Chapter 1: Stepping Down, Stepping In

For Squall Leonhart, the battlefield was home. In combat, his enemies would move in slow motion, providing him with ample time to attack and to defend. The years of mental and physical preparation, the classroom studies and training exercises, were all cast aside in the heat of battle. He kept in mind only his enemies, allies, and objectives, his movements guided by instinct alone as he fought. On the battlefield, Squall Leonhart's instincts could be trusted.

With the sorceress war behind him, however, he would find that battlefields were much harder to come by. Without a battlefield, without killing, there is life. For Squall Leonhart, life was the hard part.

"Good morning, headmaster," Squall said.

"Have a seat, commander. What can I do for you?"

Squall took a deep breath as the old man peered at him from across his desk. Don't back down, he reminded himself. Don't let him talk you out of it.

"Sir, I'm stepping down as commander of Balamb Garden."

Cid leaned back in his chair and sighed. He expected a reaction of some kind from Squall after he had briefed him on the duties of Garden's commander in times of peace. Cid hadn't ruled this particular reaction out, and wasn't surprised by it, but he was disappointed.

"May I ask why?"

"With all due respect, sir, I feel my place is in the field, not in an administrative position."

"But you wouldn't be here all the time – every active SeeD, commander or not, will have to fulfill a yearly quota of field assignments," Cid said.

"It is significantly lower than that of the normal SeeD, sir. I feel I can best serve Garden by directly carrying out the wishes of its clients."

"And is that all that matters to you?"

"I don't understand the question, sir."

"Don't play dumb with me. I was hoping you'd have grown out of that by now. I created the position for you. I've carried it over into peacetime for you."

Funny, Squall thought, I don't recall asking you for anything.

"I was also hoping you would take the time afforded you by reduced fieldwork to become better acquainted with Rinoa. I shouldn't have to remind you of the importance of the development of a strong bond between the two of you."

Squall wanted to leap across the desk and strangle him. He would follow Cid's orders and trust the headmaster's judgment in the most hopeless of scenarios on the battlefield, but he'd be damned if the old man would tell him how to manage a relationship.

"No, sir."

Cid allowed several silent moments pass before he spoke again.

"It's only been a week since the defeat of Ultimecia. Are you sure that you don't want some more time to think it over? Are you certain that this is what you want?"

"Yes, sir."

"All right, then," Cid said. "As of now you are demoted to rank A SeeD. I will, however, keep the position open for you, should you happen to change your mind. As I said, the position was created for you."

Squall felt no guilt at Cid's words, only the weight of an entire Garden lifting off his shoulders.

"If there's nothing else, you are dismissed."

"Yes, sir."

Squall stood and saluted, then turned and walked out of the headmaster's office. After only a few steps down the hallway, he heard Cid's voice come over the public address system.

"Good morning, staff and students, this is your headmaster speaking. I have just a brief announcement for you all: Squall Leonhart has stepped down as commander of Balamb Garden. He will, however, remain at Garden as a member of SeeD. That's all for now – have a great day, everyone!"

A small boy stared at Squall in the sunlit corridor. "Why'd you quit?" he asked.

"Get to class," he said after a moment, and walked away. When he returned to his dorm, he found a note on his door.

Sorry, Squall, but with the all the new students we're expecting, most SeeDs are going to have to share a dorm with someone until we can get some renovations done. Some of the SeeD singles are going to be used as doubles for the cadets. Your new dorm will be number 246. I know it's on short notice, but Cid wanted me to have you moved out of there by noon today. The first group of new cadets will be arriving this morning.

Thanks,

Xu

P.S. – If it's any consolation, I've arranged for a friend of yours to be your roommate!

Crumpling the paper into a ball, Squall shot it hard into the waste basket across the room. He had anticipated retaliation of some sort from Cid, but he hadn't expected him to move so fast.

He sat down on his bed. It was going to be a long day, he thought, but at least he could hide in his dorm all morning under the pretense of packing up his things, though he had few belongings in his dorm.

