Harry Potter and the F**king Wizurd
A Titilizing Tale of Wizurdry and Dankness
A fanfiction by AsSRape69
AN: This is the complete collection of the literary masterpiece known as "Harry Potter and the Fucking Wizard." I hope you enjoy this parable as much as I do.
I had to bllep out the swear wirds in my title becus Mommy sed their bad. pls be nice and lick my story. thnx
Chaper 1
One day on hogwarts Ron wis going to see his frend Hagrid. He went woaking across the brige of the skool and saw Snape. He sed 'oh no its Snaep!' and runed in the uther way so he didint get seen. He ran into Harmoine and it wus awkwrd becus Ron lickd her. 'Hello Harmione' sed Ron. 'Hi Ron" sed Harmoine back. Then he cast a sleeping spell on Harmoine and she feel to the grownd. Ron then sexed Harmoinee in her vegina and Harry came and saw him. He was reely upset and told Ron to stop. Ron did and sed sory to Harmoine. She sed it wis ok tho. They went to Hagrids hut and found him their voldmort wis killing him and had elder wand. Hagrid died in front of Harry but nut befor he kood tell Harry that he wis sad to die. 'Yull pay for this voldemort!' harry shouted. 'Hahah' said voldemort. Harry and voldemort fighted and voldmort was about to win. 'Any last wirds' aksed voldemort. but befor he kood finish harry cast avadacadabra on him and he died. 'oh no now i am evil wizurd!' yelled Harry and he killd himslef becus he wus nut good anymor. Ron wis sad and Harmoine wis sad. but Ron new what to do. He put unuther slleping spell on Hermoine and sexed her aagin in the vegina. Harry came bak from dying and told ROn to stop. He did and they wer all happy.
plz tell me what yoou think and be nice becus i werkd reaaly hard on this.
Hi everyone thx for reding uther fanfic of mine. i realy arppeciatd it. here is chaptr 2 for yu ppl. Enjoy! ^.^
Chaptr 2- Malfoy returns
Herry and Ron and hermoine went back to griffindoor common room nd had fun. but they didint know ther wis still evil in hogwarts. They killd voldemurt and let their gards down. they turd around and saw bill cosby. 'go away bill cosby!' they all shouted in unison at the same time. 'Your not wizurd so u cant cum here!' Harry sed. 'oh but i can cum here!' sed bill cosby. 'no you put girls to sleep and sexed their veginas!' yelled hermoine. 'no i didint' sed bill cosby. 'then who did?' asked ron with puzzled look on face becuz of confusion. 'it was me!' yelled Malfoy as he runned inside and then cast sleeping spell on herry and ron and bill cosby and hermoine. He then sexed Harry and ron and bill cosby in the asshole becuz a wis a total fagget. Teh End.
plz tell me wut you thunk abot it! I reely werked hard on this dont forget!
Harry Popper nd the fucking wizurd Chapper 3
It wis late and Harry and Ron and Billcosby wer all still recuvering their buttholes from Malfoy's raping them. Lukily Billcosby had aids and malfoy died from the penis aids he got from raping him. Hermoinee then tried to comfort them. With sex. but nut billcosby becuz he had aids. He felt jellous aboot nut getting the sex so he left to go look for sumone to rufi. Harry and ron felt better and then went to bed.
teh next morning they found out that billcosby wis on a terror spree raping ppl around the skools. "Harry, Ron, Hermoina! Bill Cosby is going round rufiing and then raping peepole in the butt!" Sed Fred and George who they saw while walking.
"Oh no we huff to stop him!" sed Hermoine! "I know wut to do!" becuz she wis a fuking nerd
Harry and rON and harmoine then went looking for Bill. They found him raping Bumbrige in the butt. They all went out to lunch tho and decided to cum back later when he wis done.
(One Hour Later)
They come back but Bill is gone and Bumbrige is there passed out cold like a puddin pop.
The went looking for bill again but it seemed hopless becuz he wis too fast for them becuz he wis black.
TO BE CUNTINUED
Harrry Potter and du Fuck king Wizard Chapater 4- Revenge of the beaver
They wis all looking for Billcosby and he wis still running around raping and spreading the aids to those peepoles bums. Ron then turd black by casting blackness spell on himself. He was then fast enough to catch billcosby. "Bill stop it!" the dumbass ginger said, "You shudun't give aids to peepole!" But Bill cosby just laffed. He had becum evil and wis seduced by the dark side of the melanin. "I will give all the aids to the wizurds of hogwarts!" Then Harry came "I'll stop him!" he sed with his large wand in hand. "Everyone stand back my wand could hurt you!" Harry shot all of the magic from his wand on Billcosby's face. But it didint affect him. He had becum too powerful. They didnt know how to stop the new evil of hog warts. It was like a black not noseless voldemort had cum back to life. "Wait!" sed Harrry "I have the Idea" the idea he had was going back to the reason that billcosby got mad in the first place. "Hermoine you ned to sex billcosby. That is why he is mad." Sed Harry Popper. "ew no way he is black and has aids." Sed hermione. But she decided to do it anyway. Before she cood tho, herry cast a spell on her and she grew a massive bush out of her vegina. It turned into a beaver and then combated billcosby. The beaver sed, "I challenge you to fist defluffs." ANd they fisted. Bill cosby won tho becuz he wis black.
