had Bunny sleep on the couch, and kept Eliot with me, so he wouldn't be scared, and now Bunny's mad at me because I chose Eliot, but I couldn't let Eliot stay on the couch all my himself. I hoped he would be fine when we woke up this morning, but he didn't change back, and I have no idea what to do now." Parker paused to take a breath when Nate jumped in.

"Parker!" She startled, he felt a little bad, but she was rambling worse than Hardison. He had to get her to focus. She looked at him and hit her lip. "Start at the beginning. Who are 'they', and where is Eliot."

Parker sighed, "I was trying to get into the Magic Castle. Hardison says that's where they keep all the magic tricks ever invented, and I wanted them. Eliot came with me to help keep me out of trouble. He got jumped by a bunch of goons. When I got back to where I left him, the goons were walking away, and I found Eliot." She held out the duck gently for them to see. "They did something to him, and we need to figure out how to change him back."

"What did they do to him Parker?" Sophie sounded worried.

"You slept with Eliot???" Hardison's voice came from the other end of the room. Nate had almost forgotten about the hacker.

She looked at him, "I couldn't leave him alone. It's scary being in a new place."

Sophie nodded and came closer to Parker, she softened her tone and crouched down a little. "Parker where is Eliot now."

Parker held up the duck again. But didn't say anything.

Sophie stepped back and looked at Nate, and she shrugged. She had no idea what was going on. Nate had a theory though, "Parker, do you think Eliot got turned into that duck?"

She smiled and relaxed. She set the duck back in a chair and sat in the chair next to it. "So, how do we turn him back?"

Hardison spluttered a bit and Sophie sighed. "Why do you think Eliot was turned into a duck?"

Parker looked right into Nate's eyes and explained again. "Eliot was discovered, he was fighting a group of guys. When I got to where I left him there were 6 men walking away, they didn't have anything in their hands. The duck was next to the wall between two garbage cans, it's wearing Eliot's bandana and his earpiece was sitting next to it. It HAS to be Eliot."

Nate nodded and motioned for Sophie and Hardison to take their seats. "Parker, why don't you take Eliot to his office. We'll get started on trying to find out how to help him."

She nodded and gently picked up the duck. "A familiar environment can be soothing when in a transitionary period."

Nate heard her shut the door to the office, and turned to Hardison, "Start looking for Eliot. Track his cell phone, check traffic cameras for the area, find anything that might show us where he is.

"I have a friend that works at the Magic Castle that owes me a favor, I can arrange a meeting this afternoon if you like?"

Nate nodded, "Set it up. We don't know who has Eliot, and I want to find him as quickly as possible."

"On it boss." Hardison said as he clicked the monitors to show multiple screens at once.

Sophie had her phone in hand and was making the call. They would find their missing team mate. There was no way that he had been turned into a duck. That kind of magic just doesn't exist. It's all misdirection and optical illusions. They just needed to find out who the magician was that made Eliot seem to disappear and a made duck appear in his place.

*****

It was getting late. Nate had called a little while ago and told her to just take Eliot home. He and Sophie were still working on the problem and it might take a while.

Parker tucked Eliot under her arm and grabbed one of his flannel shirts and a pair of sweats form the gym bag in the corner. If he were to change back, he would need a change of clothes. Although Parker didn't care about nudity that much, she knew Eliot wasn't as comfortable without clothes.

She kept Bunny and Eliot with her, setting them on counters, chairs, and tables as she went about her business that evening. And by bedtime both Bunny and Eliot slept in her bed with her. One on each side.

*****

"So Hardison, what did you find?" Nate said as he stepped into the conference room late that evening.

Hardison sighed and slammed his laptop shut as he spoke. "I got nothing. The phone is turned off and its last known location is the alley where the fight happened and Parker found the duck. City plans don't indicate any kind of tunnel or sewer system under that particular alleyway, and I went out during lunch and took a look, and didn't find any hidden entrances to an underground lair." He sighed and continued, "Cameras in the area show no person ran away from the scene, and I saw the goons Parker saw, and they walked away clean, not carrying a body. I can't find a trace of Eliot. I am almost ready to believe that he walked in a man, and was carried out a duck." He put his head in his hands, "What did y'all find out?"

Sophie sank down into a chair and kicked off her shoes. She propped her feet up in the chair next to her and sighed, "Aaron had no idea if something like that was possible or not, he does know that they take security very seriously there, and anybody found breaking and entering would be dealt with harshly, but he hasn't heard of actual transformation before." She sighed and continued, "They don't have facilities to hold people on site, if security catches someone somewhere they don't belong, they call the police."

Hardison opened his laptop again and worked some of his magic. "Yeah, right here. They have prosecuted 17 people for trespassing in the last 5 years."

Nate sat on the other side of the table and rubbed his face. "According to folklore it's possible to change from one form to another, and some of Aaron's colleagues are heavy into some of the darker sides of magic from around the world, voodoo, dark arts, super old druidic things and such, but he has no idea if something like this could really happen."