Reaching beneath his bed, he pulled out a large green canvas bag. He unzipped it and had begun to pack when the P.A. rang out over his head again, Quistis' voice echoing in his small room.

"Squall Leonhart, please report to the cafeteria."

You've got to be kidding me, he thought.

"Squall Leonhart, please report to the cafeteria. Immediately."

He considered ignoring the summons for a moment, but knew that he would have to face his friends sooner or later. He hadn't discussed this decision with anyone before he went to Cid's office, and he owed them some kind of an explanation.

Quistis, Zell, Irvine, and Selphie were waiting for him, seated at a single table in the quiet cafeteria. Classes had begun for the day, and the cadets had poured out of the cafeteria and into their respective classrooms ten minutes ago. Rinoa was currently in a student management class with Instructor Aki. Soon she would become Balamb Garden's first civilian instructor as she took the position of choirmaster, teaching boys', girls', and mixed choir, in addition to individual voice lessons.

Squall steeled himself as he sat down, knowing full well what was coming.

"C'mon, Squall! What's the deal?"

"What the hell are you thinking?"

"I can't believe you would do this, Squall!"

"Did you give any consideration to how this would affect the students who look up to you?"

Squall sighed. "Quistis, don't you have a class to teach? Selphie, Irvine, don't you guys have planning to do for the reconstruction of Trabia Garden? Zell, don't you have… Anything better to do?"

"It's Monday. This is my planning period, Squall."

"The Committee for the Reconstruction of Trabia Garden doesn't convene until noon."

"Not really."

There was no way out of this. "Look," Squall said, "I went along with the 'commander' thing in a time of crisis, but I never wanted the job in the first place and I don't want it now."

"What's so bad about it, anyway?" Zell asked.

"Now that Ultimecia's dead, it's going to be 90 paperwork. Cid said so himself. I didn't spend years training here to become a SeeD so I could sit behind a desk all day."

"I think you're just afraid of responsibility," Irvine said.

"Responsibility for who?" Squall asked.

"The students."

"Rinoa."

Squall stood up quickly, sending his chair sliding backwards with an abrasive skid across the tiled floor.

"I told you why," he said. "Now if the group therapy, interrogation, whatever, is over, I have to go pack up my things and move into a new dorm."

"Oh, you're moving, too?" Irvine asked as Squall pushed in his chair. "What room number?"

"246," Squall said, turning away from him. Anybody but Irvine…

"Well, well, well," the sharpshooter said. "Looks like we're going to be roommates!"

The ex-commander left the cafeteria like a condemned man towards the gallows. His feet seemed to drag, as if his ankles were chained together. He wondered how he'd explain this to Rinoa. I love you more than anything in the world, honest, but I'd rather kill people and play bodyguard for politicians than spend time with you. I hope you'll understand.

When he saw her for the first time, he was bringing his things to his new dorm, his canvas bag slung over one shoulder, his SeeD uniform over another, and his cased gunblade under his left arm.

"Hyne, Squall, would it kill you to make a second trip?" Nida had said with a smirk as he passed.

"Shut up," Squall had replied.

"Squall, there you are!" Rinoa said. "What are you doing?"

"Moving," he muttered.

Walking at his side as he made his way to room 246, Rinoa took the heavy gunblade case.

"Thanks," he said. Rinoa grunted.

"How do you carry this thing all the time?"

Squall shrugged. "Look, Rinoa, about this morning…"

"We'll talk about it later," she said, cutting him off. "My brother's going to be here any minute."

"What?" Squall asked, stopping at his new dormitory. "Today?"

"Yes!" she said, pressing the button that opened the door. "Don't tell me you forgot."

As the door slid open, Irvine's tall figure filled its frame.

"Howdy," he said, tugging the wide brim of his hat to Rinoa. Squall pressed the button on the wall, and the door shut.

"I'm sorry."

Rinoa sighed and set the gunblade case down at his feet. "Just be there for dinner tonight," she said. "Please."

"Yeah, I'll be there."

"All right, Squall. See you then." She came to him and kissed him lightly on the cheek before she turned and headed to the first floor lobby.