Can any one stop the unstoppabl blackness of rapist billcosby? Tune in next time for chaptre 5! Thnks for reeding my story and plz review. THNX ^.^
Harry Potter Champter 5
It wis getting dark. Bill looked like he wood win over everybooty. But then Dumbuttdoor came and because he wis gay he tried to hold off Billcosby by sexing him. "I'll hold him off Harry you just do wut you need to do to stop him for good and end this all finally." He then tried to stop billcosby from raping. WIth his cock. it werked but herry needed to gather strength. He remember something from long ago to help him. He only thought of it now becuz he had amnesia.
(Flashback 10 years)
Bfore hog's warts Harry was walking across the street to skool. He saw a flying soccer come down in front of him. When the smokeyness cleared out stepped the nannerpuss; A pangender banana octopus that searched the cosmos for worthy beings. He sed "Koopoola Shippa Shippa ship titnana cookoo tomcruise." It was some foreign language butt harry knew wut it sed. He asked him to get in his flying soccer. They left for planet TitBawlz23 to learn the ways of the fucking wizurd. On the planet they talked to uther Nanerpusses and studied the ways. Harry went through vigorous training. In sex. He lerned the spirit bum. When he returned to earth he did nut remember anything becuz the aliens extracted his memory from his bawl fibers. They wood return to him when he needed them most.
Harry stood and gather energy for the spirit bum. All the wizards Raised their asses penises and veginas into the air and let loose all of their sex juices to harry. He gathered them in his butt and it would take lonng time to charge up th spirit bum. He neded to wait and hop the other wizurds wood hold off billcosby.
The sixth one
The walls are closing in. All is not… My penis is but a leafy hippo.
The sunlight.
It burns.
Zoom bam shoo. I win. I win. I win. I kill.
When will the screams stop? They don't. They won't.
The warm liquid feels good as it runs down my wrists. We must.
We must. We trust the creator. He will help us in our hour of holy pain. Darkness is but a welcomed friend. Shitting in the corner my skin is raw. Dark. Dark. Death.
I'm really tired uf looking at thes smiling sperms. ANyway hi guys here is the nex chapter
Harry Pooper and his dank asshole chapter 7
Harry stood in pain becuz the spirit bum was really big inside his ass. It needed the fermentation uf his anal crevace to gain full power.
ASs this happen billcosby was vigorously ramming the hogwatrs headmaster on the booty. It looked like it hurt. Ron kind of lickd watching. But when billcosby wis done they needed to do something else to hold him off. Rumbledoor had died frum billcosby's aids. "God damn it!" sed Snape and he died becuz of unbreakable vow and his penis exploded. Hermoine tried to stop billcosby with a stupify jinx but billcosby wis already 2 stupid so it didint affect him.
"It is no use." Sed Bill COcksby and he flew across the sky into the air. Ron tried to run over and stop him but he had another idea. "I have an idea." he sed. He runned into the castle and found ravenclaw's diadem and use the whoreacrux to bring back voldemort. "Moldyvort! You need to stop billcosby!" Begged ron on his knees "No I hate wizurds and will nut help you!" sed the evil wizurd Harry was in much pain becuz of all the ejaculate in his butt which wis approxamately 69 gallons. he knew he neede to stay strong though and clinched his asscheecks to keep it all in.
Harry potter and the fking wizurd: When penises collide
Capter 8
Clinching his ass cheeks together, herry still had the spirit bum in his rectum. Ron wus still tryin to get the shitty voldemurt to agree to kill bill. "I really don't want to." sed Voldemort. "Plz we reely ned help!" sed Ron. "well wut to i get out of it?" sed voldemort? Ron thot for a while. He didint know wut voldey wanted sso he assed him. "hey voldey wut do you want?" Voldemort wisint sure abot wut he wanted so he thot. He didint know what he wanted so he sed "I dont know."
Meanwhile hermoine and the uther wizurds were trying to hold off billcosby becuz he had insatiable appetit for rape becuz he wis black. An intense orgy was brewing with all of the sexing that wus happening. The very castle walls were crumbling becuz of the force of the sexing. Herry butthole could barely hold the spirit bum much longer. That wis just how harry knew it was almast done tho.
Ron wis still trying to get Voldomort to agree to help them fist billcosby. voldemort sed "I'll help you if you touch yur penis to my penis." Ron thot. "Ok" he sed. He pulled out his ginger noodle and it wis a chode. Voldey pulled out his and it wis a needle dick. They touched tips and the laws of physics sterted to break down and a violent explrsion erupted from the tips of their penises. Everything in Hogs ass went black.
