Abby is still staying with Luka.
Abby lay on the couch in the dark, her mind wouldn't shut down, she couldn't sleep. She heard Luka above her get up and use the bathroom, but then he descended the stairs. Abby closed her eyes and pretended that she was sleeping, although it was a cold night and she was shivering. She heard him come towards her and felt another blanket being placed over the top of her; after all that had happened to Luka it was a wonder that he hadn't shut himself of from the world. He stayed a little while just watching her, she thought and then wandered back upstairs to bed.
She breathed a sigh of relief and now snuggled down further with this new blanket. She thought of Carter, his boyish looks and charm and then she couldn't help but compare him to Luka's complete masculinity, even down to the rougher stubble that was present each morning before his shave. A year she and Luka had been unsuccessfully together, and for half of it she had noticed feelings growing for Carter. But now she had the opportunity, she found herself not wanting Carter after all. Perhaps this had become clear during the whole Nicole situation, but it was too soon after their break up for Abby to even contemplate getting back with Luka.
* * *
Luka found himself unable to sleep on this cold night, he couldn't tear his mind away from the fact that Abby must be frozen down there on his couch, she was right below him. So he got up, even though every fibre of his being told him a wiser choice would be to stay in bed. He used the bathroom and on his way down grabbed a blanket from a Cupboard. His naked chest felt the cold and the few hairs that he had stood on end. He made his way down and placed the blanket over a shivering Abby, stood awhile and marveled at how peaceful she looked when she was sleeping, he remembered that look well.
He returned to bed and began to think. For the first time he actually admitted to himself that he loved Abby, had loved her for so long, he had never stopped. Nicole was nothing compared to Abby, she had no depth and she wanted to trap him into marriage; yes she was beautiful but so was Abby and she had a personality to boot; Nicole was just easy. He had wanted her back after that but they were so bad for each other, they had spent a year together and not really known each other.
* * *
A few hours had passed and Luka had slept on and off, his door opened and Abby's slender figure walked in, showing no sign of unease. She slipped into bed beside him and put her head on his chest. He was dazed, not sure what was happening or why, he tried to move away but she held him tight. Luka felt acutely uneasy even if she didn't, she raised her self and moved her head gently in towards him, felt her breath warm on his face and she kissed him; he pulled away
'Abby ...' she put her finger over his lips
'Shhhh'
What did it matter he thought, he would see how things played out. She kissed him again and this time he kissed her back. He opened his mouth, his tongue flickered in and out of her mouth and then he moved on top of her and they made love in the cold night.
Luka woke with a yell, even though the night was cold he found himself sweating, he looked over to his side, she wasn't there. A dream, it was just a dream. He felt a great sense of relief, he had thought it was unlike him to just let a woman climb into his bed and not do anything about it; well except Nicole. He lay back down, as Abby did walk into his room, blanket wrapped tightly around her.
'Luka, you ok? You yelled.' He was pleased she hadn't turned the light on as he felt himself blush at the thought of his dream
'Yeah it was just a dream I had that's all'
'What like the nightmares you used to have?' She thought he was over those
'Errr no, not quite, it had you in it' She suddenly showed more interest and sat on the end of the bed still wrapped up. He turned a lamp on and looked puzzled as she squinted.
'I'm fine, you should go back down and get some more sleep'
'No I haven't slept all night' Oh crap now he knows I was pretending
'Really? You looked asleep when I came down' Oh god now she knows I was there
'Nope sorry, I was pretending'
'Were you too cold? My offer still stands, you can sleep in the bed'
'With you? Not a chance in hell' she joked
'No no' he felt a pang of embarrassment when he remembered his dream once more. 'I'll take the couch' He wished they could share though
'You'd only fit half your body on there, no I'll be fine' God what I'd give to share your bed again. 'In answer yes, I was too cold, but also I couldn't stop thinking'
'Anything interesting?' he inquired, not really interested in the answer he thought she might give. Carter. She was silent until she blurted out an answer
'Us' Well there it was, the truth, she admitted it to herself, 'I was thinking about us.' He looked visibly shocked. Oh crap, what is it about night that makes us clumsy and blurt out what we are thinking instead of covering up and pretending to make life easier.
'Us?'
'Yes'
'Oh, what about us?'
'When we were together, the break up' He felt his heart sink, how could he think that they would both want the same thing, they rarely had before. ' And ..., Our future' she smiled coyly. He lifted his head and looked her in the eyes for the first time, they did want the same thing it seemed.
'I'd like to tell you that I think it could work if we take it slow' Screw it, it's out now might as well carry on.
'But you have feelings for Carter, I don't want to get in the way of something that has been building up for so long, and had a hand in our demise in the first place.' She didn't even dignify that with an answer.
There was a long silence that neither one wanted to break, they just sat on the bed until Abby shivered, the cold had penetrated the blanket, she got up and moved to the other side of the bed; she looked towards Luka for reassurance that it was ok. He smiled warmly and then she lay down next to him and pulled the covers high over her. It all came back to Luka, the easy way that they linked together in bed, she moved him onto his back and she put her head on his chest, their arms around each other, they slept, each feeling contented; Luka was glad that it hadn't gone like his dream. They lay asleep the warmth of their bodies dispelling the cold that they had felt before. The question was, what were they going to feel like in the morning?
Morning came as a shock to Luka as his alarm sounded and irritated him out of the only decent sleep he had gotten all night, it was his day off but he liked to get up at the same time every day. Luka suddenly remembered he wasn't alone and looked over to see Abby still asleep on his chest, would they revert back to awkward silences like before, even though nothing had happened last night; well except for the truth for the first time that they had known each other. Luka tried to move and put Abby down gently, although she woke up anyway; she squinted out of half shut eyes and then beamed a smile up toward Luka, who felt relief at this.
'Good morning'
'Morning' Abby was still squinting and trying to adjust to the light
'Sleep ok?'
'Yeah ... what's for breakfast?' she inquired jokingly, but Luka seemed perfectly serious
'Eggs, toast, good strong coffee?' Luka's accent thickened with fatigue, Abby had never noticed this before, but there again she couldn't remember one conversation they had ever had in the morning, it used to be a few grunts or knowing glances.
'Errr ...'
The phone rang and Luka didn't seem best pleased, he answered and it was for Abby. She dragged her legs into the cold air of his bedroom, and took the call sitting on the stairs wrapped in two blankets. All that Luka could hear was the occasional yes and no and then the beep of the call ending. She shuffled back in and Luka smirked at this sight which reminded him of a hobo.
'What was the call about?'
'Oh nothing, I can move back into my apartment now if I want to' Abby could see the disappointment hit on Luka's face like he had been stabbed in the chest
'Oh ... and do you, want to?' trying to cover up
'I don't see why not, I can't stay on your couch forever'
'I understand'
'But I could stay in your bed for a while it's warm in here, but I do need my own place.' Luka nodded in agreement.
