Sibling Understanding
By: Shutterfly Simmons
"Pai Sho?" he asked, incredulously. She must have finally lost it, he thought. There was no way that she wanted to play Uncle's favorite game. Next, she would be giving him advise in the form of confusing proverbs while pouring him a cup of tea.
"You said you wanted to try to have a normal sibling relationship. Don't normal brothers and sisters play games?" she replied, not bothering to hide her mocking tone.
"But, why Pai Sho?" he whined, not caring that he sounded more like a petulant child than the Fire Lord that he was. She raised her eyebrows.
"Would you prefer to play Hide and Explode?"
"Not with you," Zuko grumbled. "The last time we played, you set my bed on fire." Azula rolled her eyes.
"That was more than ten years ago. Besides, I just you wanted to see me new fire bending moves."
"More like you wanted an excuse to show off."
"I prefer to think of it as as exhibiting my talents."
"That's the same thing!" he snapped.
"Don't get so worked up, Zuzu. I'm telling you, a nice game of Pai Sho will help get rid of all that stress." He glared at her.
"What are you, Uncle's spokesperson? I thought you hated Pai Sho, too."
"I do," she answered. He glanced at her quizzically.
"I hate Pai Sho, and you hate Pai Sho, and your genius sibling reconciliation plan is for us to bond over our hatred of it?" Zuko tried to decide if she was worse than Sokka or not.
"The enemy of my enemy is my friend," she quoted. She was definitely worse.
"I think the fire nation has greater enemies than a stupid board game." She crossed her arms in front of her chest.
"Think about it this way: by playing Pai Sho, we can be your 'typical brother and sister,' and still attack each other as enemies." Zuko had to admit that the game sounded a lot better that way. But, he didn't want to give in just yet.
"I thought we're trying not to fight each other." Azula was not impressed by that argument. She answered anyway. He figured that she knew that she had already won him over.
"They're Pai Sho tiles, Zuko. They're not exactly deadly."
"Well, one of us could choke," he said, defensively. Okay, that sounded stupid even to him. Grudgingly, he got up. "I'll just go get the board and tiles," he muttered. He returned to find Azula in more or less the same position. He placed the board on the table.
"Do you want to go first?" he asked, doing his best to ignore the impending feeling of boredom.
"It doesn't matter," she answered. "I'll win either way." He ignored that last bit, mainly because it was probably true. Even recovering from her madness, Azula was as sharp as ever. He motioned for her to begin. She carefully fingered one. The design sort of looked like a fish. He knew Uncle Iroh had told him the name multiple times, but he couldn't remember it. He always referred to it as "the fish tile." She placed it on the board. Before Zuko could select his own tile, he felt something strike him on the chin. Azula laughed.
"Ow! What was that for?" he demanded. She stopped laughing, but the smile remained on her face.
"I said we were going to play Pai Sho. I just thought my way would be more fun," she said, innocently. She paused for a moment. "Come on, Zuzu, keep playing. Unless, you think you're going to lose. I completely understand if you do." That was the oldest trick ever. It was basically a classic. And, Zuko fell for it instantly.
"You're on," he said immediately. He reached for a tile, but Azula placed her hand on his, stopping him.
"How about some stakes, to make the game more interesting?" she asked, mischievously. He narrowed his eyes.
"Stakes?" he repeated, suspiciously. Knowing Azula, they were probably high.
"Loser has to tell Uncle about our little game," she said, grinning wickedly. Zuko smiled. This, he could do.
"Deal," he agreed.
When Zuko returned to the palace that night, his friends were a little concerned about the small bruises forming all over his face and arms. But, seeing his unusually pleasant mood, they decided not to question it. It had been a long time since he had seen Azula smiling and laughing.
"Zuko, I know how you feel about Azula, but I think you're ignoring the fact that she's still pretty, um, unpredictable," Katara said. Zuko shook his head.
"You don't understand. She's gotten a lot better. She wouldn't have done this." The rest of them exchanged a look.
"I think you're letting your emotions cloud your judgment on this one, Zuko. You're not thinking clearly."
"My head is clear enough to know that she wouldn't do this! Not now," he snapped, before leaving the room. He loved his friends, he really did. But, he knew that they would always see Azula as either a prodigy, flaunting both her fire bending and mental capabilities or the insane ex-princess of the fire nation. It was all they'd ever known and all they'd ever seen. They never had the chance to see her as one of his most valued advisers. He slammed the door of his office harder than was necessary.
"So this is my new room? It's nice to be back in the palace," Azula said. Zuko watched as she surveyed her new room. It was slightly smaller than her old on during the war, but she didn't protest. He assumed that anything was better than the asylum. He was also pretty sure that she wouldn't spend that much time in it anyway.
"Yeah," he answered, "now that you're officially a member of the council, we had to find a new place for you." She sat down on the bed in the center of the room. "So, if you need anything feel free to ask," he said, unsure of what he was supposed to say.
"Believe it or not I've lived in a palace before, Dumdum."
"Right," he said awkwardly. "I'm just going to go and let you get settled now. I'll see you at dinner." He walked towards the door.
"Zuko?" she asked. He stopped.
"Yeah?"
"Thank you," she said quietly. He smiled.
"You're welcome, Azula."
Zuko was brought out of his musings by a light knocking.
"What?" he yelled harsher than he intended to. He probably should have apologized, but he couldn't bring himself to care.
"My lord, the preparations for the funeral of Princess Azula are ready. We're just waiting for your approval." Zuko looked up.
