I was on anti depressants for the past 2 years.
I had been raped at 19 by my father and again by my ex ex boyfriend at 21.
My mother died when I was 23.
My father died when I was 24.
All I had left was my brother Emmett and my best friend Alice.
I had gotten into drinking after my father raped me so I was a drunk driver.
Angela had died in the car crash.
I did drinking again after I was raped the 2nd time and I killed Jessica.
I don't drive anymore.
I don't drink anymore either.
So back to the anti depressants, my therapist of 10 years now had prescribed them about 2 years ago. I'd take them every day when I started having panic attacks. Or I was feeling depressed. This happened a lot.
So one day, actually Christmas Eve, Emmett called and told me that he wouldn't be able to show up for Christmas.
Then Alice called and said she couldn't make it either.
I was left alone, sitting on my couch, listening to Christmas show tunes.
I was twirling a box I had gotten in the mail from my neighbor in my hands.
I sat it on the coffee table and was about to take a shower when there was a knock at the door.
I went to the door and answered it without thinking.
The next thing I knew I was pushed inside, the door slammed shut, the click of the lock was sounding through my house, and I was pinned on the ground.
I was shocked.
I was so shocked I didn't notice the intruder tearing off my pants and shirt.
I screamed but they clamped their hand over my mouth.
I started crying and I felt the person taking their pants off too.
I struggled, kicking, screaming, with all I could.
It was no use. I bit the person's hand, which was covered with a glove. But regardless they jerked back. I sat upright and ran for the phone. They ran after me though, just as I grabbed up the phone I was knocked on my head with a powerful punch.
***
I woke up on the floor of my house, surrounded in a pool of blood and next to me, a condom.
I cried. For what seemed like hours, I cried.
I eventually got out of my pool of blood and hobbled into the bathroom. I checked my head and the blood had stopped.
I sighed and then broke out into more tears. I called Alice and told her I needed her right away, assuming she heard my distress, she showed up about 5 minutes after I had hung up.
Alice took in the pool of blood and condom and quickly took me into her arms. I cried more and more until she soothed me. "Bella, sweetie, what happened?" She asked.
"I – I and he –"I couldn't even form a sentence. I broke into crying again and Alice said we should go to a hospital or at least the police station.
"Okay, Alice, I'll go later today. I just need to be alone, please?" I asked.
She nodded and she left me alone.
I sat on my couch staring at my anti depressants.
I was planning on taking one but when I tapped one out half of it spilt into my hand.
I stared at the 20 or so pills and decided to take them all. I swallowed them all and then I tapped another handful into my hand. I swallowed it too. Then I tapped the rest of the bottle into my hands and swallowed the rest. I think I took a total of 52 pills.
I sat down on the couch, and then soon rested into a laying down position. I slowly, fell asleep, and then there was nothing.
***
I registered the faint sound of someone walking around the house, but I couldn't focus long enough to really care.
Then I heard the faint sound of someone dropping bags and then screaming. So much screaming.
***
I was being lifted and people were poking me. Then there was more screaming and… Crying?
"Ssstoppp, luh luh leaveee muh," I couldn't talk anymore.
I stopped talking and then black.
***
I woke up again and heard Emmett's voice talking to me.
"I love you so much, Bella. Please come back. Please," He said.
I tried to respond but all I managed was a twitch of my fingers.
Then the sweet blackness came back.
***
I awoke this time to Alice talking.
"Bell – uh – please! Please, it's been so long. Please just come back," She said.
So long since what?
I tried to tell her I was alright but… I couldn't. I tried to open my eyes, lift my hand, and toss my head, nothing.
Then the black came back… And not so welcomed this time.
***
The next time I awoke I was angry.
A calm voice was arguing with Emmett.
Why are you yelling at Emmett? I tried to ask them but all I got out was "Urgh."
"See, she is still responsive. Moving her fingers, talking, there is no way we are pulling ANY sort of fucking cord right now," Emmett said.
I tried to spread comic relief by telling Emmett he needed to pay the swear jar but still all I got out was, "Urgh."
"It's natural for that to happen. I'm sorry sir, we can't help her anymore." The calm voice said.
Then black again.
***
The next time I woke up I felt someone poking me.
I cracked a smile when I heard Emmett's little daughter say, "Aunt Bella. You can't sleep right now. We have to play Barbies!"
There were gasps all around the room.
I tried to open my eyes but I couldn't. They felt so heavy.
"Um surrey," I mumbled out.
I heard Emmett say, "Oh dear Lord."
I tried really hard to open my eyes and one popped open slightly.
My vision was extremely blurry.
Rosalie was there, and she was talking to a really tall blonde man.
"Foo be herk ere w," I mumbled.
I tried to say, "Who the fuck are you." But it came out more like caveman talk.
