This story is posted on Archive Of Our Own and now here! Whole story now posted, previously was just a chapter or two. It is an AU, with Destiel. Please enjoy guys
Dean Winchester had many hard times during his days; from making sure his brother, Sam got off to school, making sure his Dad wasn't off wandering the neighborhood in his deteriorating mental health and getting himself to his job at his uncles car garage on time. Dean dropped out of school last year when the doctors diagnosed his father with some too long to pronounce disease that basically turns his mind to crap. He didn't mind leaving the high school, it just put things into perspective when he found his father huddled in the snow at 4am yelling about some demon with yellow eyes. As badly as Dean wanted to cry he didn't he simply grabbed a blanket and wrapped his freezing father up before taking him inside beside the fire. It had fallen upon 16 year old Dean to care for his family and his only escape came from booting up his hand-me down laptop from Uncle Bobby.
Once Dean logged on he was free from his responsibilities for a few hours at night and god did he enjoy it. He had joined a few sites to browse art, something he had desperately wanted to go into but gave up once he quit school, he also browsed a few music sites, clicked on music videos for a few old rock bands. He loved sitting and sorting through art for hours, mostly on the Angel tag, the ways people expressed their views of Angels was amazing to Dean who held little to no faith in God but believed Angels were the most heavenly creatures to ever be thought into existence.
Some nights, much like tonight he commented on CNOV's most recent work of the angel Gabriel who for some reason had a lollipop in his mouth and candy stuffed out of his pockets. What happened for the first time was that the little envelope at the top right hand corner of Dean's screen blinked red with a loud pop emitting from the computer speakers. It caught Dean off guard but he clicked it anyway to open it.
CNOV: Hello Dean, thank you for your comment.
The green eyes stared at the message for 5 minutes, his tongue darting over his lips and hand finding his chin, rubbing it unconsciously. No one ever spoke to Dean online, he would give a comment here or there but no one ever spoke to him. Ever. After staring and overanalyzing the message, searching for any sense of sarcasm or hate Dean deemed it suitable for him to reply.
BatmansImpala: No problem man, love your art.
Dean smiled smugly for his ability to handle the situation so well. He stood up and stretched, planning to head for the warmth of his bed when his computer let out that sound again. Sitting back down his eyes scanned over the new message.
CNOV: How has your day gone?
Now Dean was heavily confused, why was this stranger trying to have a conversation with him? Glancing at the clock Dean concluded that since it was only 9:30, he could stay up a little bit and talk to CNOV.
BatmansImpala: It was pretty good for a Monday, went to work, made dinner, ya know the usual. How about you man?
CNOV: My day went well. I woke up, went to school, did my classwork, ate dinner with my family, showered and am now speaking with you. I am Castiel, by the way.
BatmansImpala: Castiel? Interesting name
CNOV: Yes I am aware. It is the name for the Angel of Thursday.
BatmansImpala: Boy, your folks must be real bible thumpers to give a kid that name.
CNOV: Bible thumpers? I assure you my parents do nothing of the sort.
BatmansImpala: No man I mean your folks must be really religious, into the whole 'God my savior' bit and all.
CNOV: Oh, well yes. All of my siblings have religious names.
BatmansImpala: How many siblings do you have?
CNOV: 2 older brothers and 1 older sister.
BatmansImpala: wow must be pretty hard to feed all those mouths.
CNOV: My father's job pays well.
BatmansImpala: what does he do for a living?
CNOV: He writes books, New York Best Sellers actually.
BatmansImpala: Cool
CNOV: I suppose. What does your father do?
BatmansImpala: He can't work. I do.
CNOV: Oh, whats your job?
BatmansImpala: I fix cars with my Uncle.
CNOV: Sounds strenuous, do you attend school?
BatmansImpala: No I dropped out
CNOV: Why?
BatmansImpala: My dad couldn't work anymore, someone had to be bringing in money.
CNOV: is it just you and your father?
BatmansImpala: No my younger brother Sam lives with us too.
CNOV: Interesting, do you enjoy being an older brother?
BatmansImpala: I mean yeah I guess so. Its my job to look after Sammy, it always has been.
CNOV: Thats a very selfless thing to say Dean. Who looks after you?
BatmansImpala: I do.
CNOV: thats a lot of weight upon your own shoulders Dean.
CNOV: I have to go, I will talk to you again soon. Goodnight.
Dean sat, slumped in his chair rereading each word. Who was this kid? And why was Dean telling him the real answers to his invasive questions? Dean always lied to strangers about his home life but really what harm could come from telling the truth to some kid online? Dean shutdown the laptop and laid in bed thinking about Castiel and his message that they would speak again.
The week dredged on for Dean with an impossibly large number of cars that needed repairs before any winter weather hit. When he got home from work Sam needed help with studying for his midterms that were fast approaching; everything ended up making his body feel run down and left an ache in his neck that couldn't seem to be kicked by the regular advil he took. Laying down in his bed, computer resting upon his pillow Dean planned on listening to some music and sketching out some new tattoo ideas when the little noised dinged off from his computer as if it had been waiting all week for another message.
CNOV: Hello Dean, how has your day been going?
BatmansImpala: It was long
CNOV: What sort of things did you do?
BatmansImpala: Worked overtime, then came home and did my normal routine with
Sammy. What have you been up to all week?
CNOV: School and midterms mostly. Both have been dreadful and dull.
BatmansImpala: Now are the times when I don't miss school at all. Drawn anything lately?
CNOV: Unfortunately no. My mother has confiscated all art supplies until after my midterms.
BatmansImpala: That sucks man. Seems pretty unfair if you ask me Cas.
CNOV: Cas?
BatmansImpala: Well yea, your name is sorta long so I shortened it, like a nickname, hope ya don't mind
CNOV: No one has ever given me a nickname aside from my siblings.
BatmansImpala: What do they call you?
CNOV: Cassie and it infuriates me.
BatmansImpala: Geez thank god my name can't be given a nickname
CNOV: Deanie, Deanella, Deanne, Dean the Bean, Dean is Mean, Mean Dean, Lean Dean. Really the combinations are endless if you try hard enough.
BatmansImpala: ….I stand corrected
CNOV: I suppose you do.
CNOV: Dean I have a question for you to answer.
BatmansImpala: Alright shoot
CNOV: Do you enjoy speaking with me?
BatmansImpala: Yeah Cas you are cool
CNOV: And would you like to do it on a more regular basis?
BatmansImpala: If you want to sure
CNOV: I enjoy speaking with you as well Dean, would you like my phone number so we
may text?
