Author's Note: *sighs* I... We... I've got nothin'. I honestly have got NOTHING. I'm supposed to be working on my other KH fic since I'm writin' up a new chapter for it as we speak, but I thought this would be fun to do instead since I'm still trying to put the pieces together for that project. I'm trying to work my way up to a new update. I haven't touched my KH fic in FOUR years. I'm a horrible person. Hence why I created this fic as a parody of my life really. Hope you guys enjoy this weird comedy.

It was a slow day at the coffee shop this evening. Eraqus had finally finished cleaning the kitchen in the back, so he stretched his arms out to either side of his body and hopped up a few times to get the muscles in his legs to relax a bit. As he flapped his arms back and forth a bit, he looked over at the kitchen clock on his left side and spotted the time being 10:30 pm. Half an hour after closing time was pretty good. It used to be an hour or two before he could leave, but there weren't as many customers today. It could be because today was the last day of school. He, himself, teaches at the Land of Departure with his coworker Xehanort. He and his coworker go way back, though. He was supposed to see Yen Sid over the weekend along with Xehanort, but old Yen had to cancel and move the visit to next weekend. Fortunately, Eraqus didn't have to teach at the Land of Departure again until the summer officially started which was somewhere in June so...

Okay, let's be completely real here. Eraqus is pretty much just a summer camp counselor with his home boy from back in the day while his other home boy works for or with the Mouseketeers Camp in God knows where 'cause he never went to that camp. What the hell were they doing with their lives? And with kids on top of that? Speaking of kids, Eraqus took off his white apron and walked to the front at the register and counter. There, he spotted his faithful part-time worker, Ventus. Xehanort introduced Eraqus to Ventus over the summer when he joined the Keyblade Camp right before starting middle school at Destiny Islands. Ventus was so sweet. He wanted to help and be a part of the camp any way he could. Since Eraqus liked the boy, he took him in and introduced him to his fellow campers, Terra and Aqua. Those three were inseparable the whole summer and stayed in contact with each other outside of camp. Even though Ventus's parents felt that the boy was too young to hang around Terra and Aqua, the other two were drawn to him and got in more trouble just trying to see each other. Soon, the adults just gave up and let the three remain together until the inevitable happened at camp four years later.

Terra graduated high school and was dubbed "too old" to be in Keyblade Camp. Terra was so devastated to have to leave camp. He couldn't do it. His poor baby! So devoted to the Keyblade Camp, Terra decided he wanted to work for Eraqus as a counselor and soon Aqua and Ventus wanted the same. Ventus went the extra mile, however, and decided to be the first camper to work at his coffee shop during school. Terra and Aqua usually focused on school so they could get rewards for all of their hard work from Eraqus, which he could never deny them having because they were so cute, but Ventus was always just a bit different. He thrived in social settings and hated being shielded from the realities of the world.

That's how he wound up working at the coffee shop anyway. Ventus loved it there and continued to work under Eraqus during the school year while going to Keyblade Camp over the summer. Ventus had another two years of high school to go before he graduated and was dubbed too old for summer camp. He had to dub Aqua too old last week after she graduated, but Eraqus was hardly surprised when she joined Terra on the list of future camp counselors. He couldn't really see either of them wanting to come back after they really started getting in to college studies but the future's ahead.

"Hey, Ventus, I'm headin' out for the night," Eraqus said after realizing he had been staring at Ventus putting things away with a smile on his face. "Make sure you lock up, okay?"

"No prob, Master Eraqus!" Ventus declared, smiling brightly. "Have a good night."

"You, too, kiddo."

Eraqus chuckled at the blonde and walked out of the front door to make sure it locked automatically. Satisfied with the lock, he left his innocent student behind not knowing that Ventus was watching him leave. The blonde wasn't going to do anything bad per se, but he would rather Eraqus not know about his late-night stays. Ventus waited for Eraqus to get in his car before rushing to hurry up and clean the last bit of the shop. He pulled the blinds down in the window and waved to Eraqus when he passed by and drove away. Ventus slapped at the blinds quickly before running around to shove the rest of the blinds down.

When one of the window blinds decided not to come down, Ventus hissed, "Dammit, blinds!"

Ventus actually stays at the shop to do a lot of last-minute things like homework assignments, extra studying, and his other new hobby called vlogging. He doesn't post any of his vlogs, mind you. He just catalogues his day and keeps the recordings on his flash drive for later. He started doing them in secret right after he graduated middle school. At his graduation, Aqua kissed his cheek to express how happy she was for him and Terra decided to give him a bear hug. Ventus had never been held with such affection from anyone other than his parents before, and he had received a new laptop from Xehanort as a gift for high school which he still has to this day. Eraqus gave him a basket of goodies for him to splurge on.