"Bella. Bella. Can you hear me?" The blonde man asked.
"Esh. How ush de uck bup," I managed.
Emmett laughed and said, "Rose, I think you should take Amy in the hall." I saw her nod and then I heard the door closing.
"Did you understand what she said?" The blonde man asked.
"Uh, she said yes, now shut the fuck up," He said laughing.
I wondered briefly how in the world Emmett understood that but I guess that was how Emmett had talked all his life in the mornings.
I cracked another smile and then the doctor said, "You know this is a true miracle right?"
"Ha id Ige ust ay?" I mumbled.
"What did I just say, that's what she said," Emmett said.
The blonde man smiled and I wanted to punch him in the face.
I slowly picked up my hand and when it floated up I beckoned Emmett to me.
He came to me and leant over my face.
"Ell de umaz ew gesh og," I whispered. My throat was starting to hurt so I was forced to whisper. (Tell him to get out)
He laughed and said, "He's the doctor."
I nodded briefly and then all set in.
I was in the hospital.
This wasn't a family reunion.
The blonde man wasn't intruding. He was trying to save my life.
I relaxed slowly and said, "Ow lung ew e huv ew iv?" (How long do I have to live)
"She wants to know how long she has to live," Emmett said.
"If you don't do this again, awhile. 50… 60 years?" He said.
I laughed and then Emmett sat down in his chair and cried.
Wait what? He's crying.
"I er ew ing?" I asked Emmett. (Why are you crying)
He sniffed and said, "You've been in a coma for 3 months Bells."
Oh…
Well I think I should probably have not have done that.
"Hut appnd? I asked. (What happened)
"We'll get to that in awhile. You need to rest," The blonde man said.
I got really angry when he said that.
"Hut er aim?" I asked him. (What is your name)
I felt dumb trying to tell off the man standing in front of me. I mean I sounded drunk, probably looked like shit, and only had one eye open.
Barely.
"It's Dr. Cullen, Bells," Emmett said from his seat.
"K. Erter Ullen. Issen er. Op elling e ew gu e seep. E geen ew seep fur 3 unths. Su uck oof," I said. (Okay, Dr. Cullen. Listen here. Stop telling me to go to sleep. I've been to sleep for 3 months. So fuck off)
"You want me to translate that?" Emmet asked.
The blonde man, now know as Dr. Cullen… or Erter Ullen, nodded.
"Okay, Dr. Cullen. Listen here. Stop telling me to go to sleep. I've been to sleep for 3 months. So fuck off," Emmett said.
"Just like old Bella," Emmett said.
"Well… You need to sleep. So until you do so. I guess I'll just stand here," He said leaning against the wall behind him.
"Ew eed ew et unds," I mumbled. (You need to get friends)
Apparently the doctor understood that, "Well… I have friends. And very stubborn patients."
"E mot ubborn. Ew er," I mumbled. (I am not stubborn. You are)
"Well, okay. I'm stubborn," He said.
I laughed and said, "E un." (I win)
"Yes, you won. Great. Now you're prize? Sleeping," Emmett said.
I soon fell asleep but this time it wasn't black I saw… It was blonde hair, a gorgeous face, a tall man…
Erter Ullen?
***
The next time I woke up a blonde man was leaning over me taking my blood pressure.
"What the fuck?" I asked.
He seemed startled and leaned away.
"Bella do you know where you are?" He asked.
I remembered the knock on my apartment door…
The pushing… the… rape…
"Oh God. God no! Get away from me! Please just don't touch me! Please! God please!" I said thinking he was the rapist who had decided to kidnap me.
Emmett walked through the door and I said, "Emmett?"
I was confused.
"You aren't the rapist?" I asked the blonde man.
He seemed a little taken aback by that.
"I haven't ever raped anyone…" He said.
I eyed him suspiciously and then pushed him away from me.
My hands made contact with his chest and I shuddered. And not because I was cold.
He walked away from the bed and Emmett said, "Bella, you're in the hospital. This is Dr. Cullen."
"Dr. Cullen?" I asked.
The man nodded and I said the first thing on my mind, "You don't strike me as a blonde, Dr. Cullen. You should think about dying your hair."
I turned to Emmett and said, "Why am I in the hospital?"
"You…" Emmett trailed off and looked to Dr. Cullen.
I turned to Dr. Cullen and crossed my arms. I felt stiff. How long had I been in this damn bed?
"I need to pee," I said.
My bladder soon caught up to me and when Dr. Cullen said he'd go get a nurse I said, "Alright… No fooling around in the OR room or supply closet. You hear me?"
He was gone. Emmett shook his head and I said, "What's got everyone around here so bummed?"
"Bella, you've been in a coma for 3 months," Emmett said.
