On my Own

by mileouttahell

Two people share an unrequited love for Duo...(yaoi and odd pairing warnings)

"And now I'm all alone again,

Nowhere to go, no one to turn to

Without a home, without a friend

Without a face to say hello to,

And now the night is here

And I can make believe he's here.

Someitmes I walk alone at night

When everybody else is sleeping

I think of him and then I'm happy

With the company I'm keeping

The city goes to bed

And I can live inside my head

-Eponine, Les Miserables

WnK: Hey, everyone! This is a weird depressing little ficcy. Toby wouldn't leave me alone until I wrote it, and...well...here it is.

^^; But Setsuna took over at the end, so it is pretty happy in the end. :)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Disclamer: Don't own it, though Wufei will be mine soon! Mwahahahahaha! Er...never mind.

Forget I said anything. -_-; Um...I don't own Le Miz, either, though I sure wish I did.

Other disclamer: I still don't submit to the tyranny of a timeline.

Warning: 1x2 fans beware. Heck, 1xR fans beware (Er...Relena doesn't even make an appearance in this one. ^^;) Geez, 13x5

fans better look out too...well, don't read this if you're not open to accepting new and different couples- _my_ couples!

Bwahahaha!!!

Other warning: It changes POV after every verse, so don't be too confused, ok? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~*On my own, pretending he's beside me

All alone, I walk with him 'till morning

Without him, I feel his arms around me

And when I lose my way, I close my eyes,

And he has found me*~

I love Duo Maxwell. I'm not sure exactly when this strange event, of me falling for Duo, occured, but it definitely _happened_,

in the same way a brick falling on your head happens.

So, you say, you'll live happily ever after with him, just like it's supposed to happen for the good guys.

Wrong.

For months, I dropped hints to Duo, trying to tell him that I cared for him as more than a friend without baring my soul

completely. My advances went unnoticed or ignored, I'm not sure which.

Then, one day, the other shoe dropped. Literally. Onto my forehead. OK, it actually _flew_ onto my head, but you get the

idea. Here's what happened.

I was going upstairs to tell Duo about a mission. Duo had said something about not disturbing him, but do you think I listened?

Of course not! Duo always liked company. Or so I thought.

I opened the door, only to be hit, smack in the forehead, by a flying shoe, from the direction of the bed. I think you probably

have a creative enough imagination to be able to figure out what was happening. Duo and his new lover, Chang. That bastard.

*Of course, he was never mine to lose.*

I shut the door on Duo and his exotic Chinese lover before they could notice me, and I felt what was left of my heart after a

long bitter war dissolve into pieces.

~*In the rain the pavement shines like silver

All the lights are misty in the river

In the darkness the trees are full of starlight

And all I see is him and me

Forever and forever*~

Just another girl fan, that's all Duo sees me as. Just a silly school girl who helped him out a couple of times, with a silly school

girl crush to match. If he even knew I cared for him, that is.

I pulled my cap over my eyes as they began to shine with tears. Boys often told me that I had beautiful eyes. They'd tell me that

they'd shine with joy when I was happy, go hard and flat when I was mad...I appreciated that comments of course, but there

was only one boy I wanted to hear them from, the one boy who never said anything.

I thought it was perhaps that I was too much of a tomboy. In retrospect, I shouldn't have changed myself for him, for that is not

how love works. But at the time it seemed the most natrual thing in the world. I dropped my military habits like a hot rock,

started wearing dresses, and hats to cover up my hair. Ugh, I had it so long, until I had to cut it when I joined up with Oz.

When it was short it was so unmanageable, looking like I had put it through a weedwhacker or something...

But none of it did any good, did it, Duo? I could have done a striptease in the livingroom and you wouldn't have taken any

interest in me.

Then you started coming to me for love advice, which was when I not only realized I didn't have a chance with you, but that

you viewed me as a sister. It was Wufei you loved. And, much as I tried to, I couldn't hate you for loving him. Who was it who

said, "To love another person is to see the face of God!"?

~*And I know it's only in my mind

That I'm talking to myself and not to him

And although I know that he is blind

Still I say there's a way for us*~

I still remember the first time I met you, Duo Maxwell. You saved my butt, that time, I think. Oh, wait. That was the _second_

time I met you. The first time, you were shooting at me, but I acknowledge that I probably deserved it.