BatmansImpala: Sounds great man, I will text you in a bit
CNOV: Alright, talk to you soon Dean.
Dean sat smiling, computer now resting in his lap as he sprawled over his bed. He was going to text him. As soon as the number popped up on Dean's screen he saved it into his phone and decided to send his new friend a message.
Dean: Hey man, it's Dean. It's around 10 here so I gotta head to bed but will text you in the morning ttyt :)
The grin that crossed over Dean's face as he closed his eyes to sleep was the first one that seemed genuine in a long time.
Every break Dean got, every free period Castiel had, every morning, every night for the next two months a message sat waiting. Dean found out the best and worst of Castiel, found comfort in his voice when he found the world too hard to handle, learned his likes and dislikes, they quickly became eachothers best friends and nothing really came between them until mid January when one message cause the strangest sensation to ignite in Dean.
Cas: Dean! Dean! Guess what I found out this afternoon!
Dean: What? Must be pretty big if you are this excited. Wait, wait, let me guess, this years dictionary was freshly printed and dropped at your doorstep?
Cas: Very funny Dean. But wrong you are.
Dean: Alright well I used my best guess, fill me in on what's so exciting in the world of Castiel James Novak
Cas: Well I informed you about the upcoming Valentines Day dance my school is holding and you know that girl Meg Masters I mentioned a few weeks back?
Dean: The girl with the cheap looking black hair with feathers clipped in and wears too much black eyeliner? The one you said hates your guts? That Meg Masters?
Cas: It appears she does not hate my guts, but instead asked me to the dance! She wants me to go with her Dean isn't that great!
Dean set his phone down and walked out of his room without replying eagerly to Castiel. Without thinking he walked straight into Sam's room and sat on his bed, avoiding eye contact.
"Dean? You okay?" Sam looked up uneasy from his textbook, curious to see what had caused his brothers odd behavior.
"No." Dean muttered under his breathe
"Is it something with Charlie? Lisa?" Dean shook his head at each name, still unable to look at Sam
"...Is it Cas?" His voice was tentative
"He is going to a dance...with Meg Masters."
"Thats good Dean, you said he didn't have a lot of friends so isn't this a good thing?"
"No! I mean yes but god Sam why her? She doesn't even like him!" Dean sprung to his feet, pacing rapidly, biting his already gone nails
"How do you know?"
"Well.." Dean stopped for a moment "I just know okay! He has only mentioned her once before and he was shit talking her for christ's sake! You can't go from hating someone to loving someone! It takes time and months of talking!-"
"Woah Woah Woah Dean calm down! Just because he is going to the dance with her doesn't mean he loves her in any way. It's one dance, you have been to plenty with girls you didn't even like."
Dean huffed dramatically and plunged onto Sam's bed once more.
"Maybe you are right…. it's just one dance. Cas probably doesn't even know how to dance, hell he probably won't even like the music if it isn't Mozart or some dead guy. He will go, have a crappy time, bitch to me about it and we both will move on from it. Nothing to worry about right Sammy?"
"Right Dean. Now leave so I can finish my homework without your jealous energy filling the room."
"Jealous?" Dean said as Sam slammed the door behind him
Was he really jealous of Meg? Why would he even be jealous? Sam doesn't know what he is talking about.
Castiel hadn't heard from Dean for the rest of the day and he couldn't hide that he was worried. Dean had grown to be his comfort blanket, his go to person to speak with when things troubled his ever racing mind. Had he said something inappropriate? Impossible, he had reread the conversation 10 times thoroughly and nothing was odd except for Dean's startled and disgruntled reaction to the news of Meg asking him to the dance. Was that the problem? But why would Dean ever be upset about that?
With a heavy sigh Castiel sat up and rubbed his head, glancing at his clock. Only 8:30 on a Saturday that he had no plans for. Grabbing his sketch pad, pencils and water colors he began to draw and he didn't stop until 3 in the afternoon when his phone finally buzzed. Eagerly he swiped it open but no text from Dean awaited him, only one from Meg asking if he was interested in hanging out with her and her friends tonight so everyone could get acquainted. A groan escaped his chapped lips but he agreed, seeing the logic behind her proposal. Castiel could have a good time with or without talking to Dean.
Dean had waited all day, praying Cas would reach out to him but when 8pm had rolled around and the sound of string instruments that was Cas' personal ringtone never chimed he gave up and turned into bed early. Why did he have a hollow feeling in his chest? Was this guilt? Was he feeling guilty for the way he had ignored Castiel and didn't act like a true friend should in a happy situation? Dean didn't have the answers and he didn't want his feelings to be acknowledged. Maybe it was a good thing that Cas never texted. Maybe Dean needed this wake up call to highlight his dependence and how damaging it was. And when he found no answers in his thoughts he closed his eyes and chose the emptiness of dreams over the empty feeling in his chest.
His eyelids snapped open quickly as he scrambled for his phone, answering the phone without a second thought to see who was calling. The sound of giggling girls filled the background as the rough voice filtered through the phone.
"Dean! Deanie are ya there?"
Dean held the phone away from his ear in disgust. He knew the sound of a drunk and Cas was hammered. Since when did Cas drink? Since when did Cas drink with girls?
"Castiel?" Dean could hear the tension in his own voice
"Deaaaannn! Why won't you talk to me?" Castiel sounded as if he was going to both laugh and burst into tears
"I got really busy today. I'm sorry. I will text you first thing in the morning but we both need to sleep right now Cas." Dean handled Cas just as he use to handle his father; just try to appease them, don't confront them.
"Dean"
"What is it Cas"
"Why do you hate me?"
"You know that's not true." He grounded
"Meg says you hate me."
"Meg doesn't know me like you do."
"Why don't we ever hang out then?" Castiel hollered through the phone
"Because I live in Kansas! You know I want to hang out with you but it is impossible!"
In the distance he could hear a girl, probably Meg saying something to Cas and suddenly the line was dead. Dean let a violent scream pass through him and he pushed himself up out of bed and slammed open his bedroom door and stormed outside, phone in hand. Dialling quickly Charlie was on the other end of the phone within seconds.
"Dean? What the hell are you doing up this late?" Heavy rock music was muffled in the background of the call
"Charlie you need to come to my place for a while. I gotta talk to you about something. Something big."
"How big?"
"Death Star big."
Charlie arrived on the Winchester doorstep a quarter before two out of breath and in nothing but men's pajama pants and a tank top. In the middle of January.
