"What have I done?" I couldn't believe it, I had just finished with
the one person I have ever felt completely in love with. He's gone, how
stupid am I?….Wait. Ciaran. The name rang around in my head. Ciaran. My
father. He was evil personified, he represented everything I knew and
hated. About Magick, about Wicca. But was he?. I was so confused. Hunter
didn't believe he was. He had saved me in a way. Setting Hunter free to
save me, he wasn't able to kill his own daughter. Me. But he had killed my
mother, his own muirn beatha dan, soul mate. How could he.
When I finally got home, Mum was in the kitchen I vaguely heard her greet me, but all I wanted to do was sulk. I ran to my room, slamming the door behind me. Hot stinging tears already streaming down my face. I sat on the edge of my bed. I physically aced, Hunter was gone, and I had been the one to do it. If not in the world, in my heart. I had extinguished the flame, I'd had to, for him. I did it for him, I couldn't bare it, if I hurt him again. I loved him. But I coucldn't be with him. It was simple.
I was poison. I had bad blood, evil blood. Pure Woodbane, dark magick, it explained so much, how I was so carefree with spells, how they went wrong, how I hurt everyone I loved just by existing. And I did love. I loved Hunter.
I just wanted to crawl up and die, hide away from everyone I loved and who loved me. Away from Hunter.
"Honey" My mum called cautiously upstairs. "Are you o.k.?" she had love in her voice. The love I had to forget. I didn't answer I wasn't sure I was capable of speaking right now. My throat was sore from sobbing, and she would probably be able to tell I was anything but 'o.k.' from my croaky voice. I heard her slowly plod up the stairs, and tap on the door. I quickly turned to face away from the door, so she wouldn't see my tear stained face, I desperately tried to control my wild sobs
"Honey?" she took a step in the door, I felt her warmth, it soothed me, and I let myself absorb it. "Is it Hunter?" she knew me so well. She loved me, and had raised me as her own.
She wasn't my Mum, not my real one, but I loved her just the same. I had to resist the love, that clasped at me I so dearly wanted to grasp it and hold on for all it was worth, be loved, feel the joy of someone else caring for me, but I couldn't it would only end with heartache. My heritage took care of that.
"I'm o.k." I rasped, barely more than a whisper. I coughed taking control of my tears. I had to be strong if this was going to work at all. "I'm o.k." I said again in a stronger voice.
"Alright" she said, it was clear between us that I wasn't willing to talk about it. Not just now. Or ever I thought. " Me and your Dad are going out tonight, with your Aunt Eileen, and Paula. Mary k. is at Jaycee's are you going to be alright by yourself?" I nodded. She waited a second then shut the door. I let out a sigh. Finally alone, I would have to get used to the feeling. Alone. By myself only then could I make sure no one would get hurt. Ever.
A while past and I felt Mum and Dad leave. The door closing behind them. I started crying again. The realism hit me, I was alone and I couldn't stand it, just thinking about being lonely and hollow scared me. I would never feel another person's love again. This was it. My life. But was I strong enough to keep it this way. Would I give in to love, I couldn't risk it.
I desperately raked my brain for a way to detach myself from the world. Was there a spell to enclose my emotions. If there was I didn't have it. I realised I couldn't waste time finding one. I had to get out of here.....I had to leave.
When I finally got home, Mum was in the kitchen I vaguely heard her greet me, but all I wanted to do was sulk. I ran to my room, slamming the door behind me. Hot stinging tears already streaming down my face. I sat on the edge of my bed. I physically aced, Hunter was gone, and I had been the one to do it. If not in the world, in my heart. I had extinguished the flame, I'd had to, for him. I did it for him, I couldn't bare it, if I hurt him again. I loved him. But I coucldn't be with him. It was simple.
I was poison. I had bad blood, evil blood. Pure Woodbane, dark magick, it explained so much, how I was so carefree with spells, how they went wrong, how I hurt everyone I loved just by existing. And I did love. I loved Hunter.
I just wanted to crawl up and die, hide away from everyone I loved and who loved me. Away from Hunter.
"Honey" My mum called cautiously upstairs. "Are you o.k.?" she had love in her voice. The love I had to forget. I didn't answer I wasn't sure I was capable of speaking right now. My throat was sore from sobbing, and she would probably be able to tell I was anything but 'o.k.' from my croaky voice. I heard her slowly plod up the stairs, and tap on the door. I quickly turned to face away from the door, so she wouldn't see my tear stained face, I desperately tried to control my wild sobs
"Honey?" she took a step in the door, I felt her warmth, it soothed me, and I let myself absorb it. "Is it Hunter?" she knew me so well. She loved me, and had raised me as her own.
She wasn't my Mum, not my real one, but I loved her just the same. I had to resist the love, that clasped at me I so dearly wanted to grasp it and hold on for all it was worth, be loved, feel the joy of someone else caring for me, but I couldn't it would only end with heartache. My heritage took care of that.
"I'm o.k." I rasped, barely more than a whisper. I coughed taking control of my tears. I had to be strong if this was going to work at all. "I'm o.k." I said again in a stronger voice.
"Alright" she said, it was clear between us that I wasn't willing to talk about it. Not just now. Or ever I thought. " Me and your Dad are going out tonight, with your Aunt Eileen, and Paula. Mary k. is at Jaycee's are you going to be alright by yourself?" I nodded. She waited a second then shut the door. I let out a sigh. Finally alone, I would have to get used to the feeling. Alone. By myself only then could I make sure no one would get hurt. Ever.
A while past and I felt Mum and Dad leave. The door closing behind them. I started crying again. The realism hit me, I was alone and I couldn't stand it, just thinking about being lonely and hollow scared me. I would never feel another person's love again. This was it. My life. But was I strong enough to keep it this way. Would I give in to love, I couldn't risk it.
I desperately raked my brain for a way to detach myself from the world. Was there a spell to enclose my emotions. If there was I didn't have it. I realised I couldn't waste time finding one. I had to get out of here.....I had to leave.