Read nexet chapter tu find out whut will happen bitches. :D
Chapter 9: Homage
Samuel Timothy "Tim" McGraw (born May 1, 1967) is an American singer, songwriter and actor. He has been married to fellow singer Faith Hill since 1996, and is the son of the late baseball player Tug McGraw.
McGraw has released thirteen studio albums (eleven for Curb Records and three for Big Machine Records). 10 of those albums have reached number 1 on the Top Country Albums charts, with his 1994 breakthrough album Not a Moment Too Soon being the top country album of 1994. All of these albums have produced 65 singles, 25 of which have reached number 1 on the Hot Country Songsor Country Airplay charts. Three of these singles — "It's Your Love", "Just to See You Smile", and "Live Like You Were Dying" — were the top country songs of 1997, 1998, and 2004 according to Billboard Year-End. He has also won three Grammy Awards, 14Academy of Country Music awards, 11 Country Music Association (CMA) awards, 10 American Music Awards, and three People's Choice Awards. His Soul2Soul II Tour with Faith Hill is the highest grossing tour in country music history, and one of the top 5 among all genres of music.[1]
McGraw has ventured into acting, with supporting roles in The Blind Side (with Sandra Bullock), Friday Night Lights, The Kingdom, and Four Christmases (with Vince Vaughn and Reese Witherspoon), and lead roles in Flicka (2006) and Country Strong (2010). He was a minority owner of the Arena Football League's Nashville Kats. Taylor Swift's debut single, "Tim McGraw", refers to him and his song "Can't Tell Me Nothin'".[2]
In acknowledgement of his grandfather's Italian heritage, McGraw was honored by the National Italian American Foundation (NIAF) in 2004, receiving the NIAF Special Achievement Award in Music during the Foundation's 29th Anniversary Gala.
The testicular tenth episode of Harry potter adn th fking wizurd Cahpetr 10
The fabric of space-tit itself wis breaking down. Ther wis no pissable way to reverse the damage. Ron and voldemort had fused into one sexual being. Together the ginger and cracker were a fat hary blob of pure sex: Volderon. Now harry had becum hurted in the explrsion. The spirit bum could nut be held in his anus any longer. It shot out with a mighty bellow like the sound of a huge shitting duck. Nd the Earf moved when it did shoot out. It killed all in its path melting thems with its a stinkyness. It missed billcosby sadly becuz he jumped so high he dodged it. becuz he wis black. Harry wis almost dead from the huge cavaty in his booty. The spirit bum shot out of the atmosfere and created a hole in the sky. The sunlight shined down and melted those in its path killing them. By melting there faces off whitch made them die. The only peepole who were left on the planet wer Billcosby, Harry potter, volderon, hermoine, beaver-bush, some wizurds who were passed out from sexing, and rob schneider. Beaver-bush then opened the eight gates and its dick grew to the size of an apache helicopter becuz apache helicoppers are cool. It then combated the Billcosby with his peepee. Billcosby however wis a black guy so he had a bigger peepee and it wis no use to fight him that way. rob schneider wis sleeping becuz he wis lazy adn a dirty mexican. Volderon seemd to b thu only hope but he didint know how to use his new booty. Harry wis passed out and Hermoine wis a woman so she could nut do anything.
Plz tell me what u think will happen and tell me if u lick it! Thankx yu c:
HERYY POTTER AND THE FUCKING WIZARD CHAPTR ELUVIN Volderons nuts wer keping him frum running adn fightin becuz they were two big and hevy. RobScneider (the wetback) wis still laying down becuz wis a lazy mexican. the ppl were dead and there wis no one left to rape for billcosby so he decided to rape volderon. Howevr his nuts blockde his bumhole from billcosby's wang so he cut uff volderon;s bawlz. This turd volderon back into ron and Pom Tiddle.
"Why r u doing this!" asked herry potter to billcosby. "Because i wis molested by my grandma when i wis a young." sed billcosby. " no budy luves me." He sed. but ass he sed so up came beaver bush and sed "I luve u billcosby." black guy wis sirprised. "U do?" he asked. 'yus that is why i grew penis for u." Billcosby blushed and felt really happy for once. "Do yu want to go get a cup of coffe?" asked beaver-bush. "OK' sed the horrible rapist. "Here is my phione number." and beaver bush went over to billcockby and gived him his pone number. Bill looked forward to his date witht the beaver that camed frum hermione's vegina.
will Bill cosby ever lern to love? you must red next cappa to find out. hohoho merry valentits day. :)
Chapter twelverydoopity boop Beaver-bush stood ther wereing a tight red dress. Ze wis wayting for billcosby to show up to the date they had planned. They planned to go get coffee but then they remembrd that evryone died from the bum spirit. "fucking jews" they thot.
They meeted at starbucks and took coffees from the coffe machine and dank them at the table. They tasty reallly good. But they bolth had sumthing on theyre mind that they both wanted. They both knew it two. finally BillCosby broke the silence. "want to go and make sweat luve to me in my butthole?" Beaver-bush thot and then beaver-bush said "Ok let us go make seat luve to yur asshole."