"You are going to make me freeze to death one of these nights." She joked taking her usual perch on the back of the old couch in the living room
"Maybe if you actually wore clothes it wouldn't be a problem." Dean offered back joining her, placing a pillow on his lap
"So what is the death star big news? Let me guess okay lets see… you are
running away?"
"You know I could never do that to Sammy or my dad."
"You are coming back to school?"
"Never gunna happen."
"Something with Lisa?"
"Why does everyone think I still have connections to her? She moved like a year
ago."
"Alright spill it I ran out of good ideas."
"Cas called me drunk tonight."
"Cas? Little religious draws angels Cas?" Her eyebrow quirked up
"Yes. That Cas. My Cas." Dean wrung his hands together uneasily
"Who the hell let him drink!?"
"This girl Meg. She asked him to the dance and I ignored him and now he is smashed and its my fault Charlie. Its all my fault that he got drunk and he hates me now because I couldn't admit that I-" His speech cut short
"You couldn't admit what?"
Dean lifted his head and spoke barely enough to be heard
"That I like him."
A large grin grew across the redheads face and she leaned closer to Dean.
"Please, explain what you mean when you say 'like.'" She asked
Dean took to his feet and ran his hand through his hair for a moment when a small smile tugged at the corners of his lips
"His voice blocks out everything else in the world, when we are on the phone together we just know that everything will be alright. He calms me down instantly, he knows that I'm irrational and rationalizes me without fear of me blowing back up at him. He stays up late with me talking about the freakiest things that seem normal to us. Cas he. He understands what it feels like to be in a place you want to leave but can't. He doesn't say I'm a freak when I tell him about how depressed I am, he wants to genuinely help me. Charlie, I love that weird little guy and I don't think I can fix things."
Charlie sat speechless looking at Dean. Dean Winchester had just proclaimed his love for someone. The boy who vowed never to even get married when they were 6; Dean was in love and feeling every ounce of its effects; and unfortunately Charlie had no clue how to help him.
"Dean, that was beautiful. I can tell how much you love him...but I don't know what you should do to be honest… I guess you'll just have to wait and see how things end up?" She clasped a hand onto his shoulder and gave him a hopeful smile "You can make it through this Winchester, I know you can."
Dean nodded and gave her a hug "Thanks Charlie. I needed that."
"Do you want me to stay a bit longer?"
"No… we both should head to bed. I gotta work overtime tomorrow."
"I'll swing by around lunch, we can head to the burger joint you like, the one 100000 miles away." With a wink Charlie slipped out of the house and down the road.
With a heavy heart and heavy feet Dean slid into bed greeting a dreamless sleep.
It smells like vomit and poor decisions. That is how Castiel woke up, laying in someone's basement, pounding headache and vomit on his red t shirt. Upon further investigation he concluded it was Megs basement, where he had gone last night to hangout. 'Hangout' what a joke that was, Castiel had a very very different meaning of hanging out than Meg and her friends. The second he stepped into the Master's house a bottle of some type of alcohol was in his hand and before he knew it he was drunk for the first time in his life.
No one else was in the basement so Cas took his shirt off and grabbed his jacket off the couch and zipped it up before venturing up the stairs into the small kitchen where everyone was sitting. He noticed that Megs older brother Crowley was smirked while perched on the couch. He gave a nod to Castiel.
"How are you holding up angel boy?" The smirk growing on the older boys face
"I. I'm quite fine. Just need to get home." a sudden flash hit through Castiel's head as he tapped his pockets. Dean. Phone. He had called Dean. Where was his phone!?
Scatterbrained and now shaking he raced back down the stairs to find his cellphone. Throwing blankets and pillows about he finally grabbed it from under a disgustingly sweaty blue bra that must belong to one of the girls. Cas soon realized that his phone was long dead and felt the urge to run home despite the fact that it was nearly 2 miles away. As he began to climb the stairs Crowley appeared at the top of the stairs.
"Come on, I'll drive the lot of you hungover kids home. You're the first stop since you had enough bearings to respond decently to me this morning."
Cas nodded graciously and followed the rest of the party outside and into the Masters family minivan. Knowing he was going to be scolded not only by his family but also by Dean.
"Do you by any chance know what happened last night?"
"Yes. I was there making sure no one had sex or started choking on themselves."
"Did I make a fool of myself when I called a boy named Dean?"
Crowley let out a laugh and glanced at Cas "You are joking right? You sounded like a typical drunken teenage girl. Well thats probably mostly caused by Meg whispering in your ear all these nasty things about him. The call didn't last long, but from what I take it he wasn't overjoyed to receive the call."
The rest of the ride Cas sat in silence, save for the polite and speedy thank you and goodbye Crowley received before Cas raised into his home and up the stairs to plug his phone in and get onto the computer. Throwing his jacket to the side he sat crosslegged on his mattress waiting for the screen on his computer to brighten up. The distant sound of a throat being cleared pierced through Cas' racing mind, looking up he came face to face with his older brother, Michael and knew he was doomed. Michael was the oldest and looked after the family while their parents were off on book tours; this had contributed to Michael's oversized ego and demanding nature.
"Where have you been all night Castiel? You know curfew is 8 sharp. Where did you go?" His tone was sharp, no room for excuses
"I went out Michael. Trust me it will not happen again, can I please be left alone."
"What has gotten into you? You never want to leave this room, and when you do, your eyes and hands are glued to your cell phone. When was the last time you said your prayers? or read your bible? It seems to be collecting dust underneath your bed."
"I say my prayers when I see fit to. I like my room and I like my phone. Leave me alone now Michael. Please." Castiel met his brothers eyes that mirrored his own in harsh blue intensity.
"Cousin Balthazar and Cousin Gabriel will be coming over for dinner at 6. Be prepared, I won't have you making me seem unfit."
The door slammed as the tall man left the room and a groan slid out of Castiel's chapped lips as he picked his phone up. Nothing. Not one message, not an email, not any sort of recognition that Dean and Castiel were even friends. All of their conversations had been deleted and Cas could feel his heart shattering and falling to the ground.
It was as if everything between Dean and Cas had been lost because of this one drunken night.
Even though Dean was obviously in the diner, across from Charlie it was obvious that he was not there or anywhere remotely close.
"Dean? Come on dude you are scaring me." The pale girl reached over and rubbed Dean's hand
"Sorry… not feeling good."
"I could tell, you haven't even touched your burger."
The pair had arrived at the dinner near an hour ago and even then Dean couldn't seem to shake the overwhelming feeling of depression.
"Charlie?"
