Unspoken Wishes
Chapter 1
"God this place is filthy!" Sirius coughed trying to wave dust clouds away from his face. I haven't been up here in forever."
Hauling myself up the final steps, I chuckled, "I don't think anyone has. Even Kretcher seems to have avoided it."
Sirius laughed, reaching an arm down to me. I took it and stood beside him looking around the dusty room. "I wouldn't blame him. There's nothing up here but good memories." I felt my eyebrows furrow. "Why would she want to put away those?"
"I guess I said that wrong. My mother put things up here that she didn't want to see, but couldn't bring herself to destroy." Padfoot replied with a smile. "The things she hated, but her, I don't know if I could call it sentimental but as close as she could get to that, but the side of her that wouldn't let her burn. There are even pictures of me up here somewhere, though none above age five probably. Most of those were in my room when it was destroyed." He let out a strained laugh, but the smile on his face stayed. I looked at his friend, trying to judge how he felt when a cloud of dust settled around his head. I started coughing, trying to remember a spell to rid himself of it. Suddenly, the dust was gone and he could breathe again. I looked up at Sirius, whose eyebrow was raised above mischievous smiling eyes.
"Are you alright Moony? That was such an odd dust storm. I never had heard of one in an attic that would attack a werewolf." It was all Sirius could do to bite keep his mouth straight.
Suddenly I realized my friend must have conjured the storm with his so-called 'cleaning spell.'
"Padfoot!" I exclaimed with mock-anger, trying to sound serious. "You..." I couldn't help breaking down laughing at the sight of the convicted 'murder' who was trying valiantly, but near unsuccessfully to hold back his laughter.
Soon the both Marauders were both rolling on the floor, laughing so hard tear streamed down our dirt streaked faces. It seemed just like old times back at Hogwarts, laughing over a prank pulled on Snape, or some lovesick act for Lily that had backfired on James. After sobering up we worked slowly, bagging up almost everything in site. True to what Sirius had predicted, several baby pictures of the Animagus found.
"Aww... you were soo cute!" I cooed, looking at the face of a four-year-old Black valiantly trying to tug off his page boy cap. Turning to my now thirty-seven-year-old friend, studying the handsome face. Sirius's face had filled out since his time in Azkaban, and the meat was back on his bones.
"What happened?"
He hits me over the head with the picture then turns away, looking back over his shoulder with a sultry look. "I surpassed my cute stage. I became a sex god."
After looking at each other for a minute longer we burst into a fresh burst of laughter.
About six hours of cleaning and we called it quits for the day. Both covered in dust and tired, yet proud of our work. The house seemed to stubbornly refuse to let us erase the remnants of the Blacks. Relaxing in the shower as the hot water relaxed my sore muscles I had time to concentrate on the one thing that had been bothering me all day. Sirius.
My friend seemed so far from the past troubles that had chased and tortured him for so long these days. Still, the same boy I'd always known was present, now in the man I saw before me. His eyes were regaining that light that Azkaban had robbed them of. His body had recovered, and his frame had gained back most of it's weight. His smile came freely now, and he laughed easier. I had been so happy hearing him laugh today, even if he'd been giggling like an idiot.
The one thing that bothered me was that ever so slightly my friend kept distancing himself from me. I knew it wasn't because of my foolish, half-brained, five year belief that my dear friend Padfoot could even possibly have hurt James, Lily, or Harry.
There was something else going on with him and I swore to myself then that I would find out.
I stepped from the shower, clean and refreshed, a towel draped around my waist. Sirius stood outside the door, extra clothes in his arms. Dust has grayed his hair, and his skin looks ashen. I must have surprised him, though he heard me coming because he drops the clothes and stares at me.
For a moment I fancied that I saw something I wanted to place as want, or passion, in his eyes, but that was dashed in a second. Why would he want me? Sirius looked away behind me, blushing slightly, and asked, "So Moony, are you finished in the loo?"
I suddenly realized I was only wearing a rather small towel, and under that just my birthday suit. "Umm.. yeah Siri." I walk out and stand there for a minute looking back at him.
