TITLE: Definition (formerly "The Dance")
DATE: 2/1/2004-2/5/2004
RATING: G
SPOILERS: Everything up through "Recreation"
SUMMARY: Joan and Adam develop a "definition" for their relationship.
CATEGORY: Romance, General
DISCLAIMERS: Joan of Arcadia and all of its characters are the creation and property of Barbara Hall, CBS and Sony Pictures. This story is for pure entertainment and not for any profit at all.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: This is my first attempt at fan fiction and proved far harder to write than I had imagined. At least writing it helped to pass the time between "Recreation" and the start of the February sweeps. It started as a one-part story, but taking the suggestions of the varied reviewers out there, I added another chapter and am working on Chapter 3 (which will likely be the last).
FEEDBACK: Thanks to those of you who reviewed the first chapter and encouraged me to add on. I'm interested to hear what you think on my additions.
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Chapter 1: "The Dance"
---------------------------------------
"Hey?"
Adam looked up and turned toward Joan in response to her quiet plea.
"Ya wanna dance?"
The look between them varied from uncertainty, to quiet acceptance, and a slight grin spread between them. Joan reached her hand toward Adam and he turned to take her into his arms.
---------------------------------------
As he danced slowly with Jane on the sidewalk, Adam didn't really have a clue how they had gotten there. Not the dancing part, but the rest of it. Then he thought, ya know, did it really matter? Their relationship had more ups and downs than a rollercoaster.
The emotions that had plagued him since last Friday were all still really jumbled in his mind. What does someone say to somebody who has helped to lift a huge burden from your mind, and who has helped dispel a fear that you have lived with for three years? "Thank you" just didn't cut it. Though he was sure that Jane's involvement with the note was far from the only reason why he now found himself dancing with her under the streetlights.
He really wasn't sure exactly where he and Jane stood in their relationship, or where they would go from here. If they weren't ready for "romantic love", what were they ready for? Surely something more (or at least he desperately hoped, more) than co-sub defectives and chemistry lab partners.
--------------------------------------
As they danced under the streetlights, Joan could not stop smiling. Amazingly, things had seemed to come right with her world, or at least for the moment. Adam and she, she hoped, were at a point of understanding, but she really had no idea how they had gotten there. First, friends through their sub-defective status, then one-sided enemies through her lack of imagination, now, what? Going back to "just friends" status, even modified to "best friends", didn't seem to be right, or to be enough. When he had said that the days of him calling her "Jane" were over, it had made her feel as if she had lost something precious. She wanted to hold onto her special connection with Adam that made her "Jane" rather than just "Joan".
She'd said that maybe they weren't ready for romantic love, but, if that were really true, what were they ready for? Right now, she was happy to just to have him smile at her, laugh with her, and this holding stuff wasn't really all that bad either. (Actually, it was pretty cool.) Maybe they could just stay here dancing and holding on to one another for what, the next two and a half years until high school was over.
--------------------------------------
Joan stepped out of Adam's embrace to complete a dance turn. Returning to his arms with a smile and a little laugh, she pulled back to look up at him still wearing her silly grin.
Her grin infectious, Adam asked, "That was pretty good, plan on taking up dancing?"
"No, it must be my partner." Joan replied as she nestled into his embrace to continue their dance.
----------------------------------------------
As he recalled the events of the last week, Adam was glad that Joan and Mrs. Giradi had been there to help him get through reading the note from his mom. He had read it a dozen times since that morning and he had privately shed some serious tears over it. When Mrs. Giradi had first finished reading the note, he had wanted to break down right there. The tears had been in his eyes. Mrs. Giradi had known he needed a hug, some type of personal contact to allow him to feel again and begin to accept that things in the world might just come right after all.
After that brief contact though, he had turned to go, he had needed to be alone. To cry, to laugh, to allow himself a private moment to revel in the knowledge that he had not been the reason his mom had done what she had done. Jane had understood. Or at least he had thought she had when they had looked at each other before he'd picked up his bag and left. He had tried to convey to her in that single, brief moment his immediate feeling of joy, his thanks, his peace, his need (at least for a time) to be alone.