At the rape dungeon of the black guy they wer gettin reaaly horny and beaver-bush unveiled his peepee frum under his dress. "That is one hairy salami!" yelled billcosby sumwhat happy. "Dank you." sed beaver-bush gratefully.
Rob schneider wis still layin around becuz he wis a fucking lazy ass mexicunt.
They boned very hard that nite. Billcosby inserted his 23 inch peepee into beiber-bush's tight asshole. "Yowzers!" yelled the bever. and billcosby thrusted quite vigorously. the sweat dripped from his old hary fat stomach onto his cock wich then slid into the butthole of george-bush. since the rectum wis so hary the thrusting wis getting too difficult, but alas billcosby's shlong wis so big that it made beaver-bush's anus bleed. the anal crevice wis sufficiently slippery then for the force of billcosby's thrusts. Just to make sure though he made sure to pee in his butt. "Oh yes. Just lick that!" sed the beaver. "Zippity boopity doobledee dop!" sed billcosby as he came inside of the bleeding asshole of beaver-bush. As the sexing had cooled they layed down and spooned. All of the semen, piss, sweat and blood seeped out of the beaver's dank asshole. "arent u werried that you will get aids now?" sed billcosby. "No" sed beaver-bush "Beaver's dont get aids and plus I am 70% vagina pubes." "I guess that makes sense." sed the Billcosbone. They spooned penis to penis and fell assleep in each others arms.
Harry Pooter Chapter 13: Shit, cock, ass, poop, titties, nipples, asshole, assbun, bawlz, bawlsac, scrotum, rectum, dick, big dick, small dick, chode, pet me, assapalooza, bitch, cunt, fuck, fart, turds, whore, hooker, bukkake, filatio, cunnilingus, nigger, dago, spic, wetback, sandnigger, pussy, vagina, penis, testicles, kike, dildo, Islamist, snatch, semen, sploog, sperm unit, dag gaggle, truffle butter, sodomize, cock.
Faggot
Herry potter adn the fucking wizurd: Cocks
Hi u guyz. Make sure to lick and review fof me thnx! It would reaaly b nice if u ppl cood be as nice as sum of the uther ppl who liced my story butt oh well! U cunt please them all! ^.^
Harry and ron and Herminie and Tom piddle and rob schneider were all waking up from being passed out. they wis passed out for 2 whole days and in those days beaver bush and billcosby had fallen in love. Billcosby had learned to love and had nut wanted to rape anymore. instead he just stuck his peepee into beaver-bushs pooper when ever the taste for rape wis on his tongue.
Walking down road the two (the beaver of pubes and the horrid negro rapist) seeming very happy they did. The beaver left a trail of blood behind him as he walked bucuz his butt wis always blleding frum all of the anal sex. They holded hands and laffed and shared cotton candy together.
Suddunly. A faggot ass ginger stepped out and slit the throat of the pube beaver and killed it. he then angrily ejaculated on the boody (becuz that is wut you must do to kill an enchanted pube beaver fur good) 3 times to be sure. Bill Cosby watched in horror as the weasly kid killd then semened his beloved beaver. But it had to be done, after 40 days a pube beaver implodes into a black hole of it does nut get jizzed on.
So is the circle of life.
Billcosby wis heatbroken but werst yet the taste of rape once again touched his lips becasue he wis black. He had to rape again but there wisint anyone left. He had to find a way to get m ore ppl to rape.
Thnk u for reading ass alwyas!
COCKS: 2...The Return
Billcsoby wis in the woods nd he wis searching. Searchink for the sacrifice. he neded it to bring those back who had died from the spirit bum and his aids.
Ron and harry and Hermione and RobScnieder were looking for the aids cosby. They serched high and low for hem. They thot it wood b easy seeing how he smelled of rape and rufi. but they still did nut find him. "when will the aids monkey show?" sed Ron. "be patient." sed Hary. He is black so he will rape again and when he duz we will be redy.
Herry went to the hyperbolic time chambre and made sure to trein and get more poowerful so that he cood fight bill cosby when the time was right.
cocks.
Billsockby had found the sacrifice, a geko. He placed it on the altar and raised up a rhinoceros dildo. After ripping the guts out of the geko anally with the dildo he then draped them around his neck. Satying the sacrificial chant he then proceeded to cut off the testicles of the geko and then shoved them into his left nostril. The chant was, "Nutsac, nutsac, have you any wool? Yes lord, yes lord, three bags full. Firs comes rape, then comes me, I come in your vegina. Poo, poo, pee." He repeated the chant 69 times while doing teh cupid shuffle adn then cut off his nipples ass futher payment. Out popped Robin Williams from the geko's ass and told billcosby that he wood grant him one wish (nut 3 cuz he wis black). Bill cosby knew wut to wish for…
This is gettin pertty exciting! It gave me the boner while writing! Read next chapter and review THNX :D =3
Harry Potta chaptit Sexteen
Billcosby wished for everyone to cum bak to life that wis killd becuz of the spirit bum. "Ok" swed Robin Williams. "I will grant u yur wish." and he then slunk bak into the asshole of the geko and shook his peepe counterclit-wise. Out of the sky rained the souls of the killd peepole. they went back into their boodies. "Oh goodie! sed" billcoby. "thank u ass geko genie!" robin looked adn smilled. "u ain't neva haduh frend lick me." robin sed from inside the geko. Then he exploded and geko semen flew across the land. Rubbin wood return sum day. Cosby did nut know when that day wood cum but when it did it wood cum on his face.
