An Impossible Life

Summary: Will and Luke Scarlett died the first time the Sheriff tried to hang them because Robin froze at the wrong moment; now he blames himself. Now Djaq will never know Will Scarlett, she will never know the future they were meant to have together, a future only Robin can see.

Disclaimer: I do not own Robin Hood.

"Ahhh!"

Much's terrified scream echoed through the camp. Robin and the others grabbed their weapons and raced towards the sound. Much was lying on his back, a broken log on top of him. He was desperately struggling to free himself, waving his arms wildly above his head. One look at him and all the outlaws collapsed laughing.

"It's not funny!" Much shouted at them hopelessly trying to untangled himself from the tree.

"Much..," Robin said between laughing fits. "what… what… on earth… were you trying to do?"

"Help me up first!" Much demanded. He screamed as Little John yanked him free causing the outlaws to fall over again in fresh fits of laughter.

"Well… what… what…" But Robin couldn't speak through his giggles.

"If you must know I was trying to build us a decent camp." Much said pompously, trying to regain his dignity. Little John let out a bellow of laughter at this. Much shot him a glare.

"I'm sick of sleeping on the cold ground with no shelter of any kind. I'm sick bloody rotten wood." He kicked the log but hurt his foot in the process.

"Well, let us know if you are going to pursue your career as a carpenter, there are a few things you could do around here." Djaq smiled, trying to contain her giggling.

"Me, a carpenter, I wish!" Much said longing. "We knew a carpenter once, didn't we Robin? Mind you, he lost his hand. Pity, he was really good. Locksley always used to use the Scarletts but the two boys, Will and Luke, got hung by the Sheriff. Poor Dan with both his sons gone, it killed him, I think. Anyway, he's in Scarborough now…"

"Much!" Allan snapped.

"Hey, I'm simply telling a story. You were very lucky to be rescued that day, Allan, if it wasn't for Robin than you'd be buried alongside the Scarletts…"

"Much, shut up." Little John growled. Much immediately stopped talking. John nodded towards Robin who was slowly walking away, his head bowed sadly.

"He's always blamed himself." Allan whispered to Djaq. "You talk to him."

"Why me?" Djaq felt uncomfortable about trying to reassure Robin about the deaths of two men she'd never met.

"One, because you're a girl and good with all that touchy, feely stuff."

"Sexist." Djaq muttered. Allan ignored her.

"Two, he's heard it all from us already. Three, you didn't know them, you weren't there, you've never heard about this before, you are completely unbiased in this." Allan looked at her. "Please," He murmured in her ear. "Robin needs you at this moment." Gently he lent down and placed a kiss on her lips. She raised an eyebrow at him.

"More than you need me?" She smirked.

Allan laughed. "Never but you are mine and you'll always be mine, that's the difference. Now, go be a friend. I love you."

"I love you too." Djaq kissed him before reluctantly shuffling towards Robin.

She sat quietly down beside him, glazing out over the forest. Djaq closed her eyes holding the image in her mind, it was beautiful. She never wanted to leave this forest she decided.

"I was supposed to save them." Robin said, interrupting Djaq's thoughts. "I promised their father, I would, but instead I watched them hang." Djaq didn't say anything, she just listened as Robin cried, "Luke was just a boy, he expected to be saved and Will," Robin exhaled a shaky breath, "Will was more of a man than me, than I ever will be."

"What happened?" Djaq said softly, coaxing the story from him.

"I had a plan; I tried to free them using the church. Why I expected that to work I don't know, I should have been better prepared but I was scared of losing my position. I waited too long to act." His eyes stared at the forest but seemed to be seeing somewhere completely different. "They were choking, dying. I knocked out a guard," Robin gestured, as if reenacting what had happened. "I took the bow and arrow, I aimed," He pulled back one arm, "and shot. Allan and Benedict fell." He opened his hand as if shooting that arrow. "I grabbed the last two arrows," He pulled back his arm again. "but I couldn't…" Robin dropped his arms to his side. "I just looked at them. I didn't do anything. I just looked at them and then I ran."

"Robin…" Djaq started to speak.

"NO!" He roared. "Don't tell it's not my fault. Don't tell me there was nothing I could've done. I know it was my bloody fault. I killed them. It was my fault!" Robin punched the nearest tree and just kept punching it repeatedly. "It was my fault! I killed them!"

Djaq was alarmed; she had never seen Robin like this before. She seized his arms, clutching them. She saw blood stains on the tree trunk. "Robin…" She struggled against him as he tried to break free. "Robin!" She shouted, he stopped fighting and just looked at her. She saw the pain in his eyes.

"Robin, listen to me…"

"No bother I know the truth, I'm the murderer, I.."

"Listen to me! Yes, there was something you could've done for those men, you were their only hope but you froze, everybody freezes sometime or another but that doesn't mean you killed them. You didn't save them but it wasn't your fault. You weren't Robin Hood then, they were not expecting a dazzling rescue but you tried that's what counts. Yes, two men died but you also saved two men, you saved Allan, you gave him another chance. Surely the best way to honour the Scarletts' memory is to make sure you try to save the next person the sheriff plans to hang. Please say something Robin."

"Every time I close my eyes I still see their faces."

"Then fight in their memory, there is no better way to honour the dead than that. That is what I do for my brother."Djaq said with a sad smile. "That's what Allan does too for his brother. What Little John does for Alice and Little Little John. It's the best way to remember them."

"But…"

"You can't blame yourself forever."

Robin looked at her with a small smile. "Why do you have to be right?"

They sat there for few minutes in silence. Each lost in their own thoughts. "We should go." Robin dared to break the silence between them. He jumped up and reached to help Djaq up. He gasped as their hands touched.