----------------------------------------
Joan thought back to the scene in the Giradi kitchen last Friday morning when Adam had come by to ask her to help him with the note from his mom. After talking to Adam the evening before at his shed, she was not sure that he would ever speak to her again. Even given that possibility though, she had known that she had to do whatever she could to stop him from, what, suicide?
At the hospital, God had hinted to her that Adam was considering just that. She had known herself that Adam had seemed more and more withdrawn as the days had gone on, he wasn't doing his art, he wouldn't talk to her, and he wouldn't look at her. But Joan had not been really good at understanding God's hints lately, and she sure hadn't been communicating clearly with Adam recently either. But understanding and poor communication aside, she knew that she didn't have a choice except to go to Adam and confront him. She cared too much for him to ignore his pain.
When he walked into the kitchen that morning, she had not known what to expect, but that he had come to her, spoke volumes. When what was in the note brought good ripples to Adam, she had been so glad. She had watched the emotions play across his face and had understood his joy. They hadn't needed to exchange words to understand that he needed some personal time and space to come to terms with what the note had said and all that it had not.
----------------------------------------------
From the time they first met, Adam had felt a connection to Jane. Unchallenged. It was obvious why he would be attracted to her as a girl. A guy would have to be blind not to notice Joan. But Adam knew that his attraction to Jane was far beyond a purely physical one.
When he had seen her at the science fair, they both had known that much, at least for the time being, would go unsaid. The day was one for simply exploring and enjoying life. Analyzing, rationalizing and attempting to understand what had occurred three years ago, or Thursday night when Jane had come to his shed, or a few hours before when he had gone to ask for her help, were all best left for another day. It had felt great to be out in the world and to begin to take notice again without the fear that you were the cause of something too horrible to imagine. Jane had understood how important it was, just taking some time to be with him, to hold hands, to laugh and to be alive.
-------------------------------------------------
When Joan had seen Adam at the science fair, Joan couldn't seem to contain her happiness. Things were improving, not only for her having Adam back as a friend, but also for Adam himself. Just spending time with him, seeing him laugh, and smile, seemingly more aware of his surroundings, made her day. By unsaid, mutual consent, they kept their conversation far from the topic that had been the catalyst to initiate the change in their relationship.
To have him reach out and take her hand, to have him look at her with something other than disappointment and disgust in his eyes, well it was just.
--------------------------------------------------
Then, it was like the world had exploded around him. Obviously whatever it was that Grace and Luke had constructed had been way more than what they bargained for; flying motors, broken glass, falling dinosaurs and feathers.
As the feathers drifted down through the room he had noticed how they were landing in Joan's hair and on her sweater. But also in that moment, he had noticed Jane. Had noticed her for what she was, his friend, and his protector, someone whom he had come to rely on to make each day of his life seem complete. As he'd looked at her, Jane had seemed to understand what was running through his mind. And, as they kissed, somewhat tentatively, yet tenderly, time had seemed to be suspended around them.
--------------------------------------------
When Luke had yelled to "Get Down!" it was as if the world around her had exploded, and the shower of feathers that resulted turned the room into some kind of magical scene. As she turned toward Adam's laugh and had looked into his eyes, she had realized that they were going to kiss. It hadn't been that he was going to kiss her, or that she was going to kiss him, it was that "they" were going to kiss. At that single moment in time she realized that everything that had gone before between them seemed pointless and insignificant and everything that would come in the future would be altered by that single event.
-------------------------------------------
Regrettably, at least for Adam, the moment had come to an end as the world, feathers and noise intruded back upon them. As their kiss had ended there had been little time for either an attempt to understand what had happened or for any embarrassment that it had. Salvaging the exhibits, cleaning up feathers and sharing in the success of Luke and Grace's project had left him little opportunity to attempt to analyze or even better to attempt to re-capture the moment.