Harry stepped out of the hyperbooblick time chamber and he wis redy to cumbat the black guy.
He went Super Sexin and his pubes grew three feet long and turd yellow. He fleww across the sky and serched 4 bilecosby. redy to combat him with his dick.
He finded him. "here I am" sed super harry. "we will end this." sed herry potta. "Ok I am redy to fight u. u r a fucking white ass cracker." sed billcosby. thots of the vagina pube bever ran thru the head of aidscosby ass he saw the magnificant pubes of sex harry. He grew angry and wus redy to win.
Peas tell me ur thots on this so far. Sorry i dudnt get to write to yuo guys before i had my account suspended by sum jew fags. Any way… Anjoy! ;P
Harry Potter adn the fucking wisurd
Cocks: 2… the return: 2
Heeya! yelled potter
Kachow! yelled billsocby
They slapped there dicks together in the air with great force nd caused an earfquake.
Your cock is strong. sed harry. but nut ass strong as mine.
They battled. it wis a surprisignly even match seeing how harry had a much smaller peepee than the negro.
Hermoine and ron wis helping everyone recuver from getting ther bodies back and cumming bac to life. They told Pofessr McGonnigger wut had happend when she wis dead. "oh no/" she sed. "this will only make it harder later."
"make wut hader later?" assed hermione
"Oh nothing! Just my titties thats all!." but she lied. there wis something on her mind. like how a turd sticks to the toilet if u do nut flush it for a while.
Stay tuned...
Harry Muthafucking Potter adn the Muthafucking Fucking Wizurd Chapter Muthafucking 18
here is the story for all yuns mutherfuckers and peepoles. u guys have been so nice to read my story we are gettin pretty close to the end. i think next chappa may be the grand finale! i wish i couls have the privelege to suck all of yours nipples u have been so nice! THNX fer reeding :D
The cocks thrashed about in a frenzy. the foreskin of harry potter wis turning red frum all of the cockslapping. Billcosbone's bone wis getting pretty tired as well. The heeted battle ensued.
Cumehameha! yelled parry hotter. and he shot a stream of semen frum his dickhole.
Billcosby jumped with the speed of a giraffe with hotsauce on its taint and dodged the semen spray. "I will get u! U negro!" sed harry. "No u will nut. Imma too black fur yur ass." sed Cosby.
Puddin Pop Surprise! yelled Billcosby. adn then he hurled 69 puddin pops at Harry. But harry dodged all of them. Harry then countered with an instant sexmission and came up behind billcobsy and sodomized him visciously. but he remembered to wear protection becuz the butthole wood give him penis aids. As he slytherined his dick in and out of cosby he sed. "I will protect my frends with my penis no matter wut."
He came and billcosby shouted in pain.
It sent him flying across the world into china with all the chinks. Harry flew to meet him there. at this point harry had almost won. there wis one thing left to do.
"Kaio cunt attack!" yelled harry! he then picked up the nearest thing with a vagina which was a chinese one. He hucked the female chink at the rapist and she burst into flames out her cooch and impaled billcosby in the bawlz. It hurt.
I have to beat him. thot Cosby. Or else i'll never rape again!
He then went full power. He had went…
FUCKING WIZURD!
Cood it be? He wis a fucking wizurd ass well! It explained so much! The silvery old man pubes of Rapecosby grew to three feet long.
Zoopity Boop bob a beep! screamed Billcosby out of his dick! He fired the Twatlick Gun at Harry and it severed a part of the Super Sexins large scrotum. Billcosby flew into sky and lauched an other Twatlick gun frum his peehole. Harry countered with a Cumehameha. The 2 semen streams meet in the air. they collided with such force that the Earf shook and all the chinese died frim the soonami that wis caused by the shakes. No body cared tho becuz the wis chinks.
They were pretty even but harry knew wut to do. He used the Kaio cunt attack on himself. He did nut have cooch tho so instead the flames cummed out his peepee! The fire traveled up the stream of semen an then hit the cosby in the face. He wis sey ablaze and smen encoated his colored body. He falled to the ground from a high height. He landed and splattered everywhere and aids got on all peepole in asia and they died. "good riddence" sed harry.
It wis seemingly over but McGonnigger still had something to tell the wizurds. They were all being sued by Ron Schneider becuz he wis a money grubbing jew and a mexicunt.
