Disclaimer: I don't own jack. I used to own Jill, but she and Jack decided to fetch some water on a hill, and things didn't turn out well. On a completely different note, I am not Hiromu Arakawa and therefore have no rights or claim to the manga or either anime of Fullmetal Alchemist.

Chapter 1

Edward Elric is the man who attempted the impossible, payed the price, went on a journey, saved a country, and then ended his journey right back where he began: parentless, and left with only a brother as family. But at least he had everything he wanted. Kind of.

Traveling was fun for a little while. He certainly learned a lot about alchemy, and compiled enough knowledge to fill a book. Which he did. It was called 'The Alchemist's Taboo: Edward Elric's Research.' It sold well... until its hype died down. And then Ed, left with a few cenz and a large quantity of lint to fill his pockets, decided that he was better off going back home. After all, what good was an alchemist without his alchemy? Plus, his wife wouldn't stop calling, and that got annoying quickly.

Upon his return, Winry and Ed had a couple of kids, which was nice, and Ed decided not to ever leave his children like his father had. But after some time, the family found themselves in somewhat of a tight spot. Ed was getting restless playing housewife and Winry's automail business wasn't bringing in enough money to support a family of four. The father of the household needed a job, pronto. And that's when it hit him.

"Edward Elric, huh? Never thought I'd see you here again."

"Shut up, bastard."

"Oh, how rude of me," General Roy Mustang chuckled. "I should have called you Fullmetal."

"Well, that's not my title anymore, now is it?" Ed said through clenched teeth.

Mustang smiled. "Not unless you want it to be."

"Only state alchemists have titles."

"I'm sure we can make an exception for you, oh Savior of Our Country, sir."

It was in this moment that Ed was reminded of why he used to hate this man so much. And unfortunately, it would seem that Mustang hadn't changed one bit. He still had the same smirk always tugging at the edges of his mouth, and his old blue uniform- now with a few more stars on the shoulders- was as crisp as ever.

"I'd like to speak with the appropriate official about re-applying for the military," Edward told him, trying to stay composed.

"Considering your former status, that would be me," Mustang replied impatiently.

"Great. Then, I would like to speak with you about re-applying for the military."

And Mustang had the application papers on the desk before Ed could tack on "bastard." As Edward looked over them, the General looked over him. Ed would be a fine subordinate, he decided. The boy had changed a good deal over the years. Well, first off, he wasn't a boy anymore. Now they were about the same height, which surprised and disappointed Mustang. No more short jokes. But on the bright side, he looked far more responsible than he had- what was it, ten years ago? Edward's hair wasn't in a braid, in favor of a simple ponytail, but he'd started wearing it like that before he resigned from the military (which was after he'd used up all of his vacation leave, of course). His stature was more firm somehow, and he walked with confidence but not conceit, which was a nice change from the arrogant strut he'd used as a teenager. Although Ed no longer had his alchemy, Mustang had been keeping tabs on him, and word on the street was that he was unstoppable with his dagger techniques. A fine subordinate indeed.

Ed's voice (which was lower now, the General noticed) cut his thoughts short. "Ah, here it says that I will be working under Roy Mustang."

Mustang looked up from the paperwork. "Yes."

"So, do I have to?" Ed asked.

"W-well-"

"Because I assumed that with my former rank as a major," he said nonchalantly, "I could advance a bit higher than some General's subordinate."

"Not right away, you can't," snapped Mustang.

"But I can later, and this application doesn't give much room for promotion."

The General smirked. Somehow, over the years, Edward Elric- the same ornery twelve-year-old that didn't know much about anything other than alchemy- had matured enough to challenge his skills. And that was saying something, since most of the military couldn't do that.

Normally, Mustang would have pressed on. But he could see this conversation was going nowhere fast; and maybe a new competitor would bring some change to his boring daily routine. Yes, this could turn out quite nicely. If he could have Edward as a rival, his motivation would surely be sparked.

So that was how the blond came to be signing quite a different set of application papers.

Edward Elric hated military uniforms. He always had and always would. But at least, as a kid, he didn't have to wear one. Apparently now that he was an honest-to-god soldier, an official military-issued straightjacket/jumpsuit-thingy was "completely and absolutely mandatory." Oh, how he loathed the way the corners of Mustang's lips had curled up pompously as he said that.

"How do I look?" he asked Hawkeye sarcastically as they walked down the corridor and back to the office. For some reason he'd needed an escort to make sure he put on the uniform correctly. Ridiculous.

"Dashing, sir. The outfit is quite unique," the Lieutenant General quipped evenly.

Edward scoffed. "When did you get a sense of humor?"

"Around the time you got a wife, I suppose."

"I'm not sure whether to laugh or be offended."

Hawkeye opened her mouth to respond, but before she could, a door down the hall opened and Mustang's head popped out. "Since you two are taking so long, I'll have to assume you're out there snogging with my wife, and in that case I suggest that you stop."

Ignoring most of what was said, Edward turned to the woman. "Wife?"

"What, you didn't know?"

"No, congrats."

"Thank you."

Mustang sighed. "Did you two hear a word I just said?"

"Obviously, dumbass, I heard you two got married. When did that happen?" Ed asked, making his way to the office door.

"Years ago."

Ed shifted uncomfortably in the stiff uniform and plopped down on Mustang's couch before asking incredulously, "Just how much did I miss?"

"You'll see soon, but for now you're on the clock," Hawkeye reminded him sharply.

"Right."

"Here, Major." Mustang handed Edward a folder. "I still have no idea how you got promoted right to that rank." He actually had a pretty good idea. Ed, along with a few others, had basically saved everyone in the country. It was no surprise that the military wanted to make use of him right away.

Ed flipped open the folder as Hawkeye explained monotonously, "The contents of this folder entail your duties and responsibilities as a soldier. They also cover the additional duties you will take on as a Major and your initial objectives."

"How enthusiastic you are," noted Major Elric sarcastically.

"You don't know how many times per week I have to do this."

Reading over the first few papers, he frowned. They were filled with paperwork and graphs. "I didn't sign up for some desk job."

"Read it all before you judge," demanded Hawkeye.

Edward flipped through some more of the same, before he came to something more interesting. It was a divider labeled "TOP SECRET - FOR MAJOR EDWARD ELRIC'S EYES ONLY."

"What a mission!" He smiled widely as he read through the rest of the folder. "Now this looks a lot more fun."

A/N: Hello there!

Ah, how I love author's notes- reading them and writing them. I think they make readers feel much closer to the author and authors much closer to the reader.

Sorry there's only Ed in this chapter, but I didn't want to lost steam and write everything in the exposition at once, so I decided to leave Al until next chapter.

So who noticed that I began each section with "Edward Elric?" I only saw that when I was about halfway through writing this, but decided I liked the way it sounds. Should I make that a thing? Maybe I should start the first sentence of each section with its POV? It's up to you now, dear readers! Even more reason to write a review! (Seriously though, reviews are what make me want to write more.)

Thank you for reading, and tune in next time for more of TIE!

Wow, I just realized that the acronym for this fanfic is TIE. How cool.

Maestro out~