"Yeah Dean?" She perked up a bit
"Can you call Bobby for me? tell him I'm not feeling to good and that I'm gunna take a few days off?" Dean let his emerald eyes fall upon his friend and all she could see was how desperately he wanted to be away from humanity. She reluctantly nodded and assured him everything would be okay.
The second Dean made it into his house his first stop was his bed where he laid
down, glancing at the clock, 2:14 in the afternoon on a Sunday, and not a single message
from Cas, maybe things were done, whatever thing they were doing was over.
Cas attempted to message Dean through the website they met on. Trying to reach out, getting frustrated and eventually crying over the lack of communication. He kicked his wall, shoved things over and slammed his head against the door frame. How could he have been so stupid? He knew drinking was a bad, dangerous thing, that it lead to nothing but regret. Now here he was, regretting everything. Regret, anger, fury, rejection, hatred, sadness and dare he say heartbreak was even on the list of things he was feeling at the moment. He looked back to his computer. Dean had become his world. And how was he meant to live without his world? Now exhausted and still hungover from the night before he sat in the mess on his floor.
"Just one message. One text Dean. Reach out for me, like I wish I could be doing for you at this moment." He knew no one else heard his prayer, his prayer not to God but to Dean, as if he would get to direct message.
The day sped along as Cas cleaned his room and took a bath that lasted 2 hours too long. He put on his pajamas, drew the shades and laid under his blankets with nothing but a picture of Dean in his hands. Castiel dared not to sleep, afraid to get into more trouble with Michael by oversleeping and missing his cousin's arrival at dinner. His cousins. Balthazar and Gabriel, what a pair they were. Michael described them as immoral, improper, godless boys, but as much as he hated them they were family and father always believed family was greater than personal opinions. Balthazar had recently got home from some cruise around the European coast while Gabriel finished his last year to get his business management degree.
Castiel loved his cousins, both brought an air of ease and carefree nature to the otherwise strict and overbearing realm Michael had created. Last time the pair came for dinner Michael, Lucifer, Balthazar and Anna all got drunk and played various games like strip poker, beer pong and something involving the rolling of one's joints, it all seemed very odd to a 13 year old Cas who sat in his corner of the living room watching shows with Gabriel on the television. He prayed they would not drink tonight for the mere scent of alcohol would probably cause Castiel's stomach to churn out whatever he manages to eat at dinner.
When the exclamation of his cousin's arrival bellowed through the halls of the large home Castiel threw on his button up and khaki pants before hurrying himself down the steps just in time to finish off the round of greeting hugs.
"Well well well if it isn't the young princess Castiel." Gabriel smirked as he pulled the taller boy into a headlock accompanied by a noogie.
"Gabriel, let him go. It is time to eat, not rough house."
Gabriel and Castiel walked behind the group that was listening to Balthazar's tale from his cruise, interested in how everything went and if he had finally found a suitable wife.
"So Cassie, what's going on? You look a little down."
"It is nothing I cannot handle Gabriel."
"So there is something." Gabe nodded then slide his eyes towards Castiel's frowning face
"Someone actually. A friend and I have seemed to have lost contact."
"How can you just lose contact? Don't you have the kids number?"
"I got drunk and his number was deleted from my phone and-"
"Woah woah woah!" Castiel was shoved against the wall looking straight into the furrowed brow of his older cousin "You got drunk!? Does stick-up-his-ass Michael know?"
"I assume Michael knows… I showed up late this morning and by all means did not look like a spring daisy."
"Alright listen, after dinner I will help you find this friend if you tell me about everything. Deal?"
"But how will we find him?"
"Trust me Cassie, I know how to find people." Gabriel smiled, gave Cas a pat on the chest then walked into the dining room without a second glance to Castiel.
Letting out a sigh of relief and anxiety Cas went to join to others for dinner.
"Dean?" Sam pushed into the dark room "Dean you up?" He got no reply as he inched closer to the bed and sitting upon the end.
"Dean come on, I made dinner. Mac and Cheese, soupy just the way you like." He smiles and shook his brothers leg
"Not hungry." came from the barely parted lips of Dean
"Its nearly 8… have you even gotten up since you got home?"
"Sam. Go away." Dean's blood shot eyes met Sam's then shut once again as he turned towards his pillow
His heavy footsteps and the close of the door made another fresh batch of tears sting against Dean's eyes. The depression sat on his chest threatening to break into his heart and crack his ribs. He sat up for a moment, looking across the room into his mirror sickened by what he saw. A broken boy, who had been told he wasn't enough one too many times, bloodshot eyes and messed up hair, too many freckles, too busy taking care of those around him to take care of himself. Not even Castiel was around anymore to pick him back up, or even help him assemble into a semi-decent version of who he was.
Dean knew he was stronger than this, he had been through so much worse than someone not speaking to him anymore. The hard part about it was not having Cas to lean on, to tell him about how unbearable things felt, how he was so broken down in this moment. All the times Cas had saved him, told him what he needed to be told and the lack of those things being said at that moment swept across Dean's troubled mind. Suddenly overcome by anger Dean made his way to his mirror and smashed his fist into the glass releasing a yell that had been stuck in his throat for the past 24 hours. He continued to scream as tears rolled down his cheeks and blood flowed out of his hand and wrist; not even Sam's words pierced into his ears as he wept not only over Castiel but over all the pressure that had built on the young 16 year olds shoulders.
Sam sat against the wall of Dean's room holding his older brothers head in his lap. Neither had spoken a word for the past few hours, only sobs escaping both of their lips. The blood flow from Dean's hand and wrist had stopped and only rung out as a small sting against the emotional torment his heart had just released leaving him with a numbed expression against puffy eyes. The stroke of Sam's calloused thumb against Dean's temple was not unnoticed nor unwanted; for once Dean let Sam take care of him, let Sam see how far he was cracked and damaged and know that his big brother was not always able to stay strong. Dean closed his eyes for a moment then sat up looking at Sam before speaking, catching the worried expression drawn across the 13 year olds face.
"Hey Sammy."
"Hi Dean." Sam still held the worried expression toward his brother
"Would uh, would ya mind grabbing me some advil? Smashin that mirror and all that sissy cryin gave me a hell of a headache." He smiled weakly
It took Sam a moment to process what Dean was saying and to decide if it was safe to leave him by himself again but he nodded reluctantly before standing up and leaving the room. Once alone Dean stood up and made his way to his bed where his body flopped down, shoving a pillow over his face he let out a soft groan. His head was pounding like never before and his hand ached from being opened and closed. In the silence he reflected on what he had done, what he had let Sam witness and vowed to toughen up and never let Sam see him like that again. Hearing Sam's footsteps grow louder Dean sat up and stretched a bit, cracking his neck and back a bit before settling back to watch Sam come through with two advil and a glass of water.