To be continued…
Harry Potter Chapter 69: Finale
"And do you, Mr. Potter, recall any such negligence on your part to perhaps, calm the offender in this instance?"
Harry looked around the courtroom and up into the ceiling where hundreds of dementors resided. He knew that at any moment they could be released and suck out his soul. But it was not the fact that he could die at any moment that was making him sweat. No, it was the fact that hundreds of eyes lay on him waiting for his response to the lawyer.
"I'm sorry Mr. Barrett, but I don't recall any such negligence."
Those of the courtroom squirmed and murmured in response.
"Mr. Potter," he said as the room quieted "do I need to remind you, that your answers to these questions will not only determine the truthfulness of yourself, but of the testimonies of your friends as well?"
"No sir."
Mr. Barrett paced around the court floor. His calculated steps only made Harry all the more nervous. As Harry scanned the room awaiting Mr. Barrett's next question, he tried to pick out the faces of Ron and Hermione.
"Let me ask you this," he surmised "did you not, against wizarding law, use forbidden magic in an attempt to subdue the offender, a Mister William Cosby, with full knowledge that said magic was forbidden?"
"Your Honor, I object!"
"On what grounds Ms. Hackett?"
"He assumes facts not evidence and asks an already answered question. We have already established that Mr. Potter has used illegal magic and he is assuming that my client was malicious in doing so!"
"Overruled! Mr. Barrett, continue."
"Thank you, your honor." Said Mr. Barrett.
As Ms. Hackett sat down defeated, Harry caught sight of her exchanging a glance of hatred with Mr. Barrett.
"Now, if you could answer the question Mr. Potter. Did you know that said magic was illegal?"
"I did sir."
"So you knowingly used illegal magic to subdue a clearly disturbed man?"
"Your honor I object again!"
"On what grounds?"
"How is my client supposed to be able to assess the mental state of Mister William Cosby?"
"Sustained. Mr. Barrett, could you rephrase the question?"
"I most certainly can your honor. Mr. Potter," he continued "wouldn't you say that the level of magic in use was far greater than it needed to be to subdue the offender in question?"
"No sir."
"And why would you say this?"
"Because sir, we had tried not as advanced magic, but it wasn't able to stop Bill Cosby."
"You did, did you?"
"Yes sir."
With his eyes closed smugly, Mr. Barrett turned his back to Harry and faced Judge Kelsey.
"Your honor, I would like to see the wands of Mr. Potter along with a Ms. Hermione Granger and Mr. Ronald Weasley, so that I may review the charms they used on the days in question."
"I will allow this."
Harry felt queasy, knowing full well that his answer may have just gotten him and his friends sent to Azkaban for the rest of their lives. His eyes darted to Ms. Hackett as she made a quite frustrated noise, and then to Ron and Hermione as he finally saw them when they rose from the crowd. Harry didn't care that he had to give up his wand to Mr. Barrett, but he felt guilty seeing the uncomfortable look on his friends faces when they relinquished theirs. They sat next to Harry. In a desperate attempt he said, "Mr. Barrett you need only look at mine. After all I'm the only one who used the illegal magic you're talking about."
"You do not tell me how to do my job, Mr. Potter. Now, it appears that Mr. Weasley used multiple sleeping spells, a pigment alteration jinx, a horcrux revival incantation and a spell of fusion." He looked menacingly at Ron. Resting his hands on the railing of the witness stand, Mr. Barrett said, "Mr. Weasley, would you care to explain your reasoning for using these spells?"
Ron cleared his throat, "Y-yes."
Mr. Barrett waited. Ron's eyes met with Ms. Hackett and then Judge Kelsey's.
"Well," He cleared his throat again. "I wasn't feeling well. I was actually hexed."
"By Voldemort, is that correct?"
"Yes. And I cast the sleeping spell on… Hermione."
"And why did you do this?"
"Well, after I cast it, I…"
"Please continue Mr. Weasley might I remind that you are under wizarding oath?"
"Well I," He paused again, "I raped her."
The courtroom gasped. There was such a commotion that it stirred up the dementors in the ceiling and Ron started to cry. He feared for his life, knowing that if judge Kelsey ordered it she could have their souls sucked out at any moment. Even worse he was ashamed of what he had done to Hermione. He looked over at her but she would not make eye contact with him, even if she wanted to she wouldn't be able to see him through her tears.
"Order in the court! Please! Everyone!"
Eventually things quieted.
"Mr. Weasley, I have no sympathy for rapists. But with the understanding that you were hexed, I am willing to have some sympathy for you. However…" He started pacing again.
"I would like to point out that I said 'multiple' sleeping spells. If you were, hexed then you wouldn't have done it a second time, would you? We all know that a hex breaks after the caster of the hex is killed. So Mr. Weasley, did you take advantage of Ms. Granger a second time?"
"No, I did not."
Hermione burst into tears.
"Well then, I guess we'll have to move on to the pigment alteration jinx. Why would you ever find it necessary to change the color of your skin to subdue a criminal?"
