Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto. Nope.

Long story short - These are crack snippets about the insane pairing stories that find themselves on the internet. All are going to based on fanon, bashing, cliches that you see lying around on FF. Nobody is safe. Your OTP will be found and they will be cracked. You were warned.

Chapter 1: KakashixSakura

It was a fine day in Konoha. The birds were singing, the grass was green, and the sun was so bright it was wearing sunglasses.

If you asked a ninja worth shit, they would tell you it was a beautiful day for training.

Our favourite pink-haired kunoichi however was dragging her feet grudgingly towards training ground 7 (A/N: GEDDIT? TEAM 7 TRAINS ON TRAINING GROUND 7?! I'M SO FUNNY LEAVE A REVIEW) pondering about life and why the fuck anybody with half a brain would name a child with pink hair 'Sakura'. How original can you get?

Eventually she found herself standing between her two teammates who were too busy squabbling as usual to notice her ugly face.

"YOU'RE SUCH A TEME SAUCE-GAY" the Uzumaki screamed out to the black-haired teen, who was drowning in his own pool of angst.

Sakura took a good long look at Sasuke who seemed to look different today. His hair didn't look like a chicken's ass, and instead fell flat on his head, and his everyday outfit was definitely gone. His blue shirt was replaced with a 'My Chemical Romance' t-shirt and the white shorts swapped for the skinniest black jeans she had ever seen. She was pretty sure the blood flow to his legs had stopped. And was that make-up on his face?

Sasuke was such a… poser. How could she have loved this thing? No Sakura needed a MAN in her life, and Saskay was not one of those.

"God you're such a poser," she sneered at him. "I can't believe I used to love you."

"Nobody understands me," Sas-UKE snivelled as his eyeliner ran down his face.

It was then, their sensei made an appearance on the scene.

That's when Sakura noticed him. Really noticed him. He was the type of man she had been looking for all her life.

"Sorry my little minions, I was busy feeding a cat and I got lost-"

"LIAR!" Naruto screeched at him.

"HOW DARE YOU TALK TO SENSEI LIKE THAT?" Sakura punched Naruto and broke his ribs but it was okay because he healed in seconds.

The loud noises were too much for Sasuke to bear, and he burst into tears and shat his pants.

"Good job Sakura." Kakashi sent her a thumbs up.

The world seemed to stop in that second and Sakura felt the air leave her lungs. The butterflies were tearing into her stomach like knives and only one thing flew through her mind.

'Sensei noticed me.'

Kakashi was oblivious to the whole thing because he is a man and men are stupid like that.

"Anyway, we are going to spar today. Naruto and Sasuke, you guys are up. Sakura, you'll fight with me."

Naruto cheered because he can finally show the teme who is boss.

Sasuke didn't spare any time though and immediately went through handseals.

"SASUKE. It's a Taijutsu spar, no Ninjutsu" Kakashi's manly voice ran through the field. Sakura started drooling.

"WHY IS EVERYBODY AGAINST ME," The Uchiha sobbed.

Now we go back to Kakashi and Sakura(A/N: Coz fuck Sasuke and that asshole who annoys my fav character Sakura, I hate them!)

Sakura got into the basic academy stance and got ready to charge at Kakashi who was looking very sexy that day. His sexy grey hair, his sexy black eye, and his sexy everything distracted her so much, that when she charged at his sexy ass, she tripped on a stone and fell unconscious.

When she awoke she found herself in her teacher's arms, she could have dropped dead at that very moment and not noticed because OMG Kakashi was holding her. He was so romantic!

They both stared into each other's eyes, and it wasn't until Sakura noticed that she could hear herself think, that her other teammates weren't around.

"Kakashi-Sensei where are we?"

"I had to take you to my home to get you bandaged up. You worried me Sakura-chan," he gave a happy eye smile. Her heart fluttered, but then she remembered she had to go home for dinner.

"I have to go now Kakashi-Sensei." She said sadly.

"You can't go Sakura, " he said desperately.

"Why not?"

"BECAUSEILOVEYOU!" he yelled quickly, then covered his mouth in fear.

"I love you too!" Sakura responded.

"Since when?" he whispered

"Since today," she replied

"I've loved you for years now, you don't know how happy this makes me," Kakashi teared up. "But we can't be together Sakura, it's a forbidden love!"

"Why?"

"You're like 13 and I'm 27. Plus we have that student-teacher thing going on."

"BUT OUR LOVE WILL BE STRONG DESPITE THE CIRCUMSTANCES," Sakura sobbed on Kakashi's chest. "WHY WON'T YOU TRY TO MAKE THIS WORK?"

"How can I make it up to you my beautiful cherry blossom?" he asked Sakura.

Sakura suddenly raised her head and gave him a smooch on the lips. She watched people in movies kiss, so she was sure she was doing it right. She slobbered all over his mask and Kakashi was so mesmerized by her boldness, he slobbered back.

Unfortunately for them, the Yamanaka bitch walked past Kakashi's window and happened to look through. Jealous of Sakura's new man, and mad about the fact that Sakura called her Sasuke-kun a poser, she went and complained to the Hokage about the situation.

Kakashi got executed the same day for being a pedophile and Sakura killed herself because it wouldn't be a romantic tragedy without the death of both the people involved.

It was truly the modern-day 'Romeo and Juliet'.

Up next is ItaSaku.