A/N: This is part of my Paul is Dead series. The other stories in the series are Turn Me On, Dead Man, Helter Skelter and It Was 20,000 Years Ago Today.
Chapter One
Rose leaned her head back and soaked up the sun. She and the others came to Bahamas to relax after their recent battles. The sun was warm and the beach was beautiful, white sand and gorgeous surf. After everything they'd been through it was nice to sit back and relax. She was currently sitting with the women of the group. The female Children of Time as they decided to keep calling themselves. They had spread a couple of large blankets out on the beach and she, Michelle, Jane, Donna and Amy were sitting and chatting while Paul gave Bill more guitar lessons on another set of blankets while Jeremy and Rory listened. The Doctor was off somewhere exploring while they were sunbathing and enjoying the day. At the moment, Paul was trying to teach Bill how to play Michelle for his girlfriend's benefit and the music wafted on the breeze over to their blankets while they chatted. The women were swapping stories about their travels with the Doctor while Michelle listened and marveled at their adventures. In return, she told him about her life as a Neanderthal so she could contribute to the discussion. They were so engrossed in their discussion that they didn't hear that the music had stopped for a moment. When they finally became aware of it, they turned their heads and saw the men standing behind them. Rose gave Paul a wary look when he gave her an evil grin.
"Yeah?"she said.
"Did you see Help?" he asked her.
"Um…yeah, why?" Rose said, still wary.
Paul held out his hand. Rose eyed it while the other women laughed. She took it and Paul helped her to stand up. He led her away from the blanket towards the surf. When they were nearly there, Paul turned her around so she was facing everyone and he was standing behind her. Paul raised her right arm and bent her left one. Then to her shock, he mimed strumming her like a guitar.
"FOR I HAVE GOT…ANOTHER GIRL!" he sang loudly while he rocked her side to side and made strumming motions over her breasts.
Rose shook her head while the men bent over laughing. Rose gasped when Paul suddenly put her arm down and swept her off her feet into his arms. He rocked her from side to side while he continued to sing Another Girl at the top of his lungs.
"Will you put me down, you git!" Rose yelled while everyone laughed.
Paul smiled; he helped her to stand on her feet and patted her head.
"Thank you for that recreation of the Another Girl scene in my film. Much obliged," he said.
"You've been waiting all day to do that," Rose said to him.
"No, just now thought of it. The girl I used for a guitar was blonde as well and speaking of blonde…you and Michelle seem to be drowning in a sea of gingers over there," he said, pointing to Amy, Donna and Jane.
"Yes, I noticed that," she said as the ginger haired women laughed. "I feel like I've stumbled into a meeting of the red-haired women's club."
"That's because red-haired women rule," Donna said before she gave Amy and Jane high fives.
"Yes, red hair is superior," Amy said.
"I heard gingers have no souls," Jeremy said.
Amy eyed him while Paul gaffawed at that.
"Really? Where'd you hear that?" Paul said.
"Oh, some thing on the internet," Jeremy said dismissively.
"You better hope that's not true, Paul," Jane said. "Because you're married to a soulless woman then."
"Nah, you have a soul," Paul said, leaning over to give her a kiss. "It's an interesting idea though. Soulless red-heads, there's a song in that."
"Oh God," Amy said, rolling her eyes while they laughed.
"Hullooooooo!"
They looked over when the Doctor walked around a large rock and called to them.
"Hullo, my children of time, come with me, I have to show you something," he said to them.
They all got up and walked towards him. He grinned.
"Ah, I love how I can just say stuff and humans automatically flock to me like birds. Makes me feel like the Pied Piper."
"So what you're saying is you don't have stuff to show us, you just wanted to see if we'd follow you," Amy said.
"On the contrary, I have some very interesting stuff to show you, come with me."
He led them around the boulder and they walked away from the beach a bit to a rocky cliff. There was a small narrow path leading down to the shore below and everyone followed the Doctor. Halfway down, there was a wide rocky ledge that led into a cave. The doctor pulled a torch out of his pocket and clicked it on while everyone followed him inside. The interior was dark and damp with stalactites and stalagmites growing everywhere. His companions followed the Doctor, taking care to watch where they stepped on the damp rocky surface.
"So…where are we going?" Rory finally asked as he held hands with Amy.
"I found something," the Doctor said triumphantly. "I want all of you to see it."
They walked for a couple of minutes and then the Doctor stopped them. He shown the torch's light against the right side of the cave and they saw a skeleton slumped against the wall. It was dressed in tattered clothes that were barely intact after years of being dead. On the skull's head was a faded red bandana that was tied like a pirate's bandana and indeed the rest of his clothes looked like the sort of thing a pirate would wear. As they came nearer they saw a rusted sword by his side resting in the palm of his skeletal hand.
"Cool," Amy said.
"Yes, I thought so, but there's more," the Doctor said.
He handed the torch to Rose and she shown it on the skeleton while he bent down, put his fingers into the open mouth of the skull and pulled out a piece of old parchment.
"Let me guess, it's a map to a treasure chest," Paul said dryly.
"Blast, you guessed it!" the Doctor said.
"Seriously? He had a treasure map in his mouth?" Jane said.
