Since I was 10 years of age, I was no longer allowed to jump, and run and do things that I found exciting and was now forced to conform completely to the abnegation ways of life. No yelling, no arguing, no running, just blend into the background and help my fellow man, four years later and it is boring.
As I walk home from school, not wanting to take the bus today I am able to think and be myself for a bit longer than usual. Tomorrow is choosing day for all the 16 year olds, and I feel like I am just counting down the days till my own. I am lost in this thought as I turn the corner of one of the many factionless buildings on my way home and trip over something on the ground.
As I regain my balance before falling flat on my face I realize I tripped over a foot. I turn to apologies, but am met face to face with a boy about my age wearing nothing but grey, I look from his feet up to his legs, his chest, his arms and finally his face. He looks up at me with no emotion in his face and says he is sorry. I look at him and realize I have seen him before, he lives two houses down from mine in the Eaton house.
"Tobias?" I say. "Are you alight?"
He looks up at me and slowly starts to stand.
"I am sorry, you know my name but I don't know yours."
"Beatrice." I tell him. "Beatrice Prior." At the sound of my last name his eyebrow raises.
"Well Miss Prior allow me to apologies and escort you home." I smile lightly and feel my cheeks get warm, I hope he doesn't notice.
"Why were you just sitting there?" I ask him as we walk side by side not touching, Abnegation never touch.
"I didn't want to go home yet and I figured it was a place I could be alone to think."
"What were you thinking about?"
I know I shouldn't ask, abnegation don't ask questions. He smiles at me but it doesn't reach his eyes and what eyes he has they are a dark blue like looking into the night sky.
"I've never met someone from our faction that ask so many questions" he says with a slight chuckle.
I look at him flustered and my cheeks once again get warm. He is looking at me a smirk on his face.
"I guess I am not a normal abnegation girl." I say ashamed, it wasn't the first time I have been told I am not being proper in my faction.
"It's fine." Tobias tells me. "I like not being the only one who doesn't feel like they don't belong here."
I look up at him and he is looking down at me smiling, it makes me smile too. We walk back the rest of the way in a comfortable silence. Though my mind is running in a million different directions.
I was always told Tobias was a troubled kid and that is why he never talked to or interacted with anyone not even in school, but here he was with me and he seemed as normal as they come though shy and guarded. I was taken out of my daze when I heard him speak again.
"Well this is where I leave you, I hope I get to see you again Beatrice."
I look around and see I am outside my front door. I see a movement by the front window and know my mother or Caleb is watching us. I turn back to Tobias and smile at him he looks me in the eyes and I get lost in his, he smiles back at me. I go to say something but then the door opens and my brother stands before me, taking my arm and pulling me inside.
"Beatrice get in here now" He glares at Tobias and closes the door as soon as I am inside.
"Caleb that was rude." I go to open the door again to apologies, but Caleb blocks my path.
"Beatrice, you need to stay away from him, there is something not right with him."
"How can you say that you don't even know him?"
"I know enough about him."
I turn on my heel and head to the kitchen to get a drink of water and since it is my day to make dinner I start on that. I am just putting the bowl of peas onto the table when my parents get home and sit at the table. We have a quiet dinner like always and once we are done it is Caleb's turn to clear the table and do the dishes I excuse myself and go to my room to do my homework and get ready for bed, which is pretty much just removing my outer clothes and sleeping in the clothing underneath, still grey still baggy, still boring. Once I hear the last door close and don't see any more lights on in the house I go to my window as I do most nights, open it and pulling myself out and onto the roof. I sit with my back against the corner of the raised edge of the roof staring hopeful at the stars, trusting that I find someplace where I might belong. I sit out there for a while looking at my watch I see that it is after 11. I look up again at the night sky and sigh.