Then I turned and padded towards the bedroom we were sharing for the week. I pulled a shirt out of the closet, then turned to the dresser, digging through it trying to find a pair of boxers. After scavenging for a moment, a dug them out and pulled them on. I gazed about me, looking around the room. Though he hated this house, Sirius and I had worked hard to make at least one bedroom seem like it belonged to him. Little momentos were scattered about; an old journal the Marauders had all kept up at Hogwarts, a picture frame with a photo of us together with James, another of Lily holding Harry, and a battered copy of The Dark is Rising series and a few old school text books that had survived the wear and tear of our chaotic teen and early adult years.
I smiled. The work had been worth it. This room didn't belong to anyone but Sirius. I put my hand on the dresser, than paused when it landed on a small leather bound book I'd never seen before. I looked around the door for Sirius, and heard his clear singing voice ringing out from the shower.
Smiling I shut the door to give him some privacy and soften the noise. I walked back the dresser, grabbed the book, and returned with it to the bed. I opened it to find smooth, white pages. I reached over to the nightstand and grabbed my wand, which I tapped slightly on the pages. As I had suspected lines suddenly began to crisscross back and forth on the page.
Welcome to the Journal of Random Thoughts and Babblings
By Sirius Black
I chuckled to myself. That was definitely Padfoot's work. But suddenly the words faded and were replaced by others.
Please state your name and reason for entrance
Into the depths of insanity enclosed in these pages.
Drat, I thought. Better just tell the truth.
"Remus Lupin. I would love to know what is on Padfoot's mind."
The book seemed to think for a minute. Then it followed with:
How do I know that you are Lupin?
This must be serious stuff. "I am a werewolf and Sirius became an Animagus for me in his fifth year at Hogwarts."
Another pause, then:
'Allo Moony. Sorry 'bout all the security. What would you like to see?
That's more like it! But now that I had the journal cooperating, what should I ask. How could I put into words what I wanted to know?
"I want to know why you won't talk to me like you used to. I wan to know what happened to our friendship. Why are you distancing yourself from me?" The words poured out my mouth like water from a fountain.
On question at a time please. Hold on...
Suddenly the words faded off the page, and were replaced by:
Is this what you want? Hope it helps you sort me out...
June 14
Dumbledore wants me to lie low at Moony's.
How long has it been since I have called Remus by that name? The one I gave him after the first full moon we spent together. After I found out why he would disappear every month. Does he even remember? Of course he does, I'm just being stupid. Quiet, studious Remus. Somehow he has managed to stay sane though the hell we've gone through.
He asked me why I would not stay with him last night after his nightmare. Innocently he welcomed me into his bed, like the old days. I was so tempted to crawl under the blankets with him, to feel his body against mine... To gently kiss those soft, worry bitten lips. To run my hands along that smooth skin and through the honey colored locks, now streaked with gray hairs.
He thinks of me as a friend. Padfoot, pack mate to Moony, and a best friend to himself. I can't tell him what I feel. I don't want to risk what we have. I would rather live in with the torment of him not knowing, than possibly loose him. He means too much to me. More than he should.
I can't deny to myself that I'm in love with that man. I believe he is my soul mate, and he'll never know.
My hands shook as I stopped reading. I stared at the words on the page blankly. I couldn't believe it. Sirius loved me? Sexy Sirius Black, with his mischievous smile, and wild nature? The Sirius that went through about four girls a week, and had even more to choose from? How could he like me?
As if bidden by my thoughts, he chose that moment to walk in the door. "Remus? Oh, there you are Moony. What are you read—Oh my God."
I looked up from the journal to his face. Sirius's eyes had widened, and he was looking at me like he thought I was going to hex him into next week.
"Did you...I mean, well, oh please have not. Did you read that? It let you in?" He fumbled with his words, blushing slightly.
"Yes," I said simply. I wanted to say soo much more to him.
"Oh God. I can't believe you... Why???" He asked suddenly frustrated.
My eyes widened in shock. He sees my surprise and immediately lowers his voice. "What all did you read?"
"The fourteenth. When you said I was your soul mate, and that you..." I couldn't bring myself to say it. I choked on the words, and he blushed harder, hanging his head.
"I can't honestly say that I am mad you read that. Nor can I say it isn't true."
"Siri, please!"
"No!" He yelled. Both of us stood there in shock. "I can't pretend anymore. I love you Remy. I always have. You know that now from that." He nodded towards the book. I stared at it, having forgotten I was holding it. I held it close to my chest, wanting to protect this piece of him.