When the graduation party was over and his friends and teachers returned home, Ventus tried out the new laptop and discovered a webcam on it. Just to toy with it, Ventus took selfies and videos of himself making funny faces or just regular smiles. As Terra's graduation approached, Ventus took pictures with him and made a short collection of videos with Terra for the next two weeks as his senior year was closing out. He, apparently, wanted to spend the night at his house. Aqua soon joined them the week before Terra's graduation in the sleepover. Ventus thought it was strange for them to want to stay near him at first, but he was happy all the same because they were together. They took multiple pictures and videos together, and Aqua made a video phone account for each of them. The contact group was called the Wayfinders.

"Ah, screw it!" Ventus yelled, smacking the blinds away from him. "I hate these stupid things anyway..."

As soon as he said that, the blinds went down perfectly and shielded the outside world from his view. Ventus wanted to rip the blinds down for that, but he seriously wanted to stay in that upstairs office and do what he normally did there. To continue with this back story, at Terra's graduation, Ventus felt he should return his friends' affections. He gave Terra the bear hug and Aqua the kiss, yet he felt something different was happening between them - something new and strange. The adults thought Ventus was just giving back to his friends out of happiness for Terra and maybe expressing a little crush on Aqua, but it seemed innocent enough not to raise any particular questions. Xehanort thought differently, though, and instructed Ventus on recording his thoughts in the middle of taking pictures with Terra.

"You know," the elder said, waving to Terra and his parents as they posed for Eraqus and Aqua. "I can see why would you would hug Terra, but returning Aqua's kiss is rather interesting."

"Huh?" Ventus thought. "Oh! Well, it's just... I've never been kissed by another girl other than my mom or my auntie before. I always give them one after they give me one. I thought that's what I was supposed to do. Is that wrong, Master Xehanort?"

"Not at all," the man said in his deep voice. "In fact, that's quite courteous of you. Means your manners are upstanding, but... you could have easily returned their affections at your own graduation party. I don't recall you doing so. Up 'til today, your parents told me and Eraqus that Terra and Aqua stayed at your house."

"Well, yeah, they wanted to," Ventus replied, wanting to hear more of Xehanort's thoughts as to why he returned his friends' affections.

"That's interesting in and of itself," the man said, putting his hands behind his back. "Terra has always been a handsome boy and has always thought of Eraqus as a father figure. Eraqus, back in our day, was always the social butterfly. He loved people and people loved him back. Terra picked up on some of those traits from that fox, but it is interesting to hear that Terra would rather stay with you instead of visiting his other friends from school. The same can be said for Aqua. As beautiful as the girl is, she would rather be with you two where she is most comfortable than with her own friends from school. Like most women, Aqua has her insecurities but not around us. Even less so around you, Ventus. Perhaps you should think of using your computer to express your own thoughts of the matter."

After Terra's graduation party, Ventus decided to do just that. One of Terra's friends, Zack, did swing by for the party and stole Terra for the night to hang out with the other graduates at a bowling alley. Ventus, unfortunately, wasn't old enough to go being only 13, but he didn't mind at all. When Xehanort looked at him and nodded, Ventus joined in with the other adults and sent Terra and Aqua away to have fun on their own for once. Once Ven got home, he was alone with his webcam and Terra and Aqua's clothes from the week-long stay at his house. From there, his hobby was born and tonight was one of those nights he needed to release a couple of things on his mind.

Ventus made sure all the doors were locked in the shop and that the security cameras were on before he went upstairs. He set the shop's alarm to stay and turned off the main lights to show the shop was closed. Once he walked up the stairs to the office on the left, he used his spare keys Eraqus had given him when he started working there and unlocked the office and spare bedroom. It was a miracle his parents let him actually stay at the coffee shop from time to time to do late-night assignments, but that was only because Aqua or Terra would stop by to check on him. With Terra being in college and Aqua being a high school senior, they needed a place to study anyway. Libraries are startin' to close earlier nowadays. When Ventus finally entered the office, he logged in, turned on his webcam, and setup his new vlog for the day.

Thursday, May 4, 2016

10:47 PM

Category: Rage

Topic: My Ankle

Vlogger: The Other Friend

Hey, guys, this is Friend. You know, I'd rather not discuss stuff while I'm still mad 'cause I get really biased at times and overthink shit, but today was one of dem DAYS where there ain't no bias here. You wanna why? I don't ever want to see another end-of-the-year writing assignment AGAIN! No, never again! I'm done! I'm done.

Picture this. I'm sitting outside eatin' my lunch, basking in the sun's glory like a big turtle - a HUGE, dehydrated turtle - and I stop for a minute to proofread this paper that's due tomorrow. As I'm sittin' there, looking over my rough draft, Lea texted me with that stup - why do people send you the all question mark text? Just ask me your damn question so the day can go by without me havin' to guess at what you tryin' to say.