"We only had two left, if you want I can call Charlie and see if she can bring some over." Sam set everything down and took a seat crosslegged across from Dean, making him look even more like a child even though he had just reached a towering 5"11'.
"No two is fine. Thanks Sammy." Dean swigged back the water and pills with ease and closed his eyes for a moment before his phone began to vibrate violently.
Sam grabbed it and narrowed his eyes tossing the phone into Dean's lap with a huff. Dean raised an eyebrow at his brother's reaction and took the phone into his hand and froze. In big black lettering CASTIEL rang across the screen with a picture of the lean boy with a gummy smile and crunched up eyes, a picture Dean had cherished very much, now brought a sudden wave of nausea across him and he threw the phone back at Sam who simply stared at Dean before answering it.
"Castiel what do you want." Sam had his hateful hiss in his tone and after a few minutes he handed the phone to Dean reluctantly before leaving the room.
"Dean?" The strained, worried voice came through the receiver as Dean began to sob violently….
The phone call lasted three hours. Both boys sat frustrated, drained, and unsure of where they stood. Both had yelled, cried and held back words they knew would put them into an undetermined land. Dean felt hollow still, guilty even, for hearing Cas' side of the story and still feeling hurt. Castiel felt as if his guts were poured onto the floor and he was slowly bleeding out; that's what he truly equated to Dean and him not being on good terms. They both said they would talk again tomorrow, sleep gnawing away at their too driven brains.
Castiel did not go to bed instead he turned to look at Gabriel who had been watching the whole time, with a slight smirk on his face. Castiel sighed rubbing his head, catching his cousin's appearance.
"Thank you for your assistance Gabriel. You know you didn't have to sit for the full conversation."
"Don't worry about it Cassie. This Dean sounds like he means a lot to you."
"He is my best friend of course he means a lot to me. Just as your friends mean a lot to you."
"The only friend I can remember caring about that much was Hannah."
Castiel's brow furrowed. Hannah? "Hannah was not your friend, you were engaged to her for 3 years."
"Yup."
"I assure you Dean and I are close but… surely you know me having romantic feelings for another male would make Michael completely lose his mind. God knows what father would do to me."
"Have you ever tried to even figure out who you are attracted to physically? I mean with the way you were raised a science textbook would give you more of a woody than Emma Stone standing in front of you naked." Gabriel chuckled at his own joke
"What are you getting at? Are you suggesting that I have romantic feelings for Dean?"
"I'm not suggesting anything more than that you should try to figure out what you are feelings because from what I heard, Dean-o is head over heels for you Cassie." Gabriel stood swiftly and made his way to the door before pausing slightly "Don't pay attention to what your father or brother say, you can't help falling in love."
Castiel now sat alone, these words from Gabe now digging into his thoughts. Never had he been asked to analyze his feelings for someone let alone his best friend. He never even thought about his sexual preference, just always assumed he had to have a wife, someone to bear him children.
Groaning with the sudden weight of his conscious he laid back onto his pillow and vowed to discuss things with Dean in the morning. He refused to lose his best friend.
Sam was sitting in his father's room, just on the edge of the bed watching him sleep. It was well past 2am and he had just heard Dean russell into bed. Things were getting complicated but no one was talking to Sam about the problems because he was the 'little kid.' Breathing hard he curled up beside his father as he had done many times recently since Dean became caught up in his own little world. This was his safe place, beside his father who even on a mental decline was still his only figure to speak to without judgement.
"Dean and Castiel are fighting dad. Dean even broke his mirror with his hand, I saw him cry. I never thought I would see him cry, I didn't think he was that unhappy…. I am gunna try to make this easier for him Dad. I will try to help out with you more, ya know? Maybe I will let Dean have a few weekend at Charlies or something so he gets a break." Sam smiled a bit and sat up looking over John's scratchy face that hadn't been shaved in weeks by the look of it.
"Dad… I met a girl. Her name is Jess she is a really big help with my problems, her parents gave her up when she was a baby and now she lives down the road from that old farm we went to for my 6th birthday. I really like her, I might invite her out to see a movie maybe." Plucking at the blanket that sat on top of the comforter Sam let out a harsh quick breathe "She looks a bit like mom. Pretty blonde hair, warm smile, and she can make pie. Dean will like her I know it. Maybe when you get better you and her can meet and you will like her too Dad. She is a really good girl, I really like her…." Sam shuffled out of the bed and kissed his father's head before tiptoeing out into the hallway bumping into Dean who had in fact not gone to bed but had gotten up and walked outside his father's door, stopping to listen to Sam.
"Dean. I was just-"
"Don't worry bout it Sammy. Just get into bed, its been a long day." Dean nodded towards Sam's door and gave him a quick pat on the shoulder before walking passed him and down stairs.
Sam went to bed, assuming Dean didn't want to sleep in a room of shattered glass and tear filled pillows and was taking refuge upon the beat up old couch in the living room.
Sleep never came for the eldest Winchester, he sat on the floor of the kitchen just staring out the window. He prayed to his mother, to God even though he held such little hope they would somehow help him through this. When Sam came down the stairs around 6 Dean had already set his breakfast out on the table and retreated back to his room without a single word. With his legs out the window and a cigarette to his lips Dean knew things were going to be hard today as he watched cars pulling out of their driveways as the rain pelted against the hoods.
Sleep begged in the back of his mind but he did not want to succum to a sleep that may bring along nightmares, or even worse, miss the phone call from Cas he was suppose to receive at some point. Putting his cigarette out and stretching he chose now would be a good time to help his father get ready for the day, an activity that gave Dean time to be by himself in a way. No need to speak but being able to have the complete freedom just as Sam did last night. Their father had stopped speaking right before Christmas, something that Dean ran to Castiel with so he could be open about his concern. The doctors said it was nothing, just his choice, if he wanted something bad enough he would speak up. Dean told his father everything… well aside from his feelings for Cas but that he had barely even admitted to himself.
Castiel woke up bright and early for school to a scowling Michael standing in his doorway. He paid his brother no mind as he got dressed and collected his school books, silently trying to figure out what he would want from him surprised as long as the list was. It took Michael until Cas was trying to go downstairs that he spoke.