'So, breakfast?' She smiled
'Just coffee please, is it ok if I take a shower?'
'Yeah but leave me some hot water will you, the tank's not that big!'
'Ha ha you little house wife, men aren't supposed to know things like that!'
'Oooh, you think you're so funny ...'
Luka lunged forward and started tickling Abby who fought back. All that could be heard was laughing and screaming, they were having fun together, something they had rarely ever experienced before.
* * *
The lounge was bright and sun was pouring through, although it gave false hope as snow was drifting slowly down, swaying in the wind. Abby was sat knees hugged to her chest, reading a book which made her smile now and then. Luka, who was sat reading his paper, saw these and this made him smile. Abby looked up sensing she was being watched, but he was looking down and had his brooding look on him, she felt a deep yearning to be near him and to touch him. She hadn't realised but she was staring and he looked up and caught her.
'Busted!'
'What?' she looked guilty
'Staring, you were staring at me'
'I was not, I happened to be staring into space in your vacinity!'
'So you were staring at me' He had a boyish grin on his face, he made eye contact and they both giggled nervously, there was a sexually charged atmosphere which they both felt. Luka got up off his chair and moved to sit next to Abby, so she put her book to one side.
' So Luka, what are we doing here?'
'Sitting on the couch?' He grinned hoping to ease the tension.
'No, not here, in general. Last night?' It has to be resumed, the truth has to come out right?
Abby put her head down in a manner which to be honest was more a Luka mannerism than hers. Her hair flopped down shielding her face from Luka who had to also bend his head to look under her hair to see her face. She smiled, illuminating her face, not some thing she did all that often.
'I don't know, you climbed into my bed!' he said with a laugh.
'Well you had a dream about me' Abby retaliated, she could see herself having this kind of banter with Carter, but with Luka? She was pleased there was a jovial atmosphere between them.
'But I never said what you were doing'
'Was it something good, nice and juicy?'
'I don't want to tell you, but in answer to your question I don't know. You draw me in Abby, I ...' he stopped, not sure whether to tell her or not, would she be freaked out and run for the hills? 'I think I still ... love you'
He looked nervous and ran his hand over the back of his neck and kept his gaze down. Abby felt compelled to kiss this vulnerable man, she shuffled up and leaned up towards him and drew him into a kiss, he was shocked and pulled away.
'Abby, if we are going to do anything then it should be done slowly, we still need to talk ...' Abby cut in
'I know, but I love you too. I didn't know that I loved you at all until it was too late, we had broken up and I couldn't be around you.'
Luka looked as happy as Abby had ever remembered him looking, and he reached down and hugged her closely, he was happy and she breathed a contented sigh of relief. They had both felt they had to do this for some time, in a way she was grateful to Brian. The two of them settled into an embrace, Luka was sat in the corner of the couch and Abby lay back, leaned against him and picked up her book. A silence resumed, but this time a comfortable one, one with a hint of resolution.
* * *
'Luka! That man has just thrown up all over your shoes'
Luka hadn't heard Susan Lewis, he was too busy watching Abby tooing and froing with files and boxes. He looked down.
'Oh no'
This caught Abby's attention, who stopped at the desk and watched Luka take his shoes off, pick them up looking disgusted but reassuring the patient; he began to walk towards the lounge, she could tell he was swearing under his breath.
Abby didn't really want to run into Carter today as he was none the wiser about her feelings for Luka, as she hoped every one was, and when he found out, which was inevitable, their friendship would hit a rocky patch. She had tried to keep her attention on her work, but today it seemed that Luka was on every case she was, or the next room or was just stood at the admit desk. She noticed him a lot more than she usually did, she had already had a few comments by nice old ladies or the nurses, she just laughed them off; but felt herself blush each time. One such time was Mrs. Jackson, an old lady whose IV she was changing, but got caught up looking at Luka suturing a head lac.
'He your man friend?'
'What? No' She turned her attention to the empty bag and hooked a new one up. As she was leaving Mrs. Jackson spoke
'Well I think you want him to be, you should tell him'
'Yeah' was all she said and walked out head bowed a slight smile on her face.
Not looking where she was going she bumped right into Carter. He seemed pleased to have seen her but Abby quickly wiped the smile off her face feeling guilty as hell. The fact was even though she had admitted to herself and Luka that she loved him, there was still a connection of some sort with Carter. She felt like she was betraying both of them; this was going to eat her up with guilt before long.
'Hey Abby' he looked her in the eyes but she looked away, 'do you want to grab some coffee with me over at Magoos?'
'Errr, yeah okay. Give me ten and I'll meet you there'
'Great'
* * *
Susan followed Luka into the lounge and found him tying the laces of his spare pair of shoes. She had worked in this place for enough time over the years to recognise the signs when someone was obsessed with a work colleague. She decided to break the ice first and then go in for the kill.
'Bummer, someone barfed on your shoes.'
Luka looked up, thinking that he was alone in the room.
'... yeah, glad I keep a spare pair'
'Ok, enough small talk, what's going on with you and Abby?'
Susan looked like a small child looking at the presents under the tree at Christmas, unable to wait before bursting just to take a peak inside.
'Nothing'
Defense, so that's his game.
'Right, so you always stare at work colleagues instead of your patient and then get barfed on without realizing it? Of course you don't, so what's going on with you and Abby? You used to date her right, my guess is that you still have the hots for her; and judging by her irratic and brooding behavior, the feeling is mutual. But, you don't want work to find out so you agreed to pretend to act normal; which by the way you both suck at. So how close am I?
Susan said all this taking the minimum amount of breath to live, obviously that excited to find out the gossip. She was now eagerly staring at an overwhelmed and down right confused Luka. How the hell was he going to play this without giving too much away or making a bigger fool out of himself?
He was saved from this situation this time by Kerry swinging open the door and storming in, barking as she went.
'Doctor Lewis and Doctor Kovac will you leave whatever obviously thrilling personal business you two are discussing at home and get outside and treat some patients. Last time I checked the county didn't pay you to sit and gossip, now move!'
* * *
Carter was sat in a booth nursing coffee, waiting for Abby to arrive. Every time the bell over the door announced someone's arrival his head shot up, but so far he was out of luck and had only achieved in straining the muscles in his neck. He and Abby had this connection but that wasn't the reason for him inviting her for coffee; they hadn't got together in a while and he felt they needed to catch up. The bell over the door chimed once more and Carter did the same as he had the previous six times, only this time his neck protested and cricked.
'Son of a bitch'
'Excuse me?'
It was Abby who had walked through the door but he hadn't got that far before his neck started up. She was stood over him her hands on her hips, slightly pushed forward.
'No, ow, it was my neck it cricked , I didn't see you there'
'Are you okay, would you like me to rub it better?' Oh my God, is it genetic that as soon I get within two feet of this man I have to start flirting. Stop it Abby, think of Luka.