He watched her leave until she was out of sight. The door slid open again behind him.

"Ouch," Irvine said.

Picking up his gunblade case, Squall walked into the dormitory he now shared with the sharpshooter.

Matthew Caraway felt naked in Balamb Garden. Though he was thankful for the cover provided by the group of new students he had been put into, he was the sole transfer from Galbadia Garden, and the cadet uniform of his former Garden drew the attention of anyone who looked his way. He hadn't been a part of the battle between the two Gardens: his father, General Caraway, pulled him from Galbadia Garden as soon as Edea had arrived in Deling City.

But the students of Balamb Garden didn't know that, and Matthew knew they would remember his face. Even when he wore Balamb's uniform, they would remember where he came from. They would remember friends who had died at the hands of students of his Garden, regardless of whose orders they were following. He would have to be on his guard at all times.

He looked for his sister as the group made its way to the headmaster's office, following Xu to the elevator, but he still hadn't seen Rinoa. He wasn't sure if he was excited, scared, or angry. Matthew was left by himself on the first floor as the rest of the group went up to see Cid. Since all the other students were new to Garden (though he was only seventeen, he was clearly the oldest of the group), Cid had decided to talk with him separately afterward.

As he waited for Xu to call him up to the headmaster's office, Rinoa walked up the stairs toward him. It was the first time he had seen her in over a year. His attending Galbadia Garden had kept them separated most of the year, but he hadn't seen her at all since she ran off to Timber to thwart their father. Please, he thought, don't hug me. Not here. Not now.

"Hi, Matt," she said. Rinoa wanted to hug him, but she knew he hated that. Matt always looked like he needed a hug, she thought. He was quiet like Squall, and a loner, but lacked the confidence and natural charisma that drew people to loners. Of a slender build and only an inch taller than his sister, the dark-haired young man also failed to exude the quiet strength that Squall possessed.

"Good morning, Rinoa," he said. "It's good to see you."

She smiled sadly at his tone, which was so like her father's already – detached and rigidly polite, even in the most emotional situations. Rinoa wondered as she approached him if it was too late to save the almost lifeless boy, and how much of his demeanor she was responsible for. The death of their mother had caused a rift between them, as it had between Rinoa and General Caraway.

The family that remained had all reacted in their own way – Caraway had become cold and even more distant than he had been. Rinoa resented him for it and had barely spoken to him since, breaking her silence toward him only for the occasional argument. Matthew had thought he could make his father happy again by making him proud, by living his life like he thought his father wanted him to.

If Matthew Caraway had made his father proud, the General had never shown it.

"How do you like it here?" he asked, leaning against the wall as she stood before him and looked him over.

"It's good," she said. "I like it here a lot. I think you will, too, once you get used to it."

Rinoa really loved the academy, but she was here for Squall and her feelings on the Garden seemed to correlate with her feelings for him. She knew it would pass, but she wasn't exactly sure of her feelings for the ex-commander at the moment.

"I hope so," he said, returning the stares of passing students with discreet glances of his own as a moment of silence passed between the two of them.

"Father says hello," he said. "And that he hopes things are going well for you."

"That's nice of him."

"He also wanted me to tell you that he would like to meet with commander Leonhart sometime soon."

"Did you transfer all the way over here just deliver his messages?"

Matthew looked away from her.

Rinoa covered her face with a hand. "I'm sorry," she said. "I haven't been having a very good day."

He shrugged.

"Anyway, Squall's no longer the commander of Garden," she said.

"Really? Why's that?"

"I'm not even sure, but—" she began, and was cut off by Xu's voice booming out over the P.A. above them.

"Matthew Caraway, please report to the headmaster's office."

The elevator beside him descended from above and opened, the group of new students piling out toward the dormitories, led by Nida.

"We'll talk later, okay? Are you still coming to dinner tonight?"

He hesitated at the threshold of the elevator.

"Please?" she said. "All my friends will be there. I'll introduce you to everyone."

"All right," he said before stepping into the elevator. "I'll see you then."