Chapter 1
"God this place is filthy!" Sirius coughed trying to wave dust clouds away from his face. I haven't been up here in forever."
Hauling myself up the final steps, I chuckled, "I don't think anyone has. Even Kretcher seems to have avoided it."
Sirius laughed, reaching an arm down to me. I took it and stood beside him looking around the dusty room. "I wouldn't blame him. There's nothing up here but good memories." I felt my eyebrows furrow. "Why would she want to put away those?"
"I guess I said that wrong. My mother put things up here that she didn't want to see, but couldn't bring herself to destroy." Padfoot replied with a smile. "The things she hated, but her, I don't know if I could call it sentimental but as close as she could get to that, but the side of her that wouldn't let her burn. There are even pictures of me up here somewhere, though none above age five probably. Most of those were in my room when it was destroyed." He let out a strained laugh, but the smile on his face stayed. I looked at his friend, trying to judge how he felt when a cloud of dust settled around his head. I started coughing, trying to remember a spell to rid himself of it. Suddenly, the dust was gone and he could breathe again. I looked up at Sirius, whose eyebrow was raised above mischievous smiling eyes.
"Are you alright Moony? That was such an odd dust storm. I never had heard of one in an attic that would attack a werewolf." It was all Sirius could do to bite keep his mouth straight.
Suddenly I realized my friend must have conjured the storm with his so-called 'cleaning spell.'
"Padfoot!" I exclaimed with mock-anger, trying to sound serious. "You..." I couldn't help breaking down laughing at the sight of the convicted 'murder' who was trying valiantly, but near unsuccessfully to hold back his laughter.
Soon the both Marauders were both rolling on the floor, laughing so hard tear streamed down our dirt streaked faces. It seemed just like old times back at Hogwarts, laughing over a prank pulled on Snape, or some lovesick act for Lily that had backfired on James. After sobering up we worked slowly, bagging up almost everything in site. True to what Sirius had predicted, several baby pictures of the Animagus found.
"Aww... you were soo cute!" I cooed, looking at the face of a four-year-old Black valiantly trying to tug off his page boy cap. Turning to my now thirty-seven-year-old friend, studying the handsome face. Sirius's face had filled out since his time in Azkaban, and the meat was back on his bones.
"What happened?"
He hits me over the head with the picture then turns away, looking back over his shoulder with a sultry look. "I surpassed my cute stage. I became a sex god."
After looking at each other for a minute longer we burst into a fresh burst of laughter.
About six hours of cleaning and we called it quits for the day. Both covered in dust and tired, yet proud of our work. The house seemed to stubbornly refuse to let us erase the remnants of the Blacks. Relaxing in the shower as the hot water relaxed my sore muscles I had time to concentrate on the one thing that had been bothering me all day. Sirius.
My friend seemed so far from the past troubles that had chased and tortured him for so long these days. Still, the same boy I'd always known was present, now in the man I saw before me. His eyes were regaining that light that Azkaban had robbed them of. His body had recovered, and his frame had gained back most of it's weight. His smile came freely now, and he laughed easier. I had been so happy hearing him laugh today, even if he'd been giggling like an idiot.
The one thing that bothered me was that ever so slightly my friend kept distancing himself from me. I knew it wasn't because of my foolish, half-brained, five year belief that my dear friend Padfoot could even possibly have hurt James, Lily, or Harry.
There was something else going on with him and I swore to myself then that I would find out.
I stepped from the shower, clean and refreshed, a towel draped around my waist. Sirius stood outside the door, extra clothes in his arms. Dust has grayed his hair, and his skin looks ashen. I must have surprised him, though he heard me coming because he drops the clothes and stares at me.
For a moment I fancied that I saw something I wanted to place as want, or passion, in his eyes, but that was dashed in a second. Why would he want me? Sirius looked away behind me, blushing slightly, and asked, "So Moony, are you finished in the loo?"
I suddenly realized I was only wearing a rather small towel, and under that just my birthday suit. "Umm.. yeah Siri." I walk out and stand there for a minute looking back at him.