But I didn't really "meet" you that time, did I? We saw each other...but it wasn't a meeting, because I didn't get to know you,

what you were like.

So our first real meeting was, I suppose, the time you busted me out of the hospital. If it wasn't for you and Relena, I'd be dead

know. Yes, you heard me right. I acknowleged the fact that I owe my existance to Duo Maxwell and Relena Peacecraft.

'Course I'm thinking I might rather be dead now...

At the time, I didn't quite understand Relena, nor my feelings for her. Now I believe that it was fascination...her obsession with

me was fascinating, her utter devotion was fascinating...as was her complete and totally amazing tenacity. There was never love

there...she is as much a stranger to me now as she was then.

But I suppose Relena doesn't matter anymore, since she got married. Some boy from her childhood, named Jun, I believe.

Seems he'd loved her all along, it just took a good hit on the head to knock some sense into her. Not literally, this time. The

knock, I suppose, was me telling her that I didn't love her, never had, and never would, for I loved Duo.

And it comes back to Duo again. I swear that boy is twisted around me like an octopus.

~*I love him, but when the night is over,

He is gone, the river's just a river

Without him, the world around me changes

The trees are bare and everywhere

The streets are full of strangers*~

The first time _I_ met Duo, you ask? He was sitting around, bitching about something or other to do with the colonies and

politics. I don't think I really heard what he said at the time. The only thing on my mind was getting an opportunity to work with

this beautiful young man, with the mysterious eyes.

I still recall his expression when I shoved the Oz application in his face. His sunglasses slid down his nose and his eyes crossed,

due to the close proximity I was holding the application at. And little did I know that I was offering a job to one of the

legendary Gundam pilots!

The next week or so was pretty much a blur for me. Daily routine went by, nothing exciting happening in the base where I

worked. Then Duo popped up again, as he tends to do even now when I think my life has finally settled back to normal. And

again I am haunted my those mysterious and sad purple eyes...

The next thing I knew, I was agreeing to help Duo. I had already fallen head over heels for him.

~*I love him, but when the night is over

He is gone, the river's just a river

Without him, the world around me changes

The trees are barren everywhere,

The streets are full of strangers*~

It was a stupid thing to do. Really stupid. I should not have needed help to get over Duo. A moment of weakness. But I found

myself at the house of the one person who might understand what I was going though.

Oh, yes, I wasn't blind. I had seen the looks she shot at Duo. She had been an obstacle at one time, now she was the one

person who might understand what I was going through.

I don't know how the hell it happened. Just...we met more and more, and suddenly, I forgot Duo.

Well, I didn't forget him, exactly, but he became much less important to me, and I stopped feeling like I was going to burn up

from the pain if I didn't have Duo as mine, _right now_.

It had happened again.

How did this always happen to me? No matter how hard I tried to prevent it, I still managed to fall in love.

~*I love him, but every day I'm learning

All my life, I've only been pretending

Without me his world will go on turning

A world that's full of happiness

That I have never known!*~

So...now the two of us are a couple. I love him, he loves me, and everything's the way it's supposed to be, like in the movies.

And don't ask me how it happened, because I don't know either. In fact, he's the last person I would have expected to fall for.

But cie la vie, I guess, live and learn. There are a thousand cliches I could fill in here, but I'm sure you get the picture.

All I can say is that I took and gave solace where it was needed, and now I'm a lot happier than I was.

I love him...I love him

I love him

But only on my own...*~

Wufei wrapped his arms tight around Duo. "You know, I'm really lucky to have you. There were two others after you. I'm still

not sure how I won out over two people so amazing."

"You're pretty amazing yourself. And that's love, I guess. 'Who can explain it, who can tell you why?' But I think this

arrangement is better, because they found each other."

Wufei just smiled and started to sing softly, "And I will take you in my arms/ And hold you right where you belong..."

"Aishiteru, Wufei."

~*Hurry near, another day is dying

Don't you hear, the winter wind is crying?

There's a darkness which comes without a warning

But I will sing you lullabyes and wake you in the morning.*~

~*Owari*~

*Author runs from very mad 1x2 fans* Ouch! That's hot! Watch where you're pointing that blowtorch! Blame the muses, not

me! Eep! Anyway, C&C welcome.