Over the last week, Adam had been sure that Joan had not been listening to anything that he had been trying to say, through a look, through words or even through his more than obvious behavior. Grace had seen it and had more than once commented that he had apparently gone over the edge. Jane had gotten lost somewhere in there behind planning her party, and behind her reaction to her parent's plans for their weekend away. So many thoughts had run through his mind. Had he missed something in her gaze at the science fair? Was the happiness he felt spending time with her, holding her hand, and laughing with her all one-sided? Did their kiss mean as much to her as it had meant to him?
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Joan knew that over the past week she had been avoiding Adam's attempts at continuing the closeness they had experienced at the science fair, and she knew that her behavior had once again hurt him. She had been blatantly rude and outwardly oblivious to what Adam in his quiet, unobtrusive way had been trying to say. Truth be told though, she had really not been as oblivious as she had seemed.
God had told her just a few minutes before that Adam was confused. Though that was, at least to her, somewhat always the case, Joan could see how, as God had said, her recent behavior could induce new levels of confusion for Adam. Chalk her behavior up to the unbalanced hormones of a sixteen year old girl, the phase of the moon or whatever.
She also supposed that on Adam's side of the equation he was trying to deal with the hormones of a sixteen year old guy. Ech, not to go there.
Back to the point, where were they now and, where to go from here? For as much as Adam might be confused, Joan knew deep inside that she had been and that she remained scared. She was scared that she would hurt Adam again. Above all else, it was important to her that she not be the cause of any further pain to him. He had had enough of that already in his life. She had known that because of her erratic nature, her too quick temper, and more than likely through some future assignment from God, she would do just that, hurt Adam. So instead of accepting Adam's attempts to become closer, she had used feigned ignorance, the party and whatever else she could to keep any further closeness from developing.
---------------------------------------------
Now, as they were dancing under the streetlights to music only they could hear in their heads, Adam was not sure what to do, or what to say. If they weren't ready now for what he felt he desperately needed and wanted, would they ever be?
-----------------------------------------------
Joan wanted to tell Adam that she was afraid to move forward in a relationship with him, and why. Maybe she should take God's suggestion and openly redefine her relationship with Adam. Maybe talking with Adam would help her to understand where they could go from here.
-----------------------------------------------
A car pulled up across the street and Adam glanced up to see his father behind the wheel.
"Hey, there's my dad, I've got to go." He said still holding Joan and knowing that he really didn't want to go at all since it would mean that he would have to let her go.
"Yeah, okay." She replied, thinking that she really did not want him to go at all.
Pulling back from their embrace, he asked, "Can I call ya tomorrow? Maybe we can do something, yo?"
"Sure, that would be great."
"Okay, I'll talk to you then." Adam slowly stepped completely back from their embrace, delaying as much as possible the moment when he would break the physical connection between them.
As Adam turned and started toward the street, Joan saw her chance slipping away to reassure Adam (and herself) that there was something in the future for them. "Hey!"
Adam stopped and turned back to look at Joan, watching her as she walked across the lawn to join him once again. "What?"
"Thanks for the dance, it made this whole party experience worth it." She offered as she reached him.
"Sure, anytime," He said, smiling and knowing that the memory of her standing there looking at him would be one he would treasure. He turned to go again, but before he could move away, he felt Joan touch his sleeve.
"Good night, Adam." Joan offered as he turned back to look at her one more time and realized that she was leaning in to kiss him.
As Adam responded to meet her kiss and their lips touched, Joan knew that everything would be alright between them. Maybe not immediately, but she would try be patient. Didn't everyone say that the special things in life were worth waiting for?
They each pulled back from the brief kiss and Joan was thrilled to see Adam smiling at her. "Good night, Jane."
He stepped backed, turned and continued across the street, joining his dad in the car.
Joan remained standing there on the sidewalk, watching as Carl Rove pulled the car away from the curb and drove off down the street.
As Adam and his dad turned the corner out of sight, a slight grin crossed Joan's face and before long her grin had widened to a bright smile and she turned to go back inside.
It was great to be Jane once again. This time she was going to make every effort to make sure that she always remained that way.