"I overheard you and Gabriel last night Castiel. Should I be concerned?" The black haired boy looked down on his brother
Being entirely not in the mood for Michaels bullshit Cas scowled at him "Not like you ever truly are. Now I must be getting to school Michael, let me leave, Wouldn't want father to hear about how you let me show up to school tardy now would you?" he pushed past Michael and descended the steps towards the front door
"Watch yourself Castiel you are playing a very dangerous game you will not be able to win." The arrogance and security in his voice made Cas whip around on his heel and in his most 'Dean Winchester' voice he could muster he spat out a venom filled
"Bite me." and slammed the front door leaving the house silent but filled with a tension anyone could see.
Dean waited by his father's side, gently stroking his head as he had done for Dean when he was a young child. They both would speak random phrases not bothering to hold a real conversation but needing to fill the silence between them. Dean knew his father was fading but as a son it was hard to face that problem so he chose to focus more on the absence of messages from Cas come noon. His string of thought was interrupted by John's deep voice come through like gravel.
"Tell me what's wrong Dean." John looked into Dean's eyes, both mirror images as they gazed
"Nothing is wrong dad, probably just tired don't worry about it."
"I know that look. I may be insane and not be able to care for myself but I know that damn look in your eyes, and what it means."
"Dad please-"
"Just come out with it Dean! Who is it? Who do you love?"
Dean stared at his father for a moment unsure of what to say or do, his father had accused him of being in love, what was he suppose to say?
"Is it that Cas- something or other your brother keeps mentioning?"
Dean nodded slowly avoiding John's gaze "Castiel."
"You and him aren't talking Sam said?"
Once more Dean nodded "Things are tricky right now, don't worry about it Dad really it won't go anywhere."
John gripped Dean's hand tightly before speaking
"Dean you only meet someone who makes you get that look in your eyes once in a lifetime." He paused looking away from his son "I didn't have a choice to keep your mother. You better not let this boy go or else you will regret it the rest of your life."
To hear John speak of Mary, even just in passing truly sunk into Dean. Nodding solemnly John's eldest son rose from the bed resting a hand upon his shoulder.
"You get some rest Dad, I'm uh gunna be downstairs for a bit." Dean shut the door to the master bed room and leaned against it for a moment. His father, John Winchester had just told him to hold onto Castiel and if Dean was to ever take advice from his father now would be the time. He would fight for Castiel tooth and nail if the occasion arose.
Castiel sat in his classroom he had been waiting for Fourth period to confront the next problem in his life. Meg. His hands twitched atop his bookbag that he hadn't bothered unpacking since he doubt the teacher would allow him to stay in class after what he was about to do. He waited for the pink feather to saunter into class and take the seat in front of him before he gathered his rage and courage to speak to her.
"Hey there Clarence. How did ya handle that first hangover of yours?" The smirk on her lips only fueled Castiel's anger
"Meg. Do you have any memory of what happened that night?"
She ran a hand through her hair and shrugged "Maybe, why? What's got your feathers all rustled angel boy?"
"Things had been deleted from my phone that night. Very important things." Cas spoke through his teeth and found it hard to blink not wanting to miss any clues that she may be lying
"Oh you mean the texts from your boyfriend? What's his name again, Dexter? Devin? No wait Dean. Your precious little Dean."
"Did you do it?"
"Clarence face the facts you and him are never going to happen. He lives in Kansas, we like in Washington. Thats like a dog wanting to fall in love with a shark, it just can't work out. So what if I deleted those stupid texts? He doesn't matter anymore right, we are going to the dance together so you don't gotta worry about that stupid nobody farm boy." Meg placed her hand upon Castiel's and it felt as if burning acid had been poured onto his body.
It took that one touch for Castiel to forget all of the manners he had ever been taught and let his emotions run wild; his chair flew away from him, Meg's hand was cast into the air and shock covered her face as he held the front of her shirt tightly
"You listen to me you utter bitch, you don't get to call him anything! You are a trashy wannabe with a bad attitude who crossed the line! Forget about me going to the dance with you because I am in love with him and I plan on making it work so go fuck yourself!" Castiel was inches from her face as he shouted, ignoring the stares coming from every student and faculty member that had gathered into the small room.
He pushed her away, grabbed his bag and made for the exit without being stopped.
"Go ahead you fucking fag! I never even liked you in the first place! I just felt bad for the jesus freak with no friends!" Megs shrill voice pierced Cas' ears as he walked down the hall and out of the building. He knew his father and Michael would be giving him grief for this until the day he died but he didn't care at this point. He had to get home.
Michael and Gabriel sat in the living room discussing politics, well more arguing since they could never agree on any topic when the front doors swung open and a red faced Castiel stood in front of them. Immediately both men rose to their feet staring at him minds racing with questions.
"Castiel?" Michael glanced at the clock "Why are you home it is only 10 o'clock? Are you ill?"
"No. I just-" The sharp ring of the telephone came from the kitchen demanding Michael to answer it
As he strode into the kitchen Gabe made a mad dash to Cas grabbing his face
"What happened? You look like you just cussed out the president and the first lady on national TV."
"Something along those lines" Castiel sat on the couch
"Excuse me?"
"I cussed out Meg Masters for what she did. I got so angry Gabriel, I have never been so angry in my life. Gabe I-I love Dean."
Gabriel laughed slapping the younger Novak on the back "FInally Cassie grew some balls! Ugh what did her face look like as you told her off?" He took a seat beside his cousin, eyes glowing with excitement "So you know you love him now what are you gunna do about it?"
"He will be doing nothing Gabriel." Michael stood arms crossed tightly across his chest
"Mike please-"
"No. He cut school, he verbally assaulted that Masters girl and on top of all of that he is choosing to be a homosexual? I will not let this relationship of his continue any further and I am calling father."
Castiel and Gabriel stared astounded at Michael for a moment before he spoke again "Castiel, give me your cell phone." Castiel heard the sound of his own heart shattering from the inside out
"No. No. I have to call Dean later. No."
"Mike come on, he is just a kid."
"In two years he will be an adult Gabriel. You will be making no calls to that boy ever again. Give me your phone. Now." Michael's hand was now outstretched and waiting in front of Castiel's face
Castiel glanced at Gabriel who shrugged with a defeated look upon his face and then back to Michael who held his stern glance. No solution or excuse came to Cas' mind as he reached into his pocket cradling the phone in his palm before handing it into the thin fingers of his brother. Standing suddenly with tears on the brim of his eyes he looked into the cold eyes in front of his and bit his lip
"I wish for you to find your heart Michael. Because I am not the problem here." Castiel walked to the stairs casting a glance back at his brother and cousin, a numbing and dark feeling crawling over his skin. Gabriel took a step towards him but was blocked off by Michael, making it clear that no one was to comfort the lost boy in his time of need. Castiel was alone.