'No I'm sure it'll be fine'
Abby sat down opposite Carter in the booth and a waitress wondered over and asked her if she wanted anything. She decided to push the boat out and order coffee and rhubarb pie with whipped cream. They made small talk as they often did, all the while Abby tried to keep all flirting to a minimum, it was good to connect again but Abby couldn't help but wonder what exactly Carter wanted. She stuck the fork in her mouth and sucked the last of the pie off it before setting it down and pushing her plate out of the way. With her elbows on the table and her hands supporting her head she asked the question.
'Carter, I don't mean to be rude and it's been great talking to you, but why did you ask me here; I get the feeling it's more than you're letting on.'
'No not really, I just felt that with us working different shifts recently we hadn't chatted for a long time, we needed to catch up.' God, she's more suspicious than that Mulder off the X-files.
'Oh ...'
His pager beeped, he looked at it, apologized and left. Abby was left staring into an empty space; from intimate to empty in four point five seconds. Yet she was not left to mull over this for long as her pager beeped as well.
'God it must be big if their bleeping nurses' she mumbled to herself.
* * *
Abby walked up to the admit desk and tried to grab Frank's attention, but he was skillfully avoiding her eye, so she had to yell his name which caused him to spill coffee down his front.
'What?!'
'Right, Frank I got a page, do you know where from?'
'Lots of people get paged, do a look like a freakin' monitor?'
'Okay okay don't blow a fuse'
With that Abby retreated not wanting to antagonize him any more, at times it was best to employ techniques learnt on safari programs to handle Frank. She wondered around asking any body if they knew who had paged her, no one had a clue. She searched the entire ER without luck, about the only person she couldn't find was Luka. When she ran into Kerry she got a surprise, it turned out that somebody had signed her off shift and Weaver thought she had gone home.
'Well whoever did that is going to get a swift letter in their file, I won't stand for this childish behavior, I thought I had stopped it when I fired Malucci.'
'I'm sorry, I'd gone for my break over at Magoo's with Carter and now I'm back because somebody paged me, you don't know who do you?'
'No, but we already have a cover nurse in so you might as well go home. Your pay will be docked because of this.'
With that Weaver left and Abby was just a little outraged that some one had done that and now she was going to lose money. Whoever had done it was going to feel the sharp end of a crutch and not be able to sit down for a week when she was done. But she decided to take who ever it was up on their practical joke and go home, well back to Luka's.
She made her way to the lounge and to her locker, opened it up and grabbed her coat. As she was putting her stuff onto the shelf a piece of paper fell off. She bent down to pick it up noticing it was in a familiar scrawl, Luka's. Before reading it she thought that maybe it explained why she couldn't find him on the allusive hunt for who had paged her.
'Abby, meet me up on the roof. Luka'
'What? Oh no, it's freezing out and he wants me to go outside, he better have a good explanation' she muttered.
Abby started to make her way to the elevator, scarf in hand and searching for her gloves with the other. It dinged, she stepped in and stood in the middle of a rather crowed space, she pressed for the roof and heard several groans. What are their problems? she wondered, they would all have gotten off by then.
'Luka is so going to pay for this' she muttered.
Several people looked round at her, in response she just smiled weakly at them. She had been thinking about him all day, but at the same time, as someone had kindly signed her off shift she just wanted to go and stand under a hot shower and go to bed. This train of thought got her thinking about her apartment, Brian was gone as her landlord had informed her on the phone, and it would be really nice to sleep in her own bed; grateful as she was to Luka. She felt the elevator stop and looked around, she was alone but didn't recall any one getting off. Without looking up she could tell she was on the roof because a gust of bitter cold air blew in rustling pieces of hair that had fallen down around her face.
It was cold, so cold that it had begun to snow, the tiny particles fluttering down catching the light as they did. It was amazing, no matter how long she lived in Chicago she still loved snow when it fell like this, it was the heavy blankets she couldn't abide; but she found a light dusting romantic and put her in a better frame of mind.
'It's just a shame that there is already snow on the ground, that it can't stay like this'
She stopped, looked around and couldn't see Luka or any sign that he had been here.
'Damn you Luka, you drag me up here and . . . it had better not be somebody's idea of a joke. Well if your up here show your sorry ass 'coz this is not funny! I'm freezing, Luka!!'
No body answered, she walked over to the wall which marked the edge of the roof, whilst trying in vain to keep her scarf tucked into the neck of her coat. She looked down at the city below her, it looked almost mystical in the failing light and the light falling snow. She stood with her arms crossed, just waiting, not wanting to believe that it was all a joke. But enough was most definitely enough. She made her way back to the elevator and pressed the button for down.
'Why the hell do they put an up button on the roof, where do they expect you to be going, a direct route to heaven?'
'Well, if we have that sort of access I've never been informed, it will hardly make the patients feel at ease'
Abby heard that low familiar accent behind her, she spun around to a grinning Luka. His hair needed a trim and was blowing above his head, his hands jammed into his pockets so far that Abby wondered if his arms were in danger of being swallowed. He was grinning as the silence continued, but he felt that he owed this woman, in effect, his woman an explanation as it was much colder up here than he had expected. However before he could engage his voice she spoke instead, and not in a tone that he was expecting. In fact, she seemed annoyed and that was definitely not the affect he had been aiming for.
'You, it was you who signed me off shift. Well I hope your pleased because Weaver is docking my pay, which I expect you to make it up because I won't be able to pay my rent on lower wages this month'
'Abby stop, it wasn't me. Wait, you've decided to move out? Were you going to tell me or just let me go home and find you gone, leaving a note on the fridge?'
'Of course not, I told you that I needed my own place still and you agreed.'
Abby's voice had softened, she had sounded more annoyed than she had meant to before and now Luka looked and sounded like he had been kicked in the gut.
'Listen, Luka. I still stand by what I said before, in fact I haven't been able to stop thinking about you or looking at you all shift. I had some old woman tell me that I need to tell you how I feel 'coz she caught me looking at you. I've had snide comments from the nurses and I know that even though I denied their accusations they some how know the truth. You, Luka Kovac, have made me into a drooling fool.'
Luka stood looking shell shocked at her impromptu outburst. He fidgeted and looked down, his hair falling over his eyes. It was just something this man secreted from every pore, women just couldn't resist him. He didn't know what he could say in reply, rather he did, but couldn't get it out of his mouth in the correct language. The silence was beginning to make Abby nervous.
'Luka . . .' she prompted.
'Abby . . . I . . . we. You know where I stand on this matter, I just wanted to make a gesture by taking advantage of who ever it was signing you off. So I brought you up here so I could act naturally around you, without every one staring at us and asking questions. I haven't been able to concentrate all day, because I've been thinking about not making it obvious what was going on, but in fact it just made it worse. Some guy threw up on my shoes and then Susan gave me an inquisition to rival the Spanish.'
'I know I saw the man and then Susan followed you, I guessed what she would be up to. She is so damn devious.'
She giggled more to her self than to him, but she looked up and saw him smile.
