AN: Why do I love to torture the Elrics? That a good question. Hope you enjoy and don't forget to leave me a comment! As always, don't own FMA.
Enough
When Ed was nine, he and Al snuck into their Father's study. They had done this a few times before, despite their mother's wishes, and were always careful not to get caught. Their Mom had gone shopping, so they were free to ransack Hoenheim's study.
Edward bounced over towards one of the many bookshelves lining the walls eagerly, but stopped when he realized Al was no longer by his side. Ed turned to see Alphonse standing frozen in front of the old armor in the corner.
The elder frowned. „What's wrong, Al?"
Al jumped, as if he'd forgotten Ed was even there. „Oh, uh, nothing." Al said hurriedly. Ed looked his brother over, then snickered.
„Scared?" he teased.
„S-Scared?" the younger repeated „Why would I be scared?"
„Well," Ed drawled, a sly grin tugging at his young face „Mom said that armor ate people."
Al, though extremely bright for his age, was still seven years old and believed every word out of his big brother's mouth. His trust in Ed was unshakable. That's why he squeaked at Ed's words. „What?!"
Ed struggled to keep a straight, serious face „Yeah, she said it liked chubby little boys. Like you."
„But we're the same size!" whined Al.
Ed bristled „Who are you calling short?! I'm older than you!"
Edward swirled around then, fuming, to face his Father's Alchemy books and thus turning his back on the younger Elric.
„Ed!"
Suddenly, Al's voice was full of panic. Heart racing, Ed turned to look at the place his brother used to occupy. There was no one there. Al's cloths lay discarded on the floor, but their owner was nowhere to be seen. Ed felt cold dread settle in his stomach, just as panic forced bile up his throat.
„Al?! Al, where are you?!" he called, frantic.
„Brother!" The answering call sounded far away, as if coming from another room, another world. Ed breathed a small sigh of relief, shouting „Come on out, Al! Stop fooling around!"
But his brother didn't magically appear out of thin air or crawl out of the looming shadows of the study, instead his words echoed in the room like that of a ghost „Brother! Brother, please! Let me out! Let me out! Brother! Please, God, someone let me out!"
„Don't worry Al! I'll save you!" Ed, by now, was besides himself in alarm and worry and was barely aware of the empty reassurances tumbling out of his mouth. „Just tell me where you are!"
„I don't know!" Al's voice, high with fright and sounding so lost, reached Ed's ears. . „It's dark and cold and I can't get out! Please, help me!" Ed followed it to the corner of his Father's study, to the two dusty armors stood between Alchemy texts and wooden bookshelves, just as a feeble bang sounded from one of the metal statues „Let me out Brother! I want out! I want–"
Abruptly, the armor went silent. Ed felt as though he could burst at the seams.
„AL!" he yelled „AL! ANSWER ME, AL!"
Ed banged against the armor, climbed up the leg so he could reach the chest-plate and undo it. All the while screaming himself hoarse „Alphonse!"
The chest-plate fell to the floor, taking Ed down with it. As he fell, Edward called out to his brother one last time.
„Al!"
Ed's eyes snapped open as he trashed, his mismatched arms flaying above him as if reaching for something still. His breath hitched, sounding suspiciously like a sob, though Ed was too far gone to care. Alphonse, he wanted Al by his side. He needed Al.
As in answer to his prayer, his brother's hulking, monstrous form swam into view from above – like a twisted parody of angel.
„Brother! Brother, are you okay?" Ed almost jumped out of his skin. That young voice grated at his ears, clear and metallic as the ringing of bells and the taste of blood on his lips.
„Al?"
It took Ed a moment to realize that the lost, raspy voice was his own. He didn't care. „Al? Is that you? Are you really here?"
The armor's helmet bobbed up and down, the soul-fire lights burning bright in empty sockets, as Ed's sleep-fogged mind cleared. His vision cleared as well, and Ed realized, belatedly, that he'd been crying in his sleep.
