Disclaimer: LelouchYagami Owns Nothing!
This Fanfic is inspired by one of my previous Fanfics The High End Of Low. This Fanfic takes inspiration from the scene when Light finds out why L truly lost against him. Again this Fanfic is based on my interpretation of the characters and how I feel about them.
It was the first day of November, L had recently celebrated his birthday with the Task Force. Yesterday had been one of the few days he actually felt happy after Higuchi died but now today he felt truly alone. The Task Force was still around to accompany him but he was suspicious of Light and his recent behavior change. What was previously an innocent person who had a strong sense of justice, now it seemed to L like Light was hiding something and the person he previously wanted to be Kira was becoming more and more like he didn't want that wish to come. By now L knew that the friendship was gone and it was not coming back.
L came into the the room, Watari was in charge of. It was afternoon and they had just finished lunch. The Task Force was still looking over the Death Note, but L knew none of them would end up like Light because he knew they were smart enough not to start writing in it.
Watari noticed L's face which was depressed more than usual. He also noticed that L had a hard time trying to let out what he wanted to say but Watari asked L anyway, calling him by the name he wanted to be called, Ryuzaki.
"Ryuzaki, is something the matter?" Watari said. "What is it? … Hm? What's wrong?"
L took a deep breath and started to talk. "Kira will come back" L said. "I know it."
"But Ryuzaki, Higuchi is dead", Watari said, "And there hasn't been any killings for about a few days."
"Can you call me L" L said. "Nobody is around for me to hide my identity here."
"Okay" Watari said. "I will."
"Light was behind the death of Higuchi" L said. "It is all my fault. I shouldn't have let him touch that notebook and I was too distracted by the Shinigami to actually catch what was going on. I saw him look through the notebook, but even with my suspicion I wasn't sure if he truly was Kira but now I am absolutely sure."
"Then why don't we catch him now?" Watari said.
"That's the problem" L said "The Light I know and love is dead and gone. There must be something about this notebook that turned Light into Kira but I am not sure. The thirteen day rule has to be false as it seems to be written in the first person perspective. I want to figure out more about this notebook but I want to slow the case down. I don't want to be around when Kira's identity is revealed."
"You want to die?" Watari said "Why? You have been so dedicated to this case."
"It is because", L said and he took a minute to say what he wanted to say, "It is because I had a friendship with Light when he lost his memories."
"L" Watari said.
"I noticed a different person immediately" L said. "He was idealistic. He cares about people and hopes to make the world a better place. Kira is different from that but I noticed that he fit my perfect view of Kira beforehand but not when he lost his memories. The difference between Kira and Light is different enough that they can be separate people even though they come from the same body. I want my friendship with Light to continue but I don't know how to convince him at this state."
"But what about Near and Mello?" Watari said "Who is going to be your successor when you die?"
"I don't know" L said. "But I am leaning towards Near. He doesn't have the weaknesses that I have recently found out that I have."
"Weaknesses" Watari said.
"Watari", L said, "I am not afraid to die and if sacrificing my life means that I don't have to deal with trying to bring Light and Misa in, I can accept that. I would rather accept defeat then carry on the case with the one weakness I have. I would rather wait for Light in the afterlife however long that is."
"Do you think he would really regret his actions at the time he is caught?" Watari said.
"I don't know" L said. "But the way I see him in the afterlife might tell me if the friendship is worth rebuilding. He really cared about his father and sister during the case but if my theory that the Death Note corrupts after a gratuitous amount of names written is right then I don't want to try that Death Note out whether it reveals to me the 13 day rule or not. I will try to give it to a criminal to see if the rules are right and see if it has an effect on him but that is my only plan so far."
"Like you did with Lind L. Taylor" Watari said.
"Lind L. Taylor didn't care about Kira at all" L said. "He was happy that I kept him off the media so he could be part of the broadcast, but he only wanted to do this to be a free man. He already knew he wouldn't commit a single crime if he got out. He wasn't on anybody's side and in fact he told me before the broadcast that Kira would most likely kill him. Kira kills criminals as well as people who disagree with him and people who are after him and that will include me. The criminal I have chosen isn't in anyway redeemable like Taylor was. Kira has standards. He doesn't kill people who kill criminals or people he thinks are rotten. He tries his best not to kill falsely accused and he doesn't kill those who are rehabilitated and those who regret their crimes. I may disagree with Kira but at least he has a point."
"Do you wish you weren't involved with his case?" Watari said.