"I didn't. That spell wasn't used to stop Bill Cosby."
"Then what was it used for?"
"I don't remember."
"Don't remember?" He studied Ron, "Huh." He said unbelievingly.
"As for the horcrux revival incantation, Mr. Weasley you know full well that you revived the dark lord did you not?"
"I did-"
"And did you not try to make a proposition with Voldemort to try and stop Bill Cosby?"
"Yes sir."
"So you see ladies and gentlemen of the jury, when Mr. Potter said that they used lower levels of magic before using illegal magic, he was wrong. Mr. Weasley was busy reviving Lord Voldemort with a horcrux."
The jury sat silent, taking in every word that Mr. Barrett had to say.
"Mr. Barrett," said Judge Kelsy, "We will be having a short recess so please find a natural stopping point."
"Why of course, your Honor. Ladies and gentlemen, not only did Mr. Weasley revive Voldemort in an attempt to stop William Cosby but he actually teamed up with him as just proven by Mr. Weasley and a spell of fusion. You may take your original seat now." He said, motioning to Ron.
He quickly got up and returned to his chair in the middle of the crowd, all the while being pierced by the judgemental gazes of the courtroom.
The Judge announced, "We will have a short recess, be back here in twenty minutes."
The three wizards sat in a small back room, going over their case with Ms. Hackett
"Why the hell are you doing this? Do you want to lose?" She had stopped pacing and looked at the three.
"Well?"
"Ms. Hackett," Harry answered, "We don't want to get caught lying."
"You won't if you just stick to what we went over. Look, if we can get the jury to see the strangeness of the circumstances then we won't lose as long as they think you had good intentions, but we can't do that while Mr. Barrett is ripping our case apart!"
"What were we supposed to say?" asked Ron.
"You couldn't come up with anything better than 'I don't remember?'"
"I'm sorry!" Ron stood up. "It was all I could come up with. I don't lie for a living like you do!"
"It's the only way to win! Now sit down Mr. Weasley!"
He did.
"Now Hermione," Said Ms. Hackett in a much sweeter tone, "when Mr. Barrett asks you about the stupify jinx that you cast, you must point out that it didn't do anything to stop Bill Cosby, do you understand?"
"Yes." She said in monotone. Harry was growing increasingly worried about Hermione. While he knew that she had forgiven Ron for what he did, he could tell she had not gotten over the trauma of the event.
"And later when he questions you about your inaction?" She said, trying to lead her to a response.
"I am to say that it was because I was injured."
"Good. Now if we can just do that. I think we'll be fine."
In stepped Mr. Barrett and Rob Schneider.
"Ah, Ms. Hackett and the gang! You're all looking quite nervous up there. I hope I'm not being too hard on your case!" jested Mr. Barrett.
"What do you want Leelan?"
"Well, my client and I are here to propose a settlement. Rob, would you like to tell them about it."
"Si Señor." Said Rob Schneider. "Me gusta if you would pay me 20 million pesos and put Señor Harry en el cárcel de Azkaban for trenta years."
"20 million! You must be out of your mind Schneider!" yelled Ms. Hackett.
"How much is 20 million pesos?" Asked Ron.
"It's about 1 million dollars." Responded Hermione.
"Excuse me? Are we really questioning money right now when he just said that he wants me in Azkaban for thirty years?" Asked Harry quite stunned.
"If you choose not to take the offer," said Mr. Barrett, "then you could all go to jail and end up paying more."
"Or we could win!" shouted Ms. Hackett quite defiantly.
"Haha, I'm sorry Rachel but I really don't see how that's possible at this point. Especially not after what's about to happen."
"What do you mean?"
"You'll see." He said while exiting the room with Rob Schneider.
"Those scoundrels! Harry!" She turned to him.
"Yes Ms. Hackett?"
"You're the most important one. If we can prove your innocence then the jury will have think that Ron and Hermione are innocent as well."
They went over the rest of their case until the recess was over.
"Now, Ms. Granger," Said Mr. Barrett "Your wand appears to contain a stupify jinx. Can you tell me whom you cast it on?"
"Bill Cosby sir, but it didn't do anything to prevent him fr-"
"Your honor I object!"
"On what grounds, Mr. Barrett?"
"Nothing pending, I didn't ask what the effect of the jinx was I merely asked whom it was cast upon."
"Sustained. The jury is not to use the part of Ms. Granger's testimony that deals with the effects of the jinx as evidence."
"Thank you, your honor. Now Ms. Granger I must also ask about your inactivity in the matter of apprehending William Cosby. Can you tell me why you didn't help your friends stop Mr. Cosby?"
"I was hurt."
"Hurt you say? Can you tell me how?"
"I had been knocked over and couldn't get up."
"You wouldn't happen to be able to show proof of this could you?"
"No sir, my wounds since then have healed."
"Interesting. Now would you mind explaining the cruciatus curse on your wand?"
"What?" She was left breathless. 'Cruciatus? I cast no such curse!' She thought.