Dean sat beside the phone as long as he could, stared at it throughout dinner and during the movie him and Sam watched. Sam visibly saw his brothers heart splintering off with every tick from the clock upon the wall. There was nothing that seemed to help Dean, no distractions to stop the ever screaming from inside his mind. Had Cas forgotten? Had something happened? Was Dean overreacting? He had no answers and it was killing him slowly. The only solace he found was when he crawled into his bed, dreading work tomorrow holding the phone next to his ear before he drifted off to sleep so that in the off chance Castiel called Dean would waste no time in answering.
Tuesday was long. It dragged on, endless streams of cars needing repairs but it was something to do Dean thought. He made quick work and had finished a fair amount of cars before lunch rolled around and Charlie stopped into the shop carrying a bag of food.
"Hey Dean, how's it hangin?" The way she bounced on her heels gave away her nerves
Shrugging a rag over his shoulder Dean embraced her quietly. He held onto her breathing in the way she smelled of pop rocks and some sort of flower, he didn't get moments with Charlie enough and the lack of Cas in his life highlighted how lonely he had been feeling. Charlie wrapped her arms around him, rubbing his back with a small smile on her face.
"Any word from him?"
Dean stepped away shaking his head a bit before clearing his throat "No, um. Nothing so far but yea know gotta keep going can't stop the world for one guy right?"
"I'm sure there is a reason he hasn't said anything… Just give him a bit. Wanna hang out tonight? Watch some Star Wars and pig out? I can skip school tomorrow." Charlie attempted to sound chipper but she knew things were only going to get worse
"Sure, just come over after school or whatever, I'm getting out of here at 7 but Sam will be home by 3." Dean nodded giving her another hug and a peck on the cheek with a weak smile "Get back to school, I'll see you tonight."
Dean watched as the redhead made her way out of the garage and behind the fence that boarded the shop. Charlie's heart was always in the right place and he knew hanging out with her would make him feel better but deep down he knew this sadness lingering in his chest would be a resident for a while. Setting the food upon the table he got back to work on another car, keeping his mind off of his angel with eyes of blue.
The door the the Novak house shook as Castiel stormed in throwing his backpack to the floor. Running up the stairs he jumped immediately into bed not bothering to remove his shoes hysteric tears already streaming down his face. The past 24 hours had been unbearable and he wanted to escape, wanted to be out of this house and away from Michael dictatorship. Trying with all his might he finally fell asleep, only to be haunted with dreams of Dean; dreams of them being happy together, spending long lazy days by each others side, feeling the touch of Dean's rough calloused hands was enough to send Cas into bliss.
All dreams were burst when Michael forced his way into the teenagers room, yelling at the top of his lungs.
"Get up! I refuse to have you wallowing about like some heart broken girl!"
"Maybe I am wallowing because I am heart broken Michael! Did you ever think of that!?" Castiel yelled back with equal emotion
"You will stop acting this way this instant Castiel or so help me I will bring the wrath of God down upon you!"
"Stop shouting empty threats and do it then! To be honest Michael I doubt you will do anything because you are nothing but a coward with a large set of lungs and I am sick of taking orders from you!" The boys now stood chest to chest, cheeks flushed and hands clenched. With one swing Castiel fell, his body thumping to the floor, mind fogging and vision spotting.
Gabriel fet came into focus running to Cas' side, shouting came next one phrase ringing clear through the air.
"I want him out of this house and I don't want him back." Michael's voice said departing from the room as Castiel's vision blurred out to black.
The Winchester House was loud and filled with laughter as Dean stepped through the door shrugging off his leather jacket. Scents of pizza and garlic roamed down the hall from the kitchen where the noise was coming from, dragging Dean closer in search of Charlie and Sam. The first thing that caught his eyes was a head of blonde sitting at the kitchen counter.
"Dean! Your home finally! This is Jess Moore, my uh my friend." Sam smiled brightly at his big brother stepping forward as Jess stood and smiled at Dean
"Hi Dean, It's nice to meet you finally." Jess extended her delicate hand which Dean shook once he gained his wit back.
Giving her a large smile Dean nodded at her "Nice to finally meet you too Jess. So what have you guys been up to?" Grabbing a slice of pizza Dean took his spot beside Charlie leaning against the counter.
"Sam was just sharing some lovely childhood tales including one of you wearing girls clothes." Charlie smirked
Dean's eyes locked onto Sam
"Oh you're in for it now."
The group laughed watching the brothers. After finishing some pizza they all sat down to watch a movie, Dean and Charlie sitting on the floor beside each other.
"How ya feeling?" She asked
"Ask me in a few months." Dean sighed, Charlie leaning her head against his shoulder and holding his hand in comfort
"Don't worry, things will get better."
Dean nodded solemnly and the room fell silent as the opening credits began to run on the screen.
Wind blew into Castiel's face jolting him awake, hitting him with the realization of where he was. Driving down the highway going God knows how fast in the middle of the night Gabriel was taking Cas somewhere. The throbbing in his temple rushed forward and Cas gripped his skull
"Gabriel?"
"Nice to see you awake Sleeping Beauty. Mike hit you pretty good, gunna be bruised for a while."
Castiel squinted remembering the whole situation returning to his memory. "Where are we going?"
"I called a friend a few states over. We can stay until your Dad gets home and we can figure things out." Gabriel kept a firm grip on the steering wheel
"Oh… yes until Father gets home." Castiel nodded slowly leaning his head back against the headrest letting sleep over come him again.
Gabriel drove through the night until around 6am when they made their first stop at some cheap gas station on the side of the highway. Cas stretched leaning against the small blue car
"What state are we in?"
"Don't really know, but we still have a ways to go."
"Are you sure you are good to drive?"
Gabriel smiled "Yeah, I've already been for a solid 10"
"What state are we headed to Gabe?" Castiel glanced around seeing nothing but barren fields or grass surrounding them
"Don't worry about it Cas, I brought you a book in the back of the car how bout you search for it while I grab us some nasty breakfast burritos and some candy?"
Deciding to shrug off Gabriel's odd behavior and began looking around the back of the car but only found his sketch book, with a small smile forming on his lips he opened the pages remembering how he and Dean first connected through his detailed Angels.
"Ah good you found it." Gabriel smiled taking the lollipop out of his mouth "Now get in we still have 9 more hours kid."
Hopping into his seat Castiel grabbed a pencil from the back seat and began sketching something special.