"I only did it because I was interested" L said. "I never thought it would be a huge morality issue for me but the person I saw in Light before he touched that notebook is a different person from how Light was after I had him in solitary confinement. The different\ce is so astonishing that I don't feel Kira could realistically evolve from Light. Kira needs to be stopped but I don't feel like I can stop him anymore. Before this case I had heard that Light saved a woman from an armed robber and that he wanted to grow up to be like his father. I saw that person in Light before Higuchi died, but not after. I figured that Light lost his memories when the notebook wasn't his and I still think that is true."
"You know that Kira will likely kill me as well" Watari said.
"Then it has been an honor working with you" L said. "You know the message to send Near and Mello when I die."
"Yes I do" Watari said. "It says "L is dead.""
"I want you to send that when it happens" L said. "I had a great friendship with Light but now it is definitely over. That notebook corrupts people, but it corrupts people like how drugs corrupt people. It is an addiction not a brainwashing item. Light is drunk and he doesn't even know it."
"You have been in charge of all these cases since your mentor died" Watari said. "Are you sure that Near and Mello are experienced enough?"
"I do" L said. "I am going to go back to my room. Remember what we have planned."
L left Watari and went back to his room. There he had numerous thoughts on the case.
"Will just quitting this case save my skin" L thought. "Was Light being Kira how it was always suppose to be? Kira wants a better world but he is getting more and more corrupt over time. There is no reason for me to quit but I don't want this friendship to end. Light you should have never been Kira because you were the perfect successor to me. I bet asking that question to him put that thought in his head to take my place when I'm gone. When he is dying, will he accept me with open arms. I just don't know. Were we meant to be rivals or friends because I don't know if Light will be remembered for his deeds or for how different he was beforehand."
L continued to think as he was drifting more and more into a dream. He was seeing his death and he knew it would be soon. Bells starting ringing in his head but how would he tell Light that he was going to die soon without it sounding like he was trying to go after him. "I could ask him if he has been lying from the moment he was born. The answer is obvious that he has been lying ever since he got that notebook but I want to know if I could still see the Light from before by asking him that question or having to wait until he dies to get an answer because maybe we can be friends in the afterlife. We will definitely be friends if he regrets his actions."
After L was done he went over to Matsuda to ask him a question. At the beginning of the case Matsuda had asked him if the acts of Kira were truly unforgivable in which he answered that he won't know until he finds out who Kira is and how Kira really acts.
"Matsuda" L asked.
"Yes" Matsuda said.
"You remember at the beginning of the case when you asked if Kira was truly unforgivable?" L said.
"Yes Ryuzaki", Matsuda said, "I do."
"The answer is simple" L said "You don't know if a person is irredeemable until you meet them. I don't know if I can forgive Kira but now that I feel like it I feel that while his acts are unforgivable he is a tragic person who just wants to do good."
"Your supporting Kira" Matsuda said.
"That wasn't the point" L said. "The point is that I can forgive a person only if I can truly see their true nature. Maybe Kira is tragic Maybe Kira is just an all and out monster But the point is that you don't know a person until you meet them and I think I met Kira. I can see Kira as a tragic figure."
"You know who Kira is" Matsuda said.
"I still think Light is Kira" L said.
"But the 13 day rule" Matsuda said.
"I am not saying that Light is Kira" L said. "I just want to give you advice to watch over Light just in case he is. I know it is hard to take in that thought, but it is only a possiblity."
"And what do you want me to do if Light really is Kira?" Matsuda said with tears in his eyes.
"Don't hesitate" L said thinking about himself. "If you hesitate than it might be your downfall."
"But I can't think of Light as evil" Matsuda said.
"Matsuda", L said, "there is always a little bit of evil inside of us. There are very few people who are completely black or completely white in their morality. Because in the end, we are all liars. Almost all of us are lying monsters but how much we are lying monsters just depends."
During, dinner time, L made the unexpected decision to have dinner with the Task Force and that included Light. He truly enjoyed the company this time even with visions of his own death. L was seeing this dark cloud ahead but he didn't want to admit it. The world is not perfect, it will never be perfect and trying to make a perfect world would only lead to more imperfection. In this time L truly had to think about everything he went through to get to this point and if it meant dying than so be it. He had already made plans in case Kira killed him. Kira was evil but not everybody in the world would agree. Good and evil are relative terms, some people considered evil are considered good because of history and some people considered good wind up being considered evil because of history. Monster and human were relative terms. If Kira was the cat, he was the canary. The end was near.
After dinner he went to Light who was about to go to Misa's room.