Time skip: I text back "Outside. Proofreadin essay." And went back to eatin' my sandwich. So, Lea and Isa came over and looked over my draft. Isa did his draft about a week after me and he was almost done, so we were just comparing thoughts and all that. Lea bein' Lea was just starin' at us like "Man, I can't wait 'til ya'll done. 'Cause I'm copyin' the shit outta dem papers!" Out of the kindness of my heart, I passed Lea some extra notes I wrote for the draft knowin' he ain' startin' the paper 'til either late at night, which means he'll probably swing by the coffee shop some time tonight, or early in the morning, which means he'll probably sneak out the house and come here at like 4 or 5 in the morning.

Yes, folks, he has a computer at his house. Why he comes over here to use the computer? I don't friggin know. My guess is he wants the coffee or tea or energy drinks I be drinkin' to keep him up. That's really the only reason Terra and Aqua come over here late at night. They got computers at home, too. Mind you, I have my laptop at home, too. But I can't do work at home. Once I'm home, I'm home. Me and that bed is makin' sweet love at the end of the night. I'm sleepin' the sleep of the just afterwards. I wanna go home now and induce a friggin coma, but this paper due tomorrow and it need to be finished like ASAP.

Ventus's cell phone rings right then, and he opens his phone to see the caller. Of course, it's Lea. Before he can even respond to him, three other messages come in at the same time. Apparently, Lea, Isa, Aqua and Terra are coming by in another hour. Once he responded to everyone in a group text, another text came his way from Zack.

He got his number a little bit after Terra's graduation party before they left to the bowling alley. He didn't realize he wanted to be friends with everyone in Terra's gang. Ventus understood why Zack would want to get close to Terra just to get to Aqua. But why Ventus, too?

Ventus responded to Zack, saying he'll let everyone inside from the back door in another hour.

Lea'll be here in another hour. See what I mean?

Time skip: After I gave Lea the notes, this dude Vanitas comes by and snatches my paper off the bench I'm sittin' on. Mind you, I got a spare rough draft waitin' for me in this office just in case somebody ruins my paper with whatever. Matter fact, I got two spares. I wasn't playin' with this paper. Dr. Even is really tryin' to fail us. I'm not lyin'! Someone in class - I think it was some chick - was asking Dr. Even about her rough draft just to get it checked so she can revise it later. I swear to it. This dude took that girl's paper, walked to his office in the back, and put that shit through the shredder in front the whole class! Bruh, everybody was like... Yo! What are you doin'?

This man said, "If I see another draft with another introductory sentence that starts off with 'This essay is...' It's going in the shredder or the trash."

DUDE! Why didn't you just say that in the beginning? The girl has to write the whole draft over from friggin scratch and get your feedback all over again! Bruh, I thought the girl was about to break down in tears from the look on her face, so I went up to her and told her she could work with me. I lent her my notes, extra reading material, feedback, everything. I forgot the girl's name, but I was too through with Dr. Even. Everybody was rewritin' the paper that SECOND. I looked over my essay so fast to see the intro paragraph I almost got whiplash. Luckily, I didn't start my paper or my spares off with whatever he was bitchin' about but I mean... dude...

Time skip: Back to Vanitas and his punk ass. This dude took my paper, skimmed over like the first three sentences, and put it in his bag like it was a worksheet. I stared up at this dude like, "Bitch, what are you doing?"

This ass of a dirty monkey said, "This looks as close to an A as anybody is gonna get. I'm takin' it off your hands."

Isa comes up and says, "Uh, first off, that's not your paper. You don't take people stuff unless they give the okay. What are you doin'?"

Vanitas said, "I'm usin' this as a reference. Ain't that right, boyfriend?"

I said, "Who? I wish I would catch myself in the same room as you like that!"

And this bitch said, "We already been in a room together, baby. It's only a matter of time before it goes further. We already go to the same summer camp."

Let's take a moment and evaluate my level of coolness at that moment. Look to the nearest window in the room you're sitting in right now. It don't have to be that far, but I tell you what. My cool was out the mother-finger lickin' chicken window! However far that window is from you, that's how far my cool left me before it was gone in that instant.

I guess Vanitas caught the angry energy in my face 'cause he did this little smug smirk he never fails to do before I chased his ass across the damn country! I was at the back of his heels like an inch away from his hair before campus security had to come out to stop us. We was movin'! Right when I got just enough distance to yank this bitch by the hair and pull him back, I got my ASS handed to me by this big, buff, Betty Spaghetti by the head campus cop named Aeleus. He got me in like this headlock and tossed me to the side, but me not lookin' I fell on this piece of gravel in the yard. All that grass in that back part of campus and I got to fall on the one sliver of cement that destroyed half my leg. Bruh, my ankle was so through with me I had to go to the nurse to see if it was broken.

