Une question de regards
First of all, this fic does NOT belong to me. I've only made the translation into English! If you are able to understand French you should try and read the original: .net/s/5815081/1/ Don't be so lazy, folks! :D
Anyways, I tried to keep the translation as close to the original as possible, because I didn't want to end up changing the style of writing. Also, English is not my native language so there might me some mistakes. I've tried my best, but I would be very happy if someone could beta this fic. Preferably someone who's a native speaker of English and/or very good at it (a little knowledge of French wouldn't be bad either, I guess). Thanks!
Disclaimer: Characters belong to Alphanim. Story belongs to the wonderful MaXou-ShinI.
Pairing: Ahito X Thran, a little bit of Thran X OC and Sinedd X Micro-Ice
Summary: You've always been better than me. You've always been the first. Me? I'm standing in your shadow and love you in silence.
Ton regard pareil au mien
"I have a girlfriend you know."
I knew. It had been days since he had behaved normally. Some days he seemed to be hiding something. So that was it. When my brain analyzed what he had said, I was in shock. But when I thought about it a little later, it seemed so logical. Even if it hurt, it was logical.
My twin brother Thran was born ten minutes before me. There are only ten minutes difference between us. Only. But that's enough to create this gap between us. He has always been better than me. In school, he was among the best students of the class, while I was always close to repeating class. Thran has invented a few things, and he knows a lot about computers. Thran has many things to talk about, all different and exciting. Thran is much better than me; he has always been one step ahead. Me, I'm just observing from afar despite trying to reach his level. I'm dying of jealousy while watching him. He is the strongest, the best of us.
But one day we found ourselves on a footing of equality. We were both recruited for the football team of our planet. Finally, equality. At least, that's what I thought. But once again, he showed me his superiority. He scored. I didn't. He managed to block so many attacks. I must admit, I'm just no good. And I watched him from behind on the field. I watched him. I observed his every move.
I am pathetic.
Frankly, I'm pathetic, I can't put it any other way. I even looked in the dictionary: pathetic. Someone who is unfortunate in regard to what they might grieve over or why they would have cause to complain. Who inspires pity. Who is very poor. Conclusion: I am pa-the-tic.
I sigh. I am currently in my room, lying on my bed. I sigh again. Sunday afternoon.
"Well Ahito? You okay?"
Yes, of course, I'm lying on my bed on the verge of depression, but all is well! I curse the three morons who dare to populate my living space.
"Yes, I'm fine ...
- Okay. Uh ... Rocket and me, we gotta go ... "
That's it, you jerks, insensitive jerks! I'm at the edge of death, and these two morons just shoot off with their respective girlfriends ... Why don't you just die already!
"Micro-Ice, do me a favour. Pass me a rope ...
- How am I am I supposed to find it in your mess?
- Are you criticizing my storage system?
He laughs and sits on the tabletop. What's great about him is that he does not ask questions like "Why?" Because of what? ". You're down, he cares. I opened my eyes to look at him. He's looking into my dictionary. Damn! I put a bookmark to a certain definition! And – like in slow motion – I see him open this exact page and read the definition highlighted in orange. Fuck.
Incest. Sexual intercourse involving people with biological kinship or family responsibility.
Finally, he should get it. I could have avoided that.
For how long have I loved my brother? No idea. But I remember the first time that I've realized it. It was after the final. That was one year ago. (Damn it, a year already!) After the overall euphoria had worn off, we had to prepare for the mega party evening. He was taking a shower. And then in the big anarchy of the moment, BAM! Everyone in boxers, everybody in the shower. And I see my brother dieing of laughter wearing blue shorts, wet hair and posing for the camera held by Rocket ... I finally realized that I felt something for him.
And damn! A year later, this fool comes to me and says: "I have a girlfriend you know." Damn, I hate him! ... Actually, no, I do not hate him, I love him so much. And it hurts so much. Damn, now that Micro-Ice catches my eyes ... Yes, it's true, I'm crazy about my twin brother, what does it...
" Ahito, did you already ... ..."
Huh? Ah, yes. Intercourse. Uh ... Does imagining Thran's hands on me count? Nah? Well then, no.
"No!" You're sick! Forget about it ... ... You can't understand ...
- Unrequited love?"
And for the first time I look properly into his eyes. He's so strong. Micro-Ice. It doesn't happen often that he looks at me so seriously. He is too strong; the best. I can only lower my eyes.
"Yes.
- ... I' d like to say welcome to the club, but we'll see about that later.