"Light" L said.
"Oh hi Ryuzaki" Light said. "I was just going to see Misa."
"You can in a moment" L said. "I just want to ask you a few questions."
"Yeah" Light said. "What are they?"
"One thing is when he first met at your High School graduation" L said. "Were you surprised to meet me?"
"I wasn't really" Light lied. "Hearing about the world's greatest detective on the news and the Kira case didn't make it all that surprising. Especially because my father was on the case."
"Light", L said ,"do you truly love your family? If you had to weigh the risks of protecting them or killing them than what would you do?"
"I do care about my family" Light said. "I would definitely try my best protecting them. I would never consider killing them."
"Do you want my position when I am gone?" L said.
"Maybe" Light said. "Or maybe just abandon the case all together."
"I heard that you once saved a woman from an armed robbery" L said.
"I kinda remember that day" Light said "It was the day that made me feel like I had a strong sense of justice. Is there any real point to these questions or are you still suspicious that I am Kira because for the last time I am not Kira."
"It doesn't matter whether you are Kira or not" L said. "But the fact is that if you are Kira you might want to consider how you'll react when you are caught." These words started to scare Light. "Because I know it will not be a pretty sight and maybe you should compare your old self to your new self because maybe you could consider the notebook Higuchi had as corrupting."
"Higuchi was Kira" Light said. "He had his fate coming."
"Yeah" L said. "But have you ever considered that maybe the notebook blinds people or maybe the notebook inherently makes people evil because I think if people consider Kira evil than maybe he is evil because he is corrupt and nothing else and there is something that is wrong with that notebook."
"What are you trying to pull on me Ryuzaki?" Light thought. "That there is something wrong with writing names in the notebook because I feel fine. There is nothing wrong with me. How can people not see that it is okay to kill criminals. Am I in the wrong? No, you won't make me question my actions Ryuzaki. I know what is right and if I was evil, I would know what evil feels like. That book is just a weapon to kill people, there is nothing inherently corrupting about it."
"I don't know if there is anything corrupting about that notebook" Light said.
"I expected you to say that" L said.
"What?" Light said.
"That there is nothing corrupting about that notebook" L said. "You can't prove yourself right or wrong but I feel I am right. The fact is simple corrupt isn't something you think or feel, it is an invisible force that nobody can detect and when they do detect it it is way to late. The thing about corrupt people is that they don't know they are corrupt. If something corrupted you, you wouldn't know that you were corrupt."
"I get what you are saying" Light lied to try to move the conversation.
"The thing is simple" L said. "Think about what you are doing. We are friends, you know and I don't want to lose you. If you are truly Kira then I would know as soon as I die. I don't have the evidence that you are Kira but if I did, you would be in jail now. So who is the real Light Yagami, the one I saw before or the one I see now? Which one will be in your place when you die? We all have two sides to us. I am not saying you are Kira but truly try to picture Kira in your mind what do you see?"
"I see a person who needs to be stopped" Light lied.
"But is that what you truly think of him or not?" L said. "Who is talking, your mask or your true self? Is your true self still inside you or has your mask consumed it. Are you becoming more and more like the mask you made? If Kira is a mask than how long will it be until it is his face. What I say you have to take into consideration. Is Light Yagami dead or alive?"
"I'm alive" Light said.
"Literally or figuratively?" L said. "Because I want to know why you said you are alive."
"Why?" Light said.
"Because I am your friend" L said. "Okay... have a good night, I will see you tomorrow."
Light turned his back to L and then he went into Kira mode.
"Oh Ryuzaki" Light thought. "Keep asking your questions because you won't find out until you are dead. I can't wait to see your face when I prove to you that I am Kira and nobody else would know. Ryuzaki, history is on my side."
"Light is Kira" L thought. "But seeing how he was before has truly told me that Kira came from the notebook, not himself. He can deny it all he wants, but the Death Note is more than just a murder weapon. It is a corrupting influence that is bound to make anyone insane. If my calculations are correct, people don't become that evil that quickly, there must be something more. Whether I am right or not doesn't matter. If I die then Light is Kira, if I don't then I have truly brought Light back from the abyss. The problem is that only I will know. I won't be the one to solve this case but at least I helped people solve it. Tomorrow is just another day but it could be my last anyway. Take each day as my last as the bells they keep getting louder."
L went back to his room. For him he knew he was at the edge of defeat and that Kira had won... for now. His successors were the only way the case could be solved without issue because his weakness was the thing holding him back and boy did he wish he didn't have this weakness.