"Seems so," the Doctor said, standing up.
He unfolded it and showed them a faded treasure map written on the parchment.
"So while you were chit chatting, I was finding cool stuff," the Doctor said smugly.
"So are we gonna find this treasure?" Paul asked.
"Well…" the Doctor said, taking the torch from Rose while he studied it.
A frown spread over his face and his companions glanced at each other.
"What's wrong, map faded?" Donna asked.
"No…um…" the Doctor said before trailing off.
They watched in silent confusion while the Doctor used the torch and walked further into the cave. For a moment they thought he was leaving them but he only walked ten feet away from them to a large rock. He glanced at the map, then at the rock and then he bent over, reached behind the rock and lifted up a small wooden box.
"The pirate buried his treasure there?" Bill said as everyone stared at the box in astonishment.
"Apparently, the pirate didn't have much of an imagination," Jeremy said dryly.
"Or he was very forgetful," Rose added.
The Doctor put the end of the torch in his mouth while he sat the box on the rock and opened it. He stared inside for a few seconds and then pulled out a small white card. He took the torch out of his mouth and shined it on the card while his companions shared another glance.
"So, what is it?" Donna asked.
"Congratulations," the Doctor read aloud, "you have found the hidden treasure and have won a free meal at Barnacle Bill's, home of the man-sized lobster, beverage not included with meal."
Everyone laughed as the Doctor stared at the card in shock. He put the card in the pocket of his jacket, walked back over to the skeleton and rapped his knuckles against the skull. Then he pulled the skull off the neck and stared at it in silent shock.
"Alas poor Yorick?" Paul said while everyone sniggered.
"Okay, honestly, what sort of git would put a fake skeleton in a cave halfway up a cliff as an advertising gimmick?" the Doctor said angrily.
"Apparently, the sort of git who knows people explore these caves?" Donna said with a shrug.
They laughed at the incensed look on the Doctor's face.
"So…are you going to use the card because if not, I'll go eat at Barnacle Bill's," Amy said to him.
"No, I want it, Pond," Jeremy said. "I wanna go eat at Barancle Bill's."
"Nope, I get it," Rose said smugly.
"Says who?" Jeremy said to her.
"Says your fiancée."
"And?" Jeremy said while the other humans laughed.
"I claimed it before you did," Rose said to him.
"Yeah? Well, I claimed it before you so it's mine," Amy said to her.
"No, I have seniority when it comes to travelin' with the Doctor, it's mine," Rose said to Amy.
"Oh, well in that case, I have seniority because I used to be a part of the Doctor's body which makes me as old as the Doctor so it's mine!" Jeremy said to Rose.
The Doctor gave them an annoyed look when his companions started a fake fight over who would get the coupon. He shook his head, threw the skull at the skeleton's feet and walked past them.
"After him, he's getting away with our pirate booty!" Jeremy said, pointing at him.
The Doctor grunted when everyone slammed up against him.
"Give us the coupon or we make you walk the plank, matey," Rose said.
"Hardy har har," the Doctor said, reaching into his pocket. "Here, amuse yourselves then."
He threw the coupon up in the air and hurriedly backed up when his nine friends pushed and shoved one another, pretending to fight to the death for it. The Doctor sighed and folded his arms over his chest while he watched Jeremy grab Bill's head and mime beating it with his fist while Paul mimed kicking Jeremy in the ass.
"Leave my brother alone, you fiend!" Paul said as he pretended to kick him.
"No, I want that coupon!" Jeremy said, grabbing his nose and pinching it.
"You villain, I'll teach you to pinch a Beatle's nose!" Paul said, pinching his nose back.
"Are you quite finished?" the Doctor said when his companions started pinching each other's noses and laughing.
His companions stopped and giggled while the Doctor shook his head and smiled.
"Okay, so who has the coupon then?" he asked.
Everyone glanced at each other and muttered about how they didn't have it to one another. The Doctor shined his torch at the floor and saw the coupon lying behind Jeremy's right foot. When he pointed it out, he rolled his eyes when the companions immediately resumed their fake fight, pinching Jeremy all over his body and pulling his hair while he tried to hit them and grab the coupon off the floor. He grabbed it and let out a triumphant laugh, jogging over to the Doctor's side while he waved the coupon at them.
"Success! The man with the most brains wins all!" he crowed. "I will think of all of you as I devour my meal."
"Eh, food probably tastes like shite anyway," Donna said.
"Yeah, that's why they have to resort to stupid gimmicks to get people to eat it," Rory added. "You have it, mate. Probably poisoned anyway."
"But…anyone gonna arm wrestle me for it?" Jeremy said to them while the Doctor chuckled.
Michelle walked up to him.
"Not you, you used to wrestle mammoths, you'll break my arm off," Jeremy said while everyone laughed.
He gave Michelle a hug and Michelle kissed his cheek. The Doctor grinned at that.
"Well, I tried to give you lot a bit of excitement," he said with a sigh. "Perhaps I should go back with you to the beach and just relax."
His friends voiced agreement with that and the Doctor led them back out of the cave while Jeremy waved the coupon in his friend's faces and taunted them about eating a free meal.