Dean woke up ten times during the night, unable to find a comfortable position he booted up his laptop finally at 4am. Staring at the profile on his screen he hadn't noticed Charlie wake up and scootch beside him.
"He is pretty good at wings." She smiled softly
"Yeah he uh he told me about this special pencil he saved up for himself, makes this weird effect on the lead or something. Guy went on for 40 minutes telling me about that pencil." Dean chuckled finding a smile resting upon his lips as he clicked through the angels he had first fallen in love with.
"He is a special guy Dean and he will come back for you. I can feel it in my bones and the queen is never wrong." Charlie smiled patting Dean's back before curling back up to sleep.
Dean nodded at his friend, closing the laptop and resting back down still smiling, sleep finally cradling him gently.
Hours past, Castiel wearing the pencil down to a nub, fingers coated in smudges of lead and paper cuts from trying to turn the book too quickly. Gabriel glanced occasionally smiling softly at the scene of Cas with his tongue partly out so determined to finish this piece of work.
Castiel was so distracted he hadn't even realized that at 4pm they passed the bright sign saying "Welcome to Kansas."
Dean and Charlie spent the day resting against each other with movies in the background as they spoke. Charlie had fallen for an exchange student Dorthy from Canada and planned to take her out in the recent future. Dean loved watching Charlie's cheeks glow red and as she hit him with a pillow he realized that's how he acts when he speaks of Castiel. Noticing the instant change in Dean Charlie placed her hand over his and gripped it tightly
"Lets make some cookies, or brownies. Then we can plan dinner for the gigantor of a brother you have." Winking as she stood Charlie pulled Dean with her
"Can we talk about him and Jess? Do you know the deal with that?" Dean asked
"All I know is they are gunna get married, I know it mark my words Winchester I hear wedding bells when those two stand next to each other." Charlie laughed
"I'm glad Sammy found someone. She seems like a pretty nice girl."
"And she is gorgeous, wait until that puberty hits her full force WHAM!" Charlie slammed the roll of cookie dough down on the counter "Sam will have scored a full 10/10"
Dean's body leaned back in laughter at her actions but knowing full well it was true, making Dean even happier that Sam was finally getting something good in his life, someone good in his life.
The two continued making their cookies, eating half the dough in the process until Sam and Jess walked into the home when they began speaking about dinner.
"How about some tacos? Feelin' spicy today kids?" She asked while trying to strike a pose as a flamenco dancer but only managed to knock over the pile of mail on the counter causing the kitchen to flood into laughter
"Uh no, how about meatloaf?" Sam offered but Dean shot his hand up and smirked
"No tonight we will be having the famous Dean Winchester Spaghetti and Meatball dish with some lovely Garlic Bread on the side" A smug smile resting firmly on his face the rest of the kitchen applauded
"Alright Chef get cooking we are gunna go start our homework." Sam and Jess left the room, travelling into the living room bags in hand leaving Dean and Charlie alone once more
"Well Winchester get cooking!" Charlie shouted jumping atop the island counter kicking her legs
Nodding and laughing Dean took out the ingredients and began prepping the kitchen.
Castiel had finished his drawing and was now realizing they were in a suburban town. Small shops that looked family owned and groups of clevises on each block, this was far different from his busy Washington town with mansions and brand names everywhere. He liked the feel of the town as every person they passed waved and smiled as if they had been close family friends.
"Gabe where are we?"
"Don't worry about it, we are almost to his house. I'm gunna drop you off and swing by a gas station so just knock and wait for me inside." Gabe was looking at each street sign very diligently and didn't look over at Cas
"Are you sure? I don't mind joining you."
"It's fine really, I've been stuck in this car with you for long enough" Gabe winked over at him and Cas smiled slightly nodding understanding he wouldn't win this argument
As they pulled up to the house Cas realized something hadn't occurred to him
"What is your friend's name?" He asked as he climbed out of the house and walked around the car to Gabriel's window clutching his sketch pad to his chest
"Oh, thats right, his name is Dean." Gabe smiled and drove off quickly before Cas knew what was happening
"Wait! Gabriel!" Castiel yelled out after the car but it was clear Gabriel wasn't coming back right away
Turning and staring at the two story white house standing tall in front of him Castiel felt his heartbeat all the way down to his toes. This was Dean's house. Castiel was steps away from the boy he loved. Just steps from his happiness.
Dancing around the kitchen Dean and Charlie had completely missed the commotion from the front of the house. Sam was frozen in the doorway holding it slightly ajar, the last person he would have thought to show up stood smiling awkwardly grasping the bottoms of his shirt.
"Hi Sam, it's uh it's nice to finally meet you." Cas stretched his arm toward the gawking boy as a red haired older girl approached from deeper within the house.
"Sam! What ya got the door open for?" She asked plopping beside Sam, finally catching a glance of Castiel
"Holy shit!" Charlie exclaimed loud enough for Dean to finally catch onto the drama happening in the doorway
"Hey kids! What is going on down there?" Dean walked down the hall slowing his speech "Dinner is.." Taking in the face of the stranger "Almost ready" He came to a stop making full contact with the deep blue waves of the ocean caught in his eyes
No one spoke, no one breathed, the only motion found in Castiel's twitching fingers now fumbling with the tops of his pockets, itching to reach out and touch the boy he has fallen in love with. The 3 bystanders glanced between the two boys waiting for them to break the tension, waiting to see who would speak or grasp for the other.
Charlie who was attempting to keep her cool simply nudged into Dean's side, a small smile plastered onto her cheeks. Remembering to breathe Dean finally stepped forward and pulled Castiel against him tightly.
"Where the hell have you been?" His voice was low only so Cas could hear, even though the others had been shoved away by Jess, wanting to give them this moment alone
Gripping fistfulls of Dean's shirt Castiel struggled to find his words took a deep breathe of Dean's scent and began to explain the whole situation with Michael and Gabriel's surprise drive out here and as he finished Cas pulled away and rested his forehead against Dean's, taking in the evergreen pines that spanned miles creating a place Castiel wished he could escape to forever.
"Dean, I think…-no I know I am in love with you and if you don't want to love me back that is okay but I can't go another day without you knowing that I love you and you are my best friend and I am so sorry for everything that happened with Meg"
Castiel waited for a great long rejection from those soft pink lips but all that arose was a chuckle, a deep hearted chuckle that sent Dean's body arching back. Furrowing his brow Cas was unsure what Dean found humorous when he felt the gentle caress of his lips climbing slowly onto his own, being enveloped into a crash but loving first kiss with the boy he was madly in love with Castiel was positive that not only Dean reciprocated his feelings but that they would never go without each other again.