'Luka I'm sorry I got ratty with you. What exactly did I come up here for?'
Luka visibly perked up, he straightened his stance and took her by the hand. Without saying a single word he led her behind the building that housed the lift shaft. There he had set up a small table, on it was two cups of coffee from Magoos, most probably cold now and a single blood red rose. All of this was now covered in a thin veil of snow that was still slowly falling from the sky. Abby picked up the rose with her back to Luka, and fingered it slowly, before bringing it up to her nose and gently sniffing.
'I know you prefer the dried flowers, but I thought you could dry this one yourself and keep it as a momento from this time together that we have now'
She was touched, speechless, overwhelmed by the sentiment behind the single flower she held in her gloved hands.
'Thank you'
It was all she could manage. She turned back now to face him, in that inner space close to his body that she wanted to reserve for herself. Neither one said anything, just stood there in silence both contemplating what they may have in the other. Luka took his hand out of his pocket and proceeded to brush the snow that had collected out of her hair.
'You should buy a hat you know'
He said it in such a way that if any one else had been there only she would be able to hear him, intimate. That's how she felt with him, even though he was so much bigger than herself, she always felt they were intimate whenever they were even remotely close to each other, cut off from every one else; it was like they were in a bubble which nobody could penetrate.
'This coffee is cold, we should go back to yours and get a hot cup. Take advantage of some ones practical joke, you're off right?'
He didn't answer in words, but by taking her by the hand and leading her back into the elevator that she had inhabited merely twenty minutes before. Thankfully it was empty.
Inside the elevator he kept hold of her hand. He peeled of the gloves that covered them and placed them in her pocket. He took both her hands in both of his and locked their fingers together. She was now stood right in front of him, so close that she could feel the heat emanating from his body. He lifted one hand to his lips and preceded to kiss it softly.
The doors opened in the ER and they stepped out, a wall of noise hit them in the chaotic atmosphere, he still held one of her hands, he really didn't care who saw or what they thought. They made their way to the lounge and Abby had managed to skillfully avoid eye contact with any body. Stood in front of his locker he let Abby go, she stood off to one side and fondled the rose until he was ready to go. Walking towards the outside door she shouted bye to Lydia and just winked at her.
* * *
The smell of garlic and the heat from the kitchen hit Abby as she came down stairs after taking the hot shower that she deserved. She had no idea that he was going to cook for her, in fact she hadn't even thought about food. She shouted down ahead of her actual arrival in the kitchen.
'Hey Luka, what's cooking? You didn't say any thing about cooking for us.'
'I didn't, just for me, I thought you could sort something out for yourself'
'Your kidding right, because if that is the truth I may have to fight you for the meal, I don't want to have to cook'
She rounded the corner before he replied, and saw the breakfast bar all set up with candles and another rose in a vase. The light was dimmed so it gave a warm and intimate feeling.
'Luka' not a statement, not a question, merely a word.
'Of course I'm joking, this was all part of the big plan, you know make the evening special, spend some time together without the pressure of other people around us. Now come over here and sit down, how does garlic prawns with mushroom spaghetti sound?'
'It sounds great, I can't believe you did this, you are a great man, I'm lucky to kind of have you.'
'You have me, there's no need to worry about that. I'm here waiting for you'
He continued to look at her intently, but he could tell that she felt acutely awkward by the atmosphere he had created, but he wasn't going to change any thing because at the same time he knew that it made her extraordinarily happy. His suspicions were confirmed when she looked away and made some half soaked comment about the meal looking fantastic.
They ate in relative silence, just the odd phrase here or there, mainly about the food. They could both feel the tension that was building rapidly between them, be it sexual or otherwise. Abby decided that it must be stopped, they were too easily going to fall into old habits if they let this atmosphere continue. It was too easy to carry on not talking, but both knew that if they wanted things between them to work this time they would have to spend time together and talk.
After dinner they retired to the lounge, but being an open plan apartment, they didn't have that far to go and they could still smell the dinner clinging to the air; almost as a reminder of what a wonderful yet awkward evening. Luka flicked on the TV to catch up on the news he said, but it was fairly obvious he meant sporting news. Some soccer match, Croatia 2 : Serbia and Montenegro 1, his quiet yet fairly obvious celebration made her smile quietly. She was huddled under a blanket, her toes felt like blocks of ice, she suddenly felt a cheeky wave come over her. He was sat to her right focused wholly on the TV so she slid her legs along and touched her bare icy toes onto his arm, under the thin undone shirt sleeves. The yelp from sudden cold gave Abby a wicked sense of satisfaction and couldn't help but giggle at his most disgruntled look.
'Abby! Your toes are freezing get them off my arm'
'I couldn't help it, my legs have a mind of their own and can't help but capitalize on wicked situations that they see. I think I need to seek help for my unruly appendages!'
'Very funny!'
Luka suddenly stopped smiling, his face turning serious. He turned his head and waited for Abby to make eye contact, making her feel like she was waiting to here if it was going to be the electric chair or lethal injection. Luka opened his mouth to speak, paused and shut it again.
'Luka, if your going to say something say it.'
'Well, I don't want to upset you, or rush you or make you feel uncomfortable'
'Well good job so far, I feel really relaxed'
'Don't be sarcastic I'm trying to say something'
Abby said nothing and wiped a grin off her face. There was a long pause, Abby wasn't going to break it, or interrupt again, Luka had something to say and she was going to let him say it.
'As I said, I don't want to rush you or anything but, where are you thinking of sleeping tonight? I'm happy for you to share the bed but you can sleep on the couch if you wish.'
'Luka'
She reached over to hold his hands in hers, looked him in the eye for just a moment and carried on
'If I say that I want to sleep in your bed, I want you to know something, we are not going to have sex. I want to be near you, to hold you; especially after tonight and everything you've done. But I don't want to jump into anything again, I want to be sure, I want to get to know you better.'
'So you'll come upstairs with me?'
Luka felt and looked like he was hanging from a thin piece of thread that was unwinding, just waiting for her answer.
'Yes'
He stood up rather too enthusiastically and rapidly sat down again with a head rush. She had her head down, hair covering her nervously laughing face. He stood again, rather more cautiously than a few seconds ago, took her gently but the hands and walked her towards the stairs, let go of one hand to swoop the rose of the breakfast bar and place it between his teeth, proceeding to lead her upstairs to the bedroom.
'Luka, you want to be careful, that rose still has thorns on it!'
'I found that out', he muffled trying his hardest no to drop the flower from his mouth.
Once in the bedroom and changed they slipped in-between the sheets, apprehensive. Neither one sure what they could do or more importantly should do. Luka took the bull by the horns, leaning over and kissing her lightly, whispering softly to her and holding her lightly on the waist. He lay behind her laying himself in the curves of her body and legs, lightly kissed her shoulder and went to sleep.
When Abby knew that he had dropped off, she whispered lightly to herself
'Night Luka. I think I'm definitely falling for you again.'
She smiled and dozed off, feeling quite contented.
