How Samus Survived the Titanic
Today, this is a story that only two close friends share. Link and Samus, a wealthy young couple from southern Germany were survivors of the ill-fated Titanic disaster.
Link was the son of a successful fragrance producer, and Samus was a government spy of sorts, but no one other than Link knew that. The two had been together a few years, but had never gotten a chance to spend an extended period of time with each other. When Samus was given orders to be a first class passenger on the Titanic, she decided it would be the perfect opportunity for her and Link to take a holiday together. She would be there to record anything she saw, but would only have to report anything if she found anything suspicious. On this mission, all Samus had to do was observe.
Soon enough, Link and Samus tidied themselves up and set off for England.
"Isn't this magnificent," Link asked, as he and Samus descended on the grand staircase to their first dinner aboard the Titanic.
"It sure is," Samus replied.
Samus wasn't used to wearing corsets, fancy gowns, and high heels, so she had to do everything she could to concentrate on not falling. Link knew this, so he held her arm until they reached the bottom of the stairs.
Another issue Samus was concerned about was the top of her dress. She was a very, very busty woman, and her dress wasn't fitting properly. She hadn't realized that the corset was going to squeeze her upper body so tightly.
"Samus, are you alright?" Link asked, noticing that Samus had barely touched her food.
"My dress…is too tight."
Link stifled a laugh with a sip of water. Samus noticed his amusement and took a deep breath. As she inhaled, one of the buttons from her dress shot off and hit Link in the face. Now Samus was the one laughing…until the rest of her buttons began popping off.
Link pointed to Samus's mass of exposed cleavage. Samus looked down, realizing her chest was almost completely exposed. She grabbed her napkin and draped it strategically.
"At least I have room for dessert now, Link."
"That's one way of putting it..."
As the Titanic's maiden (and final) voyage continued, Samus and Link were having a grand old time. They had even made friends with another young couple, Jack and Rose. Everything was going smoothly until the ship hit that damned iceberg!
"Indestructible my ass," Samus retorted. "This ship is going down."
"Are we really gonna sink?"
"Yes," Samus frowned. "However, we will be okay…I think. I have a plan…"
Before the ship even went down, Samus and her date were in the clear, thanks to a brilliant, secret physical ability.
The couple ripped a tire off of one of the cars in the cargo bay, and headed for the bow of the boat.
Link thought Samus was insane. "What are we going to do? Jump? This is madness, Samus!"
"We are going to jump. You have to trust me."
The two ran through crowds of frantic passengers until they reached the bow of the boat. Samus knew this was the first and last time she was going to see such a magnificent steamship. "Heaven can't sink this ship" was humanity's way of testing God.
"We're making history…remember this, Link. Don't ever forget this."
Link looked scared. Who wouldn't? He watched Samus, as she stood up on the bow.
"I don't need a life boat! All I need are my ninis!" Samus shouted, as she ripped off her black Victorian dress. Underneath, she was wearing her classic blue zero suit. "Never leave home without your zero suit! Thankfully I brought yours, Link. Now, put it on and let's go!"
"W-what? I didn't know I had a zero suit! Fine!" Link decided he had no choice but to trust her. She was a professional.
"Sit in that tire while my ninis propel us toward shore."
"Your…ninis?"
"Yes, right here," Samus demonstrated, flexing her breasts up and down.
At that, Samus grabbed Link and jumped off the Titanic. She laid horizontally, her chest the only part of her submerged in the frigid water.
"My ninis aren't just for show. They're the strongest parts of my body," Samus laughed.
Link sat in the car tire, holding onto Samus's legs. They zoomed across the water. It took twelve hours for them to reach the shore, but indeed they made it.
As they approached land, Samus began to attract attention. "What on Earth is that?" A crowd of people standing on the beach wondered, as Samus and Link drew nearer.
When Samus got out of the water, she was numb in a very tender place. The crowd watched as she shook off layers of frost.
"Link, run! We have to get to a hiding place. No one can know who we are or where we came from."
...That's how Samus survived the titanic...