DATE: 2/1/2004-2/5/2004
RATING: G
SPOILERS: Everything up through "Recreation"
SUMMARY: Joan and Adam develop a "definition" for their relationship.
CATEGORY: Romance, General
DISCLAIMERS: Joan of Arcadia and all of its characters are the creation and property of Barbara Hall, CBS and Sony Pictures. This story is for pure entertainment and not for any profit at all.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: This is my first attempt at fan fiction and proved far harder to write than I had imagined. At least writing it helped to pass the time between "Recreation" and the start of the February sweeps. It started as a one-part story, but taking the suggestions of the varied reviewers out there, I added another chapter and am working on Chapter 3 (which will likely be the last).
FEEDBACK: Thanks to those of you who reviewed the first chapter and encouraged me to add on. I'm interested to hear what you think on my additions.
---------------------------------------
Chapter 1: "The Dance"
---------------------------------------
"Hey?"
Adam looked up and turned toward Joan in response to her quiet plea.
"Ya wanna dance?"
The look between them varied from uncertainty, to quiet acceptance, and a slight grin spread between them. Joan reached her hand toward Adam and he turned to take her into his arms.
---------------------------------------
As he danced slowly with Jane on the sidewalk, Adam didn't really have a clue how they had gotten there. Not the dancing part, but the rest of it. Then he thought, ya know, did it really matter? Their relationship had more ups and downs than a rollercoaster.
The emotions that had plagued him since last Friday were all still really jumbled in his mind. What does someone say to somebody who has helped to lift a huge burden from your mind, and who has helped dispel a fear that you have lived with for three years? "Thank you" just didn't cut it. Though he was sure that Jane's involvement with the note was far from the only reason why he now found himself dancing with her under the streetlights.
He really wasn't sure exactly where he and Jane stood in their relationship, or where they would go from here. If they weren't ready for "romantic love", what were they ready for? Surely something more (or at least he desperately hoped, more) than co-sub defectives and chemistry lab partners.
--------------------------------------
As they danced under the streetlights, Joan could not stop smiling. Amazingly, things had seemed to come right with her world, or at least for the moment. Adam and she, she hoped, were at a point of understanding, but she really had no idea how they had gotten there. First, friends through their sub-defective status, then one-sided enemies through her lack of imagination, now, what? Going back to "just friends" status, even modified to "best friends", didn't seem to be right, or to be enough. When he had said that the days of him calling her "Jane" were over, it had made her feel as if she had lost something precious. She wanted to hold onto her special connection with Adam that made her "Jane" rather than just "Joan".
She'd said that maybe they weren't ready for romantic love, but, if that were really true, what were they ready for? Right now, she was happy to just to have him smile at her, laugh with her, and this holding stuff wasn't really all that bad either. (Actually, it was pretty cool.) Maybe they could just stay here dancing and holding on to one another for what, the next two and a half years until high school was over.
--------------------------------------
Joan stepped out of Adam's embrace to complete a dance turn. Returning to his arms with a smile and a little laugh, she pulled back to look up at him still wearing her silly grin.
Her grin infectious, Adam asked, "That was pretty good, plan on taking up dancing?"
"No, it must be my partner." Joan replied as she nestled into his embrace to continue their dance.
----------------------------------------------
As he recalled the events of the last week, Adam was glad that Joan and Mrs. Giradi had been there to help him get through reading the note from his mom. He had read it a dozen times since that morning and he had privately shed some serious tears over it. When Mrs. Giradi had first finished reading the note, he had wanted to break down right there. The tears had been in his eyes. Mrs. Giradi had known he needed a hug, some type of personal contact to allow him to feel again and begin to accept that things in the world might just come right after all.
After that brief contact though, he had turned to go, he had needed to be alone. To cry, to laugh, to allow himself a private moment to revel in the knowledge that he had not been the reason his mom had done what she had done. Jane had understood. Or at least he had thought she had when they had looked at each other before he'd picked up his bag and left. He had tried to convey to her in that single, brief moment his immediate feeling of joy, his thanks, his peace, his need (at least for a time) to be alone.