Abby lay on the couch in the dark, her mind wouldn't shut down, she couldn't sleep. She heard Luka above her get up and use the bathroom, but then he descended the stairs. Abby closed her eyes and pretended that she was sleeping, although it was a cold night and she was shivering. She heard him come towards her and felt another blanket being placed over the top of her; after all that had happened to Luka it was a wonder that he hadn't shut himself of from the world. He stayed a little while just watching her, she thought and then wandered back upstairs to bed.
She breathed a sigh of relief and now snuggled down further with this new blanket. She thought of Carter, his boyish looks and charm and then she couldn't help but compare him to Luka's complete masculinity, even down to the rougher stubble that was present each morning before his shave. A year she and Luka had been unsuccessfully together, and for half of it she had noticed feelings growing for Carter. But now she had the opportunity, she found herself not wanting Carter after all. Perhaps this had become clear during the whole Nicole situation, but it was too soon after their break up for Abby to even contemplate getting back with Luka.
* * *
Luka found himself unable to sleep on this cold night, he couldn't tear his mind away from the fact that Abby must be frozen down there on his couch, she was right below him. So he got up, even though every fibre of his being told him a wiser choice would be to stay in bed. He used the bathroom and on his way down grabbed a blanket from a Cupboard. His naked chest felt the cold and the few hairs that he had stood on end. He made his way down and placed the blanket over a shivering Abby, stood awhile and marveled at how peaceful she looked when she was sleeping, he remembered that look well.
He returned to bed and began to think. For the first time he actually admitted to himself that he loved Abby, had loved her for so long, he had never stopped. Nicole was nothing compared to Abby, she had no depth and she wanted to trap him into marriage; yes she was beautiful but so was Abby and she had a personality to boot; Nicole was just easy. He had wanted her back after that but they were so bad for each other, they had spent a year together and not really known each other.
* * *
A few hours had passed and Luka had slept on and off, his door opened and Abby's slender figure walked in, showing no sign of unease. She slipped into bed beside him and put her head on his chest. He was dazed, not sure what was happening or why, he tried to move away but she held him tight. Luka felt acutely uneasy even if she didn't, she raised her self and moved her head gently in towards him, felt her breath warm on his face and she kissed him; he pulled away
'Abby ...' she put her finger over his lips
'Shhhh'
What did it matter he thought, he would see how things played out. She kissed him again and this time he kissed her back. He opened his mouth, his tongue flickered in and out of her mouth and then he moved on top of her and they made love in the cold night.
Luka woke with a yell, even though the night was cold he found himself sweating, he looked over to his side, she wasn't there. A dream, it was just a dream. He felt a great sense of relief, he had thought it was unlike him to just let a woman climb into his bed and not do anything about it; well except Nicole. He lay back down, as Abby did walk into his room, blanket wrapped tightly around her.
'Luka, you ok? You yelled.' He was pleased she hadn't turned the light on as he felt himself blush at the thought of his dream
'Yeah it was just a dream I had that's all'
'What like the nightmares you used to have?' She thought he was over those
'Errr no, not quite, it had you in it' She suddenly showed more interest and sat on the end of the bed still wrapped up. He turned a lamp on and looked puzzled as she squinted.
'I'm fine, you should go back down and get some more sleep'
'No I haven't slept all night' Oh crap now he knows I was pretending
'Really? You looked asleep when I came down' Oh god now she knows I was there
'Nope sorry, I was pretending'
'Were you too cold? My offer still stands, you can sleep in the bed'
'With you? Not a chance in hell' she joked
'No no' he felt a pang of embarrassment when he remembered his dream once more. 'I'll take the couch' He wished they could share though
'You'd only fit half your body on there, no I'll be fine' God what I'd give to share your bed again. 'In answer yes, I was too cold, but also I couldn't stop thinking'
'Anything interesting?' he inquired, not really interested in the answer he thought she might give. Carter. She was silent until she blurted out an answer
'Us' Well there it was, the truth, she admitted it to herself, 'I was thinking about us.' He looked visibly shocked. Oh crap, what is it about night that makes us clumsy and blurt out what we are thinking instead of covering up and pretending to make life easier.
'Us?'
'Yes'
'Oh, what about us?'
'When we were together, the break up' He felt his heart sink, how could he think that they would both want the same thing, they rarely had before. ' And ..., Our future' she smiled coyly. He lifted his head and looked her in the eyes for the first time, they did want the same thing it seemed.
'I'd like to tell you that I think it could work if we take it slow' Screw it, it's out now might as well carry on.
'But you have feelings for Carter, I don't want to get in the way of something that has been building up for so long, and had a hand in our demise in the first place.' She didn't even dignify that with an answer.
There was a long silence that neither one wanted to break, they just sat on the bed until Abby shivered, the cold had penetrated the blanket, she got up and moved to the other side of the bed; she looked towards Luka for reassurance that it was ok. He smiled warmly and then she lay down next to him and pulled the covers high over her. It all came back to Luka, the easy way that they linked together in bed, she moved him onto his back and she put her head on his chest, their arms around each other, they slept, each feeling contented; Luka was glad that it hadn't gone like his dream. They lay asleep the warmth of their bodies dispelling the cold that they had felt before. The question was, what were they going to feel like in the morning?
Morning came as a shock to Luka as his alarm sounded and irritated him out of the only decent sleep he had gotten all night, it was his day off but he liked to get up at the same time every day. Luka suddenly remembered he wasn't alone and looked over to see Abby still asleep on his chest, would they revert back to awkward silences like before, even though nothing had happened last night; well except for the truth for the first time that they had known each other. Luka tried to move and put Abby down gently, although she woke up anyway; she squinted out of half shut eyes and then beamed a smile up toward Luka, who felt relief at this.
'Good morning'
'Morning' Abby was still squinting and trying to adjust to the light
'Sleep ok?'
'Yeah ... what's for breakfast?' she inquired jokingly, but Luka seemed perfectly serious
'Eggs, toast, good strong coffee?' Luka's accent thickened with fatigue, Abby had never noticed this before, but there again she couldn't remember one conversation they had ever had in the morning, it used to be a few grunts or knowing glances.
'Errr ...'
The phone rang and Luka didn't seem best pleased, he answered and it was for Abby. She dragged her legs into the cold air of his bedroom, and took the call sitting on the stairs wrapped in two blankets. All that Luka could hear was the occasional yes and no and then the beep of the call ending. She shuffled back in and Luka smirked at this sight which reminded him of a hobo.
'What was the call about?'
'Oh nothing, I can move back into my apartment now if I want to' Abby could see the disappointment hit on Luka's face like he had been stabbed in the chest
'Oh ... and do you, want to?' trying to cover up
'I don't see why not, I can't stay on your couch forever'
'I understand'
'But I could stay in your bed for a while it's warm in here, but I do need my own place.' Luka nodded in agreement.
'So, breakfast?' She smiled
'Just coffee please, is it ok if I take a shower?'
