The Downfall Of Video Gaming
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters mentioned in this story, except for C and Yume, and Katie belongs to herself. I do however own most of these games, but absolutely suck at Halo ;
Ah, elo again all! This is another one of Yume's random crackfics! Well, it does make some sense (note keyword: some) so I hope you enjoy!
I really to do suck at Halo, I'm pretty sure I'm the only one who can get a –1 kill….
"The zombies kept knocking from the back of the spaceship door. The more they tried, the closer they were to devouring our hero. Slowly but surely, they opened the door, met face to face with an M-16,"
"This story sucks," Yume said plainly.
"Shut up, your not the one telling it," C got up from his seat and whapped his fellow gunman on the head.
And now I bet your wondering who these two are. Well, I'm not going to tell you, if you're that dumb enough not to realize that these are the main characters, well then that's too bad.
"Our computer mainframe is back online," Katherine said as she got up and tapped a few wires that lead to the satellite. "It's been crashing a lot lately, I suppose it's the covenants fault."
"What is this some cheap Halo 2 knockoff?" C said.
Let me now point out in this part of the story, that yes, his name is C. Like the kind you find in your alphabet soup cause your too lazy too cook yourself a half-way-decent healthy meal. You people are so lazy.
"You realize our computer DOES has a self-destruct button." Katherine pointed out.
Yume sat back down in the cold cockpit of the airship. They had just been researching on why many of the resistances top gunmen had been found dead, when the power went out. (Yes, how original I know)
Might I point out randomly that yes his name is Yume, and it is a very girly name, but now I remind you I did not name him, his parents did.
"It seems the T virus, version 2.0, was part of the covenants original plot to take down the Resistance," Katherine stated.
Now I will give a short brief depiction of the Reistance vs. the Covenant. The covenant is evil, the resistance hates the covenant, and they are fighting. This was a very short paragraph but you now know the difference between the two.
C gave her a funny look. "Is it just me, or is this sounding like a really cheap video game with a cross of Resident Evil and Halo 2?"
Yume looked at him like he was crazy. "Of course not, video gaming would never go that bad," he stated.
"If you would let me go on," Katherine started.
"I suppose you could be right, Yume," he said, nodding his head in agreement and completely ignoring Katherine.
"The T virus got out of control," Katie went on. (A/N: shortened her name, easier to write…yes, I'm lazy)
"I think I hear something, but I can't quite put my finger on what it is," Yume said suddenly, him too ignoring Katie.
"And it wiped out the entire Covenant," Katie said.
"Yea, I hear it too. It sounds like something dying," C looked around.
"And then got into our general bases," she continued.
"Shh Katie! We're trying to figure out what sounds like a very annoying girl trying to tell us very valuable information about the T virus, but we can't seem to hear her," C said.
"What do you mean there are no swords in the pre-loader?" Yume burst out. (1)
"The pre-loader? You mean this isn't the story?" C yelled at him.
"Of course not, the real story is about some macho dude named Snake, and his tech support dude named Otacon and how he goes around stealthfully killing people. It's very entertaining." Yume stated.
"Lets pretend we never heard that ok?" said the super cool and awesome heroine narrator of this story.
Suddenly, our three main characters hear a strange noise from the ventilation system.
"It's the zombies! They've broken in through the main landing unit!" Katie yelled.
"Oh my god! They're going to eat us all!" Yume yelled.
C then pulled a .45 caliber automatic assault riffle (2) from the back of his jacket. Unloading, and reloading the gun, he put his hands on the triggers waiting.
Suddenly the zombies broke through the left door of the main cockpit, screaming and bleeding from their eyeballs. How horrific was the sight that Katherine screamed in terror, and ran off for the escape ship. C slowly pointed his weapons right towards the first zombie, and with one round, destroyed all of them.
Back to reality….
C, Yume, and Katie all ran screaming like sissies towards the right landing dock, where the escape ship was.
"C, you idiot! Don't you know you have to load the gun before you shoot it?" Yume smacked C on the head.
"Well jeez I'm sorry. I'm not some really cool guy that like, is the whole hero of the story and saves everyone and crap! The only reason I'm in the resistance is because they kicked me out of the covenant!"
