Bet
Parody is for wacky Rolanda Hooch and OOC-ly jealous Severus Snape. It's not extremely parody-like, but enough so that anyone looking for a serious MMAD story should not look here.
Disclaimer: I don't own HP
Rolanda Hooch sighed loudly in exasperation as Albus Dumbledore and Minerva McGonagall walked in the Great Hall, side by side, but a fair distance apart. This sigh did not go unnoticed by the person on her left, Severus Snape.
"What is it now?" he drawled.
"They're complete idiots," she said.
"Do tell me who 'they' are," Severus asked in a bored voice.
"Albus and Minerva," Rolanda answered impatiently, as if everyone should know that.
"I never knew that the Headmaster and Deputy Headmistress were unintelligent," he responded dryly.
"They love each other, but they're too stupid to realize it!" she exclaimed.
"No they don't," Severus replied in his same monotone, albeit imperceptibly quicker than he would have normally; he would never admit to the "tiny" crush he had on Minerva. She wasn't Lily, but she…well. She understood him.
"Really?" she said skeptically, "I bet they'll get together one day. How much do you want to lose?"
"I won't, so I would love to add twenty-five Galleons to my vault in Gringotts," he sneered.
"Withdraw the coins now so I can get them sooner rather than later," she beamed.
"I already have them on me, but I'm not going to lose them," Severus rolled his eyes, "You make sure you have my money."
"Why are men so blind?" Rolanda shook her head in exasperation, "I have the money too, but I'm not going to loose it. You are."
"You go ahead and believe that," he sighed.
"This conversation is over," Rolanda huffed, rolling her eyes.
A knock sounded on the door to Minerva's office. She called, "Come in." She was surprised to see her close friend Rolanda enter her office.
"Hey, Minerva," greeted Rolanda.
"Good afternoon," Minerva returned with a friendly smile.
"I came here to ask you something," the Quidditch instructor admitted.
"Ask me what?" Minerva set down her quill that she had been using to mark essays.
"You know you can tell me anything…and that I would keep it secret, right?" she started.
"Yes…," the Transfiguration professor trailed off, suspiciously wondering where this was going.
"I need you to be honest with me," Rolanda demanded, "Do you promise?"
Minerva hesitated, but remembered what Rolanda had said about telling her anything and she would keep it a secret, "I promise."
Rolanda beamed, "And, if you answer how I think you will, I promise I won't make fun of you." Minerva frowned. "Do you love the Headmaster, in a romantic way?"
Minerva's mouth opened slightly in surprise. She closed it quickly and clenched her jaw, remembering her promise, "Yes."
Rolanda beamed again, "I knew it!" She ran forward and hugged Minerva, who froze in surprise, "I won't tell a soul, I swear! I'll be right back!"
Minerva gaped after her as she ran out the door. Rolanda flew down the corridors and up stairs until she reached the Headmaster's office. She gasped the password and stepped onto the revolving staircase. She calmed down her breathing as she stood on the stairs, determined to look normal when she asked her employer the same question she asked her friend.
She knocked on his office door and heard him say, "Enter," from inside.
Rolanda turned the knob and entered Albus's office to find him reading a letter from the Ministry. He shook his head sadly and looked up at her. A smile broke across his previously exasperated expression as he greeted, "Why, hello, Rolanda!"
"Hey," she said hastily, wanting to get to her point quickly, "I came here to ask you something."
"What did you wish to ask me?" he asked.
"There are some things…some things people think about that they know they would feel better if they would tell someone. They just don't know who that person is. I believe that, even if you may not realize it, you are one of these people who need to share something. I am willing to be the person you tell. You just have to answer my question."
Albus raised his eyebrows at her, wondering to what she could be referring to. There were many things he believed he would feel better about if he told someone, but did not know which one to which she was referring, "Ask me."
"Do you promise you will answer truthfully? You might not want to…," Rolanda trailed off.
"I promise," Albus smiled.
"Do you love Minerva McGonagall?" she asked, determined.
This was not what he had expected. As Albus Dumbledore, however, he was better at masking surprising than Minerva. Instead of allowing his jaw to divorce his face and marry the floor, he merely blinked and sat up straighter in his chair. He wanted to lie, but remembered his promise and sighed, "Yes."
Rolanda beamed and jumped up and down, "I knew it! I knew it!"
Albus watched in utter shock as she bounced around his office chanting the same three words over and over again. He finally raised his voice over her mantra, "Rolanda, calm down!"
She plopped herself down in a chair opposite his desk and took slow, deep breaths. Once she was calm enough she advised, "You should tell her."
"Why?" he asked.
"What's life without a risk?" she answered, tilting her head to the side. Rolanda had expected him to be unsure of what she advised so she had thought of this line awhile ago. She was quite proud of it; it was exactly the kind of thing Albus Dumbledore would say, so she knew he would appreciate it.
His eyes lit up at the statement, "You're right. I'll tell her."
Rolanda beamed – again, "Good for you. When are you going to do it?"
He stood and walked out the door, "Right now."
Rolanda was once again racing down the hallways, but this time she was on her way to the dungeons. She burst into the Potions classroom, grabbed Severus's arm – much to his class's amusement – and shrieked, "Our bet is about to be settled!"
"What? How do you know that?" he snapped.
"I advised him to say something!" she grinned, "He is going to!"
Severus frowned. So Albus did harbor feelings for Minerva, just like him. But there was still a chance she didn't feel the same way! Severus hung onto that as he was being dragged out of his classroom. He threatened to the class behind him, attempting to maintain a smidgeon of dignity and order, "Stay right where you are, I will return shortly. If I find anything out of place when I return, I'm taking a hundred points from whichever house caused the change." The Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws froze in their seats, not wanting to loose any points.
Rolanda let go of Severus's arm and flew down the corridors. He strode to keep up with her, his robes billowing behind him. Rolanda, out of breath, stopped at the door to Minerva's office. She pressed her ear to the door, listening to what was going on inside. Hesitantly, Severus joined her.
"What a pleasant surprise, Albus," they heard Minerva say.
"I wish to tell you something very important," Albus admitted.
"What is it?" she asked curiously.
He took an audible deep breath, "I love you."
Severus held his breath while Rolanda grinned. There was a long pause and Minerva said, "I don't believe I head you correctly."
"I love you," Albus repeated.
On the other side of the door, Minerva couldn't believe her ears. Albus loved her! Minerva could no longer deny what he had said, so, smiling, "I love you too."
Severus felt jealousy fill his heart. He scowled, but Rolanda took this as him being sour about loosing the bet. She grinned cheekily and held out her hand expectantly. Grumbling, Severus reached into his robes pocket and handed her twenty-five Galleons out of his money pouch. He turned away from the door and returned to his classroom, angry with his employer.
Rolanda, her work done, almost skipped all the way to her office in her joy. Minerva and Albus felt even happier than their matchmaker, finally together like they had always dreamed.
Poor, poor Severus…