After a few seconds I hear some rustling on the ground below. I get up slowly and make way to the side of the roof where the sound was coming from. I peer over the roof and see a tall thin shadow walking towards my house. I stay quiet as the shadow gets close as he does the few lights that are still on in the area aluminate him enough that I see it is Tobias. I am wondering what it is he is doing out so late. He stops in front of my house suddenly and I freeze as he looks around as he circles it once. I follow him as silent as I can when he gets back to the front door he looks up to the windows like he is trying to figure out something. As I am watching him look at my home my arm moves slightly but enough that the street light catches it making it glare. Tobias look up onto the roof our eyes meeting once again. He smirks and raises his hand in greeting never leaving my eyes. I raise my own in response. I stand and make my way back to my window, slowly lowering myself from my roof as I do so often. I quickly go inside slowly open my door and as quietly and quickly as I can make my way to the front door putting my shoes on and leaving my house. My heart is racing as it is not used to all this excitement and I feel a sense of freedom from the adrenaline rush. As I slowly close my door Tobias just stands there looking at me in a sort of awe. Once it is closed I step back worried someone could be coming. Tobias quickly grabs my hand interlocking his fingers with my own, I look down at our hands in shock as he starts to walk away from my home in silence heading to the small patch of trees and bushes.
As we enter the small forest surrounding our homes he must realize that he is holding my hand and quickly lets it go. He looks at me and I look at him. I want to know what he is thinking, I want to know why he was outside so late and I want to know why he came to my house.
"Tobias?"
It seems that is all I can get myself to say, so I just wait for him to respond. He looks at me for a moment like really looks at me.
"Tris" he sighs, "I wanted to see you again, I wanted to ask you something but I didn't think your brother would let me have a chance to."
"What did you want to ask me?"
My voice barely above a whisper. My heart is pounding I wonder if he can hear it. He look at me again this time only into my eyes. Even in the darkness his eyes pull all of my attention, I get lost in them and I don't want to be found if it means I can no longer look into them.
He takes a cautious step toward me takes my hand again in his, "are you happy here?"
I look down at our hands connected and I am happy in this moment. Happier than I ever had been before, but the sheer fact that I am happy with him touching me makes me know that I don't belong here at all. Touching without being married is highly frowned upon in Abnegation and being alone with a member of the opposite sex that is not your family is unheard of. I sigh bringing my eyes back up into his.
"No, I don't feel like I belong here I don't know if I have ever, but in this moment" I take a deep breathe "In this moment I don't think I have ever been happier." I blush and am so happy that it is dark so he can't see it.
"Come here, I want to show you something"
I don't know why I follow him, maybe because it is the freest I have ever felt and maybe the freest I ever will be. We walk further into the wooded area till we come to a small shack that looks old a rusted. I follow him inside and he turns on a small lamp. I look around sit on a small bench by a wall.
"This is where I come to escape."
"Escape from what?"
"From my life."
I look at him and see him struggling about something. I scoot over to the side of the bench and pat the wood next to me for him to sit, he walks slowly over sitting down and putting his head on the wall behind us.
"What were you doing on the roof?"
"I was watching the stars and thinking"
"What were you thinking about?"
"I was thinking what it would be like to be one of those stars completely free to be whatever it is. I want to be free I want to be happy."
"Why aren't you happy?"
"Why aren't you?"
We sit there a bit longer then decide to head back before anyone notices we are gone. He takes my hand in his and my heart races once again. We walk quietly back to my house and he stops me as I start to bend down to get the key from under the mat.
"Beatrice" he sighs. "Tomorrow is my choosing day, and I am not staying."
I feel like a weight has dropped from my stomach to my toes.
"Oh." it is all I manage to say while I lower my head.
"Beatrice look at me, I have to leave, but I do hope I get to see you again. Nothing would make me happier, and maybe if we met before it would be different, but we didn't and I have to leave."
He raises my hand still locked into his own and kisses each knuckle before kissing my hand and letting it go. My heart races, as he kisses my hand and I know I will see him again and we will both be free, I can hold onto that hope. I use the key under the mat to let myself in and quickly get back into my room and into bed. I fall asleep with dreams of being free with Tobias.