'Yeah but leave me some hot water will you, the tank's not that big!'
'Ha ha you little house wife, men aren't supposed to know things like that!'
'Oooh, you think you're so funny ...'
Luka lunged forward and started tickling Abby who fought back. All that could be heard was laughing and screaming, they were having fun together, something they had rarely ever experienced before.
* * *
The lounge was bright and sun was pouring through, although it gave false hope as snow was drifting slowly down, swaying in the wind. Abby was sat knees hugged to her chest, reading a book which made her smile now and then. Luka, who was sat reading his paper, saw these and this made him smile. Abby looked up sensing she was being watched, but he was looking down and had his brooding look on him, she felt a deep yearning to be near him and to touch him. She hadn't realised but she was staring and he looked up and caught her.
'Busted!'
'What?' she looked guilty
'Staring, you were staring at me'
'I was not, I happened to be staring into space in your vacinity!'
'So you were staring at me' He had a boyish grin on his face, he made eye contact and they both giggled nervously, there was a sexually charged atmosphere which they both felt. Luka got up off his chair and moved to sit next to Abby, so she put her book to one side.
' So Luka, what are we doing here?'
'Sitting on the couch?' He grinned hoping to ease the tension.
'No, not here, in general. Last night?' It has to be resumed, the truth has to come out right?
Abby put her head down in a manner which to be honest was more a Luka mannerism than hers. Her hair flopped down shielding her face from Luka who had to also bend his head to look under her hair to see her face. She smiled, illuminating her face, not some thing she did all that often.
'I don't know, you climbed into my bed!' he said with a laugh.
'Well you had a dream about me' Abby retaliated, she could see herself having this kind of banter with Carter, but with Luka? She was pleased there was a jovial atmosphere between them.
'But I never said what you were doing'
'Was it something good, nice and juicy?'
'I don't want to tell you, but in answer to your question I don't know. You draw me in Abby, I ...' he stopped, not sure whether to tell her or not, would she be freaked out and run for the hills? 'I think I still ... love you'
He looked nervous and ran his hand over the back of his neck and kept his gaze down. Abby felt compelled to kiss this vulnerable man, she shuffled up and leaned up towards him and drew him into a kiss, he was shocked and pulled away.
'Abby, if we are going to do anything then it should be done slowly, we still need to talk ...' Abby cut in
'I know, but I love you too. I didn't know that I loved you at all until it was too late, we had broken up and I couldn't be around you.'
Luka looked as happy as Abby had ever remembered him looking, and he reached down and hugged her closely, he was happy and she breathed a contented sigh of relief. They had both felt they had to do this for some time, in a way she was grateful to Brian. The two of them settled into an embrace, Luka was sat in the corner of the couch and Abby lay back, leaned against him and picked up her book. A silence resumed, but this time a comfortable one, one with a hint of resolution.
* * *
'Luka! That man has just thrown up all over your shoes'
Luka hadn't heard Susan Lewis, he was too busy watching Abby tooing and froing with files and boxes. He looked down.
'Oh no'
This caught Abby's attention, who stopped at the desk and watched Luka take his shoes off, pick them up looking disgusted but reassuring the patient; he began to walk towards the lounge, she could tell he was swearing under his breath.
Abby didn't really want to run into Carter today as he was none the wiser about her feelings for Luka, as she hoped every one was, and when he found out, which was inevitable, their friendship would hit a rocky patch. She had tried to keep her attention on her work, but today it seemed that Luka was on every case she was, or the next room or was just stood at the admit desk. She noticed him a lot more than she usually did, she had already had a few comments by nice old ladies or the nurses, she just laughed them off; but felt herself blush each time. One such time was Mrs. Jackson, an old lady whose IV she was changing, but got caught up looking at Luka suturing a head lac.
'He your man friend?'
'What? No' She turned her attention to the empty bag and hooked a new one up. As she was leaving Mrs. Jackson spoke
'Well I think you want him to be, you should tell him'
'Yeah' was all she said and walked out head bowed a slight smile on her face.
Not looking where she was going she bumped right into Carter. He seemed pleased to have seen her but Abby quickly wiped the smile off her face feeling guilty as hell. The fact was even though she had admitted to herself and Luka that she loved him, there was still a connection of some sort with Carter. She felt like she was betraying both of them; this was going to eat her up with guilt before long.
'Hey Abby' he looked her in the eyes but she looked away, 'do you want to grab some coffee with me over at Magoos?'
'Errr, yeah okay. Give me ten and I'll meet you there'
'Great'
* * *
Susan followed Luka into the lounge and found him tying the laces of his spare pair of shoes. She had worked in this place for enough time over the years to recognise the signs when someone was obsessed with a work colleague. She decided to break the ice first and then go in for the kill.
'Bummer, someone barfed on your shoes.'
Luka looked up, thinking that he was alone in the room.
'... yeah, glad I keep a spare pair'
'Ok, enough small talk, what's going on with you and Abby?'
Susan looked like a small child looking at the presents under the tree at Christmas, unable to wait before bursting just to take a peak inside.
'Nothing'
Defense, so that's his game.
'Right, so you always stare at work colleagues instead of your patient and then get barfed on without realizing it? Of course you don't, so what's going on with you and Abby? You used to date her right, my guess is that you still have the hots for her; and judging by her irratic and brooding behavior, the feeling is mutual. But, you don't want work to find out so you agreed to pretend to act normal; which by the way you both suck at. So how close am I?
Susan said all this taking the minimum amount of breath to live, obviously that excited to find out the gossip. She was now eagerly staring at an overwhelmed and down right confused Luka. How the hell was he going to play this without giving too much away or making a bigger fool out of himself?
He was saved from this situation this time by Kerry swinging open the door and storming in, barking as she went.
'Doctor Lewis and Doctor Kovac will you leave whatever obviously thrilling personal business you two are discussing at home and get outside and treat some patients. Last time I checked the county didn't pay you to sit and gossip, now move!'
* * *
Carter was sat in a booth nursing coffee, waiting for Abby to arrive. Every time the bell over the door announced someone's arrival his head shot up, but so far he was out of luck and had only achieved in straining the muscles in his neck. He and Abby had this connection but that wasn't the reason for him inviting her for coffee; they hadn't got together in a while and he felt they needed to catch up. The bell over the door chimed once more and Carter did the same as he had the previous six times, only this time his neck protested and cricked.
'Son of a bitch'
'Excuse me?'
It was Abby who had walked through the door but he hadn't got that far before his neck started up. She was stood over him her hands on her hips, slightly pushed forward.
'No, ow, it was my neck it cricked , I didn't see you there'
'Are you okay, would you like me to rub it better?' Oh my God, is it genetic that as soon I get within two feet of this man I have to start flirting. Stop it Abby, think of Luka.