Might as well get it over with, he thought.

The favored restaurant of Balamb Garden's student body was slow on Monday nights. There was better food to be found in the small town, but it was also more expensive. It was a familiar place for Squall, Quistis, Zell, and Petra, his girlfriend who worked in the library. Joining them tonight were Irvine, Selphie, and Matthew Caraway. Seated at two tables joined together in the back of the restaurant, the groups' couples had arranged themselves across from each other, Quistis and Matthew paired off at the end by necessity.

These situations left a bitter taste in Quistis' mouth. Glancing at the morose boy across the table, she wished she had simply declined Rinoa's invitation. Though their group of friends gathered whenever possible - knowing they would soon be severed when Selphie and Irvine left for Trabia - this particular gathering, Quistis knew, was to introduce everyone to her brother, who clearly wanted no part of the proceedings. He would at least make for an interesting student, she thought, remembering from the glance she had taken at his file that he was assigned to her class.

The fan club that she had once found somewhat flattering had begun to grate on her when she realized that Squall really loved Rinoa. She was embarrassed by the attention they lavished upon her, and felt after Squall's rejection and subsequent embracing of a girl her complete opposite that she was completely undeserving of it. Quistis actually found herself grateful for a student that didn't give a damn about her.

"So what do you do for fun, Matthew?" she asked.

"Reading, I guess," he said after a self-conscious pause.

"Any authors in particular?"

"I don't really read fiction," he said. "Mostly history and science texts."

"How do you not read fiction?" Rinoa asked, sitting next to Quistis.

Matthew shrugged. "There's enough to learn about this world without having to worry about made-up ones."

Rinoa groaned. "The world isn't the point. The people are. And besides, not every piece of fiction is science fiction or fantasy."

"Well, that's all you read," he shot back quietly.

Zell didn't miss the remark, and laughed. "Rinoa's a closet nerd! I knew it!"

"I wouldn't be talking if I were you," Petra said with her arm around him. "Why don't you take us all back to your room and show everyone your bookcase full of graphic novels?"

"That's so below the belt," he said. "I might have to pay you back for that one."

"Dod history and science texts pass for fun in Galbadia Garden?" Quistis asked Matthew as she noticed that neither he nor his sister had joined in the laughter.

"Well, there's hockey and tennis."

"Did you play?"

"No."

Quistis chuckled. I bet I can start finishing his sentences by the end of the week, she thought.

"Think you'll be up for a melee combat evaluation tomorrow morning?"

He nodded.

"Already?" asked Selphie. "He just got here!"

Quistis shrugged. "Cid's idea. The Garden as a whole is shifting its focus away from GF's and junctioning. Until we can figure out a way to prevent memory loss - if there is a way - GF's are to be used as sparingly as possible."

"I'd be careful if I were you, kid," Irvine said. "That whip of hers isn't just a sexy accessory."

The instructor rolled her eyes. Selphie shot him a glare.

Irvine winced and tugged his hat down over his eyes. "Tough crowd."

"Irvine."

"Yeah?"

"Why is Selphie in our dorm?"

"I'm not," she said with a giggle.

"You're in violation of Garden protocol. It's after curfew. Go back to your dorm."

"C'mon, man, she's only in violation if Garden knows she's in here. Garden doesn't have to know."

"Selphie," Squall said in the dark. He heard the springs of Irvine's bed creak lightly and footsteps moving to the door. When it opened, Selphie took advantage of the hallway light pouring into the room to stick her tongue out at Squall.

"You're no fun at all," she said as she left. The door closed behind her and the room was dark and silent again.

"Just because your girl's pissed at you doesn't mean you have to ruin everybody else's fun," Irvine said after a moment.

"It's none of your business," Squall said. "And she's not pissed at me."

"How would you know? You barely said a word at dinner."

"I'm going to talk to her in the morning, all right? Are you done?"

"Yep," Irvine said. "Good luck."

Notes: Thanks for reading! Reviews are greatly appreciated - comments, criticism, questions, suggestions, all that fun stuff.