The courtroom was flabbergasted. If they suspected anyone to be the least guilty it was Hermione Granger. Ms. Hackett was especially appalled but not at her client, at Mr. Barrett. For she knew that he had somehow planted the curse on her wand.
"You heard me."
"Mr. Barrett, I cast no such curse." She said, trying to keep her composure.
"You lie."
"I do not!"
"I have the wand right here! And on it is a cruciatus curse!"
"I object he's badgering the witness!"
A frenzy of bickering ensued. It was impossible to tell who started it once it began, but it covered the courthouse in roars of "Guilty! They're guilty!" and "They're innocent!" The whole company of people was on its feet and the two wizarding lawyers were in the middle of it, at each other's throats. Harry and Hermione sat quiet though. They felt no compulsion to join in on the arguing, they just exchanged glances of desperation with each other, hoping that it would all turn out.
"Order! Order in the court!" Yelled Judge Kelsey. Things settled as she banged her gavel a few times.
"Now, Mr. Barrett, why don't you move on and continue questioning Mr. Potter? It seems that you've made your point. In the meantime these wands will be confiscated as evidence."
"Most certainly, your honor."
Hermione left for her seat, but not before looking back at her best friend to wish him a silent 'Good luck!'
"Mr. Potter," Mr. Barrett's eyes locked with Harry's. He was surprised to see such confidence from a virtually dead man. He continued.
"Mr. Potter, you are charged with manslaughter, destruction of property, high crimes against the environment and aid to genocide. I need only ask you one more question."
He again turned his back to Harry and again in a very smug manner said, "Can you identify the voice in this recording?"
He then played a soundbyte of Harry. He said "Good riddance."
"It's me."
"And could you tell me what this was in response to?"
"It was in response to Bill Cosby's death."
"Really? That is strange. Your Honor I'd like to call Cho Chang to the stand."
Harry was confused. Cho didn't have anything to do with the fight against Bill Cosby.
"Ms. Chang, can you describe the nature of Harry toward Asian people?"
"He hates them." She said.
An almost in unison gasp came from the court. Harry was especially shocked. He didn't know any reason for Cho to be doing this, but now he knew why she was called to the stand. Mr. Barrett must have been offering her something pretty special in order for her to testify like this.
"Interesting. Can you think of any reason as to why this may be?"
"Well, the only thing I can think of is that I chose Cedric over him."
"Cedric Diggory?"
"Yes."
"The very same Cedric Diggory who was killed by Lord Voldemort, who Harry and his friends had conspired with?"
"Yes."
Harry was now in fact doomed. There seemed to be no way to get out of this one now, even if he did lie.
"So, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, it would appear that since this recording was taken right after the mass murder of virtually all of the people in Asia," he continued, "It would appear that Harry Potter is racist, and hates Asians due to his history with Ms. Chang. Your honor, I am finished questioning Mr. Potter."
"Your honor I would like to cross examine the witness." Said Ms. Hackett.
"If you wish." Said Judge Kelsey.
Somewhat rattled she stood up and walked over to Harry onto the court floor.
"Mr. Potter, do you have any hostility towards Ms. Chang?"
"None at all."
"And did you have anything to do with the murder of Cedric Diggory?"
"No miss."
Mr. Barrett could have objected here at the vagueness of the question because Harry did indeed have something to do with Cedric's murder as he was there at the time. However he was so comfortable with his direct examination that he didn't even bother. He knew he had won.
"Mr. Potter," She said as if this was her last chance, "Did you, or did you not, intentionally spawn an enchanted castor canadensis from the hair follicles of Miss Hermione Granger?"
This was something that Mr. Barrett had overlooked and their case depended on it. The spell that Harry used was a fauna enchantment. If Harry unintentionally cast the spell on Hermione then their whole case could change You, see, if Harry misfired and was aiming for Bill Cosby then it would mean that Harry meant for the beaver to help Hermione instead of hurt Bill Cosby. Since Hermione was so close to Bill Cosby at the time and he was about to engage in sexual relations with her, it would mean that Harry only cast the spell to help save her. But Harry was unsure. The lying was unbearable for him. He also thought, what if later it was found out that Harry in fact forced the whole arrangement between Bill and Hermione? What then? It would mean they were all guilty of lying and they would all be sent to life in Azkaban. Harry did not want his friends to go through with that, so he decided to tell the truth.
"In fact Ms. Hackett," Harry paused. "I must say that-"
"ZIPPITY BOOPA BOPA BEEP!" Yelled the Billcosbone who wis sumhow still alive.
he then took out his cock and killd evryone in teh courthouse except 4 Herry by casting a patronus out his dick.
"hey dawg us fucking wizurdz gotta look out fur each uther!" he sed and then gave him a totally black fist bump.
harry and bill then rocktited to da moon on aidscosby's dick and boned out a family there.
They lived fappily ever after!
THE END ^.^ I hope you all licked it! Make sure to givit da fav! Dank you! :3