So, after I went to the nurse and Vanitas went to detention, I had to wait for somebody to come get me so I could get my ankle x-rayed to check for fractures. Thank the high heavens, it wasn't actually broken. To my surprise, Terra left school to come take me to the local clinic a little ways off. Ankle was fractured, so I had to lay off it for a few hours. No school for me. Terra brought me to his dorm room, which I've never gone to 'cause he never lets me really visit him and he always comes by my house, and he let me lounge around in his bed. He was typing up a paper for one of his English classes, so he didn't really have time to talk. I went on ahead and started reading some of his textbooks that were still in the bed. Of course, out of all the books that could have been laid out, I find one of these adult novels about - I don't know - some uppity princess not wantin' to give in to this peasant boy. I tossed that one to the side because I really wasn't interested. Maybe it's just me, but I don't want to read or watch other people do stuff. I want to experience it for myself, you know?

Time skip: I found this vacation planning guide that Terra scribbled on and saw Aqua's name on it. It looked like they were trying to go to Destiny Islands for like a date or something. I didn't know they were dating, so I skimmed over the details before shoving the brochure in his printed porn when Terra turned around. Nothing else was of real interest to me, so I grabbed some books out of my bag and started reading my own stuff. The girl who I helped after Dr. Even shredded her paper wound up calling - not calling, I meant texting - me to tell me she had my draft after Vanitas got an F for trying to cheat.

I was like "HA! Guess who I ain't gotta see this summer!" I started doin' a little dance in Terra's bed.

Terra said, "What is happening over there?"

I said, "Vanitas gotta repeat English II for stealing my paper. Karma is a biatch! But let me stop because I'm sayin' that now, but as soon as I leave this room I bet you somethin' stupid will end up happenin' to me."

He broke out laughin'. Anyways, it came time for me to go to work, so I asked Terra to bring me home so I could change clothes. He told me no because of my ankle.

I said, "Big T, I love you to death but this paper is due tomorrow. I got stuff to do."

Right then, Isa called me to see where I was so he could see me. Of course, Aqua called right after that. I told them I was by Terra, but I needed to go home to change into my work clothes. Whenever I do late-night assignments, I always go by Eraqus Coffee Shop. One, he pays me; two, I get free drinks; last of all, I can stay overnight if I have to because he got that extra bedroom he used to use when he had to do auditing or taxes.

Time skip: I ended up begging Terra to drop me off home so I could make it to work.

I was like "Terra, for real, I gotta finish this paper tonight. Please, drop me off home. I'll let you kiss my ankle better later. Please, Big T! What I gotta do to get you to bring me home?"

As soon as I said that last part, this dude looked at me with this calculative glance like an idea hit him upside the head. I saw his eyebrow do this thing where it rises but it curls some kind of way like he wants something in return for whatever it is he has to do.

He got up, walked kind of slow-like to me, climbed on TOP of me, and said, "I could think of a few things."

WWHHAAAAATTT!?

I must've been loud as a foghorn 'cause I scooted back to the headboard so fast and said, "You like men?"

See, you guys, already know I'm bisexual from the last few vlogs I did. I started respondin' to both genders equally when Terra hugged me and when Aqua kissed me at my graduation. Even when I returned the favor, the feeling was still there. Once I got into high school, I started datin' Namine all freshmen year until she called it off and then I dated Isa for a good while until I called it quits because I didn't want to come into conflict with Lea. I'm comfortable with either gender, but to hear that Terra, one of the most gorgeous men I've ever known, is trying to start something with ME is like... WWHHAAAAATTT!?

Time skip: Terra dropped his voice a bit and said, "No, but I like you."

I said with almost god-like speed, "Baby, I would love to take you out to dinner and movie or somethin', but this paper gotta be done tonight or I'm Vanitas' boyfriend the WHOLE summer long. I would hate to have to deny that body and let it go to waste, but I can't take Dr. Even's class a second time. Please, Terra, bring me home. I promise I will take care of that statue you call a body when the paper is done."

Bruh... why Terra crawled towards me like a big cat, took me by the knees, spread me apart, and whispered in my ear, "Your parents better be gone Saturday night."

WWHHAAAAATTT!? Somebody take me to Jason's backyard RIGHT NOW so he can cut off my ankle!

Right as Ventus' phone rings, he checks the time on his watch to see it's 11:56 PM and checks the security camera's footage.

Lea, Isa, and Aqua are at the back door with their cell phones out.

Well, you guys, I'm cuttin' this vlog short tonight. Hopefully, karma doesn't kick me in the ass and ruins my Saturday night. Let me let these people in, though. Peace out, ya'll. Let the winds of chance carry you away.