"You're in love with Draco Malfoy. You're in love with Draco Malfoy. You're gay! You're in love with Draco Malfoy?" Ron said, dazed, disbelievingly and for about the twelfth time.
"NO, Ron, how many times, I'm not IN LOVE with him, I just think he's…well, he's…"
"Gorgeous?" Hermione suggested, putting down her book and joining in the conversation.
"Yes! Yes, that's what I think….he's gorgeous, he's hot, he's…Hermione, are you not…."
"Surprised? SHOCKED?" Hermione said mockingly. "No way, Harry! I've been fairly sure you were gay for about three years. And I've seen the way you look at Malfoy, those loving stares," she teased.
"Oh shut up."
"You're in love with Draco Malfoy. Draco Malfoy? Malfoy. You…and Malfoy… Malfoy and…and you? You're gay?"
"No, Ron, I'm a straight bloke who fancies men."
"What? That doesn't make any sense…" Ron said then trailed off looking sheepish as he realised Harry was being sarcastic.
"You're gay!" he said again, unable to stop himself. Hermione hit him over the head with a nearby copy of One Million Really Stupid and Pointless Spells that will Never Ever Come in Useful Ever.
"Well done, Ron, I only told you fifteen minutes ago!" Harry said, laughing. He frowned slightly. "But…it's OK, right? I mean, you don't mind do you?"
"We don't mind at all!" Hermione said. "Did you think we would? It's fine. Isn't it Ron. ISN'T IT, RON!"
Ron was still looking slightly shocked.
"Why didn't you tell us before? I mean, it's fine. Makes no difference. No, correction, the gay bit is fine. The Draco Malfoy bit? NOT fine!"
"Ron!"
"OK, alright, I don't really mind… But, Malfoy? Why Malfoy? He's so horrible, he's mean, couldn't you pick someone else to be in love with?"
"I'm NOT in love with him! Even if I wanted to be, how could you love him, how could anyone love him, he's made of ice…"
"Why not him?" Hermione said to Ron as they both ignored Harry's ramblings about a heart of ice. "I mean, he's FIT! He's the best-looking guy in our year!"
"WHAT?" Ron half-yelled. "What about me? Aren't I fit?"
"Er, Ron? No. Sorry!" Harry said, having stopped rambling.
"Well, I'm kind of glad YOU don't think so…no offence…"
"None taken," said Harry obligingly.
"…but Hermione? I thought you said I was the only one for you!"
Harry laughed. Hermione and Ron had been playing around since, well, always, pretending to be in love. Harry knew that Ron really WAS in love with Hermione - and that Hermione knew Ron was in love with her – but Ron didn't know that Harry knew. Or that Hermione knew. Or that Harry knew Hermione knew.
"Well, I changed my mind!" Hermione said playfully. "Don't like YOU anymore! Back off Harry, Malfoy's mine!"
"What the hell…" Ginny started, having just entered the common room to hear Hermione's last statement. "Actually, don't tell me, I'm tired, I'm going to bed and I don't want to know!" She headed straight up the stairs to the girl's dormitory.
"Oh, Harry, Ginny'll be upset when you tell her that you're gay!" Hermione said. "Not that she ever REALLY believed she had a chance…"
"She won't be upset."
"What? 'Course she will! Ron you are SO blind, DO NOT tell me you didn't know she was in love with him!"
" 'Course I knew!" Ron said scornfully. "But, well, was. WAS in love with Harry. She's…she, well, she, she doesn't like, er, men."
"She's a lesbian?!"
"Yeah."
"Really?" Hermione asked. "Cool! I always thought she was fairly hot, actually…"
Ron was staring. Harry was doing the same, but didn't look horrified, as Ron did.
"Oh yeah, you guys, I'm bisexual."
"Cool," said Harry.
"WHAT!!!"
"Well, you know. I like…"
"Yes, I know what it MEANS Hermione, but…what the hell is this? We're all gay day? Mass-coming-out?"
"Absolutely!" said Hermione. "Got something you want to tell us Ron?"
"Yeah," said Ron, "I've got something to tell you. I think may be either drugged, drunk or dreaming, and I'm going to get some cake."
"What?"
Harry and Hermione looked at each other as Ron left the common room, rubbing his head and looking bewildered.