'No I'm sure it'll be fine'
Abby sat down opposite Carter in the booth and a waitress wondered over and asked her if she wanted anything. She decided to push the boat out and order coffee and rhubarb pie with whipped cream. They made small talk as they often did, all the while Abby tried to keep all flirting to a minimum, it was good to connect again but Abby couldn't help but wonder what exactly Carter wanted. She stuck the fork in her mouth and sucked the last of the pie off it before setting it down and pushing her plate out of the way. With her elbows on the table and her hands supporting her head she asked the question.
'Carter, I don't mean to be rude and it's been great talking to you, but why did you ask me here; I get the feeling it's more than you're letting on.'
'No not really, I just felt that with us working different shifts recently we hadn't chatted for a long time, we needed to catch up.' God, she's more suspicious than that Mulder off the X-files.
'Oh ...'
His pager beeped, he looked at it, apologized and left. Abby was left staring into an empty space; from intimate to empty in four point five seconds. Yet she was not left to mull over this for long as her pager beeped as well.
'God it must be big if their bleeping nurses' she mumbled to herself.
* * *
Abby walked up to the admit desk and tried to grab Frank's attention, but he was skillfully avoiding her eye, so she had to yell his name which caused him to spill coffee down his front.
'What?!'
'Right, Frank I got a page, do you know where from?'
'Lots of people get paged, do a look like a freakin' monitor?'
'Okay okay don't blow a fuse'
With that Abby retreated not wanting to antagonize him any more, at times it was best to employ techniques learnt on safari programs to handle Frank. She wondered around asking any body if they knew who had paged her, no one had a clue. She searched the entire ER without luck, about the only person she couldn't find was Luka. When she ran into Kerry she got a surprise, it turned out that somebody had signed her off shift and Weaver thought she had gone home.
'Well whoever did that is going to get a swift letter in their file, I won't stand for this childish behavior, I thought I had stopped it when I fired Malucci.'
'I'm sorry, I'd gone for my break over at Magoo's with Carter and now I'm back because somebody paged me, you don't know who do you?'
'No, but we already have a cover nurse in so you might as well go home. Your pay will be docked because of this.'
With that Weaver left and Abby was just a little outraged that some one had done that and now she was going to lose money. Whoever had done it was going to feel the sharp end of a crutch and not be able to sit down for a week when she was done. But she decided to take who ever it was up on their practical joke and go home, well back to Luka's.
She made her way to the lounge and to her locker, opened it up and grabbed her coat. As she was putting her stuff onto the shelf a piece of paper fell off. She bent down to pick it up noticing it was in a familiar scrawl, Luka's. Before reading it she thought that maybe it explained why she couldn't find him on the allusive hunt for who had paged her.
'Abby, meet me up on the roof. Luka'
'What? Oh no, it's freezing out and he wants me to go outside, he better have a good explanation' she muttered.
Abby started to make her way to the elevator, scarf in hand and searching for her gloves with the other. It dinged, she stepped in and stood in the middle of a rather crowed space, she pressed for the roof and heard several groans. What are their problems? she wondered, they would all have gotten off by then.
'Luka is so going to pay for this' she muttered.
Several people looked round at her, in response she just smiled weakly at them. She had been thinking about him all day, but at the same time, as someone had kindly signed her off shift she just wanted to go and stand under a hot shower and go to bed. This train of thought got her thinking about her apartment, Brian was gone as her landlord had informed her on the phone, and it would be really nice to sleep in her own bed; grateful as she was to Luka. She felt the elevator stop and looked around, she was alone but didn't recall any one getting off. Without looking up she could tell she was on the roof because a gust of bitter cold air blew in rustling pieces of hair that had fallen down around her face.
It was cold, so cold that it had begun to snow, the tiny particles fluttering down catching the light as they did. It was amazing, no matter how long she lived in Chicago she still loved snow when it fell like this, it was the heavy blankets she couldn't abide; but she found a light dusting romantic and put her in a better frame of mind.
'It's just a shame that there is already snow on the ground, that it can't stay like this'
She stopped, looked around and couldn't see Luka or any sign that he had been here.
'Damn you Luka, you drag me up here and . . . it had better not be somebody's idea of a joke. Well if your up here show your sorry ass 'coz this is not funny! I'm freezing, Luka!!'
No body answered, she walked over to the wall which marked the edge of the roof, whilst trying in vain to keep her scarf tucked into the neck of her coat. She looked down at the city below her, it looked almost mystical in the failing light and the light falling snow. She stood with her arms crossed, just waiting, not wanting to believe that it was all a joke. But enough was most definitely enough. She made her way back to the elevator and pressed the button for down.
'Why the hell do they put an up button on the roof, where do they expect you to be going, a direct route to heaven?'
'Well, if we have that sort of access I've never been informed, it will hardly make the patients feel at ease'
Abby heard that low familiar accent behind her, she spun around to a grinning Luka. His hair needed a trim and was blowing above his head, his hands jammed into his pockets so far that Abby wondered if his arms were in danger of being swallowed. He was grinning as the silence continued, but he felt that he owed this woman, in effect, his woman an explanation as it was much colder up here than he had expected. However before he could engage his voice she spoke instead, and not in a tone that he was expecting. In fact, she seemed annoyed and that was definitely not the affect he had been aiming for.
'You, it was you who signed me off shift. Well I hope your pleased because Weaver is docking my pay, which I expect you to make it up because I won't be able to pay my rent on lower wages this month'
'Abby stop, it wasn't me. Wait, you've decided to move out? Were you going to tell me or just let me go home and find you gone, leaving a note on the fridge?'
'Of course not, I told you that I needed my own place still and you agreed.'
Abby's voice had softened, she had sounded more annoyed than she had meant to before and now Luka looked and sounded like he had been kicked in the gut.
'Listen, Luka. I still stand by what I said before, in fact I haven't been able to stop thinking about you or looking at you all shift. I had some old woman tell me that I need to tell you how I feel 'coz she caught me looking at you. I've had snide comments from the nurses and I know that even though I denied their accusations they some how know the truth. You, Luka Kovac, have made me into a drooling fool.'
Luka stood looking shell shocked at her impromptu outburst. He fidgeted and looked down, his hair falling over his eyes. It was just something this man secreted from every pore, women just couldn't resist him. He didn't know what he could say in reply, rather he did, but couldn't get it out of his mouth in the correct language. The silence was beginning to make Abby nervous.
'Luka . . .' she prompted.
'Abby . . . I . . . we. You know where I stand on this matter, I just wanted to make a gesture by taking advantage of who ever it was signing you off. So I brought you up here so I could act naturally around you, without every one staring at us and asking questions. I haven't been able to concentrate all day, because I've been thinking about not making it obvious what was going on, but in fact it just made it worse. Some guy threw up on my shoes and then Susan gave me an inquisition to rival the Spanish.'
'I know I saw the man and then Susan followed you, I guessed what she would be up to. She is so damn devious.'
She giggled more to her self than to him, but she looked up and saw him smile.
'Luka I'm sorry I got ratty with you. What exactly did I come up here for?'