"Oh. How?" I asked.
The doctor walked in with a nurse trailing behind.
"I don't have to pee anymore, I actually want to know why my big brother over here can't give me any information," I said.
"Bella. There's no easy way to say it. You tried to commit suicide. You took 52 pills of your anti depressants and as far as I know we don't know why," Dr. Cullen said.
I nodded slowly and then full force EVERYTHING came back to me. The brief conversation I had had with the doctor where I had sounded like a drunken caveman. The popping the 52 pills after I had been raped.
"Oh God," I whispered.
"Bella?" Emmett whispered.
"The man. He broke in and ra – raped me. God Emmett I was so depressed I took all the pills without worrying at all about you. I'm so sorry. I'm the worst sister ever," I said crying.
"Bella! That's why you cry? Not that you've been in a coma for 3 months. Caused the poor pixie to worry? Rose… ROSE… she CRIED! Amy and Danny. They kept coming in, Amy woke you up the first time when you talked all drunken caveman on us. Barbies…" Emmett trailed off.
I snapped my head at the two hospital officials starring at us. I glared at the nurse until she excused herself.
I turned to Dr. Hottie and said, "Why are you still here? I remember what you said about pulling the plug on me. That was you wasn't it?"
He started to say something then I cut him off, "You know what. I want out. I want to leave. Just let me leave. Please?"
Dr. Cullen shook his head and said, "You need to stay here for observation."
"Observation? You had 3 months to observe me!" I shouted.
"Please try and stay calm. You'll disturb the other patients," He said.
"Fuck them. I've been in a coma for 3 months. You know why. Let me go," I said.
"You've got to stay, Bella, sorry," He said.
"Ms. Swan to you," I practically spat at him.
He nodded and said, "We need to draw some blood, Ms. Swan."
I gritted my teeth and nodded. He came to me and did his doctoral stuff.
I bit my tongue from screaming when the needle bit through my skin.
When he was all done I said under my breath, "Fuck you and your fucking needles. Go do your dumbass doctor shit while I sit here in pain. God damn mother fucking asshole with fucking pointy needles. Who invented needles? A damn sadistic mother fucking crazy ass psycho!"
The doctor walked out of the room laughing quietly.
"Emmett…" I trailed off.
I kind of forgotten Emmett during my needle dilemma.
"I'm sorry," I said.
"It's fine Bella," He said.
I nodded and we sat in comfortable silence until the devil came back… Hot devil though.
Am I falling for my doctor?
Lusting… yes…
"Well you seem clean," He said.
I snorted and said, "What'd you think? I was popping pills while passed out in a coma? Yeah, realistic."
The doctor cracked another smile. Heart breaking.
"How'd I get in a 3 month coma from the pills?" I asked.
"We think the coma was because of the pills and you hitting your head," He said.
"Didn't hit my head, asshole," I said.
He nodded.
"You should rest," He said. "We'll keep you for the next two weeks then you can go home," He said walking towards the door.
"Not tired," I said pouting.
"That's alright, I'll give you some medicine," He said.
He walked over, pulled something out of nowhere and plugged it into my IV.
Instantly I felt sleepy, Emmett had long gone fell asleep.
"Magical," I said staring up at my doctor dreamily.
He nodded and went to the door. "Hey! I'm serious though, you wouldn't look bad brunette? Maybe black hair? Think about it," I said.
He nodded and I whispered, "Night night sexy."
***
When I woke up there was the damn man leaning over me again.
I rolled over onto my side and said, "Stop harassing me and go treat a different patient."
I heard his musical laugh and I paused in my attempt to take off the blood pressure cuff.
"Why is it that I can't sleep at all in this place?" I asked him.
"Well actually, Ms. Swan, you slept for a good 12 hours there," He said strapping the cuff around my arm tighter.
I winced and when it started tightening I gritted my teeth.
Soon enough he pulled it off and asked me how I was doing.
"Fine," I said. Adding mentally, "Now that you're here."
"So what do I do now?" I asked.
"You sit here and rest and get better," He said patting my arm before turning to leave.
I huffed and said, "You have many patients to look after?"
"You… the rest aren't in comas," He said.
"So I'm your only patient?" I asked him.
He nodded and I said, "So where are you going?"
"Paper work," He said.
"Oh, okay…" I said pouting with my arms folded across my chest. "Have fun," I said sadly.
He nodded and then hesitated. I was hopeful until he said, "Hit the call button and the nurse on call will be here any second."
I sank down into my bed.
This was the longest waiting ever.
***
I'd played four rounds of solitaire, slept for an hour, and pushed all the buttons on my bed. Except for a red button and a button with a nurse printed on it.
I finally decided to push the nurse button.
I was thinking maybe she/he would sit in there and talk to me.