Katie stopped. "Dude, you really are a complete useless idiot."
"His original hair color is blonde." Yume told her.
As they entered the right landing dock, they realized that the keys for the escape ship were missing. Might I add that this was conveniently the only escape ship in the entire giant space ship?
"What escape ship uses a key?" Yume asked.
"This one," Katie pointed out.
"Well, where are they?" C asked.
An evil cackle was heard from the distance. It soon got louder and louder as the three watched in boredom to see what stupid figure would pop up saying it had the keys to the escape ship.
Three hours later, the figure finally appeared.
"AHAHAHA! I have," the figure said.
"We know, we know, you have the keys to the escape ship," they all three said in boredom, for this story was getting overly long, and the author was running out of ideas.
The mysterious figure threw back his mysterious figure cloak to reveal that the key stealing thief was none other than Master Chief himself.
"There is no way you are Master Chief," C pointed out.
"Of course I am Master Chief!" he said. "Cannot you see my nice buffyness and overall gorgeous self?"
"But you never see what Master Chief looks like in the game," Yume pointed out again.
"And one more thing," Katie said. "Master Chief would never be the protagonist of the story. He would be the main character, and he would also never help the covenant. And he would never be so lame as to steal the keys to an escape pod. If you really are Master Chief, you are really lame!"
"You have a point there," Master Chief said.
Pulling back his mask, the mysterious figure revealed his true form, Picachu!
"OH MY GOD! MY EYES THEY BURN WITH THE CUTE EVILNESS THAT IS POKEMON!" Yume screamed and shielded his eyes from view.
"And thus now begins the fight for the universe!" C yelled pointing to the yellow blob of evil that was Picachu.
The screen blinks, and a very well put together RPG fighting scene from Square Enix's video game creativity appears.
"Wild Picachu appears!" The screen says to C.
Obvious choices are: attack, defend, run, and random shiny button of doom.
"The choices are so complicated," C said sweating from his forehead. "Every one of my actions could completely destroy the universe as we know it. I must make the utmost correct choice, or we could all die," he went on and on and on until Yume finally got bored and pushed the shiny button of doom.
As soon as that very shiny button was pushed, all the zombies died, the Picachu blew up into a zillion bloody chunks scattering all over the landing dock and Osama Bin Laden was finally arrested for accounts of terrorism, and Bill Gates ruled the world peacefully.
"Uhm…cool?" C said.
Katie slowly came up to him. "Your tactics were very stupid and incompetent, and your speech was too long. Usually when the hero gives a speech, it is short, to the point, and has a good meaning. You suck at being a hero." She said.
"Well then who's the hero of this story? I mean, without a hero it would be short, to the point, and really sucks!" Yume poked her.
"The hero of this story," she paused. "Is none other than,"
We interrupt your story that makes no sense whatsoever and is only here because Yume needed to write it and sucks at writing stories for a short message from our sponsors.
"We are glad to inform you that this story is almost over, and that the author is a complete idiot for writing it. Thank you."
Now back to your regularly scheduled program.
"Go fish," C said.
"Got any 2's?" Yume asked.
"Uh, guys, back here." Katie said. "AND NOW, to introduce the hero of the story. The hero of this story is none other than…."
"Go on," C said hopefully that it would be him.
"Mater Chief, because he kicked arse and you all suck. The only thing good about this story now, was that he was in it, so obviously he wins hero award."
Yume looked up from his X-box 470 (2) controller with great confusion at the last few words blinking on the screen. The screen soon faded to the three words every gamer hates: TO BE CONTINUED
C sat on the floor with another X-box 470 controller in his hand. Looking up at the credits rolling up on the screen, the only words that came out of his mouth were: When video gaming…went bad.
And then, the last few words of this extremely long story were spoken.
Yume then added: when video gaming went bad…and…wrong.
And yes folks, video gaming went that bad.
The END?
Uh, yeah…flash movies… ;;;;;;;;
I'm contemplating if those even exist…
Since it was origionaly the X-box 3 in my story, but then they decided to come out with the X-box 360, I had to change it, so I proudly present to you people: X-box 470