Luka visibly perked up, he straightened his stance and took her by the hand. Without saying a single word he led her behind the building that housed the lift shaft. There he had set up a small table, on it was two cups of coffee from Magoos, most probably cold now and a single blood red rose. All of this was now covered in a thin veil of snow that was still slowly falling from the sky. Abby picked up the rose with her back to Luka, and fingered it slowly, before bringing it up to her nose and gently sniffing.
'I know you prefer the dried flowers, but I thought you could dry this one yourself and keep it as a momento from this time together that we have now'
She was touched, speechless, overwhelmed by the sentiment behind the single flower she held in her gloved hands.
'Thank you'
It was all she could manage. She turned back now to face him, in that inner space close to his body that she wanted to reserve for herself. Neither one said anything, just stood there in silence both contemplating what they may have in the other. Luka took his hand out of his pocket and proceeded to brush the snow that had collected out of her hair.
'You should buy a hat you know'
He said it in such a way that if any one else had been there only she would be able to hear him, intimate. That's how she felt with him, even though he was so much bigger than herself, she always felt they were intimate whenever they were even remotely close to each other, cut off from every one else; it was like they were in a bubble which nobody could penetrate.
'This coffee is cold, we should go back to yours and get a hot cup. Take advantage of some ones practical joke, you're off right?'
He didn't answer in words, but by taking her by the hand and leading her back into the elevator that she had inhabited merely twenty minutes before. Thankfully it was empty.
Inside the elevator he kept hold of her hand. He peeled of the gloves that covered them and placed them in her pocket. He took both her hands in both of his and locked their fingers together. She was now stood right in front of him, so close that she could feel the heat emanating from his body. He lifted one hand to his lips and preceded to kiss it softly.
The doors opened in the ER and they stepped out, a wall of noise hit them in the chaotic atmosphere, he still held one of her hands, he really didn't care who saw or what they thought. They made their way to the lounge and Abby had managed to skillfully avoid eye contact with any body. Stood in front of his locker he let Abby go, she stood off to one side and fondled the rose until he was ready to go. Walking towards the outside door she shouted bye to Lydia and just winked at her.
* * *
The smell of garlic and the heat from the kitchen hit Abby as she came down stairs after taking the hot shower that she deserved. She had no idea that he was going to cook for her, in fact she hadn't even thought about food. She shouted down ahead of her actual arrival in the kitchen.
'Hey Luka, what's cooking? You didn't say any thing about cooking for us.'
'I didn't, just for me, I thought you could sort something out for yourself'
'Your kidding right, because if that is the truth I may have to fight you for the meal, I don't want to have to cook'
She rounded the corner before he replied, and saw the breakfast bar all set up with candles and another rose in a vase. The light was dimmed so it gave a warm and intimate feeling.
'Luka' not a statement, not a question, merely a word.
'Of course I'm joking, this was all part of the big plan, you know make the evening special, spend some time together without the pressure of other people around us. Now come over here and sit down, how does garlic prawns with mushroom spaghetti sound?'
'It sounds great, I can't believe you did this, you are a great man, I'm lucky to kind of have you.'
'You have me, there's no need to worry about that. I'm here waiting for you'
He continued to look at her intently, but he could tell that she felt acutely awkward by the atmosphere he had created, but he wasn't going to change any thing because at the same time he knew that it made her extraordinarily happy. His suspicions were confirmed when she looked away and made some half soaked comment about the meal looking fantastic.
They ate in relative silence, just the odd phrase here or there, mainly about the food. They could both feel the tension that was building rapidly between them, be it sexual or otherwise. Abby decided that it must be stopped, they were too easily going to fall into old habits if they let this atmosphere continue. It was too easy to carry on not talking, but both knew that if they wanted things between them to work this time they would have to spend time together and talk.
After dinner they retired to the lounge, but being an open plan apartment, they didn't have that far to go and they could still smell the dinner clinging to the air; almost as a reminder of what a wonderful yet awkward evening. Luka flicked on the TV to catch up on the news he said, but it was fairly obvious he meant sporting news. Some soccer match, Croatia 2 : Serbia and Montenegro 1, his quiet yet fairly obvious celebration made her smile quietly. She was huddled under a blanket, her toes felt like blocks of ice, she suddenly felt a cheeky wave come over her. He was sat to her right focused wholly on the TV so she slid her legs along and touched her bare icy toes onto his arm, under the thin undone shirt sleeves. The yelp from sudden cold gave Abby a wicked sense of satisfaction and couldn't help but giggle at his most disgruntled look.
'Abby! Your toes are freezing get them off my arm'
'I couldn't help it, my legs have a mind of their own and can't help but capitalize on wicked situations that they see. I think I need to seek help for my unruly appendages!'
'Very funny!'
Luka suddenly stopped smiling, his face turning serious. He turned his head and waited for Abby to make eye contact, making her feel like she was waiting to here if it was going to be the electric chair or lethal injection. Luka opened his mouth to speak, paused and shut it again.
'Luka, if your going to say something say it.'
'Well, I don't want to upset you, or rush you or make you feel uncomfortable'
'Well good job so far, I feel really relaxed'
'Don't be sarcastic I'm trying to say something'
Abby said nothing and wiped a grin off her face. There was a long pause, Abby wasn't going to break it, or interrupt again, Luka had something to say and she was going to let him say it.
'As I said, I don't want to rush you or anything but, where are you thinking of sleeping tonight? I'm happy for you to share the bed but you can sleep on the couch if you wish.'
'Luka'
She reached over to hold his hands in hers, looked him in the eye for just a moment and carried on
'If I say that I want to sleep in your bed, I want you to know something, we are not going to have sex. I want to be near you, to hold you; especially after tonight and everything you've done. But I don't want to jump into anything again, I want to be sure, I want to get to know you better.'
'So you'll come upstairs with me?'
Luka felt and looked like he was hanging from a thin piece of thread that was unwinding, just waiting for her answer.
'Yes'
He stood up rather too enthusiastically and rapidly sat down again with a head rush. She had her head down, hair covering her nervously laughing face. He stood again, rather more cautiously than a few seconds ago, took her gently but the hands and walked her towards the stairs, let go of one hand to swoop the rose of the breakfast bar and place it between his teeth, proceeding to lead her upstairs to the bedroom.
'Luka, you want to be careful, that rose still has thorns on it!'
'I found that out', he muffled trying his hardest no to drop the flower from his mouth.
Once in the bedroom and changed they slipped in-between the sheets, apprehensive. Neither one sure what they could do or more importantly should do. Luka took the bull by the horns, leaning over and kissing her lightly, whispering softly to her and holding her lightly on the waist. He lay behind her laying himself in the curves of her body and legs, lightly kissed her shoulder and went to sleep.
When Abby knew that he had dropped off, she whispered lightly to herself
'Night Luka. I think I'm definitely falling for you again.'
She smiled and dozed off, feeling quite contented.