Then I turned and padded towards the bedroom we were sharing for the week. I pulled a shirt out of the closet, then turned to the dresser, digging through it trying to find a pair of boxers. After scavenging for a moment, a dug them out and pulled them on. I gazed about me, looking around the room. Though he hated this house, Sirius and I had worked hard to make at least one bedroom seem like it belonged to him. Little momentos were scattered about; an old journal the Marauders had all kept up at Hogwarts, a picture frame with a photo of us together with James, another of Lily holding Harry, and a battered copy of The Dark is Rising series and a few old school text books that had survived the wear and tear of our chaotic teen and early adult years.
I smiled. The work had been worth it. This room didn't belong to anyone but Sirius. I put my hand on the dresser, than paused when it landed on a small leather bound book I'd never seen before. I looked around the door for Sirius, and heard his clear singing voice ringing out from the shower.
Smiling I shut the door to give him some privacy and soften the noise. I walked back the dresser, grabbed the book, and returned with it to the bed. I opened it to find smooth, white pages. I reached over to the nightstand and grabbed my wand, which I tapped slightly on the pages. As I had suspected lines suddenly began to crisscross back and forth on the page.
Welcome to the Journal of Random Thoughts and Babblings
By Sirius Black
I chuckled to myself. That was definitely Padfoot's work. But suddenly the words faded and were replaced by others.
Please state your name and reason for entrance
Into the depths of insanity enclosed in these pages.
Drat, I thought. Better just tell the truth.
"Remus Lupin. I would love to know what is on Padfoot's mind."
The book seemed to think for a minute. Then it followed with:
How do I know that you are Lupin?
This must be serious stuff. "I am a werewolf and Sirius became an Animagus for me in his fifth year at Hogwarts."
Another pause, then:
'Allo Moony. Sorry 'bout all the security. What would you like to see?
That's more like it! But now that I had the journal cooperating, what should I ask. How could I put into words what I wanted to know?
"I want to know why you won't talk to me like you used to. I wan to know what happened to our friendship. Why are you distancing yourself from me?" The words poured out my mouth like water from a fountain.
On question at a time please. Hold on...
Suddenly the words faded off the page, and were replaced by:
Is this what you want? Hope it helps you sort me out...
June 14
Dumbledore wants me to lie low at Moony's.
How long has it been since I have called Remus by that name? The one I gave him after the first full moon we spent together. After I found out why he would disappear every month. Does he even remember? Of course he does, I'm just being stupid. Quiet, studious Remus. Somehow he has managed to stay sane though the hell we've gone through.
He asked me why I would not stay with him last night after his nightmare. Innocently he welcomed me into his bed, like the old days. I was so tempted to crawl under the blankets with him, to feel his body against mine... To gently kiss those soft, worry bitten lips. To run my hands along that smooth skin and through the honey colored locks, now streaked with gray hairs.
He thinks of me as a friend. Padfoot, pack mate to Moony, and a best friend to himself. I can't tell him what I feel. I don't want to risk what we have. I would rather live in with the torment of him not knowing, than possibly loose him. He means too much to me. More than he should.
I can't deny to myself that I'm in love with that man. I believe he is my soul mate, and he'll never know.
My hands shook as I stopped reading. I stared at the words on the page blankly. I couldn't believe it. Sirius loved me? Sexy Sirius Black, with his mischievous smile, and wild nature? The Sirius that went through about four girls a week, and had even more to choose from? How could he like me?
As if bidden by my thoughts, he chose that moment to walk in the door. "Remus? Oh, there you are Moony. What are you read—Oh my God."
I looked up from the journal to his face. Sirius's eyes had widened, and he was looking at me like he thought I was going to hex him into next week.
"Did you...I mean, well, oh please have not. Did you read that? It let you in?" He fumbled with his words, blushing slightly.
"Yes," I said simply. I wanted to say soo much more to him.
"Oh God. I can't believe you... Why???" He asked suddenly frustrated.
My eyes widened in shock. He sees my surprise and immediately lowers his voice. "What all did you read?"
"The fourteenth. When you said I was your soul mate, and that you..." I couldn't bring myself to say it. I choked on the words, and he blushed harder, hanging his head.
"I can't honestly say that I am mad you read that. Nor can I say it isn't true."
"Siri, please!"
"No!" He yelled. Both of us stood there in shock. "I can't pretend anymore. I love you Remy. I always have. You know that now from that." He nodded towards the book. I stared at it, having forgotten I was holding it. I held it close to my chest, wanting to protect this piece of him.