I pushed the button and then the musical voice of my doctor came over.
"Yes?" He asked.
I sat silent for a second and then said, "I'm bored."
"Well take a nap…?" He said.
"I've already done that. And I thought this was supposed to be the nurses?" I asked.
"She had a lunch break and the other nurse had to go tend to her son, now I'm sitting at the nurse's station," He explained.
I sighed and then said, "I'm not going to sleep. You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to sing. And let me tell you now, it's not pretty."
I heard him laugh and then I started singing.
I got through three songs from Nickelback and was moving on to Nine Inch Nails when Dr. Cullen walked in.
I flashed him a bright smile and he said, "Alright I need to check your vitals."
I nodded and he did all his doctor stuff.
He left and I started singing Closer by Nine Inch Nails.
"You let me violate you, you let me desecrate you," I sang.
"You let me penetrate you, you let me complicate you. Help me I broke apart my insides, help me I've got no soul to sell. Help me the only thing that works for me, help me get away from myself." I sang out. I was getting louder.
"I want to fuck you like an animal," When I belted out my last line to the song a very distressed Dr. Cullen popped his head back in my door.
"I forgot your chart," He said walking inside.
I nodded and he grabbed his chart.
"I want to feel you from the inside. I want to fuck you like an animal. My whole existence is flawed. You get me closer to god," When I sang that he snapped his head up to look at me.
Mind reader?
I had been thinking about how I want him to do this to me… But I doubt he would understand that. Patient/Doctor… Ugh.
I smiled and sang out more of the song, "You can have my isolation, you can have the hate that it brings. You can have my absence of faith, you can have my everything. Help me tear down my reason, help me its' your sex I can smell. Help me you make me perfect, help me become somebody else."
I closed my eyes and sang the rest of the song, "I want to fuck you like an animal. I want to feel you from the inside. I want to fuck you like an animal. My whole existence is flawed. You get me closer to god. Through every forest, above the trees, within my stomach, scraped off my knees. I drink the honey inside your hive. You are the reason I stay alive."
I heard the door close sometime during my singing and smiled when I was alone.
What to sing… What to sing…?
"Am I? Am I still tough enough? Feels like I'm wearing down. Down down down down. Is my viciousness losing ground? Ground ground ground ground. Am I taking too much? Did I cross the line? Line line.
I need my role in this very clearly defined. I need your discipline, I need your help, and I need your discipline. You know once I start I cannot help myself. Now it's starting up feels like I'm losing touch. Nothing matters to me nothing matters as much. I see you left a mark up and down the skin. Skin skin. I don't know where I end or where you begin. I need your discipline, I need your help, and I need your discipline. You know once I start I cannot help myself. I cannot stop myself. Once I start I cannot stop myself. And you know once I start I cannot stop myself. And you know once I start I cannot stop myself," I didn't even get to finish my song when Alice popped inside.
"What are you doing singing sex songs in a hospital?" She asked me.
"Come here," I whispered to her.
She came over and I scooted over for her to sit down on the bed. "What?" She whispered to me.
"My doctor is really hot," I whispered back to her.
She burst out laughing and then she calmed down and said, "Oh Bella! I missed you so much."
"I didn't go anywhere," I said.
She laughed more and hugged me.
I hugged her back and then Dr. Cullen walked in.
He sat down in one of the chairs and stared at me.
I at first was uncomfortable but I shifted my gaze over to Alice and she was trying to hold back laughter.
I looked at her confused and she giggled. She pointed her finger at me and shook it. (Like mom's do when they lecture you) I still sent her a confused glance and then Alice pointed to Dr. Cullen then to me then she made the universal sign for singing and then she did her lecture finger again.
I widened my eyes and stared at Dr. Cullen.
He sighed and ran his hands through his hair. He said, "Your singing is rather distracting."
I laughed a little and said, "I told you I was horrible. I'm bored and you won't let me get up out of this bed to do anything."
"That will change tomorrow. You'll be begging me to let you lay down tomorrow. Just rest tonight and then tomorrow you can have your fun," He said standing up. I nodded and he smiled a dazzling smile. He walked out the door and Alice and I started laughing.
"I'll beg him for more than to lay down," I said in between laughs.
Alice laughed even more and eventually we calmed down.
She kissed my head and said, "I've got to go. I'll be back tomorrow though."
"Alright Ali, love you, have fun with Jasper," I said wigging my eyebrows.
Jasper was Alice's fiancé. She left laughing her petite laughter
I soon went to sleep and when I woke up the next morning that man's arm was in my face again.
***
A/N: Alright so I have the next chapter written, I just thought I might cut it off here…
If I get reviews I'll post the next chapter.
Ummm….Review tells me if you like it or not… I know OOC a bit here…
:/