"Thank you," he nodded. "I'll be there soon." He got up from his desk. He'd been dreading the funeral ever since he had heard of her death. Later, he had been determined to find out why. Why commit suicide? It just didn't seem like her. Despite his searching, he hadn't found anything to prove that she hadn't. He decided to check her room one last time after the funeral details were agreed upon.
"I'm sorry," he apologized. Azula still didn't look up.
"Leave Fire Lord Zuko." He flinched as she referred to him by his full title.
"I thought there would be a better option. One that wasn't as dangerous." She snapped her head up. Her eyes narrowed in anger. There was a slight gleam in her eyes that he hadn't seen in a long time.
"Well, there wasn't. That's your problem, Zuko. You're to weak to make the tough decisions. You'd rather waste your time trying in vain to come up with a better plan that will inevitably fail," she hissed.
Despite his attempt to stop his rising temper, he heard himself retort, "Well, excuse me if I find it hard to play with people's lives, unlike you!" Her expression darkened further.
"Wait, I'm sorry," Zuko said, hurriedly. "I didn't mean that."
"I think you did," she replied, coldly.
"I just, I don't like this situation. I wish I didn't have to do this, but you're right," he admitted. Her expression didn't change. She was waiting.
"I didn't mean what I said just now or before. I need to face the realities and accept the necessary evils," he said. He paused awkwardly. He couldn't help but feel like a child in front of his mother, apologizing for stealing a cookie. "Um, I should have known that someone as smart as you wouldn't have just-"
"Flattery really isn't your thing," Azula said bluntly. "But, you're starting to understand."
He took a deep breath before opening the door to Azula's room. There was no one else there, except one of Azula's servants. She bowed down when she noticed who had entered. Zuko simply waved her away. She left the room and quietly closed the door behind her, leaving Zuko alone. Her bed was just as neat as usual. If he tried, he could still picture her sitting there in anger.
But, you're starting to understand.
He felt his anger rise. The torches on the walls burned brighter, the temperature soared higher, but neither could compete with the burning in his eyes, because it was a lie. Azula always lied. But, this one he'd allowed himself to believe, not because he thought it was the truth, but because he wanted to. She had known him so well. Azula had always known everything about him before he had known himself. But, Azula? She was a mystery. He tried so hard, but she was a mystery. One he could never solve, no matter how much pretended to believe that he could. Now, standing in her room, with the fire on the walls, in the air, in his eyes burning hotter and hotter, he couldn't believe it anymore.
"I DON'T UNDERSTAND YOU!" he roared. And, in that moment, the fire reached its peak. As they died down, soot was visible on the sides of the walls, and the water had spilled from his eyes.
"I tried so hard to understand you, and it never worked." He spoke in a harsh whisper now, ignoring the salty tear dripping into his mouth. "At first, I tried because I wanted to be the perfect older brother. That didn't last long," he admitted. He let out a sob/laugh hybrid that made seem like he was choking. "Later, I thought that if I could understand you, then I could be like you. The perfect prodigy. The princes everyone admired, wanted to be like. I watched you, and I tried to find the secret. Tried to find out how you did it. The only thing I discovered was that you always lied, which I later discovered wasn't true. That was just my reassurance that I knew something about how you worked. That you didn't perplex me. Then, after Sozin's Comet, I wanted to understand you so that I could heal you. If I could figure you out, I could be your guiding beacon. I didn't get it then, either. I just figured that you were lost and confused, Maybe that was true, but it doesn't mean anything. It doesn't tell me anything about you. It was another lie. Another one I told myself. A few years passed, and you seemed to get better. You were back to your old self, and you even had a relationship with Ty Lee. I thought you were happy. I thought I finally understood you: the girl who had conquered her demons, like she id everything else, and was building a new life for herself. But, I guess I was wrong again. And, now? Now, I want to what was it?" He cried.
"What was it that drove you to take your own life? I keep trying, and each time I think I have the answer, but I'm wrong every time. You know everything about me, and I can't even figure out why you want to play a stupid game of Pai Sho! What is it? What is the answer?" he demanded.
"I never understood you," he said quietly. "But, I want you to know that I'll never stop trying."
Katara noticed that the sharp scent of alcohol was still in the air. They had poured it over her body to make sure that the fire burned brighter and faster. She looked at the fancy urn that held Azula's ashes. The urn was was painted with an intricate designs of dragons and blue flames. The water tribe girl leaned closer to Aang.
"Are you sure we shouldn't tell him?" Aang sighed and shook his head.
"I don't think we should," he answered.
"But, you saw how Zuko's reacting to her death. He thinks it's at least partly his fault. That if he had done something better or noticed that something was wrong, she wouldn't be dead. He feels terrible. Maybe if we just-"
"Katara, if he's this upset thinking that she killed herself, then it'll tear him apart to know the truth," he interrupted. He lifted her chin up. "Hey, I know it's a tough decision to make, but it's for the best," he said in a softer tone. Katara sighed. She looked down.
"She died a hero, and all people will ever see is an unstable girl who lost control of her inner demons." Aang wrapped his arms around her.
"We know the truth, and someday we'll let the world know what she did. But for now, it'll remain a secret." They walked back up to the palace with their arms wrapped around each other. Both were too wrapped up in their own thoughts to notice a silent figure clad in black race away from the scene. The third keeper of the secret.
(A/N): Review and let me know what you think, because I am terrible when it comes to writing emotional stuff. I'm also unhappy with the title, but I glared at it for a while and came up with nothing.
Written for Round 3 of the Probending Circuit
Colors:
Red: Determination and Anger
Yellow: Intellect
Orange: Showing-off
Word count: 2,384
Prompts:
Word(Clear)
Smell(alcohol)
Genre(tragedy)