- Pardon? And since when are you still in love with Mei?
- We'll talk about that some other time. Have you told him? "
Subtle change of subject. I lower my eyes again.
"No.
- And what are you waiting for?
- As if it's that easy!
- Well, it's easy! You go see him, and you tell him!
- I'd like to see you do that... I'm going to throw up or something!
- He's your brother, he'll understand...
- Well, actually, I'm not sure...
- You going to tell him! Or I'll do in your place! "
NO! I will not, not even under torture! I guess I'm made to love him in silence. I have to face the truth: He is my brother. We can never... I could never…! And the mere idea twists my heart. It's so unfair ... I feel the tears come. This is not the first time I cry because of him, but it is the first time I feel Micro-Ice's arms of around my shoulders. Damn, it's not fair ... And I cry, I cannot stop. And even my friend's words can't do anything about it.
"Ahito ... Don't worry, he'll understand ... You know Thran, he's a great guy, he can understand anything ...
- I do not care, he's an asshole ... I love him, you should understand ... I love him, and he does not care ...
- I know. I know it's hard. But I am here, aren't I? Huh? We're all here ... "
I know. But I want him. I want his eyes watching me. Look at me, not at this bitch who dares to show herself with my brother. Bitch, yes, exactly! I hear footsteps in the hallway. Someone comes down the stairs and the door opens. And my secret love appears. Fuck. Micro-Ice departs with a smile.
"Well, I'll leave you alone. Ahito, call me okay? And you do what I told you to..."
WHAT A JERK! I'll kill him. Yes, well, just go and shut the door firmly! Gulp. I am alone with the man of all my desires. As always, my heart is racing. It feels too good when he sits on my bed and smiles. It's cute when he has this air of incomprehension. The man I love is perfect. I smile. Little heart, quiet please.
"You have to do what?"
I gotta say I love you. But it's not gonna happen because I love you, and I do not want to disgust you.
And he is curious! I can see him approaching me. No! Don't do that! But what exactly is he ...? He has gone mad! He runs his hand under my shirt and starts tickling me. I bite my lip. He's very gifted. Despite myself, I laugh. He won, I must tell him. It is a kind of contract that we've made when we were five years old. FUCK I'M CURSED! What a stupid idea...
"Come on, you have to tell me now!
- ...
- Come on. Ahito! ... Otherwise ...
- ... I ...
- Hhhhhhm? Come on? ...
- I ... I love you ... "
I hate those three words! I look at him, he's smiling like an idiot.
"I love you, too!
- No! Not ... not like that ... "
I'll thank Micro-Ice later. For now, I'm busy. I'm kissing him. Yes, and not just a little. I kiss him fiercely. It's so good. His lips are soft and warm. I don't care about his opinion, I kiss him because it's probably the last time I'll be able to do that. I kiss him because I love him. I kiss him because in thirty seconds, he'll leave me. And .. Damn it! I can feel his hands behind my neck! WHY I CAN FEEL HIS HANDS BEHIND MY NECK? He's kissing be back and when I try to pull away I feel him shoving his tongue into my mouth. Fucking god I love ... It's so good. I'm left breathless, and his face remains at three millimetres distance from mine when we pull apart. He smiles. He is so beautiful.
"I love you Ahito ..."
No! I'm dreaming! STOP! Right now! I straightened up and look at him. I ... No ... He looks down.
"I've loved you since we were little ... I never had the courage to tell you. I love you ... I am a coward ... I'm pathetic ... I ..."
I don't care that he is my brother. I love him, too. I kiss him again and hug him tightly. We stumble backwards against the bed by coincidence. I love him, that's all there is to it. I. Love. Him. I kiss his lips, his cheek, his ear, his neck. Since the time I've started to dream of this…. How many times did I dream of this? I love him so much ... I feel his hands on my waist when I kiss him again. And his hand passes once again under my T-shirt. I love him so much. I kissed him again. Again. Again and again. I love him.
His hands make me shiver. It's sweet. I pull a little too hard at the buttons of his shirt. His chest is white but his cheeks are red. He groans and it's the most beautiful music I've ever heard. I love him so much ...
Lying under the covers of my bed, I stroke his chest. I love my brother and he loves me. We've made love. I love my brother!
"You haven't told me what Micro-Ice told you to do.
- Ah ... I had to tell you that I love you.
- You've told me, you've even scream it.
- I don't care, I love you. "
He kisses me. Yes, I love him too. I love him so much.
End of chapter 1
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