Time was safe thanks to Squall and his friends, but now that he was a SeeD, kept the world from being enslaved by a crazed scantily-clad sorceress, he really didn't see the point of being with Rinoa Hartily anymore. Rinoa was the most beautiful girl he ever met, but even he knew it wouldn't hurt to have some more brains, or boobs for that matter! Squall and his friends now lived in Ester with the president Laguna, he was some perverted old guy so everyone thought that he was Irvine's father, but man were they off!
Rinoa walked into Squalls' room with that puzzled blonde look she always wore on her face, "Hey Squall!" she said as happy as could be, "The czar of Mexico wants to see us downstairs, he says it's important that you be there...and they have free brownies.." she said in an ashamed tone wiping some remaining crumbs of brownie off her face. Rinoa always called President Laguna the czar of Mexico, she even once invited a bum off the streets into the Presidents mansion once and said that he was the queen of Russia and that her majesty was very hungry. "Come on!" she urged, pulling Squall off of his bed, "Zell is reading one of his really depressing poems before the czar of Mexico talks to us!" she said and the two left the room and went into the dining room.
"She said that I was really ugly, so I stabbed myself, she said that she didn't like my huge and overrated tattoo on my face, so I stabbed her. But then after I realized that I didn't like the tattoo either, I stabbed myself again, then when I realized that she made me get the tattoo in the first place, I stabbed her again, but then when I realized-",
" Oh shut up and sit, here comes the president!" Quistis yelled, interrupting Zell in the process.
Zell sighed and sat down, "I thought your poem was wonderful Zell." Selphie said fluffing her hair.
"I thought it sucked." Zell replied.
"We're here!" Rinoa called from the hallway.
"Who invited Miss Prissy- pants!" Quistis asked sinking in her chair. Rinoa walked in with Squall on her arm and looked around,
"Where's the czar of Mexico?" she asked looking around.
"He's still having that 'meeting' in his office, I think he forgot again this time." Quistis said.
"Well I say we go and check it out!" Irvine said proudly.
"Yeah, that would be a perfect plan except for one little problem-nobody asked you!" Quistis snapped.
"Nobody asks anything anymore." Zell said in a depressed tone.
"I think it's a wonderful idea, I've always wanted to see what goes on in those meetings of his." Rinoa agreed.
"You had a thought?" Quistis asked.
"Hey! Why do you always have to be so mean?" Rinoa asked.
"Because Rinoa, in case you haven't noticed, I don't like you guys." Quistis replied.
"Let's just go!" Squall exclaimed, and with that everyone got up and left the dining room table. Following Squall, everyone went into the Presidents office, which was surprisingly blaring music.
"H-Hey, that sounds like music to my ears- stripping music!" Irvine exclaimed putting his ear to the door.
"What's going on in there?" Selphie asked.
"We're all gonna die anyway, what does it matter?" Zell asked.
Rinoa gasped, "We are! I hope I go to heaven so I can see my mommy!" Rinoa said.
"I say we go in." Irvine said.
"Uh-huh, and once again-nobody asked you!" Quistis snapped.
"Oh shut up! You know you only say stuff like that because I turn you on!" Irvine exclaimed.
"WHAT!" Quistis asked.
"Come on you guys, I wanna know what the czar of Mexico wants to tell us!" Rinoa pleaded.
"Yeah, it's got a great beat going on in there, I say we crash this party!" Selphie cheered,
"Uck, you are so white!" Irvine exclaimed,
"So are you!" Selphie countered.
"I'm actually bi- facial." Irvine said folding his arms,
"You are not! You're white as butter, so just drop the whole 'I'm black' thing!" Quistis hissed.
"Don't be hatin' yo!" Irvine exclaimed putting up the Westside sign.
"Irvine shut up you're white let's go." Squall said opening the door and just how Irvine had said, it was stripper music playing because strippers(and most of Ester's most respected politicians) were all over the office dancing. Red and blue lights flashed everywhere as the six walked deeper into the office,
"I told you Quistis--Westside!" Irvine exclaimed throwing up the gang sign again,
"Stop that!" Quistis exclaimed punching Irvine, and he fell to the floor.
"Where's the czar of Mexico?" Rinoa asked, then a politician pulled her to the middle of the floor,
"Hey everybody, that stripper Blue Angel is here!" he exclaimed. All of the politicians hooted and hollered as Rinoa looked around. A platinum pole was lowered and exotic music began to play,
"Show us what you're workin' with honey!" one shouted throwing a ten dollar bill at her. Rinoa looked down, then bent over to pick it up, "Yeah baby, shake that sweet ass!" another called, and three more threw twenty dollar bills at her. Rinoa bent down and picked those up too, "Yeah, that's what I'm talkin' about!" the three exclaimed looking down Rinoa blouse, "Show us tits!" one called, then they all began to chant, "SHOW US TITS! SHOW US TITS!". Rinoa looked around at everyone, then began to undo her shirt and dance around. The crowd went wild as Rinoa removed her cape and began to dance on the pole.