Sophie looked at both men and then put her head down on the table. "Are we really considering that Eliot was turned into a cute fluffy yellow ducky?"

Nate shook his head, "When you have eliminated impossible, and whatever you have left, however improbable…"

"…Must be the truth." Sophie finished. "But transformation?"

"Yeah." Hardison said shaking his head, "That's all that's left."

Nate nodded, "I'll tell Parker to bring Eliot to the office tomorrow morning for a meeting. Everybody go home, get some sleep, and we'll deal with this in the morning."

*****

Parker skipped into the office with Eliot under her arm. She sat him down in a chair and herself. She was smiling wide, "So, what did you find?"

Hardison shook his head, "Why are you so perky this morning?"

Parker looked at him confused, "I like sleeping with Eliot." She turned to Nate, "What did you find?"

Nate stood, "Transformations are a dangerous bit of dark magic when done on an unwilling subject. Sophie's contact didn't know of anybody that can do real magic, just sleight of hand. Some of his associates research the roots of magic, but hasn't heard of anybody actually doing spells."

Sophie set her phone on the table, "He's going to look into it more and give us a call."

Parker nodded and looked at Hardison. He turned on the laptop and projected images on the view screens. "I was able to research involuntary transformation, but I didn't get any farther than myth and legend. Nothing factual. Just stories. Not a recipe, not a spell book, nothing that even hints at how to do this." He shut the laptop and the screens in front of the room went black. "I got laughed out of a few chat rooms when I asked."

Parker got a sad look on her face, and pulled the basket containing Eliot closer. "I'm sorry Eliot. We're just going to have to wait a little longer to figure this out, right guys?" She looked up at the team with a sad 'kicked puppy' look.

Sophie stood and picked up a basket she had taken from her office, It had held dried flowers at one time, but it was perfect for a nest. Parker smiled. Nate held up a shirt that had been sitting on the table, it was one of Eliot's. Parker wound it up, stuffed it into the basket, and put Eliot on top of it. Hardison pulled a bracelet off of his hand and it had some kind of charm. He put it around Eliot's neck. Parker's eyes started to water as the team made Eliot more comfortable. The basket was now sitting on the table.

Sophie knelt down next to the thief, "Of course Parker. We're going to do everything we can to get Eliot changed back."

"Get me changed back from what?" They all spun and saw Eliot standing in the doorway. He was a mess, blood on his shirt, pants, face, and hands. He was holding his side, and his left eye was swollen shut.

"Eliot?" Parker looked from the hitter to the duck and back again.

"In the flesh sweetheart." She jumped up and gave him a huge hug. He groaned as he caught her, and gently set her back on the ground. "Now, you want to tell me why you didn't come back for me, and what a stuffed duck is doing wearing a bandana and sitting in my flannel?"

Nate helped Eliot over to a chair and sat him down. "Where have you been?"

Eliot sighed and ran a hand through his hair. His knuckles were split, as was his lip. "I was jumped by a group of goons. They were fast, and efficient. Took down two of them before the rest rushed me. They pulled me through a door and down a flight of stairs. I was in and out for a while. They wanted information." He looked at Parker, "They knew you were there but not who you were. I didn't give you up girl."

Parker nodded and played with the edge of the basket.

"I managed to escape this morning. There was some kind of hidden door in the alley. Once I went out it, I couldn't even tell where it was, so it was really really well done."

Nate nodded, "Not surprising for magicians."

"Now, somebody want to explain the duck?"

They all looked at Parker. She pulled the duck out of the basket and looked at it closely. "It was the only thing in the alley when I got there. 6 guys were walking away without anything in their hands, and it was wearing your bandanna and your earpiece was next to it."

Eliot looked at her sideways for a second before continuing gently, "And because it was the Magic Castle you thought that they actually used magic on me and turned me into a duck?"

Parker nodded.

Eliot took the duck from her. "The bandanna is similar, but it's not the same, see how the pattern is different?" He unwound the bandana from his hand. Parker nodded. "Besides, if they were going to turn me into anything, it would have been a big dog, or a bear, or something."

Parker nodded, "That's true. A duck can't really kick anybody's ass very easily." She looked like she was thinking for a minute, "Do you want to keep him?"

Eliot smiled, and shook his head, "No, why don't you have him."

Her whole face lit up. "Bunny learned to like Eliot the Duck, and I think Bunny would be sad if Eliot didn't sleep with us at night." She put the duck back into the basket and skipped out of the room.

Once they heard the door to her office slam Eliot looked at the others "There is definitely something wrong with that girl." The others nodded. Eliot turned to face them, "And there's something wrong with y'all for believing her."

"What makes you think we believed her?"

Eliot shook his head, "I saw the basket in Sophie's office last week, the flannel shirt is one I left at Nate's two weeks ago, and the necklace on it that lookes like one of Hardison's GPS systems." He looked at all three of them, "So, you guys really believed I was a duck?"

Alec looked away ashamed, then cleared his throat and coughed a single word into his hand. "Aflac!"

Alec's scream as Eliot chased him down shook windows throughout the building.