Snorting at himself, Ed went to push himself up. He whipped the tears away angrily. Al had seen him crying, fuck. Al had seen him crying – him, the who still had a body at his disposal. Ed who still knew the comfort of everyday life, like having a warm bed to sleep in and the feel of fabric beneath his fingers or the sunlight shining down on his face, the smell of sulfur and fire that constantly clung to the Bastard Colonel, the taste of Winry's home-made apple-pie, Mrs. Hughes's casserole or even goddamned milk.
Ed wasn't allowed to cry. He didn't deserve to cry.
What were his troubles compared to Al's? What was Ed compared to Al? He'd ruined Al's life, he had no right to cry over anything! And good grief, was Al actually looking at him with concern?
„It's alright, Ed."
The elder flinched at the use of his name. Ed. Edward Elric. The People's Alchemist. Al rarely called him by his name. Ed missed being called Brother, despite the fact that he'd lost rights to that title a long time ago. Yet after all these years, all he'd done, all the mistakes and hardships, Alphonse still called him Brother.
„Ed? Brother, please, look at me."
Obediently, the elder raised his head miserably. Tears were drying on his face, a few still leaking from the corners of his eyes, but he didn't make an effort to hide them anymore. Al had already seen them. Al must have been really disappointed in him now, he had every right to be.
„Brother, it's okay. Please stop crying. Whatever it is that's upsetting you, you can tell me, we can fix it together."
What naive words. What naive, beautiful words. Ed wanted to believe them so badly.
„What's it like?" he asked instead „Not being able to sleep?"
Despite Al's comforting words, Ed could never talk about any of his nightmares. He wouldn't.
The change of topic seemed to throw Al off. „Ah... it's lonely... nothing but silence and your own thoughts."
Ed's shoulders hunched in on themselves as he drew his knees to his chest. He regretted ever asking. „Sounds... like a real-life nightmare."
„It's not so bad." Al reassured, though Ed could see right through him „I have you for company."
„But, I'm asleep." Ed frowned „How can I keep you company if I'm not even conscious?"
„You just being there is enough for me." the younger answered honestly, in that too young voice and that childish logic. In the four years since the failed transmutation, Al's voice hadn't changed at all. He'd changed psychologically, matured beyond his years, but his voice had never changed. He always sounded, and probably always would, like he was ten-year-old. Ed felt like he was a hundred.
Ed swallowed thickly, even as warmth filled his chest „How can you say that? After everything?"
The elder wasn't sure what was making him so talkative. Maybe the nightmare. Maybe his dams were finally breaking and maybe Ed himself was breaking along with them.
„Because," Al said simply „you're my big brother."
Ed's breath hitched, he felt like he couldn't breathe. He hiccuped and spluttered, throat burning and salty tears blurring his vision as he started to sob. He wanted to stop. He needed to.
„It's alright, Brother."
Ed wanted to believe him. He wanted to believe him so badly.
„I'm here, Brother, I'm not leaving you." Al promised. Ed wanted to laugh. Since when had Al become the older one? Since when had he become the one in need of comforting?
„I'm here for you." His little brother whispered, soul-fire eyes boring into his as a metal gauntlet held his shoulder gently – almost tenderly – as if it might break him. It was absurd and he didn't deserve any of it. He should have felt guilty for throwing all of his burden at Alphonse, though he knew Al had shouldered it eagerly. He didn't deserve such an angel of a younger brother.
Ed didn't realized he was leaning against Al until the cold metal of his chest-plate touched his bare shoulder. Ed shivered but didn't pull away. Al watched over him from his spot where he was crunched next to the bed.
The elder closed his eyes, his ears pressed against the armor, over the spot Al's heart was supposed to be. Ed strained his ears, listening intently, but no sound came. Only silence.
Then, „Brother?"
Despite everything, Ed's face scrunched up into a smile and he looked up. He met the other's concerned gaze with soft golden eyes and barked a laugh. It was a far cry from the boastful, self-assured one he usually wore. Ed knew that, if Al could have, he would have returned this smile. „Me, too, Al. Me too. It's enough. This is enough." The words made Ed want to cry all over again, because this wasn't enough. It would never be, not until Al had a body of his own.
But for now, for tonight, having Al there beside him was more than Ed could ever ask for.
Review! I'd love to hear your opinion on this! :)