----------------------------------------
Joan thought back to the scene in the Giradi kitchen last Friday morning when Adam had come by to ask her to help him with the note from his mom. After talking to Adam the evening before at his shed, she was not sure that he would ever speak to her again. Even given that possibility though, she had known that she had to do whatever she could to stop him from, what, suicide?
At the hospital, God had hinted to her that Adam was considering just that. She had known herself that Adam had seemed more and more withdrawn as the days had gone on, he wasn't doing his art, he wouldn't talk to her, and he wouldn't look at her. But Joan had not been really good at understanding God's hints lately, and she sure hadn't been communicating clearly with Adam recently either. But understanding and poor communication aside, she knew that she didn't have a choice except to go to Adam and confront him. She cared too much for him to ignore his pain.
When he walked into the kitchen that morning, she had not known what to expect, but that he had come to her, spoke volumes. When what was in the note brought good ripples to Adam, she had been so glad. She had watched the emotions play across his face and had understood his joy. They hadn't needed to exchange words to understand that he needed some personal time and space to come to terms with what the note had said and all that it had not.
----------------------------------------------
From the time they first met, Adam had felt a connection to Jane. Unchallenged. It was obvious why he would be attracted to her as a girl. A guy would have to be blind not to notice Joan. But Adam knew that his attraction to Jane was far beyond a purely physical one.
When he had seen her at the science fair, they both had known that much, at least for the time being, would go unsaid. The day was one for simply exploring and enjoying life. Analyzing, rationalizing and attempting to understand what had occurred three years ago, or Thursday night when Jane had come to his shed, or a few hours before when he had gone to ask for her help, were all best left for another day. It had felt great to be out in the world and to begin to take notice again without the fear that you were the cause of something too horrible to imagine. Jane had understood how important it was, just taking some time to be with him, to hold hands, to laugh and to be alive.
-------------------------------------------------
When Joan had seen Adam at the science fair, Joan couldn't seem to contain her happiness. Things were improving, not only for her having Adam back as a friend, but also for Adam himself. Just spending time with him, seeing him laugh, and smile, seemingly more aware of his surroundings, made her day. By unsaid, mutual consent, they kept their conversation far from the topic that had been the catalyst to initiate the change in their relationship.
To have him reach out and take her hand, to have him look at her with something other than disappointment and disgust in his eyes, well it was just.
--------------------------------------------------
Then, it was like the world had exploded around him. Obviously whatever it was that Grace and Luke had constructed had been way more than what they bargained for; flying motors, broken glass, falling dinosaurs and feathers.
As the feathers drifted down through the room he had noticed how they were landing in Joan's hair and on her sweater. But also in that moment, he had noticed Jane. Had noticed her for what she was, his friend, and his protector, someone whom he had come to rely on to make each day of his life seem complete. As he'd looked at her, Jane had seemed to understand what was running through his mind. And, as they kissed, somewhat tentatively, yet tenderly, time had seemed to be suspended around them.
--------------------------------------------
When Luke had yelled to "Get Down!" it was as if the world around her had exploded, and the shower of feathers that resulted turned the room into some kind of magical scene. As she turned toward Adam's laugh and had looked into his eyes, she had realized that they were going to kiss. It hadn't been that he was going to kiss her, or that she was going to kiss him, it was that "they" were going to kiss. At that single moment in time she realized that everything that had gone before between them seemed pointless and insignificant and everything that would come in the future would be altered by that single event.
-------------------------------------------
Regrettably, at least for Adam, the moment had come to an end as the world, feathers and noise intruded back upon them. As their kiss had ended there had been little time for either an attempt to understand what had happened or for any embarrassment that it had. Salvaging the exhibits, cleaning up feathers and sharing in the success of Luke and Grace's project had left him little opportunity to attempt to analyze or even better to attempt to re-capture the moment.