"Rinoa?" Squall asked as he tried to see what was going on, but all he saw was the top of the pole and perverted old guys going crazy.
"What's going on!" Quistis asked,
"I don't know, but it's kinky, and I like it!" Irvine exclaimed as he grabbed a cup of beer and began to dance with a topless stripper.
"I say we have some fun!" Selphie called over the crowd.
As a politician passed by he handed everyone cups, "Great party Laguna!" he said to Squall, obviously drunk.
"I'm not the president-and I'm too young too drink!" he replied.
"Good one sir." the man replied, "Of course you're the president, or you'd have to be arrested for trespassing." the man said.
"Did I say I wasn't the president? I meant I wouldn't be the president if I didn't drink myself sick!" Squall lied. As the politician left, Squall turned to Quistis, Selphie and Zell, "Well now what?" he asked.
"We've gotta find Rinoa and get out of here!" Selphie exclaimed.
"But where should we start looking?" Quistis asked.
"Let's split up, when you find her, turn off the power, then turn it back on, that's how we'll all know!" Squall said.
"Alright." Quistis nodded.
"Life is a drag." Zell said, and everyone split up.
Quistis looked around in disgust, "Why would the president throw an old people rave, it doesn't make any since," she began.
Just then, a politician grabbed her arm, "Hey little lady, you wanna have some fun?" he asked.
"Don't touch me!" she replied and swatted him away.
As Selphie tried to make her way through the crowd, she saw a lonely woman sitting at the bar. She was wearing a short red dress with red pumps and red lipstick. Feeling a sense of remorse to the old haggard woman, she made her way to the bar and sat down beside her. "Hi, my name is Selphie, what's your name?" she asked putting her hand out.
"Amanda." the woman replied, her voice was extremely low.
"Well hi Amanda, why aren't you out having a good time?" Selphie asked.
"Well, none of the guys really like me." the 'woman' replied crossing her legs, she was very buff, and it looked like Selphie discovered why no one liked her. Selphie's whole face quickly turned pale, "You know what, you're really cute, seeing young girls like you actually makes me wanna put on a suite and give life as a man another try." he said. Selphie swallowed hard, and the man crossed his legs again and stared at her, "You know I really don't understand why anyone would want to be a woman, I mean these thongs are murder on my testacles." he began as he scratched his upper thighs.
"Well when you don't really have anything down there it doesn't hurt." Selphie replied, sitting stiffly now.
"Oh I know especially when no one's down there, I've just always wanted to be a woman and experience-well, you know, being-",
"Well, I've heard hard quite enough, thank you Amanda, bye!" Selphie said quickly running away from the bar.
"Hmph, women." he sighed and took off his wig.
Squall looked through the crowd of men as he pushed his way closer and closer to the big window where Laguna's desk was, from there he could see the whole office. He tried to look at the desk, but it looked like people dancing on it! "What in the world is going on?" he asked.
Zell slowly pulled himself through the crowd, "(sigh) This place is so depressing, being around all these women and knowing that all of them think I'm hideous is a drag, life's a drag." he said.
Just then a topless stripper jumped in front of Zell, "Hey cutie, you wanna dance?" she asked.
"You don't think I'm ugly?" he asked with joy in his tone.
"Of course I do, but I'm a stripper, and strippers are here to make ugly guys like you feel loved even though you're not." she said.
"Wow, OK, I'll dance with you." he said.
"You got gil sweetie?" she asked.
"Yeah!" he exclaimed.
"Then you've got yourself a dance sugar!" she exclaimed and the two began to dance.
Squall finally made his way up to the desk, and saw that it was Laguna dancing with the strippers! "P-President Laguna!" Squall asked, his face as red as a tomato.
"S-Squall, what are you doing here!" Laguna asked as he stopped dancing and jumped off the desk.
"I should be the one asking that same question! I thought you had something that you wanted to tell us!" Squall said.
"Well, um, about that, you see Squall, the reason I had Ellone send you those memories of me and why I let you, your hoes and those guys stay with me is because, well, I'm kind of your dad." Laguna said nervously.
"You're what!" Squall asked.
"Well I am your dad." he confessed.
"And this is how you tell me! By throwing some rave, like you're some kind of out of control teenager off of the Jenny Jones Show!" Squall asked.
"Well technically this party isn't for you, it's actually one of my meetings." Laguna said leaning back on his desk and taking a sip of his beer. Squall slapped the cup out of his hand, "Hey, what was that for!" Laguna asked.
"We need to talk, now!" Squall exclaimed.
"Hey, I'm the parent, I'll say when we need to talk!" Laguna shouted.
Announcer : Will Squall and Laguna duke it out? Will Selphie ever talk to another lonely looking woman at bars ever again? When will Quistis get off her period? And when will I get my lap dance from Rinoa? All will be revealed in the next chapter!