A spark appeared as he brushed her fingers, suddenly he was standing in the forest at their camp but no that was impossible…

"That's not fair! Come on she tripped me!"

"Did not."

Robin whirled around Allan was on the ground Djaq's sword at his chest, his own sword five feet away. They hadn't appeared to have noticed Robin.

"Will you saw her trip me."

Robin paled, into front of him sat Will Scarlett, alive, part of his gang.

"Leave it be Allan, we all know Djaq is a better fighter than you." Little John shouted from across the camp.

"I am very bored of beating you Allan A Dale." Djaq smirked as she lent over Allan, offering her hand to help pull him up.

"Well, maybe next time it'll be me on top of you." Allan raised an eyebrow suggestively, standing close to Djaq refusing to move or let go of her hand as he lent forward for a kiss. Robin could see Will glaring at the ground with jealously, his pale face rapidly turning red.

"Allan A Dale, do I have to humiliate you more?" Djaq spluttered as she pushed Allan away, looking worriedly at Will but he seemed very interested in the fallen leaves.

"Aww, come on Djaq, just a little kiss to apologize for tripping me."

"Behave!" John bellowed at him. Will looked longing at Djaq as she strolled away into the forest. She didn't see the love on Will Scarlett's face as his eyes followed the Saracen.

It was night, Djaq was helping Much cook. He was trying to show her how to cook the rabbits. She didn't notice the two men watching their interaction, but Robin saw. He could see Allan's expression of envy and annoyance. Will looked like he would have given his life just to be Much, being able to hold Djaq's hand as he showed her how to turn the spit so the rabbits were perfect.

"I love you." Will's head snapped up at Much's announcement, Robin saw his eyes narrow. The whole camp was silent in shock.

"I love you too Much." Djaq smiled at the surprised servant.

Only Robin heard Will hiss "No."

"You will forever be my favourite out of all these stinky men." She grabbed his face and gave him a small kiss on the cheek. "You are my favourite brother and shall always be, apart from Little John of course." She stood up and gave John a kiss too.

"Oi, what about me?" Robin hadn't noticed himself before, it was strange watching himself laughing at Much's stunned face.

"And me? How can you love Much more than me." Allan pretended to huff.

Everyone was laughing but only Robin, the real Robin, saw the secret, happy smile on Will's face.

-"It's Djaq!" Allan stated. Robin remembered this without Will, Djaq had been kidnapped and they had kidnapped Gisbourne. This is when Allan first announced that he loved Djaq.

"It's Djaq." Will repeated quietly.

"But what does that mean, 'it's Djaq'. That's not even an answer." Much replied.

"The thing is," Allan said, "I really like her."

"I think I love her." Will said at the same time.

- The gang fighting the guards. Will pushes Djaq and Robin out of the way and the guard's sword grazes his side. Will swung his axe at the guard's head.

"She's with me." He whispered angrily.

-"I love you, Will Scarlett. You are strong and you fight for what you believe in."

"And I love you. I love the way you fight, fierce, like a man, and the way you will always be a woman. And I love your silly voice!"

Robin watched this scene and felt his heart breaking. He watched as Djaq and Will gazed at each other, tears in their eyes but laughing, full of love, in their own world, oblivious to the rest of the gang. They were looking at each the same way he looked at Marian but with more intensity like they would never tear their eyes away from the other.

Their wedding. He was there with Marian and Much. Little John gave Djaq away, Allan was best man. Will looked like he thought he was the luckiest man alive. Everyone was smiling. Will kissed his bride with smiling lips, not quite believing it was truly happening.

They were in a small cottage. Djaq held a tiny baby. Will looked ready to explode from happiest. He kissed her head and whispered, "I love you so much." A tiny fist clutched his daddy's hand.

- They were walking through the forest, holding hands. Three little copper skinned children racing around them. Will and Djaq smiling as their children played among the trees and they swung their hands never wanting to let go of each other.

They were old. They lay facing each other on a bed. Will pressed his forehead against Djaq's. Together they closed their eyes and almost simultaneously they breathed out and were still. Together at peace. Together in heaven, forever.

Robin blinked. What had just happened?

"Robin, are you alright?" Djaq looked at him, concerned. Had she not just seen that? I just saw what Djaq's life would have been, Robin thought, should have been, if I hadn't of froze, if I had saved Will.

"I'm sorry." He said quietly. Djaq looked at him confused. Robin felt a pang of sadness, she would never have that life now.

Robin saw it now and then, a moment when a shadow would pass over Djaq's face. She would look sadly around her as if looking for someone, someone who would never be there. He watched as she grew old but not in the way he had seen her do with Will. She grew old alone. The others grew old too but had families, all except Djaq and Little John. Little John died years earlier than the others and it broke Djaq, Robin watched quietly as she slowly died inside, alone.

Robin was the only one there as Djaq lay on the thin bed, old and fragil. Robin was the only one she wanted there at the end.

"Robin?" Djaq's voice was hoarse but it still had its heavy accent. Its silly accent that Will loved so much, that Will would have loved so much.

"Yes?"

"I feel like I have lost something. All my life I've felt like I've lost something I can't get back, like something's missing."

"I know. I'm sorry."

Djaq smiled sadly. "Goodbye Robin."

Robin reached over and gently stroked her aged face. "Goodbye Djaq." He whispered, as his tears streamed silently down his face. Djaq gazed at something behind him; she looked confused for a minute before her face relaxed. Robin could see her face glowing with love.

"Will." She breathed.

In the end Djaq didn't die alone, in the end she had never lived alone, Will had always been there, loving her and finally they could be together.