Over the last week, Adam had been sure that Joan had not been listening to anything that he had been trying to say, through a look, through words or even through his more than obvious behavior. Grace had seen it and had more than once commented that he had apparently gone over the edge. Jane had gotten lost somewhere in there behind planning her party, and behind her reaction to her parent's plans for their weekend away. So many thoughts had run through his mind. Had he missed something in her gaze at the science fair? Was the happiness he felt spending time with her, holding her hand, and laughing with her all one-sided? Did their kiss mean as much to her as it had meant to him?
-----------------------------------------------
Joan knew that over the past week she had been avoiding Adam's attempts at continuing the closeness they had experienced at the science fair, and she knew that her behavior had once again hurt him. She had been blatantly rude and outwardly oblivious to what Adam in his quiet, unobtrusive way had been trying to say. Truth be told though, she had really not been as oblivious as she had seemed.
God had told her just a few minutes before that Adam was confused. Though that was, at least to her, somewhat always the case, Joan could see how, as God had said, her recent behavior could induce new levels of confusion for Adam. Chalk her behavior up to the unbalanced hormones of a sixteen year old girl, the phase of the moon or whatever.
She also supposed that on Adam's side of the equation he was trying to deal with the hormones of a sixteen year old guy. Ech, not to go there.
Back to the point, where were they now and, where to go from here? For as much as Adam might be confused, Joan knew deep inside that she had been and that she remained scared. She was scared that she would hurt Adam again. Above all else, it was important to her that she not be the cause of any further pain to him. He had had enough of that already in his life. She had known that because of her erratic nature, her too quick temper, and more than likely through some future assignment from God, she would do just that, hurt Adam. So instead of accepting Adam's attempts to become closer, she had used feigned ignorance, the party and whatever else she could to keep any further closeness from developing.
---------------------------------------------
Now, as they were dancing under the streetlights to music only they could hear in their heads, Adam was not sure what to do, or what to say. If they weren't ready now for what he felt he desperately needed and wanted, would they ever be?
-----------------------------------------------
Joan wanted to tell Adam that she was afraid to move forward in a relationship with him, and why. Maybe she should take God's suggestion and openly redefine her relationship with Adam. Maybe talking with Adam would help her to understand where they could go from here.
-----------------------------------------------
A car pulled up across the street and Adam glanced up to see his father behind the wheel.
"Hey, there's my dad, I've got to go." He said still holding Joan and knowing that he really didn't want to go at all since it would mean that he would have to let her go.
"Yeah, okay." She replied, thinking that she really did not want him to go at all.
Pulling back from their embrace, he asked, "Can I call ya tomorrow? Maybe we can do something, yo?"
"Sure, that would be great."
"Okay, I'll talk to you then." Adam slowly stepped completely back from their embrace, delaying as much as possible the moment when he would break the physical connection between them.
As Adam turned and started toward the street, Joan saw her chance slipping away to reassure Adam (and herself) that there was something in the future for them. "Hey!"
Adam stopped and turned back to look at Joan, watching her as she walked across the lawn to join him once again. "What?"
"Thanks for the dance, it made this whole party experience worth it." She offered as she reached him.
"Sure, anytime," He said, smiling and knowing that the memory of her standing there looking at him would be one he would treasure. He turned to go again, but before he could move away, he felt Joan touch his sleeve.
"Good night, Adam." Joan offered as he turned back to look at her one more time and realized that she was leaning in to kiss him.
As Adam responded to meet her kiss and their lips touched, Joan knew that everything would be alright between them. Maybe not immediately, but she would try be patient. Didn't everyone say that the special things in life were worth waiting for?
They each pulled back from the brief kiss and Joan was thrilled to see Adam smiling at her. "Good night, Jane."
He stepped backed, turned and continued across the street, joining his dad in the car.
Joan remained standing there on the sidewalk, watching as Carl Rove pulled the car away from the curb and drove off down the street.
As Adam and his dad turned the corner out of sight, a slight grin crossed Joan's face and before long her grin had widened to a bright smile and she turned to go back inside.
It was great to be Jane once again. This time she was going to make every effort to make sure that she always remained that way.